The New York Times' Luxury Rich Person Toilet Review: A Review

numi toilet.jpg
The Numi, doing its thing.
At the New York Times, "All the news that's fit to print" sometimes translates to "All the toilets that are fit to review." And that includes the Numi, a $6,400 luxury toilet made by Kohler. The Numi is basically a spaceship for your bathroom. Only the finest commode will do for all the opulent rich one-percenters out there. It can do literally everything ever:

Walk up to the Numi, and location sensors will detect your presence and cause the toilet's lid to rise, revealing the rectangular-on-the-outside, round-where-it-counts seat. If you are a man standing in front of the toilet, you will notice a blue beam of light projected on the right-side floor, adjacent to the toilet. Place your foot in the path of that beam and the toilet seat will rise; break the beam again and the toilet will flush and the seat will lower itself.

That seat, naturally, is heated, and the temperature can be adjusted from the remote. If desired, the Numi can also blow heated air from its base, warming your feet on chillier mornings. The Numi has what is referred to in the industry as "bidet features": it can wash and dry its user (there are modes for women and men). Both functions are accomplished via a wand that extends from under the seat that can spray water or blow air. Pressure and temperature are adjustable, as is the spray pattern, which can go from a steady blast to an oscillating pattern that can only be described as invigorating.

Sounds OK! And terrifying.

This is what the world needed: an artificially intelligent toilet when no one has a job anymore and who knows if we'll even have houses in which to put toilets in the coming year, etc. It's totally not tone-deaf.

Here's a toilet for $88. It probably works just fine. Good day.

[NYT]

[rgray@villagevoice.com] [@_rosiegray]

Go to Runnin' Scared for more Voice news coverage.

My Voice Nation Help
1 comments
JaySingh
JaySingh

These bidets are great.  They are also very expensive. After searching on the internet, I cam across this bidet attachment from www.properwash.com for only $44.99.  I purchased there unit and I have to admit that it makes me feel much cleaner.  I love it.

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...