Think Different: Rightbloggers Mourn the Death of Noted Conservative Hippie-Hater Steve Jobs

"While not known to be a supporter of the conservative cause," said Tierra Warren of The Heritage Foundation, "Apple Founder Steve Jobs was a living refutation of all the things liberals constantly tell us about our country." How so? "What Jobs and innovators like him... epitomize are the immeasurable qualities that the left somehow finds most abject -- American exceptionalism," she added.

Warren seemed to be saying that Jobs was, like America, exceptional, and liberals find people like that "abject" (which, assuming she consulted a dictionary, would mean liberals considered Jobs downcast in spirit or fortune), so we hoped the statement from Heritage President Edwin J. Feulner to which Warren linked would clarify.

Alas, Feulner disappointed: "The meme of the left is that drudgery and mediocrity is not just our future but probably also our just deserts," he explained, "for being too imperialistic, consumerist, wasteful, patriarchal, or what have you." Also, "consumers bought Apple products not because they were ordered to do so by central planners but because they saw them as magic." If those Occupy Wall Street hippies were in charge, you'd be forced to use clunky Soviet-style iPhones, comrades! And all of them would be bugged! (Not like now.)

Feulner concluded that "Steve Jobs may have given to liberal causes and politicians throughout his life, but his life proved the existence of the American Dream," which meant Jobs the alleged contributor to liberal causes was trying to destroy his own legacy, for some peculiar reason perhaps related to his Buddhism.

At The American Conservative, what Mark Nugent seemed to admire most about Jobs was that he "was unapologetic about the wealth he amassed as he built Apple into the Earth's most valuable company."

But then Nugent, being a paleocon, had to wonder aloud whether Jobs' creations had improved human life spiritually -- after all, Nugent wrote, "Russell Kirk condemned automobiles 'mechanical Jacobins,' and wasn't a big fan of television, either. If the Internet is slowly shifting our brains into a stupider gear, Apple's iDevices and their imitators are only accelerating the process."

There's a dilemma -- Jobs was a capitalist, yet his capitalist products were speeding the intellectual destruction of his capitalist society. Surely no one could have anticipated such a result.

Nugent finally conceded that "Apple has certainly made the gadgets that populate our daily lives far more elegant and useful than they otherwise would be," so if we were going to hell it was in a nicely streamlined handbasket. Take that, hippies!

Milo Yannopoulos called Jobs "The Greatest Conservative Icon of Our Time," even though he was allegedly a "darling of the Left." His reasoning: "some people forget what a old-fashioned family man he was, too," said Yannopoulos, because "he abhorred pornography, for example, making it exceedingly difficult for app developers whose products contained even hints of nudity to make it onto his devices." (For a conservative, Yannopoulos doesn't seem to know too much about brand image.)

Also, Yannopoulos found some guy who claimed Jobs went out shooting animals with him, so he assumed the famous vegetarian Buddhist enjoyed "blood sport." Yannopoulos deduced that Jobs "made idiotic hypocrites out of society's most obnoxious members without even really trying." What a contrarian rascal! We should see his bow-tied head atop a Washington Examiner column presently.

"In the wake of Steve Jobs' passing," said Michael J. Fell of Conservative Daily News, "it's important to remember that when companies like Apple and Microsoft were in their infancy, Ronald Reagan kept government out of the American computer business, while other countries' governments felt compelled to meddle in theirs." He has a point; look at that "Internet" thing the government made -- that was a total catastrophe! Stupid government!

"The lesson of the Steve Jobs story should not be lost on America," concluded Fell, that message being that green energy is communist and futile.

For the Christian conservative perspective, we may go to Crosswalk, which observed that while "Christians can learn from Steve Jobs and even admire many of his gifts and contributions," yet they "must also observe what is missing here... unerring taste, aesthetic achievement, and technological genius will not save the world. Christians know what the world does not -- that the mother tending her child, the farmer planting his crops, the father protecting his family, the couple faithfully living out their marital vows, the factory worker laboring to support his family and the preacher preparing to preach the Word of God are all doing far more important work." See ya in hell, Steve!

Now, those of you who are normal human beings might wonder why anyone would look at the death of a relatively non-political figure -- particularly one whose achievements have touched people of all political persuasions -- and try to make a political advantage of it, particularly with so little evidence to back it up.

The short answer is, rightbloggers are not normal human beings. We have followed them for years, and have seen that they view everything -- movies, wine, football teams, elective surgery, etc. -- through the greasy prism of politics. If a bird sings or a leaf falls, their minds calculate the political consequences of the event, and race to tell the world. It is to us grimly amusing that the truest avatars of the old hippie saying, "The personal is political," turned out to be conservatives.


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20 comments
Brian Schlosser
Brian Schlosser

Why... It's almost as if Steve Jobs was an example of how a person can hold liberal political ideas and still believe in capitalism as a economic system! But that's madness... everyone knows that liberal = communist and capitalist = conservative. Ego, since Jobs was clearly a capitalist, he had to be conservative.

This is similar to the fact that conservative = heterosexual, and that any conservative politicians found engaging in homosexual behavior aren't REALLY gay, they can't be... because they are conservatives.

Mr. Wonderful
Mr. Wonderful

If a bird sings or a leaf falls, their minds calculate the political consequences of the event, and race to tell the world.

Oooh, not quite.  Their minds calculate, not the political consequences of the event (which would point toward the future), but how the event provides confirmation of their own political opinions (which stares fixedly, poutingly at the past).  When translated from the original Latin, the motto on the rightbloggers' coat of arms is "See?  NOW don't you think I'm cool?"

Macequip
Macequip

As a conservative Imust have missed something, I did not hear "most" cnservative bloggers denoucne Steve Jobs as a liberal.  Rather I head much accolades as to his business accumen and innovation.  Steve Jobs was in fact liberal, but who cares, he was a liberal who acknowledge capitalism and was well aware it was Wall St. that allowed him to make his first public offerring of Apple for 100 million dollars and launch Apple to what it beaame.  No doubt there would be people on both sides that have something negative to say, but they should be ignored.  It's like saying you only listen to MSNBC who has lost their way, for all your news.  I have only heard good things from right and left about Steve.  And there is nothing more sad that you using Steve Jobs death as another way to embarass the right for a handfull of bloggers out of the norm. 

Glock H. Palin, Esq.
Glock H. Palin, Esq.

"But what Jobs and innovators like him also epitomize are the immeasurable qualities that the left somehow finds most abject — American exceptionalism."

Now that right there is some grade AAA bloggerel. I recognize all the talking points, but the sentence as a whole might as well be "colorless green ideas sleep furiously" for all the semantic content it has.

glenn
glenn

Though she's not a blogger, the bestest of all right wing eulogies came from none other than the Snowflake Snooki, Sarah Palin, who said with her trademark eloquence: "Steve Jobs was certainly not a singular man. He was not an -- he was an island that touched so many people. And he will surely be missed."

Roger Ailes
Roger Ailes

What, no wingnuts mentioned the prophetic "1984" commercial, in which a young Sarah Palin threw a hammer through F.D.R.'s giant black-and-white phizz?

janecollins
janecollins

my sisters friend makes $50 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her cheque was $6200 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read about it here CashHard.com

Waffle_Man
Waffle_Man

Yeah, those dirty hippies, if they had their way, iPhone programs would all have to vetted by a central authority before you could download them, and I bet that same authority would even argue that it was illegal to install anything they didn't approve of.

Thank god we have good capitalists running Apple.

Substance McGravitas
Substance McGravitas

The Greatest Conservative Icon of Our Time

I'm sure someone else will die and replace him.  Won't THAT be great too?

Ayn Calvin
Ayn Calvin

"Why can't you be like that nice Jobs boy?, he always does his chores and keeps his room _real_ neat."---"But he's dead....""Like I said, why can't you be more like that nice Jobs boy?"

Crocodile tears from the swampers whose usual reaction to hearing that a man 'has great design sense' is to beat or mock the damn faggit. Adulation that indicates, despite my attempts at maturity in assuming good faith in my opponents, that money is what they care most about, it can wash away any sin except for being a secular Jew foreigner or a Hollywood type or a Kennedy.

Now wait for the 'See what an Ay-rab can do when not held back by their culture?'

McSalmon
McSalmon

I say they have to generate their own food, water and electricity and not use the public infrastructure anymore. If I have to live in a cave, they have to live in a bunker. If we're nice, we won't use their ventilation shafts for outhouses.

Al Swearengen
Al Swearengen

"MSNBC who has lost their way"  Yeah, I too feel the same way every time "Morning Joe" comes on.

parsec
parsec

"And there is nothing more sad that you using Steve Jobs death as another way to embarass the right for a handfull of bloggers out of the norm. "

Who used who for what, and the result was what?

Rob Grigjanis
Rob Grigjanis

I have only heard good things from right and left about Steve.

Allow me. Sweatshops and child labour in China. You're welcome.

Al Swearengen
Al Swearengen

As Maher put it years ago, America is "Mommy" to rightwingers.  AND YOU BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MOMMY!

Lothar
Lothar

Not interested in the website, but could you introduce me to your sister's friend?  Colour me intrigued.

Paleotectonics
Paleotectonics

See what else Steve has done for us? Saved the economy, that's what! 3 hours work on a (presumably) Mac for $6200. Also, he has bought back the UK spelling "cheque"! What a guy!!!

allium
allium

That "q" came from Ira (formerly Iraq) along with the 80 trillion hogsheads of crude oil we got in thanks for our efforts there.

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