Rightbloggers Celebrate America's Great National Holiday: Black Friday

tomt200.jpgWe hope you had a nice Thanksgiving and if you went shopping the next day you weren't trampled. You may have heard that President Obama got some grief from conservatives for failing to mention God in his Thanksgiving proclamation. But for our rightblogger subjects, this was not the worst outrage of the long weekend.

No, what ticked the brethren off even more than Obama's blasphemy was that some folks, tied to the Occupy movement, protested that orgy of after-turkey shopping called Black Friday. The historic feast of the pilgrims is all very well, but large corporations were depending on America's support, and rightbloggers happily dropped that giving-of-thanks crap in order to give it to them.

"Occupy wall street wants you to damage the American economy by boycotting Black Friday," warned Bluegrass Pundit. "Way to punish the average '99%-er' worker and make his life harder on a holiday weekend," snarled Thoughts of a Conservative Mom. "Occupy, in some misguided attempt to do whatever the hell it is they think they're trying to do," rambled Roger's Park Bench, "wants to hurt the retail sales. Which means, by extension, that they are trying to harm the economic security of fellow Americans."

In a bit of PR genius, Tea Party group Liberate Philadelphia/Liberate America declared it would counter the Occupiers' Boycott with "BUYcott Black Friday." That way, if people shopped on Black Friday, their dozens of followers would be able to take credit. Instapundit's Glenn Reynolds referred to this as "Punching Back Twice as Hard"; fans of The Simpsons will recognize it as a new version of the Bear Patrol.

Kip Hooker of I Hate The Media seemed to recognize, if only dimly and momentarily, what nonsense this was: "In a sane era we would be tempted to suggest that people save their money and practice the sort of fiscal responsibility that will get this nation's economy back on track," he wrote.

waffleriotb.jpg
Heroes, all.
Hooker quickly recovered himself: "But this is not a sane time," he reasoned. "This is a time when the labor of we the producers is conscripted to buy the votes of the tax eaters... So go ahead and buy that xbox. Buy that iPad 2. Buy that 70 inch flat screen 3D TV. Because in a time as screwed up as this if you don't spend your money on yourself it is a pretty good bet that you'll be spending it on some greedy flea bagger and his hairy arm-pitted girlfriend." Forget frugality, patriots, and stick it to the hippies with a spending spree! You may wind up impoverished by it, but America will prosper -- bank on it, if you have enough money left to maintain a bank account.

"All the while, [the Occupiers] are Tweeting and blogging on their cell phones and laptops, all made by one corporation or another, but we'll not mention the hypocrisy of that," said LD Jackson, who apparently never saw a Tea Partier in a Medicare-funded scooter denouncing Big Government.

Jackson said he himself didn't like Black Friday, but felt it had to be respected because it's "a family tradition for some people." You're not against families, are you? Plus Black Friday is important because "consuming is what it's all about. If the citizens of America stop consuming goods and services, our economy is sure to collapse." It might seem a little late to worry about that, but Jackson is a born optimist, as shown by his close: "I suspect [the Occupiers] don't stand a chance of winning that argument and are likely to get ran over in the process."

Jackson wasn't the only one who dreamed of retaliation against the hippies. Running Against Obama hoped that "somebody takes the initiative one day to collect as many of the names they can find to make a list of the people who are orchestrating all of this destructive, counterproductive behavior," so he would be able to blacklist any such individual from employment at whatever bait shop or flat-fix he runs.

Running Against Obama also applauded BUYcott Black Friday for "encouraging consumers to spend as much as their pockets will allow. That sounds more like America."

Working from the popular rightwing portrayal of the Occupation as a criminal enterprise, some rightbloggers saw their resistance to Black Friday as an act of aggression against innocent capitalists.

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31 comments
Phila
Phila

"All the while, [the Occupiers] are Tweeting and blogging on their cell phones and laptops, all made by one corporation or another, but we'll not mention the hypocrisy of that,"

That seems less hypocritical than using the Internet to spread the news that government is inherently incompetent and has never done anything to create jobs. But I'll pass over that little detail in silence, by not mentioning it here or anywhere else. Ever.

Also, know what other products are made by corporations? Rolling papers and anal lube. Sucks 2 B you, hippies!

Substance McGravitas
Substance McGravitas

Kip Hooker of I Hate The Media

Is this a pre-emptive hate?  Because you know someone in the newsroom would LOVE writing a headline like Hooker Volunteers With Local Scout Troop or Hooker Claims Obama "Rammed It Down Our Throats".

Big Bad Bald Bastard
Big Bad Bald Bastard

"Way to punish the average '99%-er' worker and make his life harder on a holiday weekend"

Yeah, that's a lot worse than trampling the poor guy in a frenzy to buy crap

Anarchaeologist
Anarchaeologist

I'm in awe of the mind that was capable of putting together the phrase "average 99%-er" myself.  That smacking sound you're likely hearing now is the hand of your local statistician upon her forehead.

UnholyMoses
UnholyMoses

So small businesses are now evil and to be avoided because ... Obama suggested we shop at them?

Is there any way we can get Obama to support tax cuts forever, to mention Jesus in every speech, and go on endlessly about how super-duper being unemployed and/or homeless is for most people?

Because there's an opportunity here to turn their Ideology of Spite into something useful -- we just need to convince them that the left loves/hates something when we actually hate it/love it.

Roy T.
Roy T.

I thought cutting taxes was the universal panacea. So now we add mindless buying?

Consumer Unit 5012
Consumer Unit 5012

"Occupy, in some misguided attempt to do whatever the hell it is they think they're trying to do," rambled Roger's Park Bench, "wants to hurt the retail sales. Which means, by extension, that they are trying to harm the economic security of fellow Americans."How dare those FILTHY HIPPIES try to damage the economy??!!?!?!?!?

That's the "Going Galt" movement's job!

On a slightly more serious note, it's a bit worrisome that our entire economy seems to be based on getting people to buy stuff they don't need with money they don't have...

Kip Hooker of I Hate The Media seemed to recognize, if only dimly and momentarily, what nonsense this was: "In a sane era we would be tempted to suggest that people save their money and practice the sort of fiscal responsibility that will get this nation's economy back on track," he wrote.​Hooker quickly recovered himself: "But this is not a sane time," he reasoned. 

This must be that "fiscal responsibility" the right wing is always telling me the right wing is famous for.

Bradley Greenwood
Bradley Greenwood

Be careful not to generalize. I am very conservative, and was absolutely disgusted (again) at the vulgar display of after-Thanksgiving consumerism. Another year to max-out cards, stomp-out other shoppers, et cetera, to celebrate the birth of Christ. The question remains... What would Jesus buy?

KWillow
KWillow

He'd LOVE an iPad, for sure.

Glennis Waterman
Glennis Waterman

Why don't OWS use locally sourced artisan-crafted cell phones and laptops?

Glennis Waterman
Glennis Waterman

Oh, so now consumers with money in their pockets are "job creators."

Maybe we should extend payrolls tax cuts and unemployment, not tax cuts to the rich? Whaddya say?

Patrick Downing
Patrick Downing

So is it better to buy stuff made in Communist China, than stuff from your neighbor?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©

Yes, if Obama said to do the latter.

It's just like when the Heritage Foundation's health care plan from the 90s turned into a commie-islamofascist takeover of health care in 2009.~

Frisbee Dog
Frisbee Dog

Or when they rooted against Chicago getting the bid for the Olympic Games. Obama Derangement Syndrome is a scary thing.

Consumer Unit 5012
Consumer Unit 5012

I've said it before - if Obama wants the Dems to win in 2012, he needs to declare National Not Setting Yourself On Fire Day in late September.  The Teapublicans won't be able to vote if they're all in the burn wards.

Tom M
Tom M

Shop local Saturday? Will Obama never stop screwing up the economy? Those small businesses are how the jobs get created and and those owners pay the taxes and and....oh, wait, wrong argument at the wrong time.This redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought said Dennis Moore.

KWillow
KWillow

In the Conservatard world, shopping at local small businesses = boycotting Big Box stores.  One can not shop both places.

Frisbee Dog
Frisbee Dog

In a related story, lupine prices are through the roof this year.

Marksade55
Marksade55

It is unlikely that the right wing will support anything "Black" let alone friday, unless it comes with a 9.99 pizza king like Herman Cain.Technology is an amazing gift but deludes people into thinking that by buying a plasma tv the television programming will improve; or that having the latest I phone will make communication stronger and deeper.

Joannaz2012
Joannaz2012

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Mark
Mark

BEST.COMMENT.EVAH!!!!!!!!11!1!!!!!!1!1!!!!!!1!1!!TWOHUNDREDANDNINEDIVIDEDBYNINETEEN!!!

Duncan Mitchel
Duncan Mitchel

Mark would like to stuff a handful of twenty-dollar bills into the G-string of this comment.

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet
Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

Somehow you can tell that times are bad. They pretty much skipped over the Thanksgiving hoopla and slid straight into Christmas. Looks like a messy divorce, making Christmas, the Turkey's official Xmas. The turkey was barely out of the oven and the stores were open. Target had an "Almost" black Friday, the justification being, that when they opened their doors, it WAS Friday-in  China.

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

GeoX
GeoX

HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS DERANGED?!?

(Okay, it's been a constant question for years, obviously, but these columns always renew by amazement, and this particular instance is even more egregiously mad than usual.)

Consumer Unit 5012
Consumer Unit 5012

Because whenever Reality shows them they're wrong, they have two choices:  Admit they were wrong, or double-down on The Crazy.

Guess which option most people pick.  This isn't unique to Conservatives, it's just that they've had the most opportunities to double-down in the last decade+.

McSalmon
McSalmon

When did Black Friday become a holiday? When? I don't remember hearing about it in my youth, 'It's a $2 Waffle Iron, Charlie Brown!' specials, no discussion of the day at Thanksgiving when I was a kid. Without fanfare, we somehow all decided that we as a nation would pay intense attention to the weekend after Thanksgiving to see how mental people will act to get a break on the price of a popular toy. Who. The Fuck. Cares?

And now I know - Conservatives do. They are so desperate to forge a new community that is ready to elbow a granny in the throat for the last colorful piece of disposable plastic crap that they will attack anyone who rightly thinks it's a waste of time and resources. They hate anything that isn't giving great head to the central notions that big brand American capitalism must win, along with a bowdlerized Jesus, and maintained by a faceless security apparatus to keep them safe from the people who are Not Of The Body. They are Morlocks, through and through, and I can only hope that they all get a visit from the Krampus.

Kwillow
Kwillow

"FEST-TI-VAAAAAL!"   You named it!

Consumer Unit 5012
Consumer Unit 5012

That's a totally unfair analogy.  

The Morlocks may have been bestial cannibals, but they were the ones who did all the actual WORK, as opposed to their vapid 1%er Eloi livestock.

McSalmon
McSalmon

Not sure if starting an air raid siren to summon their food counts as work so much as 'sport'. But your point is taken. I really should know better than to define the societies of 10000 years in the future, as seen through the eyes of a 19th century Englishman, though the lens of early 21st century political developments. That's like ascribing 20th century political meanings to the selective religious writings of some Middle-East faith that had been conquered by pagans 2000 years ago. Scary thought.

DocAmazing
DocAmazing

It's a good thing that the Republicans are the party of the small businessman, because otherwise one might get the idea that they have no problem with Mom 'n' Pop getting overwhelmed by WalKTargetMart.

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