Scientology Sunday Service: Your Open Thread For November 13

Last week, we started something new here at the underground bunker, and it was a smashing success.

We brought back the tradition of Sunday Funnies, in this case materials produced by Scientology organizations, which tend to be unintentionally hilarious. We then opened up the comments section to whatever you, our loyal readers, felt like talking about. You didn't let us down.

This week, we have a couple more things to look at before the free-for-all begins...

We begin with this somewhat terrifying cash grab from Down Under. Want this kid to have a good world to live in? Send us money for buildings we don't need!


On the other hand, that piece of propaganda is a masterpiece compared this dreck that came out of the San Diego org. Who's designing this stuff down there? Those fonts are hurting my eyes!


So that's what we have for you this week to get the synapses firing. Now hit us with whatever is on your mind, whether or not it has anything to do with what we've been writing here lately at Runnin' Scared.

The Top 25 People Crippling Scientology
#1: L. Ron Hubbard
#2: David Miscavige
#3: Marty Rathbun
#4: Tom Cruise
#5: Joe Childs and Tom Tobin
#6: Anonymous
#7: Mark Bunker
#8: Mike Rinder
#9: Jason Beghe
#10: Lisa McPherson
#11: Nick Xenophon (and other public servants)
#12: Tommy Davis (and other hapless church executives)
#13: Janet Reitman (and other journalists)
#14: Tory Christman (and other noisy ex-Scientologists)
#15: Andreas Heldal-Lund (and other old time church critics)
#16: Marc and Claire Headley, escapees of the church's HQ
#17: Jefferson Hawkins, the man behind the TV volcano
#18: Amy Scobee, former Sea Org executive
#19: The Squirrel Busters (and the church's other thugs and goons)
#20: Trey Parker and Matt Stone (and other media figures)
#21: Kendrick Moxon, attorney for the church
#22: Jamie DeWolf (and other L. Ron Hubbard family members)
#23: Ken Dandar (and other attorneys who litigate against the church)
#24: David Touretzky (and other academics)
#25: Xenu, galactic overlord

Tony Ortega is the editor-in-chief of The Village Voice. Since 1995, he's been writing about Scientology at several publications. | @VoiceTonyO | Facebook: Tony Ortega

Keep up on all of our New York news coverage at this blog, Runnin' Scared


[All recent stories] | [Top 25 People Crippling Scientology] | [Commenters of the Week] [Thursday 2pm Stats!] | [Scientology vs. South Park]


[Scientology spokesman Tommy Davis secretly recorded discussing "disconnection"]
[Tom Cruise and Baby Suri embarrassed by news item, so someone must pay]
[Benjamin Ring, LA deputy sheriff, wants you to spend your 401K on Scientology]
[Scientologists: How many of them are there, anyway?]
[Scientology hates clean ice: The "Fair Game" operation that should turn your stomach]
[Scientology hates clean ice, part 2: Another target, and the web as weapon]


[Scientology has Rathbun arrested] | [Rathbun and Mark Bunker reveal surprising ties]
In Germany with Ursula Caberta: [Announcing plans] | [Press conference] | [Making news about Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, and Tony Blair] | [Post-trip interview]
The Squirrel Busters: [Goons with cameras on their heads] | [Rathbun's open letter to neighbors] | [Ingleside on the Bay, Texas rallies to Rathbun's cause] | [Squirrel Buster's claim to be making a "documentary"] | [VIDEO: "On a Boat"] | ["Anna" sent to creep out Monique Rathbun] | [Squirrel Busters go hillbilly] | [A videographer blows the whistle on the goon squad] | [Ed Bryan, OT VIII, shows the power of Scientology's highest levels]


[Secret Scientology documents spell out spying operation against Marc Headley]
[Scientology's West U.S. spies list revealed] | [Scientology's enemies list: Are you on it?]
Spy operation against Washington Post writer Richard Leiby: [Part 1] | [Part 2]
[A Scientology spy comes clean: Paulien Lombard's remarkable public confession]
[Scientology advertises for writers in Freedom magazine]
[Accidental leak shows Scientology spy wing plans to "handle" the Voice]
[Lori Hodgson and Disconnection: "No one's going to take my eternity away"]


["Tom Cruise told me to talk to a bottle"] | [Tom Cruise likes coconut cake] | [Tom Cruise has a sense of humor] | ["Tom Cruise not a kook!"] | [Paulette Cooper on Tom Cruise]
[Paul Haggis, director of Crash, issues an ultimatum, leaves the church]
[Character actor Jason Beghe defects noisily] | [Actor Michael Fairman reveals his "suppressive person" declaration] | [Michael Fairman talks to the Voice]
[Giovanni Ribisi as David Koresh: Scientology-Branch Davidian link makes sense]
[Russell Brand weds ex-Scientologists in wild ceremony] | [Skip Press on Haggis]
[Placido Domingo Jr.: Scientology's retaliation is "scary and pathetic"]
Grant Cardone, NatGeo's "Turnaround King": [Doing Scientology's dirty work?] | [Milton Katselas complained about Cardone's smear job] | [Cardone runs to Huffpo]
[Philip Boyd, Saving Grace actor, rips "the business that is Scientology"]


[Our review of Inside Scientology] | [An interview with Janet Reitman] | [A report from Reitman's first book tour appearance] | [At the Half-King: Reitman not afraid]
[Scientology doesn't like Inside Scientology] | [Q&A at Washington Post]
[A roundup of Reitman's print reviews, and why isn't she on television more?]


[A review of Urban's scholarly history of the church] | [An interview with Hugh Urban]


[Marc Headley: "Tom Cruise told me to talk to a bottle"] | [The Nancy Many interview]
[Sympathy for the Devil: Tory Christman's Story] | [Jeff Hawkins' Counterfeit Dreams]
[86 Million Thin Dimes: The Lawrence Wollersheim Saga] | [Mike Rinder on spying]


[Scientology dodges a bullet in Australia] | [Scientology exec Jan Eastgate arrested]
[All hell breaks loose in Israel] | [Scientology sees fundraising gold in the UK riots]
[Aussie former rugby pro Chris Guider calls David Miscavige "toxic" and "violent"]
[Stephen Cox, UK church newbie, pledges 20K pounds] | [Biggi Reichert: A German Lisa McPherson?] | [The Birmingham trove: 7,000 internal e-mails]
[Australian farmer blamed for giving Tom Cruise a bad shrimp, loses her friends, family]


[Scientology singalong, "We Stand Tall"] | [Captain Bill Robertson and "Galactic Patrol"]
[Scientology wins a major award!] | [Scientology wants your money: Meet Dede!]
[Birmingham in the House! The "Ideal" dance mix] | [Scientology and the Nation of Islam]
[When Scientology was hip] | [Sad: David Miscavige makes fun of his own fundraisers]
[Freedom magazine parodies The New Yorker. Hilarity ensues.]
[Scientology surf report: Anonymous parties outside the New York "org"]


[A scientologist's letter to the Voice and its readers] | [Scientology silent birth]
[Tad Reeves: Scientology might listen to this guy] | [More Tad Reeves and family]
[Scientology never forgets: A heartwarming telemarketing holiday miracle]
[Scientology High School, Dating and Super Powers!]

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play mats
play mats

If you have younger children of the same gender but different ages, or if you plan to have another baby soon, keep unsoiled clothing put away for the next child. This will save you money, and younger children usually never know the difference.


Don't you get it?  The child is floating.  All OTs can do that! 


I have to explain Co$-SD: they bought the old Coleman College campus on Parkway Drive in La Mesa (a town directly east of San Diego) back in 2008, and  they planned to demolish the two buildings on the site in order to build an Ideal Org. AT THE SAME TIME, they hoped to sell their downtown San Diego offices, then rent them out during the La Mesa construction. That was three years ago. Nothing has happened to the site except painting over the old Coleman signs, and the graffiti, and trimming the weeds to keep the La Mesa city government off their backs while putting plywood over windows. Skateborders ride through the property (no fences); they used to have a handyman living in a trailer behind one building, but he's gone. They have repeatedly had fund raisers and reggings aplenty, but nothing is moving. Why? The dead commercial property market in So-Cal; the downtown "Church" still has a "for sale" sign on it. Also, I think it's obvious that the mother church is sitting on a lot of the funds. This failure is not looking good for Co$-SD head David A. Meyer, or the guy trying to sell the downtown office, Jonathon Ben Gerson. You see, Gerson is a long-time Scientologist. He owned an Applied Scholastics school in San Marcos that went belly-up this last July; he is also a long-time commercial realtor. So these setbacks do not reflect well on Scientology or Mr. Gerson. David Meyer is still stinging from the Prop 8 fiasco and the defection of Paul Haggis; he has kept a very low profile. In fact, you hear nothing from San Diego Scientology at all. _______________________________ Google Map: 7380 Parkway Drive, La Mesa (Coleman College)Google Map: 1330 4th Ave, San Diego, CA. (Co$-SD HQ) You can find out a lot on Meyer and Gerson through the Truth About Scientology website: their completions from the 1980s untill 2010 are listed. It looks like Mr. Meyer was put through an accellerated program in the 2000s, probably when he was made head of the SD church; Gerson was an advanced Scientologist in the early 1980s.


Also, look at the Scientology Missions website - they are still claiming they have one in Chula Vista (a town on the coast, south of San Diego) when, in truth, they suspended operations in 2008!

If you look at the California fictitous business license website and put in "scientology" with any number of SD county towns a picture begins to emerge: a religion which moves around like a travelling circus. The church in San Diego proper has moved no less than three times; there were missions once in the upscale communities of La Jolla and Escondido; Scientology education (Apple Schools, Applied Scholastics) existed; there was a mission on Adams Avenue in the 1970s. The trick is, it's never all been operating at the same time; one place would be set up to cover for a closing outlet, then replaced in turn. All that is left now is that downtown church....and a Dianetics outfit in Tijuana, B.C.


The church service just isn't the same without that stunningly self-destructive scilon from last week.  Everybody at OSA is assigned full-time to the St. Petersburg paper today?

mass mother
mass mother

At first glance I thought it was an Arayan nation poster. But now I get it. The photo of the sexually ambiguous child, a boy (though he may already identify as a girl), dressed in a pink romper, is zipping through a space-time contiuum. The IDEAL state is an ambiguous society - as ambiguous as Scientology itself, and we can get there with your donations. Those Scientology marketing folks are genius!


  Reminds me, isn't LRH's reincarnation about five now?  Where is he?


I heard that last week that baby was caught trying to blow his hat as scientology's poster boy, and got into a big inturbaltion match with David, and is now serving 16 months in the RPF, hunting down squirrels for dinner! It might not be true, being i read it in Freedumb Magazine!



I'm so tired of people using children to advance agendas.  And that goes for everyone from Dr. Laura to Mississippi to Scientology to the stupid anti-immunization morons.  


  A new day is upon us.  It's called the Internet.  Co$ can run, but it can't hide.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

It's bad enough growing up in this day and age, kids have enough worries and doubts.

Now...add body thetans to a child's thought process. Poor kid is running around all paranoid, stressed out, slapping alien dust off his/herself yelling, "the sky is falling, the sky is falling."

Imagine the physiological and psychological damage these scilons must be causing to their young.

Obviously it's bad for them...look how tiny Miscaviage turned out, FUBAR!


can't wait for pt. two of the St. Petersburg Times piece

Mary Hargrove
Mary Hargrove

I am just in awe of how poorly their posters and ads are designed. You'd think with all the money they squeeze out of their parishioners that they'd be able to hire a decent graphic designer. 


Perhaps the king of designers, Jeff Hawkins?  Maybe not.


And let us now forget the urgent, special instructions that David Miscavige sent out when Scientology merged with Nation of Islam: "Do not crush reg the NOI just yet!  Wait until they are more indoctrinated."


With all this money grubbing going on, you know members are not bringing in their friends and family for those fake 'Sunday Services' .

anti slime ballz
anti slime ballz

Baby is holdin her hand out for money/credit card/2nd mortgage money/life savings.Baby is also levitating with her superpowerz. 


You know what would make that top piece perfect?  A cartoon speech bubble coming from the kid.  And then you could turn this into a caption contest.  My entries:  

"You people really believe this shit?  That's hilarious!" or "If you think your money is really going towards building an Ideal Org, you're as crazy as my parents!"


[ Kid in picture is dressed as Stan from South Park]

Stan: Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet! 

[ Kid in picture is dressed as Kyle from South Park]

Kyle: Chef? Are you okay?

Kyle [again]: "We shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that little fruity club for scrambling his brains,"


Oh man, those ads are horrible! Kindergarteners could design something better!


What do you mean? The San Diego brochure is fine, other than the graphics, the fonts, the spacing, the layout, and snappy lines like: "The solutions for a troubled society are known. But how to we hit EVERYWHERE and now?"

All together now: "Mo money, mo money, mo money."


"And we will succeed and are succeeding at each new revolution of the Earth. Your help is acceptable to us."

What dreadfully weird writing. They must really have to dig in Hubbard's turd pile of bad writing, for nuggets like that.

As the word turns on Runnin' Scared, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, the sun will be eclipsed this Sunday service, by Childs and Tobin's blinding new St. Petersburg Times (TampaBay(dot)com) series: THE MONEY MACHINE. My favorite video and article from the series is:

A young man looked for answers, found a 'money-hungry cult'.

You've got to interview that guy (Brian Culkin) Tony. His story deserves expansion and the Ortega touch. A young, bright, college educated, wealthy, handsome guy who upon landing at Flag for his first $80,000 course package, gets hit on to make a $35,000 donation for Super Power, in the cultmobile from the airport! He didn't give $35,000 but gave a couple thousand (they took his credit card in the car, and phoned in his donation). Brian proceeded to spend $320,000 in his first and only (I think) year of brainwashing.

Brian Culkin
Brian Culkin

Mark- you crack me up. I was laughing reading these comments.

Yes- the brainwashing has officially ceased and desisted.  lol


“Getting information from the Internet is like drinking water from a fire hydrant.” Mitchell Kapor (Founder of Lotus Development Corporation)


  There is no place for innocence in the cult of scientology. When that kid gets sick, he will be made guilty for it by being told  he  "pulled it in".

The promo piece is probably his "amends project" for low conditions.


As amusing as it is to poke fun at this organization, I am saddened and angered by the promo piece from down under. My first thought was that this beautiful child could have been one of the hundreds of feti left on the floor of the Hemut  branch of planned parenthood had she been unfortunate enough to be conceived by loyal Sea Org parents. I am sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes acerbic snarkiness is inappropriate. 


This comment is not intended to initiate a debate into the "pro-life" controversy. The question of whether an individual has the right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is entirely different that whether they have the right to conceive and bear children.


Praise Xenu and pass the collection plate!

The layout of that San Diego press release is so bad, I very fortunately could not read LRH's quote. Good thing, as it's probably pitched at a level over OT 3 and would have killed me outright had I actually been able to decipher its jewels of wisdom. 

Praise Xenu!

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