Scientology on the High Seas: Yuletide Cheer, Including Dickens Adapted with Evil Psychs

For Voice coverage of Debbie Cook's rebellious e-mail, please go here. For a collection of all of our most recent Scientology stories, go here.

On November 18, we started a new feature here on Fridays: the Voice has obtained hundreds of copies of L. Ron Hubbard's previously unpublished "Orders of the Day," which he gave to crew members as he sailed the Mediterranean. Our documents cover the period from 1968 to 1971, and this time we're looking at what was happening the week of December 18 through 24 during those years.

After the jump, the crew prepares to celebrate the Yuletide the LRH way...


December 18: Success despite more SMERSH meddling.


COMMANDER HANA ELTRINGHAM and FELICE GREEN are very much welcomed back. They did a find job straightening up accounts at WW, SH and Pubs.

As an added bonus they found Pubs was owed about ₤300,000, nearly 3 times what it owes and that SH was owed over ₤90,000 and ₤50,000.

SMERSH is noted as active in Edinburgh in the form of our being worked on to make us unpopular. Well, they can try.

The Mission did a great and very long job.

They are highly commended.



3. To CS-1

Dear Grandson,

The materials were NOT received. Suspect counter-espionage. Investigate their disappearance immediately.

Your loving Granny

December 19: A (self-conscious?) clarification.


The word "SMERSH" is a code name. It was borrowed from James Bond 007 book "Goldfinger." Its letters stood for Soviet, Executive, Murder and so on, which combined spelled SMERSH. "SMERSH" of course was a fiction. The enemy we fight is not. We call him SMERSH just to be factual and impolite.


December 24: The Bridge to Total Freedom...unless you want to mail something.

There has never been any order permitting mail to be taken directly to the post office by individuals.

I would like to find out who started this.

It is illegal to send mail any other way than via the Dept of Comm.

N. Jessup

And ending the same dispatch...





December 18: Mole men?


Watch C apparently falsely attested readiness for sea. The watch members should be examined by the 4th Mate for a false attest on AB Checksheet or possession of one. The watch did have a watch change the day before sailing due to Missions. They were put to the test of leaving harbour and did not perform adequately making it necessary to single hand the ship.


Persons who should wear glasses and don't put us at risk. Unable to read compasses or radar or see ships while on lookout without others suspecting it brings about an unsuspected Danger Condition.

If I knew who was in this state, it would be possible to improve their eyesight with processing. But if one doesn't know who is a mole man, what can be done?

We used to have a barrel of thrown away glasses in the Wichita Org in 1951. The tech has been lost.

It gives us a chance to develope a 5 hour Eyesight Intensive for orgs to sell.

So come on, mole men, send in your names for the Molemen Project.


December 19: LRH feeling nostalgic?


Last July I wrote individual letters to old SO members, departeds and on leave.

You will be pleased to know they answered up with great ARC, are taking courses, doing well.

It was a very pleasant experience reading their answers to my query of how they were.


December 21: LRH having some fun.


We arrived here mainly due to an ebonite rod which is used for wine dousing. The Captain has not done any wine dousing before, being a teetotaller. Dousing for water (as in looking for wells with a dousing stick) was not possible as we were totally surrounded with it. The Captain hit upon WINE dousing, as there is some wine made here. The dousing rod in spite of fog, pointed directly at the wine in the port and we came on in. Nobody ever got here before.

Very simple really.

(The above report of finding our way is guaranteed to be as factual as all wog newspaper stories.)


December 22: Anyone know what became of the couple?


Peter Church, FEBC student and Sharon West were married at sea by Captain W.B. Robertson at 2151 hours 21 Dec 1970. The marriage will be recorded at the nearest consul under Maritime Law and the Laws of Panama. The entry has been duly recorded in the ship's log.

Peter Church is from Delta Meters, Los Angeles.

They will have a brief honeymoon in the nextport.

They have the good wishes of the officers and crew of the Apollo and my own.


December 23: Captain Bill Robertson administers a ship quiz and then reports the results, giving us at least partially a manifest of who was on board...


Hey, Kate: only a 65? (And note, Captain Bill docked himself a half point, out of sheer humility, we assume.)

December 24: Time to party.


From the same dispatch...

Yuletide Schedule

Christmas Eve

2100 hrs. PIRATES ABOARD!!! The Bosun, Carpenter and Ship's QM would like to invite all Pirates on board Apollo to the best pirate party in Madiera! See you in Number 1 Hold and be ready for looting!

Christmas Day

Sleep In
Free Day Aboard

0900-1000 hrs. Breakfast Served (MENU: Cornflakes with Bananas, Fried Eggs, Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Sausages, Pancakes with Whipped Cream, Fresh Scones, Assorted Fruits, Assorted Juices, Egg Nog)

1000 hrs. Santa's Give Exhange, Main Dining Room

1300 hrs. Christmas Dinner (MENU: Roast Turkey with Cranberry Sauce, Bread Dressing, Gravey, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Peas, Green Beans with Almonds, Green Salad, Ice Cream, Fruit Salad, Plum Pudding with Hard Sauce, Assorted Fruits and Nuts, Cheese and Crackers, Assorted Sweets and Chocolates)

1900 hrs. Buffet Supper, Main Dining Room

2030 hrs. Christmas Party Begins, Dancing & Party - Party

Special Programme Commences Upon Commodore's Arrival

1. A Christmas Carol Gets the Dickens
Adapted by: Dora Hannides & Iris Reaves
Further Adapted By: Al Bornstein & Larry Frazier

CAST (In order of appearance)

Narrator - Murdock McBride
Cratchet - Francis Weilgart
Ebaneezer Scrooge - Ernie Martin
Scrooge's Niece - Bonnie McPeake
Dr. Shockwell - Eric Magnusson
Dr. Sawskull - Robin Lindsell
Jacob Marley, AB - Wayne Alkire
Clock - Vicki Alpe
One, Two and Three - By Himself
Missionaire of Christmas Past - Peter Warren
Missionaire of Christmas Present - Sue Pomeroy
Missionaire of Christmas Future - Share Rice


Adele Vonnie as Scrooge's Mother!!!!


Marcia Swengel and the Apollo Chorus
Sets by Arthur Hubbard
Stage Manager - Larry Frazier
Directed by Al Bornstein

2. Christmas Gift Presentation to the Commodore and Mary Sue.
Reading of thank-you notes from the Orgs.
Executives of Tommorrow Presentation

3. Snipe Show
Starring - Snipes of course!

4. The Apollo Chorus
Directed by Marcia Swengal

In their Premier Performance of

Good King Wenceslas
God Rest Ye, Merry, Gentlemen
Little Drummer Boy

In the play:

"LRH" song

plus added extras......

SOPRANOS (Peggy McCoy, Bess Sullivan, Janice Tidman, Vicki Alpe, Terri Descilo)

TENORS (Gene Juss, John Wiley, Francis Quirion)

ALTOS (Share Rice, Adele Vonnie)

BASSES (Al Bornstein, Peter Warren, Jerry Rice, Hugh Harrison)

4. Music by the Plus Points


Captain Bill - Clarinet
Bill Lowrance - Trumpet
Norman Starkey - Ukulele
Fred Blessing - Trombone
Richard Gorman - Bass
Des Popham - Guitar
John Wiley - Recorder
Danie Ezekwe - Drums
Bill Tucker - Flute

5. Christmas Carole Hootenany Dancing and Party Continues

Did you catch the name of the play's director?

We contacted Al Bornstein -- who is now Kate Bornstein -- and asked her for her memories of the Christmas musical she put on. Here's what she sent us:

Oh, yes--I remember it well: a heart-warming romp through Scrooge's reactive mind. There were body thetans on all sides of the audience, speaking as chorus. Instead of wearing chains, Marley was thrown into the chain locker. Flag missionaires used e-meters of past, present and future to rescue Christmas and clear the planet. Tiny Tim said, "ARC, all of us." The old man loved it.

Nah. Everything I just wrote was a lie. I don't remember a damned thing--nothing. It *sounds* like something I would have done. I remember the faces of the crew members/actors, and those would have been people I'd cast--Ernie Martin (Scrooge) was a dead ringer for Boris Karlov, and I was crushed out on Bonnie McPeake so of course I would have cast her. If I'd directed that, I must have been thrilled to be doing theater for the old man. I'd only been aboard Flag a couple of months. I was a deckhand. I hadn't even finished my able-bodied seaman checklist, which would have allowed me to put the rating AB after my name in the OODs. I'd been a Scientologist for less than six months. I still thought it was possible to make art while being a Sea Org member. Silly me.

I did e-mail a group of ex-shipmates and posted those OODs to an entire list of ex-SO folks. They don't remember it either. Our time in Scientology and the Sea Org was traumatic, and PTSD has dug deep holes in all of our memories. A few folks do remember the old man's reaction during the skit: one for one, they said he looked sour. Now, that's not because the show sucked--it was all down to what had happened earlier that day: a major shore flap in Morocco, involving the plots of two assassination attempts on the King by the very guy the ship's PR staff and GO were trying to woo as an ally. Ah, but that's a whole other story.

Thank you, Kate!

And now that we've buried Christmas Past, we leave you all to your Christmas Present. Be merry!

Tony Ortega is the editor-in-chief of The Village Voice. Since 1995, he's been writing about Scientology at several publications. | @VoiceTonyO | Facebook: Tony Ortega

Keep up on all of our New York news coverage at this blog, Runnin' Scared


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Party Dresses
Party Dresses

this is realy good and i got the material here that i searching for.

koki raki
koki raki

gotta love that irony.....guys name who is in SO - Share Rice !!!!!wtf!?  MC&HNY to all of you here from LRHs Bulgravia....


Hubbard could have written anything in the OODs and the crew would have no choice but to believe it because Hubbard was "Source". I'm sure he took delight in using his fiction writing skills, especially when seeing the need to temper the discontent or lack of enthusiasm of the Sea Org members on board. It was his stage and when he wasn't visable on board, his OODS were.


Next South Park Scientology episode should involve the mole men. Maybe they could bring back the crab people too.


re: "Mole Men" 

So it apparently never occurred to Hubbard to test people's eyesight by having them read an eye chart (or even an improvised one)?  Were these memos just mindless rambling, or was he really so stupid that he could not figure out how to tell if someone had poor vision? Did it never occur to him why he was asked to read letters from a chart on a wall, one eye at a time, as part of his physical when he joined the US Navy?

Hubbard comes across not just as paranoid and delusional, but as a complete idiot as well.


Obvious PTSD victim (have you seen his photo?), Scientologist Mark Miglio, just e-mailed me this response...

"PTSD".  This is a nice, new, story twist, Tony.  I suppose that you can now make some time to study up on "Sea Org PTSD", or actually, you already have, haven't you.  It was Kate Bornsein that said, wasn't it?, that:  "Our time in Scientology and the Sea Org was traumatic, and PTSD has dug deep holes in all of our memories."  I guess that she was so deep into PTSD that she couldn't even vaguely remember that she had produced the Christmas Special on the Flagship Apollo.  That's rich:  There must have been something on the order of a couple of hundred Flagship staff in attendance as well as, of course, an untold number of public passengers and students; and I would suspect that some of the other ships would have been in attendance for this special event with the Commodore.  Yes, I am sorry that it wasn't a better experience for her, unlike others that I have met, but your article does give insight into why so may of your commenters have such altered memories of their past experiences.  Thank you. 


I keep looking at that "Yuletide Schedule" because it seems so bizarre, like someone with a mental condition put it together.  

Did LRH type that himself?  

Bruce Hines
Bruce Hines

Of interest is that Hana Eltringham, whom Mr. Hubbard highly commended in 1968, is now Hana Whitfield.

Synthia Elizabeth Fagen
Synthia Elizabeth Fagen

Tony, thank you so very much for you vigilance.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you here!

Is 2012 the year the cult's house of cards crumbles?  I look forward to a new year with you all.  Have fun, eat, drink and be merry. :)

Chuck Beatty
Chuck Beatty

Excellent little article.   The PTSD point Kate brings up is so interesting.   I only joined Sea Org later, and see amongst the lists of names the people who stayed in for the coming years.   So many quit, the ratio is about 90-95% quit rate if you go down this list.   All my 27 years, even the RPF years I did in the end, each Christmas, we did cut ourselves slack, and it's true, the PTSD makes remembering the good day off, and Christmas is a guaranteed Sea Org day off, lucikly, just because of Hubbard's tradition on the Apollo, even today.   They do get better chow, they do watch movies, get let out to go watch movies, and have skits and self created entertainment, every Sea Org unit if big enough, even today.   Hubbard cut them a guaranteed day of slack, thankfully, on Christmas!


Kate, please tell more!  The Morocco story sounds quite delish....


Who started the scurrilous rumor that you can send your own mail!?!? The perpetrator of this squirrel comm tech has chain locker accommodations in their future. 

For the last time:  On the Bridge to Total Freedom, you are free from having to go to the post office. 


Maybe if Hubbard hadn't convinced followers that they could throw away their glasses after Scientology auditing, he wouldn't have had so many problems with "Mole Men"?


Google: A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology PageantAbsolutely brilliant.The music and lyrics are wonderful ala "Book of Mormon".

Skwerl King
Skwerl King

Pirates? Molemen? SMERSH? Now Xenu makes total sense! Or he would if we still had that barrel of glasses from the Wichita Org in 1951. --- I blame the Lions Club: their eyeglass recycling program is the real SMERSH here. Become an SP and donate your used eyeglasses to the Lions Recycle for Sight Program. (I am not affiliated with the Lions Club.)


Daily Hubbard sent out self serving blather and people read it as gospel!  No wonder his already unwarranted huge ego exploded beyond all reason.   To me the puzzle of Scientology lies not with Hubbard but with the people who bought into it.   What drew them into Hubbard's fantasy?  Saving the world? I don't think so. 

Mimi The Great
Mimi The Great

It is my brilliant assumption that the party tomfoolery was to rack up an assload of gifts from the sea org'ers. Greedy jerks.


A Sciloontology Christmas Story

Twas 75 million years before Christmas, when all through the DC8 spaceplane, not a creature was stirring, not even a mole man. The volcanoes were waiting on Teegeeack, in hopes that the evil galactic overlord Xenu soon would be there...this is factual.


Why would they have a Christmas party? Christianity was just an implant.  Oh right, we can't let those lower level people in on the secret.

Old OT7
Old OT7

LOL!!!  Thanks for the laughs!  "With pockets full of ammunition and the name of a good assassin."  LRH 

Old OT7
Old OT7

Hubbard:  "Hey, Aa!  We don't need no stinkin' eye charts?  They were made by Wog optometrists!  We have my tech which is always prefect!  I only wore glasses to be fashionable...  BTW, leukemia came about from a statement once said to someone, "It makes my blood run cold."  


Don't be so PTS to your meat body.  The old man expected the watch on duty to go stably exterior with full perceptics.  The E-meter makes eye charts last year's news.


Who started the scurrilous rumor that Mark Miglio is allowed to send his own mail?


Someone needs to contact Mark Miglio immediately and let him know that some weirdo is sending letters to the media w/ his name attached that make absolutely no sense.


I wonder if the festivities actually took place as planned.  When your local best friend attempts to assassinate the ruler, it seems like a fine time to weigh anchor and get the hell out of there.


Interesting. Miglio seems to admit PTSD is real. Off tech.


"Yes, I am sorry that it wasn't a better experience for her, unlike others that I have met,. "?

Hey Mark Miglio, Who have you met that told you they were there on that day of the party?




I agree, the oh so generous  "commodore" tells everyone to "sleep in" on Christmas Morning, gee thanks, but for Christ's sake breakfast starts at 9 a.m. and is over at 10 a.m. WTF? merry eff-ing Christmas...oh yea and notice its a "FREE DAY" yea but you cant leave the tug.....


I doubt Hubbard typed it, notice the spelling of "programme".  Must have been someone else with a mental condition.


Chuck, any idea who the longest-serving Sea Org member still in is? Assuming none have died and come back. :)


It would be one of the main 5 Generals during that dodgy patch DeckardCain.Noone really liked Hassan even General  Mohammad Oufkir turned against him later on. Fortunately over the decades the King "mellowed", during the 90s things got "better".

I avoid discussing LRH as I know most Scientologists hold him in high regard rather than themselves. But this comment makes me sick "but your article does give insight into why so may of your commenters have such altered memories of their past experiences"

altered memories?Please ask:DavidnikkiLisaLonnieJesusKarenBertKennyTerryAlexNancyJoanor Kerry(more names if you like)

What those memories hold for them.

The Scientologist
The Scientologist

This is an interesting point. I was often admonished for "lack of confront" when it came to undergoing processes and procedures I did not wish to go through and knew were unnecessary to my "case" (for example, I always refused to spend a single penny on any kind of sec check or confessional), but here is the thing.

LRH defines *confront* as "facing without flinching." He also goes on to state that people who wear eyeglasses do so because of a clear and deliberate "lack of confront." So, according to LRH, as soon as a person wearing eyeglasses raises their confront, they will no longer need to wear them.

So far, so good. Now, the people who always admonished me for "lack of confront" also happened to wear eyeglasses. In fact, there are plenty of Scientologists (including Clears and OTs) who wear eyeglasses and/or contacts. When I called them out on this and showed them the LRH reference on confront and the fact that eyeglasses and contact lenses are evidence of "lack of confront," I was given the runaround and threatened with Ethics. I would tell them that the fact that they have to wear eyeglasses/contacts is further evidence that it was they, not me, who needed to get their Ethics in. And so on. All in all, quite the showcase of absurdity either way you look at it.

This is to say nothing of the fact that LRH himself needed eyeglasses, hence the reason why he dictated all his books, rather than using a typewriter. He would never eyeglasses in public and from all accounts, he could not even achieve 20/20 vision with eyeglasses.

The Scientologist
The Scientologist

This is a puzzle that many people have attempted to figure out, but thus far failed to come up with any real answers. The common explanation that this is all due to "brainwashing" or "cult hypnosis" or whatever doesn't add up.

Think about it. You can visit any Scientology organization anywhere in the world, and you will encounter the same exact behavior, mannerisms, attitudes, cliches, etc. Doesn't matter what language they speak, or what culture they are from, there are key commonalities that are shared and exhibited by most (but certainly not all) Scientologists.

I suppose it's not that different from Evangelical Christianity. If you think about, Scientology is not that different from Evangelicalism. It's an evangelical religion, but revolving around the idea that LRH is the only "source" for the solutions that plague the world.

I was always skeptical about the "saving the world" part because one thing I have noticed is that Scientologists generally have no qualms about screwing each other over. Hell, Scientology orgs routinely screw each other over in order to meet their stats, for instance when one Scientology org "steals" fresh Sea Org recruits from a lower org. Or when the Church pressures someone to grant another Scientologist a loan, and that loan never gets paid back and the Church refuses to do anything about it.

But anyway, I don't know what the answer is, because I could never quite figure out how its possible for Scientologists from all over the world to behave in a monocultural fashion, especially within the Sea Org, but then again, it could be due to a vast dramatization of a hitherto unknown implant.

Myriam Breitman
Myriam Breitman

I could not agree with you more. Hubbard was obviously manic-depressive, living in a fantasy world. Many people have this illness no shame in that. What I don't understand, however, is how can others buy his lies and submit their lives to the whims of a madman. 

Radio Paul
Radio Paul

Then with a boom with and atomic flash to the window I did dash to see what was the mater. What did I see, to my surprise 13 trillion aliens had been splattered!

Next- (this has got real potential !


But he used PTSD to try to discredit all ex-SO here en masse, and trying to discredit critics is very much on-tech.  Ironic that an ex-SO would do that.  It's like attempting a credibility suicide bombing.

Ironic also to hear the phrase "altered memories" coming from one who believes in Xenu, Helatrobus and the Fifth Invader Force.


Thats the British spelling of "program". You know LRH fancied himself a Brit !!!!

Old OT7
Old OT7

I completely agree!  No matter what country, those that work in the orgs act the same.  And it is all for one purpose and one purpose only:  RECRUITMENT!.  Their words are the same, their actions are the same, and they all want to sell you something.

I'm on my way to the org in Pasadena, CA., to have a little fun!  They think I have hundreds of millions of $!  Great times!

Peace & Blessings to everyone!

Radio Paul
Radio Paul

Did you not know that LRH invented Christmas? Hanukkah on the other hand is an implant. On the great LRH Artic Expedition of 1948, L Ron Hubbard discovered the elf people of the North Pole. They were 2.0 on the tone scale. They had no purpose in life so he audited them till they could look back and see that in their past lives they were Xenu's elite body guards. Now so grateful to have the LRH Tech, they wanted to give back to the planet so they formed the (North Pole Sea Org) NPSO and they all signed billion year contracts. LRH put on a red suit grew a beard, long hair and fingernails and use his OT powers to speak to reindeer. Because LRH was such a great guy he wanted to save the world by giving out free stress test so he convinced the reindeer to fly him to Saturn, where it is really hot and he was almost run over by a train. On Saturn the great man pierced the wall of fire and kicked Xenu's ass. He then set up a secret base camp where he would go when he dropped his body and as the second intergalactic rebel staging ground. They made 1 billion Mark 0 E-Meters for him to save the world with. He then hurried back to Tegiac as the evil SP's were trying to kill off the valiant NPSO and he had to save them with lots of auditing. Upon retuning to Tegiac he was betrayed by Miscavige who sold him to the evil Psyhcs for 30 pieces of silver and a blowjob on Hollywood Blvd. They Psycs crucified LRH after convicting him of check fraud. He died for all his sins on Dec 25th. On the seventh day he was still dead but all of his followers believed what ever they were told, giving us something to laugh at all year around.


Now Rathbun! Now Rinder! Now Cruiser and vixen.On Squirrel busters! On Miscavige! On Tommy and dead Nixon.To the top of the planet! To the top of the bridge!Now lie away! Squirrel away! Lie away all!


Well, it turns out my mother did know best. She told me there was no Santa Claus. I guess she had heard LRH invented it and realized that it must be a complete lie. Or as the Indies like to say, "a flaw". 


With the wisp of the pen, he wrote such a spoof Poor Hubbard's pants soiled as he soon goofed the floof While delusions of clear soon filled their heads All still brainwashed scilons found Hubbard DeadFrom the low level ranks of a crime ridden warf Rose a closeted gay and quite violent dwarf

...When at the end of the table rose such a spatPoor Hawkins was beaten and soon laid out flat.

Oh, the potential!


His eyes wore no glasses; his belly, not hard,Shook when he laughed like a bowlful of lard.He was chubby and plump-- to say that I fear--He soon gave me to know there was nothing to clear.

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