Happy Birthday, Kim Jong-un!

KimJongUn.jpg
If you're wondering why the trees seem to wave in celebration today and the skies shine with joy, it's because January 8th marks the birthday of the newest dear leader, Kim Jong-un. According to the Telegraph, the exact date of his birth was unknown and had to be discovered through "testimonies from Kenji Fujimoto, a Japanese chef who worked for the Kim family, North Korean defectors and Kim's childhood friends at the Liebefeld school in Bern, Switzerland, where he briefly studied as a teenager." Also, no one is sure if he is 28, 29, or 30 years old. An easy way to find out: Ask dear leader, as he is never wrong.

What do you get the man who has, is, and knows everything? An army? He's got one. A 105-story, completely unoccupied hotel? Got that too. A tie? Doesn't wear 'em.

Kim Jong-un, like his father, is a simple man. He doesn't need your gifts. In North Korea, "there were no special events to mark the youngest Kim's birthday." State TV merely ran a documentary praising him as "the genius among the geniuses" when it comes to military strategy.

For the rest of his special day, he probably just kicked back, opened a beer, shot an 18 at the local golf course, bowled a 300, climbed the highest peak in North Korea unaided, went back in time and directed The Godfather, lost 100 pounds and regained it just to prove he could, ran a 3-minute-mile, and had some friends over for dinner.

Kim Jong-un celebrates birthday by driving a tank [Telegraph]

[@nickgreene][ngreene@villagevoice.com]

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1 comments
Louis Profeta
Louis Profeta

I thought it was said he was an obese 15 year old, true?

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