Scientology Hip Hop: The Melbourne Day Rap Battle Team! (UPDATED)

We can't get enough of Scientology's rap videos. The latest comes to us from Melbourne, which has been stepping up its game in a big way lately.

We recently published mailers from the Melbourne Ideal Org as it celebrated its first anniversary with parties that looked like they were off the hook. But now we also have this video from the "Melbourne Day Rap Battle Team" which is apparently designed to amp up the workers at the org as they take part in this year's "Birthday Game."

On March 13, Scientology will celebrate L. Ron Hubbard's 101st birthday, and in the annual Birthday Game, orgs around the world compete to see how much cash they can get out of suckers -- er, services they can deliver, rather -- to beat out their competing orgs. You can just feel the excitement!

We're left with just one big question after watching Melbourne's Rap Battle Team in action: just this past Sunday, we posted a mailer promoting an appearance of Chill EB, Scientology's in-house rap star, which was supposed to happen Saturday night in, of all places, Melbourne!

ChillMelbourneThumb.JPG
ChillMelbourneTag.JPG

We hope someone on the ground can give us an eyewitness account -- did Chill meet up with Melbourne's Rap Battle Team, and did a rap battle commence? Can you imagine the awesomeness?

I mean, you can have your Jay-Z vs. Nas -- I'll take Chill EB vs. the Melbourne Day Rap Battle Team any day, yo!

On the other hand, we had an unconfirmed report in our comments section that Chill was a no show! Any truth to that? Chill? How about it? Come on, we know you read this blog. Did you cancel out on Melbourne and break the hearts of the Rap Battle Team? Say it ain't so, Norman!

While we're waiting for word of Chill EB's appearance, let's remember his most epic video so far, which was put together by the good folks at the International Association of Scientologists in Denmark, using Chill's track "Dauntless, Defiant, Resolute" -- the IAS's slogan -- but without an appearance by the rapper himself.

Seriously, I just can't get enough of Scientology hip hop. It is so at cause over bad-assness.


UPDATE: Photos from Chill EB's appearance in Melbourne!

Chill did, in fact, make his scheduled appearance in Melbourne on Saturday, and we have photos to prove it!

ChillMelbourneIAS.JPG

ChillMelbourneGroup.JPG

ChillMelbourneCrowd.JPG

From a church description of the event...

The lights dimmed and the sound began and to a roaring crowd out walked onto the stage the legendary IAS rapper Chill E.B.! As the Melbourne crowd then cheered and went crazy, Chill E.B. made his way through four of his hit songs, including "Y'all Busted," "Define Better" and "Prove It". Then to bring his last number to a whole new level he was joined on stage by Melbourne's own vocalist Jessica Fairlie, adn the two then took the roof off with the incredible IAS song. Of course the crowd went even wilder!

No indication, though, whether Chill met up with the Rap Battle Team. How did this epic meeting not occur?



Tony Ortega is the editor-in-chief of The Village Voice. Since 1995, he's been writing about Scientology at several publications.

tortega@villagevoice.com | @VoiceTonyO | Facebook: Tony Ortega

Keep up on all of our New York news coverage at this blog, Runnin' Scared


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My Voice Nation Help
179 comments
pedrofcuk
pedrofcuk

We're standing on the rooftop!  Oh really?

Ron
Ron

Three guys, one cup.

the_windhover
the_windhover

I am the same person as DO... just forgot my login.

DO
DO

Plus, did Chill really have an outfit change for his 4 songs??  The third photo shows him in a red overshirt... the first photo shows him in a black vest?  The fact that there is a weird "ghost EB" on the far left suggests that the third photo is fake?

DO
DO

Tony, that third image you posted is weird?  There appears to be a Chill EB doppleganger on the far left??

Noone
Noone

"Win the cup..." as they grab their crotches?Tom C., is that u?

Wholigan
Wholigan

   Even the OSAbots who will parse and defend child molesters, financial fraud and abuse, can't defend these dorks.

Jimmy Kowski
Jimmy Kowski

BTW. if you were to use the word "wog" in public discourse in the UK you would actually be arrested if you said it within earshot of a policeman

Jimmy Kowski
Jimmy Kowski

on the same topic you have "WOP" in the US which was an acronym for "With Out Papers", i.e. somebody who had 'sneaked' into the country.

It would be interesting to know how this word came about within scientology, whether LRH knew it;s origins.....

Jimmy Kowski
Jimmy Kowski

bit off topic but I though the posters should know the meaning of the word 'wog' in the UK:

the main part being "but in Britain it remains extremely offensive, somewhat akin to 'nigger'.wog{ /wäg/ (n.) offensive slang. 1925-30, from 'Golliwogg': a 19th century blackface doll; or alternately, an acronym of '(W)orthy (O)riental (G)entleman' } 

British English: 

1. *racist* a black African or dark-skinned South Asian (usually Indian or Pakistani) 

2. *Anglocentric* a non-Briton or non-Englishman: "The wogs start at Calais" (across the English Channel in France) -- British proverb 

Australian English: 

1. a non-Anglo-Celtic European, esp. from Southern or Eastern Europe (e.g. Greek, Italian, Balkan, Slavic, etc.) 

2. an Asian, esp. a West Asian (e.g. Lebanese, Turkish, Armenian, Iranian, etc.), but now also inclusive of South Asians and Pacific Islanders USAGE: Until 1973 Australia had a white-only immigration policy, so the term used mainly as a racial slur in Britain was applied to ethnic European immigrants of the post-WWII "populate or perish" era. By now it has greatly lost its sting, and many ethnic Australians have reclaimed it as a jocular term, with some cleverly riffing on it (e.g. 'clog wog' for a Dutchman, 'frog wog' for a Frenchman). Since the 70s, the wog label has been extended to include newer immigrants arriving from the Middle East and other parts of Asia, and many have come to identify strongly with it, facing resistance from more assimilated European wogs who harbor racist and anti-Muslim attitudes. The term is almost completely unknown in the United States and Canada, but in Britain it remains extremely offensive, somewhat akin to 'nigger'.

Murray the old timer
Murray the old timer

Tony,  What what must not be forgotten is that this is now Chill EBs job.  He is an FSM (field staff member for the IAS).  He most likely splits the commission with the other jerk who was speaking.   I believe they get a commission probably around 10%.  So old Chill is no dummy.  Lets say they "pulled in"  $100,000 dollars they would get $10,000 right away.  Who knows they may have gotten lots more from these suckers.  I knew some of these IAS reges and they made a half a million or more year.  Chill is not doing this for charity this is his money making Gig. Probably alot more than if he was really performing.  Miscavige set up this system that they get paid right away if it is money for the IAS.  Whereas a FSM who reges for services doesn't get paid until the person actually does the service, so those FSMs might not get paid for years if at all.  There is no refund policy for the IAS.  So old Chill is  laughing all the way to his bank (money bank, not the Hubbard Scientology and Dianetics Bank).  As Hubbard said "There is lots of money in Religion.

MRK
MRK

I could take like 39 seconds of the rap video before I wanted to eat my own eyes.

candace6
candace6

Good to see you here Shay, and happy to hear you're out :)  

RHR
RHR

Kind of pitiful.

Wholigan
Wholigan

    Memo to Scientologists (and Mormons for that matter): Short sleeve oxfords make you look like a total douche bag.       Furthermore, wearing a short sleeve oxford while rapping kills ANY hope for street cred.

Clarkle
Clarkle

The Melbourne Org just stole 3:08 of my life.

Carmen
Carmen

At least I had the good sense to quit when I found out I suck at rap. W3rd!

Strelnikov
Strelnikov

Those guys look like Mormon missionaries and their music sounds like what it is - a staid group trying to sound cool by using "the kids' music."

I see this crap all the time in Christian Fundamentalism; it doesn't work there, either.

LocalSP1
LocalSP1

What's their group name? Boys 2 Bots...?

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC amped up the staid motif of Mormon missionaries for this particular rap video. We wanted to show that Sea Org were edgy and dark characters with intonations of violence, as if they could kick some ass if needed. Look, Scientology is not a "turn the other cheek" whitebread R6 religion. As we have shown in our latest round of legal filings and this defiant rap video, we are tough sons of bitches out to clear this wretched prison planet. Lead, follow, or get out of our way.

Having said this, we in RTC also managed to work in the tasteful decor of our Ideal Org Melbourne into the video. The video shows Central Files crammed full of just a small fraction of the 1.3 million pc folders in Melbourne, a city where over 1,000 people per day call the Org in search of the answers to life's questions that can be found in the pages of a $5,000 set of books we call the Basics. Finally, to put the frosting on the cake we  threw in some of our haggard, yet well scrubbed, middle-aged Sea Org members to show that Scientology has an enormous multi-generational appeal. All of this explains why we are the world's fastest growing religion, With over three trillion square feet of new church properties opened in the past twelve months we now have more buildings than our Mary-worshiping friends in the Catholic Church.

We in RTC use rap, lawsuits, celebrities, prevarications, spies, hocus-pocus and whatever other angle, dodge, or tricks we need to outmaneuver wog laws, crush SP's, and recruit raw meat. We have a world to conquer and you are not getting in our way. We are dauntless, defiant, and resolute.

BTW, did you see Rick Santorum go off about Satan? We in RTC had a hoot about that bizarre piece of political theater. Seriously, though, Scientology could handle Santorum's "Satan" engram in just a few hundred hours of auditing. 

InTheNameOfXenu
InTheNameOfXenu

Tony, this music video is up their with Hubbard's first album, The Power Of Source.  Have you ever heard that album? It sounded like if the musical instruments were being tortured to death Nazi-style. It is a howling cacophony of noise---absolute mierda!

Miss Pert
Miss Pert

I am so embarrassed to be an Aussie sometimes. first it was Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi! and now it's the Melbourne Rap Team. *Cringe*

billy bob
billy bob

"No Landing on the Rooftop"

Of course not, authorized Thetan landing zones are clearly marked with the CST logo, AKA the Diamond-Nippled-Breasts Symbol.

Scientology - Not a UFO Cult(because Xenu travels through space in a perfectly identifiable modified DC-10!)

Lliira
Lliira

Early 90s synthesizer, followed by some of the whitest boys on the planet attempting to rap. All they need is a ping pong table, and they'll have re-created an "activity night" in my high school circa 1991. 

Zenwarriorr
Zenwarriorr

I tried to watch this video but my OT cat told me to turn that fucking shit off

Villagedianne
Villagedianne

Gee I hope those kids wake up. Next year I wanna read that those white boys blew.

Mest
Mest

Um, wow. I thought I had seen all of the clams wacky antics. I guessed wrong.

Paul Jay Salerno
Paul Jay Salerno

What these guys lack in a dental plan they more than make up with crotch grabs.

Marcotai
Marcotai

"independent" (LOL) Australian senator N. Xenophone was hired by Melbourne'org to direct that video as well.it was actually his idea to record a scene of the three rappers on the roof of the org.

Brainslugged
Brainslugged

At 43 seconds they say "no landing on the roof top". Of course not - there isn't a giant Kools logo up there.

And was that some new Jim Henson creation at 1:34?

Bob
Bob

Is that chick at 3:08 mimicking smoking? Maybe she has lung cancer and is following the correct LHR tech to fix it.  Then again, it might account for the accents

Derfty
Derfty

Off topic, but I noticed Tony Robins retweeting Chill EB's evil psych video. Is Robins on board?

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

At the 1:14 mark in the video I see David Miscavige is there to help with the filing or maybe just grab a 40 and slap some bitches.

Nexi Bello
Nexi Bello

That "ghost EB" must be one of EB's bodyguards, of course. The church description says "... the ... crowd ... went crazy" and "... the crowd went even wilder!" and you can tell from the photos that the situation was close to getting out of control.

TonyOrtega
TonyOrtega

Dayum, that is SPOOKY! I don't know, DO, I got that image from a church newsletter.

Heather Grace
Heather Grace

There was a hilarious stage show by some Greek comedians in the 1980's called "Wogs Out of Work". Much of the sting has gone now from the term here in Australia, although, as always, it depends to a large extent upon the intent of the person using it.

MissCabbage
MissCabbage

I did not think it possible to be worse than their first one by Chill E. B.

I am figna vomick.

TheHoleDoesNotExist
TheHoleDoesNotExist

Man, I've been trying to nail down why this vid did not register on my Lulz Meter at all.  I just watched it again with the sound off.  There's just something lurking behind those 3 young guys eyes and facial expressions and different body language that made me a little afraid what was going on in their lives about now.

And the rest of the bunch.... appears mental.  Not even funny mental, just mental.Starting to hope for squirrel buster reunions.  Now that's bad.

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

My God, you are the Suge Knight of Scientology.

LeeAnneClark
LeeAnneClark

I know what you mean.  I have such mixed emotions when I see this stuff - and a large part of it is pity for those poor deluded victims of this criminal cult.  I mean, they look like nice young men, with their whole lives in front of them, and they deserve a far better life than the one that awaits them if they remain trapped in the cult.  I feel horrible for them, and wish there was something that could be done to get them to open their eyes.

All we can do is continue to support the efforts of people like Tony to open the WORLD'S eyes to the realities of this vile organization, and hope that eventually the truth trickles down to the poor young people stuck in it.  They have no idea what is in store for them.  And that makes me sad.

Radio Paul
Radio Paul

Yeah but when DM has one of them SCOHB they will wish they had the dental plan more.

MissCabbage
MissCabbage

Senator Xenophon directed this video?  The CULT hired him?

WTG, Xeno!  You succeeded in making the cult look ridiculous (as if they needed help)!... and you got PAID for it!

Barbara Snow
Barbara Snow

Do you mean 1:08 -- I think it is an amateur production of "Grease" -- a movie, 1978.   John Travolta starred in that so I think it is likely quite popular among the Scientologists.  The girl would be Sandy, portrayed by Olivia Newton John.  My kids loved that sound track. 

Jean
Jean

That's as crazy as you can get, while keeping your hands in your lap!!!  Outta control!!!!

NOTseriously
NOTseriously

The crowd that went wild is projected on the screen behind Chill.  ;D

And the other "Chill" looks to be a cardboard stand-up. Kinda like CoS itself....

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