Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Denver Miracle!

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Scientologists don't really have a Sunday service. They like to say that they do, because they crave mainstream acceptance. But unless Xenu rested after six days and L. Ron Hubbard just forgot to mention it, there's no reason for Scientologists to treat Sunday any differently than every other day of coursework, detoxes, fundraising, and generally clearing the planet.

So here at the Voice, we've come up with a Scientology Sunday tradition of our own, and we call it Sunday Funnies! Our sources regularly send us Scientology's wacky and tacky fundraising mailers, and each week we choose three of them to gaze upon, hoping that it inspires you to wax eloquent in our comments section. So here we go...


Last week, we brought you a pretty spectacular mailer from the Sydney org promoting an upcoming Ideal Org fundraiser with a Star Wars theme. We've seen a lot of these fundraising party fliers, but very rarely do we see the parties themselves. (The Birmingham, England tropical blowout was a wonderful exception to that rule.) And this time, lo and behold, we have a stunning report of the Sydney night of Jedi fun! Take a look at these Obi Wans and Princess Leias having a wonderful time as they pry more cash out of the hands of their fellow church members! Apparently, there was also some kind of Easter Bunny fundraiser, and if someone can tell us what it's doing on the same mailer, we'd be grateful.


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Meanwhile, this weekend, there's more celebrating going on Down Under. The Melbourne Ideal Org is marking its first anniversary, and it will feature "Melbourne renowned skits" which sounds too good to pass up.


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And finally, the Denver folks go for sheer drama as they reach for your wallet. I'm not sure what The Miracle on Ice (Lake Placid, New York, 1980) has to do with Denver, or maybe I'm just missing the reference here.

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Well, plenty for our commenters to chew on. Or bring up whatever you'd like. It's Sunday, so enjoy yourselves.



Tony Ortega is the editor-in-chief of The Village Voice. Since 1995, he's been writing about Scientology at several publications.

tortega@villagevoice.com | @VoiceTonyO | Facebook: Tony Ortega

Keep up on all of our New York news coverage at this blog, Runnin' Scared


SCIENTOLOGY IN THE VILLAGE VOICE

[All recent stories] | [What is Scientology?] | [Top 25 People Crippling Scientology]
[Commenters of the Week] | [Thursday 2pm Stats!] | [Scientology vs. South Park]
[This Week Aboard the Apollo] | [Sunday Funnies]

FEATURED INVESTIGATIONS

[Scientology spokesman Tommy Davis secretly recorded discussing "disconnection"]
[Benjamin Ring, LA deputy sheriff, wants you to spend your 401K on Scientology]
[Scientologists: How many of them are there, anyway?]
[Scientology hates clean ice: The "Fair Game" operation that should turn your stomach]
[Scientology hates clean ice, part 2: Another target, and the web as weapon]
[Paulette Cooper, Scientology's original and worst nightmare: a Thanksgiving tribute]

THE TOP 25 PEOPLE CRIPPLING SCIENTOLOGY

1. L. Ron Hubbard | 2. David Miscavige | 3. Marty Rathbun | 4. Tom Cruise | 5. Joe Childs and Tom Tobin | 6. Anonymous | 7. Mark Bunker | 8. Mike Rinder | 9. Jason Beghe | 10. Lisa McPherson | 11. Nick Xenophon | 12. Tommy Davis | 13. Janet Reitman | 14. Tory Christman | 15. Andreas Heldal-Lund | 16. Marc and Claire Headley | 17. Jefferson Hawkins | 18. Amy Scobee | 19. The Squirrel Busters | 20. Trey Parker and Matt Stone | 21. Kendrick Moxon | 22. Jamie DeWolf | 23. Ken Dandar | 24. Dave Touretzky | 25. Xenu

HELD ABOARD THE FREEWINDS: TALES OF THE SEA ORG

[Valeska Paris, held against her will from 1996 to 2007 on Scientology's cruise ship]
[Ramana Dienes-Browning, marriage at 16, sexual interrogation, life in the engine room]
[Melissa Paris, Valeska's sister: forced to marry at 16]

SCIENTOLOGY VS. SOUTH PARK: INVESTIGATION AS RETALIATION

[Scientology targeted South Park's Parker and Stone in an investigation]
[More documents in the South Park probe: instructions to send in a young mole]
[Scientology responds in typical fashion] | [Lloyd Kaufman confirms the probe]
[Mark Ebner also investigated after South Park involvement]
[Mark Chauppetta, private eye, explains what Scientology operatives look for]

MARTY RATHBUN AND THE SIEGE OF SOUTH TEXAS

[Scientology has Rathbun arrested] | [Rathbun and Mark Bunker reveal surprising ties]
In Germany with Ursula Caberta: [Announcing plans] | [Press conference] | [Making news about Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, and Tony Blair] | [Post-trip interview]
The Squirrel Busters: [Goons with cameras on their heads] | [Rathbun's open letter to neighbors] | [Ingleside on the Bay, Texas rallies to Rathbun's cause] | [Squirrel Buster's claim to be making a "documentary"] | [VIDEO: "On a Boat"] | ["Anna" sent to creep out Monique Rathbun] | [Squirrel Busters go hillbilly] | [A videographer blows the whistle on the goon squad] | [Ed Bryan, OT VIII, shows the power of Scientology's highest levels]

SCIENTOLOGY SPYING AND "FAIR GAME"

[Secret Scientology documents spell out spying operation against Marc Headley]
[Scientology's West U.S. spies list revealed] | [Scientology's enemies list: Are you on it?]
Spy operation against Washington Post writer Richard Leiby: [Part 1] | [Part 2]
[A Scientology spy comes clean: Paulien Lombard's remarkable public confession]
[Scientology advertises for writers in Freedom magazine]
[Accidental leak shows Scientology spy wing plans to "handle" the Voice]
[Lori Hodgson and Disconnection: "No one's going to take my eternity away"]

SCIENTOLOGY AND CELEBRITIES

[Hey, Scientology Celebrity, Here's Your Media Training Checksheet!]
[Tom Cruise and X Factor's Stacy Francis singing together on the Freewinds]
[X Factor's Stacy Francis: Her first husband, Michael Sandlofer, answers abuse claims]
[Tom Cruise and Baby Suri embarrassed by news item, so someone must pay]
["Tom Cruise told me to talk to a bottle"] | [Tom Cruise likes coconut cake] | [Tom Cruise has a sense of humor] | ["Tom Cruise not a kook!"] | [Paulette Cooper on Tom Cruise]
[Paul Haggis, director of Crash, issues an ultimatum, leaves the church]
[Character actor Jason Beghe defects noisily] | [Actor Michael Fairman reveals his "suppressive person" declaration] | [Michael Fairman talks to the Voice]
[Giovanni Ribisi as David Koresh: Scientology-Branch Davidian link makes sense]
[Russell Brand weds ex-Scientologists in wild ceremony] | [Skip Press on Haggis]
[Placido Domingo Jr.: Scientology's retaliation is "scary and pathetic"]
Grant Cardone, NatGeo's "Turnaround King": [Doing Scientology's dirty work?] | [Milton Katselas complained about Cardone's smear job] | [Cardone runs to Huffpo]
[Philip Boyd, Saving Grace actor, rips "the business that is Scientology"]

JANET REITMAN'S INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

[Our review of Inside Scientology] | [An interview with Janet Reitman] | [A report from Reitman's first book tour appearance] | [At the Half-King: Reitman not afraid]
[Scientology doesn't like Inside Scientology] | [Q&A at Washington Post]
[A roundup of Reitman's print reviews, and why isn't she on television more?]

HUGH URBAN'S THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

[A review of Urban's scholarly history of the church] | [An interview with Hugh Urban]

EX-SCIENTOLOGISTS SPEAK OUT

["The Money Machine": another blockbuster St. Pete Times investigation]
[Marc Headley: "Tom Cruise told me to talk to a bottle"] | [The Nancy Many interview]
[Sympathy for the Devil: Tory Christman's Story] | [Jeff Hawkins' Counterfeit Dreams]
[86 Million Thin Dimes: The Lawrence Wollersheim Saga] | [Mike Rinder on spying]

OVERSEAS NEWS

[Scientology in Israel: Arson, attempted murder, paranoia -- and a visit by the Voice!]
[Scientology dodges a bullet in Australia] | [Scientology exec Jan Eastgate arrested]
[All hell breaks loose in Israel] | [Scientology sees fundraising gold in the UK riots]
[Aussie former rugby pro Chris Guider calls David Miscavige "toxic" and "violent"]
[Stephen Cox, UK church newbie, pledges 20K pounds] | [Biggi Reichert: A German Lisa McPherson?] | [The Birmingham trove: 7,000 internal e-mails]
[Australian farmer blamed for giving Tom Cruise a bad shrimp, loses her friends, family]

ODD VIDEOS AND ODDER NEWS

[Scientology chillin' with hip hop!] | [The curious career of Scientology rapper Chill EB]
[Chill EB and me: the Voice interviews Scientology's in-house rapper]
[Scientology singalong, "We Stand Tall"] | [Captain Bill Robertson and "Galactic Patrol"]
[Scientology wins a major award!] | [Scientology wants your money: Meet Dede!]
[Birmingham in the House! The "Ideal" dance mix] | [Scientology and the Nation of Islam]
[When Scientology was hip] | [Sad: David Miscavige makes fun of his own fundraisers]
[Freedom magazine parodies The New Yorker. Hilarity ensues.]
[Scientology surf report: Anonymous parties outside the New York "org"]

THE VIEW INSIDE THE BUBBLE

[A scientologist's letter to the Voice and its readers] | [Scientology silent birth]
[Tad Reeves: Scientology might listen to this guy] | [More Tad Reeves and family]
[Scientology never forgets: A heartwarming telemarketing holiday miracle]
[Desperate Scientology fundraising caught on video]


My Voice Nation Help
69 comments
Need A Patent
Need A Patent

Scientology teaches that people are immortal beings who have forgotten their true nature.[7] Its method of spiritual rehabilitation is a type of counselling known as auditing, in which practitioners aim to consciously re-experience painful or traumatic events in their past in order to free themselves of their limiting effects.[8] Study materials and auditing courses are made available to members in return for specified donations.[9]

wannabeclear
wannabeclear

I think they forgot some information for the First Anniversary Flier:

"Relive all the special moments on the journey to the first Ideal Org in ANZO"* Bullying public into donating more money* Sending to the RPF all who fail to bully enough public into donating even more money* Hiring extras to appear at the grand opening so it looks like there's an actual crowd* Listening to the echoes through the empty org in the year since its opening* Celebrating one year of a sham that is the Melbourne Ideal Org while trying to scam more money to create yet another Idle Org in Sydney

Max champion
Max champion

The poor Melbourne scientologists thought they had finished the era of Ideal Org regging, only to find now they have to fund the Sydney Ideal Org too!

Ouch.

Jonhenke
Jonhenke

Big upstats for showing your devotion to an old third rate sci-fi author who made billions off of some ridiculous mystical "religion" he milked for the rest of his life.

Big downstat for that third rate sci-fi author being George Lucas.

How does Miscavige about L. Ron Hubbard being relegated to the second tier of third tier space opera hacks among Scientologists?

Radio Paul
Radio Paul

Format issue repost***

Watched the Brum Org video and while it is funny it is also very telling. At the end 2:09 Min mark, has a woman writing dollar amounts on a large flip pad. Here are the pledges: 

#1 Stephen Cox is the winner at $20,000.00 pledged (After a pledge like that I am sure everyone else will not want to look bad and gives as much as they possibly can.#2 Sahila Kauser is second place at $300.00 (But it gets worse!)Others:Leaford Wray $50.00 (Sahila's is bigger than yours!)Pam Davidson $10.00 (WTF PAM! you are never going to clear the planet with a crappy donation pledge like that! You better follow through on paying it or it is off to the RPF!)Eric Holden $40.00 (Way to go Eric, far enough from Pam's pledge to look like a rock star but close enough to Leaford's pledge that you think no one will notice?)

In fact all the rest of them range from $10.00 to $50.00! This is an old school scam. That is not a joke but for real. Notice how Stephan's 20K is at the top of the list? You have a strong man agree before hand to pledge a large amount so as to shame others in to giving more. Often this is done as a matching fund scheme, Bob rolls out on to stage and proudly announces he will donate 10,000.00 or what ever and if the rest of the group meets that we will donate another 10K! It does not matter if he pays in the end as he has done his job by inspiring others to give as much as they possibly can. And it is where lies the tragedy of these donations of 10.00, 20,00 and even 300.00.

These people as we all know are giving everting they can. What reader here does not understand the pressure these people are under to give? And that is all? For saving the planet they can find no more resources? Scientology and DM as an institution might not be financially destitute but but their members are. In fact Clyde Andrews of the DC ORG husband of Kim Bellotte (Executive Director), on camera "threatened to get me too"! When he did that I thought it best to look in to who he was using google so I could turn over to the police info on him should he do something to me. The address he used for his WISE business turned out to be his home and it had just been FORECLOSED ON BY THE BANK. These two are the top dogs in the Founding Church of Scientology Org and they are having a hard time keeping a roof over their own heads. The lie of expansion is being ripped of the face of this cult every day and the train wreck that DM is at the controls of is building steam every mile to its ultimate demise, and referring to Tony's title, no miracle is going to save them!

PS with these donations I expect these people to be looking for change in the sofa next. 

Radio Paul
Radio Paul

Watched the Brum Org video and while it is funny it is also very telling. At the end 2:09 Min mark, has a woman writing dollar amounts on a large flip pad. Here are the pledges: 

#1 Stephen Cox is the winner at $20,000.00 pledged (After a pledge like that I am sure everyone else will not want to look bad and gives as much as they possibly can.#2 Sahila Kauser is second place at $300.00 (But it gets worse!)Others:Leaford Wray $50.00 (Sahila's is bigger than yours!)Pam Davidson $10.00 (WTF PAM! you are never going to clear the planet with a crappy donation pledge like that! You better follow through on paying it or it is off to the RPF!)Eric Holden $40.00 (Way to go Eric, far enough from Pam's pledge to look like a rock star but close enough to Leaford's pledge that you think no one will notice?)In fact all the rest of them range from $10.00 to $50.00! This is an old school scam. That is not a joke but for real. Notice how Stephan's 20K is at the top of the list? You have a strong man agree before hand to pledge a large amount so as to shame others in to giving more. Often this is done as a matching fund scheme, Bob rolls out on to stage and proudly announces he will donate 10,000.00 or what ever and if the rest of the group meets that we will donate another 10K! It does not matter if he pays in the end as he has done his job by inspiring others to give as much as they possibly can. And it is where lies the tragedy of these donations of 10.00, 20,00 and even 300.00.These people as we all know are giving everting they can. What reader here does not understand the pressure these people are under to give? And that is all? For saving the planet they can find no more resources? Scientology and DM as an institution might not be financially destitute but but their members are. In fact Clyde Andrews of the DC ORG husband of Kim Bellotte (Executive Director), on camera "threatened to get me too"! When he did that I thought it best to look in to who he was using google so I could turn over to the police info on him should he do something to me. The address he used for his WISE business turned out to be his home and it had just been FORECLOSED ON BY THE BANK. These two are the top dogs in the Founding Church of Scientology Org and they are having a hard time keeping a roof over their own heads. The lie of expansion is being ripped of the face of this cult every day and the train wreck that DM is at the controls of is building steam every mile to its ultimate demise, and referring to Tony's title, no miracle is going to save them!PS with these donations I expect these people to be looking for change in the sofa next. 

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC are angry at the way in which Madonna stole COB's design aesthetic for the Super Bowl halftime show.

MarkStark
MarkStark

They can't sell the tech anymore. It is too outdated and absurd. It's predicated on people feeling giddy, elated or traveling out of their bodies, for too short a period of time. Also, not knowing anything about Hubbard in real life.  So, they are going to have to play up the party, prestige and battle to save the planet (and this sector of the galaxy) aspects of the cult.

The ship is sinking but keep the music playing. It will calm the passengers. Fight the evil SPs, like Debbie, Marty, and Heber.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

I look at these mailers and laugh. They portray themselves as happy, fun, love bombing people, this may be true amongst themselves, but in reality they have declared "war" against...well, pretty much everybody and are hostile to our constitution.

Scientology miracle = people actually buy (pun intended) into this lunacy.

"Let's sell the idiots a piece of the old blue sky"- L. Ron Hubbard

barbara graham
barbara graham

I have been on stage many times and I have never seen an audience "in stitches and entertainment."

I am scratching my head in puzzlements.

wow
wow

I see laina macnamee there in sydney?I have been invited to the freewinds social media and internet marketing event. Like is IS on source LRH tech - he wrote it?

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

Random off-topic question:  Do any old timers (or anyone else) know if there have ever been any attempts or any rumors of any attempts by anyone, civilian or government, to "infiltrate" Scientology?  Meaning, someone walking in off the street and beginning classes like a regular public, to going up the Bridge or joining staff, for the purpose of gathering incriminating evidence, or just to spy on the inner-workings to see if there is any Waco-type threat, etc?  Especially after Operation Snow White?  I'm curious what it would take for anyone to successfully go undercover there long-term, both mentally, physically, and financially.  This reminds me, if anyone here has never read Harmon Leon's article about posing as a German rock star and checking in to the Celebrity Center, google it, it's a classic.

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC are placing a commendation into Miles Biondo's Ethics folder for his daily work here in attempting to communicate the unique Scientology experience to brainwashed followers of the notorious tabloidist and pool room hustler Tony Ortega. 

Ortega has been such a frequent psych patient throughout his life that Big Pharma named a psych drug after him. "Ortegazite" is prescribed for Scienophobia, a mental illness characterized by the obsessive -compulsive need to constantly print lies about the Scientology religion -- a religion that is fully legal in the 15,902 countries of the world and has received over one billion civic awards for stopping to help at the scene of accidents, disasters, and even minor kitchen spills.

If Scientologists have a hard time with humor as Miles Biondo indicated, it is because Scientology is a deadly serious activity. The Scientologists knows that he or she is an expert in the mind, education, mental health, literacy, and drug rehabilitation. The Scientologists knows that he or she can handle accidents, disasters, and even most  plumbing emergencies. What other religious practitioners can handle your engrams to an F/N, clear up a misunderstood word, or unclog your drain?

Only Scientologists can.

You will never see a Methodist roll up his or her sleeves and rush into the jaws of a massive disaster to bring order by handing out copies of The Way to Happiness. Sure, these disaster victims may have lost everything including their loved ones, but Scientology gives them hope. That hope, coupled with $380,000, will rocket them up them up the Bridge to Total Freedom at Flag, the Mecca of Technical Perfection.

Scientology accepts cash, credit cards, or certified checks.Please make a contractually nonrefundable donation  to the IAS today for a brighter future full of postulated spiritual intangibles such as happiness and increased ability.

skippress
skippress

Let's just imagine that $cientology took over the world. That would mean the death of everyone. Why? Because they would chop down all the trees in the world to make paper for $cientologists to write "Knowledge Reports" on each other about violations of $cientology "technology" and "ethics". Maybe that's why Miscavige bought those giant printing presses a while back. Anticipating the ultimate takeover, he's stocked up on legal-sized goldenrod paper to print millions and billions of "Suppressive Person declarations." Defeat $cientology! Save the trees and the planet!

InTheNameOfXenu
InTheNameOfXenu

Wouldn't it be funny if George Lucas used the Xenu and body thetan story for his next Star Wars trilogy. Tom Cruise should play Xenu.

Jefferson Hawkins
Jefferson Hawkins

If Hubbard had a grave, he'd be spinning in it right about now. He used to stomp this stuff out and try to get people back onto doing Scientology. Here's a quote from his own writings: “Don’t engage in ‘fund raising’ or ‘selling postcards’ or borrowing money. Just make more income with Scientology. It’s a sign of very poor management to seek extraordinary solutions for finance....Org solvency lies in more Scientology, not patented combs or fund raising barbecues.” And whatever one might think of Hubbard or Scientology, you would at least expect them to promote and sell the subject they supposedly believe in, not some "other solution." This rash of "fund raising" promotion demonstrates just one thing: they have decided that selling Scientology training and auditing doesn't work, and are looking for other sources of income. So no one inside Scientology really believes in the subject any more - and that goes right to the top. They have to do these corny parties and skits to get any money. They talk about a "new era of Scientology PR." Well, this is it - juvenile, amateur promotion and events that will drive people further away.

danlocke
danlocke

More evidence that the Idle Org program is a failure. Even after they are built and staffed, a year later they still require fundraising antics to pay the rent.  

In the creating of these ideal orgs we (I was one of them) were brought to imagine that people would just flow into the org and be converted into being Scientologists by the carefully thought out, "in-tech" introductory loops playing in the reception area.

(Current management can´t imagine that anyone in the org could do a good job of explaining the subject so they crafted these polished film segments to do-it-all-for-you.) 

Even though with all the auditing that I had, I was not able to do ALL the OT things that are promoted, I can do one thing VERY well. Predict the future. 

That´s right, I can see the future of this program and I am going to give you all a nice big glimpse of things to come. 

These "renowed fundraising skits" will start to fail, David will order a dozen evals, all of which will be disapproved and their authors sent to the hole.

Finally a sycophant will figure it all out and explain in his evaluation that the real reason that these fundraising skits aren´t making the money is that they should be scripted and filmed using Ron´s "cine tech" just like their introductory videos.

Millions of dollars will then be regged for the required to get these videos filmed and thousands of dollars (and thousands of hours of wretched, overworked SO members´ time) will be spent in making these videos, with all the actors now being hired pros, in that it´s just getting a little too crazy to remake them each time a  Scientology actor collapses and gives up the facade. 

Two new buildings will be required to house the studios necessary to film these things. In the two years following commencement of filming, there will be two accidents that come to the attention of the press.

One will be eerily reminiscent of the Daniel Montalvo story; this person will lose a finger in a DVD press. In subsequent word clearing it will be revealed that he had a "crashing misunderstood word" on "digital recording". 

I am sorry but the details of the other accident are a little fuzzy right now. 

Then, as these skit videos are released, staff members will then be taken off their posts and made to call in people to watch these little skits on video. It will be successful for a little while and then the numbers will drop off. 

A few of these videos are picked up by Anonymous and posted on youtube. They go viral but are ridiculed; a half dozen B-list actors will whine in internet entertainment tv shows that it has ruined their careers; they knew that they should not have done it; their agents pushed them to do it and the money was just too good. 

A dozen more failed evals with a dozen more in the hole. 

Another sycophant steps up to the plate and offers that phone calling should also be automated. "The Golden Age of Fund-Raising Call-in" will be launched. 

This will fail. The sycophant gets sent to the hole and has to wear a "I´m a Lesbo" Shirt all day for months. (I´ve done enough in predicting the future here, I gotta go..."the stars twinkle in a galaxy far away..." are there any other prognosticators here who can finish this up for me?)

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

I would love to know the dollar amount attached to Supporter, Silver Contributor, Gold Contributor and Humanitarian with Honors. It's also good to the Scientology breeding program is producing plenty of young fodder for the Sea Org. I wonder if donating a 12 year old in lieu of cash might get you an award?

DeckardCain
DeckardCain

Playing out of both sides of their mouths again, eh Scientology?  Stealing copyrighted material from others but suing the shit out of people that try to have a fair use of their materials is a daily fact of life.

I really just don't understand how they get away with everything they do.  

Kim O'Brien
Kim O'Brien

That Denver flier is stipid . The "org" is across the street form a little strip mall hub ..has a hobby lobby and a pet co ( classy ) What weird's me out is the motto " we are Denver" . That place is in Columbine High School territory ..( kids gone mad - shooting students and teachers ..i am sure you remember it ) Well ...the entire survival campaign was " We are Columbine" .  trust me when i tell you ~that community does not take kindly to anyone putting their grubby little fingers around that phrase. 

Robert Robinson
Robert Robinson

Poor, deluded Scientology public.  After they spend all that money to build the ideal org, the building still doesn't belong to that org.  It belongs to the Mother Church (DM), and after they have paid to buy the building and fix it up, they have to pay rent.  Thereby sending money out from the org so as not to have to pay the staff a living wage.  I tell ya, It is enough to give me the Heber Jeebies.

LightOfTruth123
LightOfTruth123

I think Scientology must adopt a new slogan, something more in tune with the times...

"Mission Impossible" sounds about right.

Fredric L. Rice
Fredric L. Rice

Has anyone checked the photos to see how much they photoshopped in more fake customers? 

koki raki
koki raki

looks like old pictures from Bulgravia in middle 80s.....big hello from LRHs Bulgravia.

scnethics
scnethics

It's a miracle people keep falling for this crap.

Mimi The Great
Mimi The Great

What is Denver thinking? They could've TEBOWED their way into the bank accounts of the most ethical people on the planet!

Guest
Guest

So what's the Denver miracle?  Did Rex Fowler drop by For a donation?

Chocolate Velvet
Chocolate Velvet

A few things:

First - "Appropriate Costumes!". Huh? Were there also "Suitable Refreshments!" and "Acceptable Decorations!"? Sounds like high times at the idle org.

-What's up with the plushie rabbit? At the Star Wars party? (one of the people from the other photos appears to be in the background.) I guess he wandered into the wrong gathering of oddballs! That face made me laugh til I cried. He looks absolutely appalled and amazed at the lunacy he's witnessing. -The pom poms are hilarious.

-My husband noted, there are two Sith for every Jedi among the men at the Melbourne org. Clearly the Dark Side prevails...

Chocolate Velvet
Chocolate Velvet

Yes! I'm not the only one who thought it was a little "culty". Something about those robes...

Guest
Guest

 Well, maybe they're getting Marcotai to write their copy.

TRUTH
TRUTH

Harmon Leon's article has a lot of factual errors and problemsl. In order to get a room at the Celebrity Centre you need to already be a Scientologist. There is an entire routing form just to check if you are "qualified" to stay there. You are familiar with Scientology qualifications for joining the Sea Org or even stepping foot into the Celebrity Centre? Well there are quals for getting a room. So you need to be an established Scientologist with no history of ethics violations who is already on the Bridge, meaning you'd have to at least have completed a couple major services. You also have to have a verifiably clean record of no drug use or abuse.

The only exception to this rule is if you are considered a world class VIP like Louis Farrakhan. They will allow a non-Scientologist of Louis Farrakhan to stay at the hotel secretly and unofficially, because he is getting auditing and training his own membership to become auditors. If Angelina Jolie wanted to stay there, they'd let her without a hitch so long as she was there to get auditing.

But if some average or below non-Scientologist celeb wanted to stay there, forget it. And that's the least of the issues with Leon's article. He's full of shit.

But if you want to know what it takes to go undercover in Scientology long-term, as long as you know how to manipulate the e-meter and can keep a straight face and your story in shape, no problem. It has been done before, though I don't think any undercover agent has ever lasted more than a couple weeks on the EPF.

See, that's the thing. Joining the Sea Org is easy if you know what you're doing - if you can manipulate the meter, you'll have no problems with the sec checks. If you can breeze through the sec checks, you'll breeze through the Sea Org recruitment process.

Problem is the EPF. The EPF is similar to the RPF, but on a lower gradient. Every new Sea Org recruit MUST do the EPF. There is no way out of it or around it. Every Sea Org member (except LRH of course) has done the EPF. Even David Miscavige has done it.

And if you're not sincere about Scientology, the EPF will be a fucking hell.

That's the main reason undercover operations to infiltrate the Sea Org never work out that well. That and the fact that there aren't very many willing candidates who are able to master the technique of manipulating the e-meter to perfect results on each and every sec check.

bobx
bobx

I could tell you all about it, but then I'd have to kill you!

John P.
John P.

So that would explain the flocks of people gathered outside my house attempting to peer in the kitchen window on most days of the week. They're not homeless people looking to burglarize me, as I had initially assumed. They must be Scientologists, eager to make themselves available in the event of a nasty culinary incident. 

While the one billion awards for helping with minor kitchen spills is indeed impressive, and indicates a very high level of both hygiene and ethics on the part of Scientology, it should be noted that the lumberjack guy on each roll of Brawny brand paper towels has been involved in helping at the scene of many times more kitchen spills than Scientology ever will.  And he is quite modest and self-effacing, having turned down every civic award offered to him.  

Artoo45
Artoo45

You can see what that would be like right now, it's called North Korea.

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

ugh, printing presses.  /eye roll.  maybe i could sell him some buggy whips or rotary telephones.

skippress
skippress

Tom Cruise should put on 200 pounds and play Jabba the Nut. 

ScottFree
ScottFree

You've hit the nail on the head. Right now they have a man-child named Fraser Kee Scott who basically has been ordered by Miscavige to personally spam every person in the world considered "influential".

Fraser is Miscavige's lap dog in the UK. In the US, Miscavige made Michael Doven his bitch. Fraser Kee Scott is the British bitch, and Fraser is desperate to replace Doven as Miscavige's favorite bitch.

So Fraser is spending a HUGE amount of time right now trying to get Lindsay Lohan and Francesca Eastwood (who is dating his bisexual BFF Tyler Shields), and in the latter case the white whale for Miscavige is Clint Eastwood.

Yeah, Miscavige actually thinks he can get Clint Eastwood into Scientology and this is one of his prime objectives at the moment, and he thinks Fraser Kee Scott and Tyler Shields are the way in.

JustCallMeMary
JustCallMeMary

You are absolutely right, Jeff.  The difference between then and now is that some of these people appear to be having some fun, despite the insanity. That, in itself, shows that it's off policy... ;)

 Thetan-X
Thetan-X

Here Here Jeff !!! You make a monumental point !! According to Hubbard all one needs to effectively become "much more better" is the tech ! and only the TECH !! and assuming that Hubbard is correct, ( and you must assume if you are a died in the wool Scientologist ) his "datum" and "tech" alone will solve all of the worlds problems AND bring in the cash $$$$ !!But one must wonder, if "wonderful things and concepts" such as Scientology are to be trusted and PAID INTO according to their regulations and rules, then why haven't the rest of societies, the ACTUAL beneficial programs, groups, associations profited entirely on their own merits, lets say the Brownies the Cub,Girl and Boy Scouts of America, the American Cancer Society, The YMCA (# one BTW), The Salvation Army, The United Way, The American Red Cross, shit the list goes on for ever...my point is no one thinks by contributing to these entities will "guarantee" a spot in eternity, unlike our friends in the "church of Scientology",but we GLADLY go to the bake-sales, car washes etc,etc. These are actual BENEFICIAL groups, that actually are designed to help people and ARE WORKING were as the "Touch assists and the distribution of TWH booklets" are just pissing people off!!Unfortunately for Scientology, Hubbard's "Tech" has more or less been PROVEN a monstrous debacle,failure and fiasco...And that is why I believe Hubbard would be tossing and turning in his coffin, BUT Hubbard was torched, which means he is out on "Target Two" throwing a hissy-fit like the pissed off ego maniac that he his!!!!

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, you're being glib. We in RTC believe in people. We are "high on life" and like to let our hair down every once in awhile by having a party. We like to sing, dance, play musical chairs COB style, perform skits, and play our special "Put a Psychiatrist in Prison" game.

BTW, what happened to you Jeff? You use to be a fun loving Sea Org member and now you act like a grouchy suppressive. You are always to come back you know. All you need to do is A-E, pay your freeloader bill, strike an effective blow against the group you have been pretending to be a member of, and petition the group to get back in. How about Jeff? We have a bunk and a post waiting for you at the Ideal Org Mongolia. You will never ever be allowed back at Int Base for obvious reasons.

Scientia
Scientia

Silver Contributor is $5000 (AUD), I believe. Gold is $10,000. Humanitarian with Honours is $150,000.

Some orgs have different names for their "statuses", so it can be confusing. My fave is Edinburgh, hah! bit DOT ly/zBqUbH

Guest
Guest

What, the salesmen at your church aren't equipped with pom poms?  Laugh if you must, but remember,  those are tax deductible religious articles. The children can do without their milk money this week; it's probably tainted with psych drugs anyway.What they really need are more thick bricks and fabulous mouldings. 

Guest123
Guest123

-My husband noted, there are two Sith for every Jedi among the men at the Melbourne org. Clearly the Dark Side prevails... 

Those are OSA and the OTs, the others are just a bunch of dorky nerds hoping money will buy them love. 

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

And all that tacky gold. It's "The Age Of Golden Era Half Time."

skippress
skippress

No. Korea doesn't have anyone as crazy as David Miscavige or Tom Cruise.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

Naw. Kirstie Ally aka Jabba The Hut already has the the part. lol

 Thetan-X
Thetan-X

Please someone tell me how to break paragraphs is DISQUS, my entire diatribe takes on a different meaning with-out the breaks !!....aagghh!!no biggy!!

skippress
skippress

Those mooks must've eaten some rancid haggis.

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC performed an "ornamentation density test" and can now prove in a courtroom that Madonna definitely infringed on Scientology's trademark religious ornamentation and ostentatiousness. 

We in RTC have documented the way in which Madonna -- a rabid Kabbalist -- used a quasi-Int Event theme with a Sea Org-like motif to subliminally suggest that viewers should embrace the Kabbala in order to be sexy, mystical, and wealthy just like Madonna.

This blatant exploitation of celebrity for religious purposes is an egregious theft of intellectual property and method from Scientology. Only we in the Church of Scientology are allowed to religiously exploit celebrities in this manner.

Under the FCC fairness doctrine, we in the Church of Scientology will sue the NFL and NBC to demand that Stacy Francis perform the Super Bowl halftime show in 2013 along with the Jive Aces. Our theme will be an all out attack on Psychiatry. We will also hand out 70,000 COB bobblehead dolls to the crowds.

bobx
bobx

I haven't had this problem, but on another thread I saw MissCabbage advise that on certain browsers you have to press SHIFT simultaneously with ENTER to get it to believe you really want a new line.

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