Happy Birthday, L. Ron Hubbard! Here's Our Surprise Gift For Scientology's Founder

Categories: Scientology

HubbardBirthday.jpg
On this day in 1911, Lafayette Ronald Hubbard was born in Tilden, Nebraska. If Hubbard had not wisely discarded his 74-year-old meat body in January, 1986 in order to research new levels of OT somewhere else in the galaxy, he'd be a really wrinkly 101 years old today.

Where is Ron today? According to one version of Sea Org lore, he's been reincarnated after a well-deserved 21-year vacation, and is now a chain-smoking 5-year-old hanging out in the San Luis Obispo area, chasing chicks in a fine set of soul duds.

(The memes are going to be running thick here today. If you're not a regular reader of our Scientology features you might start with our primer, "What is Scientology?" and then skim our most recent outrages against humanity.)

Well, we want to get this show going. So please join us after the jump as we reveal something that... Well, we don't want to ruin the surprise. See you on the other side.


Now, some of you spoilsports are going to say that you've already had a slice of the birthday cake we got El Ronito this year.

And you wouldn't be entirely wrong. Yes, you've tasted some of its frosting, and you've nibbled some of its spongy caek here and there.

But what we have is so much fun because it's the whole damn delicious thing for your delectation.

What are we talking about? Well, cast your minds back to 2004. Mr. Scientology, Tom Cruise, had forked over $3 million to the church that year, Janet Reitman tells us in her excellent history, Inside Scientology.

Cruise's strategic value to the church was so crucial that nothing was too good for the actor. Miscavige even created a special award for him, the International Association of Scientologists's Freedom Medal of Valor, which he presented to Cruise at the IAS's twentieth anniversary gala in October 2004.

Ah yes, the infamous IAS gala.

Having recently watched the 2011 affair, a video of which was smuggled to us in December, the most remarkable thing I find about IAS galas -- and maybe something I just have to hand to Scientologists, admitting that they do have some OT powers in this regard or something -- is the sheer stamina these people have for listening to one little man talk and talk and talk for three freaking hours straight.

I mean, take a look at this star-studded front row from the 2004 celebration. I have to hand it to these celebrities for sitting and standing up to applaud and then sitting some more for such a long time...

IASStill1a.JPG

(By the way, anyone know who Lurch is between Tommy D. and Chef?)

Now, in 2004, David Miscavige still bothered to give up the stage to let someone else talk once in a while. (That wasn't the case in 2011.)

It was jarring, for example, to see Mike Rinder jump up on stage and then hyperventilate his way through a recitation of recent wins by Applied Scholastics and Narconon...

IASStill2.JPG

Earlier that year, Rinder had been thrown in an office-as-prison known then as "The A to E Room," and which would later become known as "The Hole." Rinder and other executives were kept locked up in a couple of double-wide trailers that had once been normal offices, but in 2004 dozens of officials who had fallen from grace were sleeping on the floor and going through mass confessions during the day.

Rinder was let out long enough to get cleaned up for performances like his recitation at the IAS gala. It's really something to watch him, sounding so upbeat, knowing that for months previous he'd been a terrorized prisoner, and would face more than a year of further confinement.

And he wasn't the only one. That night in 2004 also featured another fallen executive who was cleaned up in order to appear on stage...

IASStill3.JPG

Guillaume Lesevre's name came up again recently as Debbie Cook testified last month in Texas that Lesevre was the victim of a disturbing game of forced confessions at The Hole in 2007. She watched as Lesevre and another executive were beaten and forced to say that they were having a homosexual affair, she testified. There was no reason to believe that the accusation was true, but it was something Miscavige wanted them to admit to, she says.

Wow, all this talk of beatings and confinement and psychological terror -- what kind of birthday is this! Well, we didn't mean to bring the mood down, but we thought it was interesting to put these images into some context before the big reveal, which happened after Rinder and Lesevre had got off the stage.

It was time for the night's big finale, and a presentation that we really can't get enough of, especially when seen in its entirety. So without further ado, let's all wish LRH a big 101 as we watch his favorite celebrity student get the full Miscavige treatment.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you...the only man who can do something at the scene of a car accident, the full and uncut version! Crank it up to 11 and go full screen!

Wow. That must have been some night.

You've seen much of this excerpted before, of course -- the hilarious saluting that Cruise and Miscavige do, the things they say about each other, the giant medal that was made just for Tom.

But until I saw this full version, I didn't hear Tom saying (to Hubbard) "I take this as a half-ack."

I asked about that (surreptitiously) on Friday, and our readers helped me understand that "ack" was short for "acknowledgment," and that during auditing a "half-ack" was another way of telling someone to keep going, that they weren't through to their goal.

Tom's utterance, then, was clever and appropriate and humble. He was saying that winning this award was only an encouragement that he still has a lot of work to do. Imagine how well that went over with the people in the room.

On the other hand, there were plenty of people present that night who weren't happy with what went down.

Amy Scobee, who was a longtime Sea Org member, working impossibly long hours for many years and for almost no pay, tells me that when Miscavige said what he did about Cruise -- calling him "the most dedicated Scientologist I know" -- for many Sea Org members it came as a slap to the face.

Well, for one night, at least, Tom was the greatest Scientologist in the world.

But today? Well, we still have that open letter to him that we'd like him to answer.

If he did that, it would be a great LRH birthday present for us.

Hip hip hooray!

As long as we're being nostalgic about Tom, let's throw in this 2007 parody, Being Tom Cruise, by the UK program Star Stories, which has been making the rounds on the net in the last couple of days.

What a hoot.

OK, now we're really in a partying mood. And that's a good thing, because your humble narrator is in the right place to celebrate the Old Man's 101st...

...we're in Clearwater!

It's our first trip, and we can't wait to tell you all about it!



**********
Tony Ortega has been the editor in chief of the Village Voice since March, 2007. He started writing about Scientology in 1995. You can reach him by e-mail at tortega@villagevoice.com, and if you ask nicely he'll put you on his mailing list for notifications of new stories, which tend to come out each and every morning at 8 am, but can suddenly appear at any time of the day. You can also catch his alerts at Twitter (@VoiceTonyO), at his Facebook author page, on Pinterest, a Tumblr, and even this new Google Plus doohickey.

New readers might want to check out our primer, "What is Scientology?" Another good overview is our series from last summer, "Top 25 People Crippling Scientology." At the top of every story, you'll see the "Scientology" category which, if you click on it, will bring up all of our most recent stories. As for our regular features, on Thursdays we do a roundup of world press, on Fridays we visit L. Ron Hubbard on the yacht Apollo circa 1969-1971, on Saturdays we celebrate the week's best comments, and on Sundays we publish Scientology's wacky and tacky advertising mailers that people send us.

As for hot subjects we've covered here, you may have heard about Debbie Cook, the former church official who rebelled and is now being sued by Scientology. You might have also heard about the Super Power Building, Scientology's "Mecca," whose secrets were revealed here. We also reported how Scientology spied on its own most precious object, Tom Cruise. (We wrote Tom an open letter that he has yet to respond to.) Have you seen a Scientology ad on TV lately? We debunked some of the claims in that 2-minute commercial you might have seen while watching Glee or American Idol.

Other stories have looked at Scientology's policy of "disconnection" that is tearing families apart. You may also have heard something about the Sea Org experiences of the Paris sisters, Valeska and Melissa, and their friend Ramana Dienes-Browning. We've also featured Paulette Cooper, who wrote about Scientology back in the day, and Janet Reitman, Hugh Urban, and the team at the Tampa Bay Times, who write about it today. And there's plenty more coming.

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247 comments
nben
nben

Left of Tom Cruise in that pic looks like Edie Falco  who starred in the Sopranos as the wife of James Gandolfini. Her character name was Carmela.

nben
nben

Left of Tom Cruise in that pic looks like Edie Falco  who starred in the Sopranos as the wife of James Gandolfini. Her character name was Carmela.

Payton_vege
Payton_vege

Amazing write-up! This could aid plenty of people find out more about this particular issue. Are you keen to integrate video clips coupled with these? It would absolutely help out. Your conclusion was spot on and thanks to you; I probably won’t have to describe everything to my pals. I can simply direct them here!

Anonymous
Anonymous

8:10 or so... is there really such a person who was chief of staff?  Or, are the $cilons lying again? 

Dori Marrette
Dori Marrette

Did anyone notice that they used a Crystal Method song "Keep Hope Alive"?  They better watch out, that's copyright infringement and some litigious groups might get the wrong idea....  Unless they got permission from the group, in which case they completely ruined the listening experience for me.   

Robin
Robin

  A very happy birthday to you.

It is really pleasure to read this article which is so well formed and informative. Thanks for sharing.......Hire php developers

Sue
Sue

Dear Tom Cruise, there is a lot of bad things happening with your religion.  Ya better know it...and if ya don't...go n learn it.

wannabeclear
wannabeclear

Finally viewed that whole video (up until Tom Cruise and his overinflated, cult-addled, hyper-masculine bullshit infested acceptance speech) and the creepiness of it just sent chills up my spine.  Watching the whole thing is far worse than the edited versions I've seen before.  But the thing that jumped out at me, (besides the ridiculously over the top fabricated statistics of how many people Tom Cruise has reached with his adulation of Scientology), was early on in the video.  They are flashing newspaper headlines and stories across the page and at about 5:42 they show what purports to be an actual article, but the masthead reads "Houston Chronical."  Either that newspaper in Houston doesn't know how to spell the word chronicle, or someone wanting to bolster the Tom Cruise PR mystique has been making shit up (again).  Made me laugh my head off. The telling part is that with all of this "knowing how to know" and "learning how to learn" and "having the answers" and other "tech" crap, it seems no one caught it the spelling error, including the micromanaging mini dictator.  But, it's no wonder since he never graduated from high school and has only had Scientology tech as his "formal" education.

Jgg
Jgg

  I would love to see someone come along claiming to be L. Ron Hubbard's reincarnation.  What will he do the David Miscavige?  Will he take over the organization?  Will the faithful recognize him as the leader?  And, most importantly, how can he prove it?  Find hidden treasure?  Reveal what is in OT VIII?  If there is a court case, will the court avoid getting involved?

Hatchune Shun
Hatchune Shun

I believe someone did try claiming to be L.Ron Hubbard (on whyweprotest/usenet i cant remember). Oddly, they kicked him out as fast as he came.

Never did see anything related to examine weather he/she could be the L Ron Hubbard we know and (like/despise) like a set of trials, some personal answers only the real Hubbard would know, or something that we have yet to catch on. (if its scientology related and its modus operandi, i believe most scientology-watchers would qualify)

Lest the poor bastard's thetan was taken to the 3D-super colossal Motion Picture and was given the whole course from the xenu story.

Bob Bee
Bob Bee

Too bad Charles Starkweather didn't get L. Ron in Nebraska, & nip him in the bud!

Quickpen
Quickpen

If Tom Cruise's passion to help hadn't been hijacked by scientology, what would he have done?  What lasting and meaningful achievement died stillborn the day he accepted KSW as "it"? 

If only... his movie star stature (and money) had been funneled into something of real value to people, the planet, it boggles the mind to imagine what he could have done.  Folk around the world would've gotten behind him and pushed with him, not mocked him, had he chosen to showcase anything other than scientology.

Quickpen
Quickpen

That IAS video gave me an earworm.  btw isn't there a law against stealing music to use in cult propaganda?  Or was Tom Cruise given permission to use the MI theme?  Oh right, I forgot.  He doesn't require permission.

612
612

I'm pretty sure he actually owns the rights to it at this point. I seem to recall reading about that.

Jenny
Jenny

Waited 16 hours and read every comment but still couldn't bring myself to watch the whole thing. Watched the comedy show first after which the scientology video looked like a parody of itself. Personal favourite - leprechaun Ton and river dancing Fonzie.

As for the other - truly hideous and cringeworthy

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

Also, DISQUS failed me 4 times today. But whatever.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

I think DM said " We may or may not have super powers, yet.." I am pretty sure he was reading LRH reference too. Good catch.

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

Do any of the old timers or ex-scns here have an idea of what LRH would think of the CoS getting together with the Nation of Islam?  So curious.

Also, does anyone know who Tom Cruise is actually talking to in that video -- who is "interviewing" him?  Is it DM or some high level lackey?

Hatchune Shun
Hatchune Shun

Happy Birthday L Ron Hubbard.

Today, i shall treat myself to caek (chocolate) celebrating the wonderful years of cult related footbullets, contradictions, exposed lies & crimes, and other various goodies it has provide us.

Amen

A Toast to Runnin Scared, for the speedy delivery of cult flavored treats. Cheers!

Banchukita
Banchukita

..and oh, hey, don't forget the boiler room in the Ft. Harrison!

MassMom
MassMom

Speaking of which, where is Tommy Davis? Is he celebrating LRon's birthday? What happened to him? Is he with DMs wife and so many other absent high-profile Scientologists? You would think on such a special day they would all be out celebrating? Why are they silent...and missing? Seems very odd that the "faces" of Scientology aren't even trotted out for a sound byte or video opportunity to promote what they have strenuously defended all these years. LRon would be sad.

Robert Robinson
Robert Robinson

 Tommy is probably on LOA to be with his wife who is suffering from end stage Leukemia.

Banchukita
Banchukita

So much to see!  The room where Lisa died; the old LMT offices; the corner where Shawn Lonsdale used to film; the Flag buses, Hacienda Gardens, the EPF runners in black, the Mill...be sure to stop in the Thrift Store - I think it's on Cleveland - it's run by a real church, but you find old Sea Org uniforms and jewelry in there sometimes.

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

"Wow, all this talk of beatings and confinement and psychological terror -- what kind of birthday is this!"

...an awesome one!! :D

Seayaorg
Seayaorg

ah der, i just looked and saw jan eastgate - i was in when trevor bought her in to the org. she was such a big being - thats why psychs targeted her. next she is clear in a few sessions - then maureen sparshott (soon to be chris guiders mum in law, now living in black wattle bay oldies home)) did her OTs - she was heavily bonded, then she got whisked off to int to help on a project. was she actually targetted beacuse the project was on way - like 'find someone who has had a lot of psych treatment who will hate psych'. beleive me i like what she did with ending ECT and exposing deep sleep - but then there is the coverup of abuse by RK. somewhere along the line i seem to remember trevor being in a stew because a mag came out showing her married to heber - this made her seem an even biggere being, LRH pers pro loves girl targeted by psyches (this needs invest as i may have it wrong) anyway jan gets back and marries trev soon after - jeez, that gave me a jolt maybe it was like israel org - not true but a good mini movie to keep us all enthralled

Kim O'Brien
Kim O'Brien

I have tried to give up scientology watching for lent but i have come to the conclusion that giving up chocolate is easier ....this freak show is just too awesome .   

Alistair
Alistair

This is a song about a superhero named Tony... It's called Tony's Theme ! TO! NY! 

This made my day. T'anks.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

Hahaha! John P., I think you just increased a level of their paranoia a few notches!And made Ortega laugh with this post! I like how you think.

Rocko19
Rocko19

It's a crime that this Cult is tax exempt. Even the imbeciles that take courses can deduct the cost..To call them a religion is a crime.They do not have one charity like, Jews, Christians and  all over religious so why should they get off the hook...

Best for everyone to google: contact Government and call and demand Scientology pay taxes.

They are worth billions of dollars, the property they own world wide is astounding..The just purchased the KCET Studios in Hollywood that came with many acres of prime land..They must be stopped and now..Call and demand it now.....

Clarkle
Clarkle

The tiny sliver  of respect I had for Tom Cruise is gone after watching that video.  He is either deranged or a vile manipulator, either way, that video does Nothing to help his image.

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

I feel sorry for him when I watch it.  I think what happened to him was like the perfect storm of equal parts: narcissism, life-in-a-fame-bubble, plus actor insecurity, plus CoS = crazy.

Artoo45
Artoo45

CHAPTER 1: IT BEGINS

And so it was on the eve of the Great Summer of Entheta and Enturbulation. After this astonishing evening of ingratiating adulation, fellating, and rimming from COB, Tom, stuffed to bursting with KSW, headed home to rid himself of his last link to reality, longtime publicist and human pitbull, Pat Kingsley, who had protected him from himself for so many years. He must have felt totally at cause over MEST when he fired a frankly relieved Kingsley, and then called his Scientologist sister LeAnne DeVette to come on over, and presented her with foil embossed business cards proclaiming her "Inexperienced Batshit Crazy Publicist to Mr. Cruise". The ball gag was out of his mouth for good ,and he vowed that he would never shut up until every psych was dead and the Tiny Terror™ ruled all of Teegeeack from an even more lavish, more undisclosed location.

Seayaorg
Seayaorg

one little point which may be missed - someone does not turn one year old till he has been alive a year - so LRH would be 100 but born 101 years ago.also that is jamie packer - may not be out, in his mag new idea - he says he has divested himself of them, but even the articles dissing katie and toms pregnancy - out this week, also disseminates LRH tech on preagnancy - and as LRH says bad publicity is really good publicity as it makes public curious and they come into an org and the stats soar. the proof is - melbourne won the birthday game even with all the OZ bad publicity, so it is all wonderful!!!!no reason why he would be out - other than his main business is gambling and LRH says gambling is psychotic, so his whole momneymaking is based on people remaining psychotic per lrh, why wiuld he want to spread scientology and end up with people to be audited out of being psychotic in scio if he is making $$ out of it. yeah

TonyOrtega
TonyOrtega

Check your math. This isn't like the century/millennium thing. On your first birthday, you have indeed lived a full year. And on your 101st birthday, you've lived 101 full years.

 Thetan-X
Thetan-X

You're a gosh-darn genius Tony !! Holy smokes I swear, gosh-darn genius...yes indeedy !!

LoyalOfficer
LoyalOfficer

I tried to post this before but kept getting the moderator thing, sorry if it is posted before. 

this is off-topic but I found this HYSTERICAL gotta love the Rev. Alfreddie Johnson.

“To be honest with you I’ve never felt more proud and honoredin my life.  I thank God for the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan andhis vision for the Nation of Islam and our people and for the leadership in thenation to get them trained.  The creation and the manifestation of 1,000plus auditors is perhaps one of the most monumental tasks that has ever beenachieved by mankind—homo-sapiens if you will—on this planet for the lastseventy-six trillion years,” Rev. Johnson told The Final Call.

 

“You literally have one thousand individuals who areempowered with the ability to give sight to the blind, make the lame walk, thedeaf to hear, the dumb to speak, the dead to rise.  They literally are nowarmed with the tool that when somebody is in a traumatic experience they cangive a pleasure moment or they can run an engram or they can run a situationand relieve the person of that re-stimulation, that mental fix that has causedthem to be insane with aberrations and mental pain.  That’s really what beingand following God is all about and that’s really the power of the Christ,” headded.

This is the best pairing I have seen since rice and beans, and humus. Two cults merging in an act of mutual lunacy

Rolotomasii
Rolotomasii

 The dead rise??? Now we know the cause of the impending zombie apocalypse....

LoyalOfficer
LoyalOfficer

It appears FinalCall dot com is a Nation of Islam news site. It appears as non-biased as any Sci news source

Noah Miller
Noah Miller

Odd enough, Tom stands in the same exact pose, is this taught or something? I mean really is there like a public speaking course that makes you stand that way? 

AlexM
AlexM

Dear L, Ron Hubbard,

We never knew each other but you have influenced my life in many different ways. First of all, I don't believe in your philosophies and I question your honesty and convictions regarding your credentials as well as your biography. I did, however, learn a lot from you as a member of the Church of Scientology for three years, and I also learned a lot about myself.

I learned that I am capable of working over 90 hours a week, 7 days a week, for literally pennies. I also learned that I am not entitled to anything unless I work for it, but that I can also work for nothing too. I learned that I can starve for nothing and go to work each day saying to myself that I am a volunteer working to better humanity, when in fact, I have no hope and no faith in myself or others. I learned from you Mr. Hubbard that the human mind is both strong and weak. That people are generally very stubborn when they think they've found the truth, but in the end, people want to be free and will walk away from life long tenures in Scientology once your lies and misrepresentations have been exposed.

I remember a day in December 2007, after I spend an entire weekend working three consecutive 16 hours a day outside trying to sell books. I woke up that Monday morning and I couldn't move from my bed. Every muscle in my body felt like it was were bring torn apart from the inside out. I could literally feel always every part of me and I couldn't move. From my neck to my shoulders, to my back, to my thighs, to my ham strings and all the way down to my feet and my toes, I couldn't move for 2 whole hours. I stared at my alarm clock with tears streaming down my face and all because I was late for my post. The pain was secondary in this case. Eventually, I went to the org and was paid 11 Euro for those very hard 110 hours. That breaks down to 9 cents an hour.

So happy birthday Ron, you fat, dead, basterd, because you never once in your lavish life felt the same pain, heartache, anguish and hopelessness that I and thousands of other have and continue to fight with even to this day.

I thank you all for reading. This post is dedicated to Jason Beghe, Tory Christman, Graham Berry along with so many others who helped me wake up!

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC are watching Tony's every move in Clearwater. We have notified the police that Ortega -- a known Terrorist and Psycho-Anarchist - is in town. We demanded that the police send out a SWAT team and arrest Tony on sight. However, the police started blathering on about how Orteha has not broken any laws, has rights, blah blah blah. What wog nonsense!

Tony's very existence is a threat to Scientology and that is all the reason the police need to arrest the man. We in RTC are sick and tired of criminals having rights! Where are Scientology's rights to arrest and imprison people we find to be a dangerous threat to our Fourth Dynamic salvage operation of this Planet?

In any case, we in RTC are watching Tony through binoculars. We are photographing his every move. We have a team of 52 PI's tailing him. The moment Ortega slips up we will have him arrested. Ortega has crimes and we will find them. We know he using his cell phone to talk to his handlers in the Psychiatric Illuminati. We know he is plotting against Scientology.

In other news, we in RTC have just opened Ideal Goat Farm Krasnoyarsk in Siberia. Located near the Arctic Circle, Ideal Goat Farm Krasnoyarsk is a working goat farm.

We are sending the people in the A-E building at Int Base to work on Ideal Goat Farm Krasnoyarsk. There in the fresh polar air they will make goat cheese that will be served on COB's daily fruit and cheese plate. This goat cheese will also be served at Flag and our CC's.

When they are not making goat cheese, these RPF'ers will live safely underground in a former Soviet ICMB missile silo. Due to its remote location, Ideal Goat Farm Krasnoyarsk can only be reached by air -- and this only with the permission of an obscure Siberian Air Ministry that reports to Moscow. Landing fees for aircraft are only five million dollars. As there is no phone service or cell signal at Ideal Goat Farm Krasnoyarsk, all communications to the farm must be directed to we in RTC and made in handwritten notes using a blue ink pen. to we in RTC. Communications made in any other form will be immediately shredded. Thank you and have a great day!

SP- ionage
SP- ionage

Blah, blah, blah... who cares. Tony Ortega is exposing truths.

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