Scientology Sunday Funnies: RON the Encyclopedia -- Get Yours Now!

RonHorticulture.jpg
Scientologists don't really have a Sunday service. They like to say that they do, because they crave mainstream acceptance. But unless Xenu rested after six days and L. Ron Hubbard just forgot to mention it, there's no reason for Scientologists to treat Sunday any differently than every other day of coursework, detoxes, fundraising, and generally clearing the planet.

So here at the Voice, we've come up with a Scientology Sunday tradition of our own, and we call it Sunday Funnies! Our sources regularly send us Scientology's wacky and tacky fundraising mailers, and each week we choose a few of them to gaze upon, hoping that it inspires you to wax eloquent in our comments section. So here we go...


Wow! It's been nearly five years since Scientology unleashed "The Basics" on its members, requiring them to fork over hundreds of dollars (and up to several thousand for deluxe packages) in order to buy new versions of books they probably already had and that were already gathering dust on their shelves. But that scam has long faded, and it was time to come up with something else that every church member has to have, apparently. And just in time for L. Ron Hubbard's 101st birthday, here's what it is...

A tipster let us know that this new biographical encyclopedia is what would be pushed at the birthday celebrations this week. We hope the attendees brought their wallets!

We've transcribed an e-mail sent out by Bridge Publications's mail-order manager, Patrick Howson, that announces the big release. All I know is, I want a set!


RonEncyclopedia.jpg

I am proud to present the newly released L. Ron Hubbard Series, The Complete Biographical Encyclopedia...

This is by far the most in-depth and detailed chronology of the life of L. Ron Hubbard that has ever been made available on a broad public basis!

Even if you own some of the earlier "Ron Magazines" -- please be advised this is nothing like the earlier editions!

Just to give you an overview, the full set includes:

-- 16 Volumes
-- 3,653 Pages
-- 1,039 Photographs of and by LRH (220 never before published)
-- 265 Personal Letter, Articles, Journal Entries and Essays
-- 488 LRH Artifacts
-- 241 Illustrations, Maps and Diagrams
-- 75 LRH Poems and Songs
-- Complete Glossaries, including Hard-to-Find Terms and Phrases

SUMMARY OF THE L. RON HUBBARD SERIES

"For nearly a quarter of a century, I have been engaged in the investigation of the fundamentals of life, the material universe and human behavior. Such an adventure leads one down many highways, through many byroads, into many back alleys of uncertainty, through many strata of life..." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The L. Ron Hubbard Series is the complete biographical encyclopedia of the life of L. Ron Hubbard and presents every aspect of an extraordinary existence.

This is Ron's life as he saw it -- through his personal diaries and journals, letters with colleagues and close friends, and through the lens of his own cameras.

Within the pages of these volumes is also the most comprehensive selection of articles and essays ever published, from writing and philosophy to aviation and seamanship -- not to mention the answers to Man's eternal questions.

Contained within are more than 1,000 images, including hundreds of never-before-published photographs of and by LRH drawn from his personal archives, which through meticulous restoration can now be seen in their original grandeur.

These volumes also feature over four hundred personal artifacts, ranging from his vast collection of cameras and photography gear, to his wide array of musical instruments and cinematography equipment, to his typewriters, flying cap and Boy Scout keepsakes.

Also included are his logs, credentials and documents in his panorama of pursuits ranging from pioneering glider pilot, mariner and Special Officer of the Los Angeles Police Department.

All in all, The L. Ron Hubbard Series is the biographical encyclopedia of LRH's life. They allow you to know Ron like never before -- as though you were there with him every stop of the adventurous journey of his life.

RON THE HORTICULTURIST

I have had the chance to read through some of these magnificent volumes and the imagery and articles are STUNNING.

There are photos of LRH and parts of his life that have never seen the light of day and are only revealed in this series.

RonHorticulture.jpg

For example, "RON THE HORTICULTURIST" is one of the volumes and it's only here do you get the full data on LRH's plant experiments from the late 50s and early 60s.

Ever wondered exactly how LRH grew those massive, over-sized tomatoes and cucumbers? This is the ONLY place you will find all the data and the answers!

NEW IMAGES OF A LIFETIME (free with your purchase of the package):

RonImagesLifetime.jpg

In addition to the above, a new and expanded edition of L. Ron Hubbard Images of a Lifetime has been released and comes FREE with your purchase of the package.

This stunning photographic chronology presents the intimate story of Ron's life through meticulously restored images and detailed anecdotal captions.

-- 400 pages in total
-- Comes in a large 10 1/2" X 14 1/3" coffee-table size book
-- Over 500 restored photos of and by LRH (many of which are rare and never before published)
-- Hand-picked images selected from Ron's personal photo archive

NEW RELEASE SPECIAL!

You will receive all 16 volumes in the L. Ron Hubbard Series and if you order now, we will also include the Images of a Lifetime FREE ($125 value).

Package Price: $720

You can order on-line here

http://www.lrh-books.com/ron/order.php

Or call me at (323) 888-6236

Available in 16 languages: English, Danish, Dutch, French, German, Greek, Hebrew, Hungarian, Italian, Japanese, Norwegian, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish (Castilian), Spanish (LATAM), Swedish.

Please let me know back on this ASAP!

Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
(323) 888-6236

I'm really drooling over all of those new photos and artifacts. And Ron's giant tomatoes! Maybe, finally, we'll get a good explanation for why Ron thought it was a good idea to be photographed auditing a juicy red love apple...

HubbardTomato2.jpg


After that big announcement we'll just post one other mailer we received this week, yet another case of Scientology giving the impression that its Ideal Org program is anything but a cynical donation scheme resulting in empty buildings. Note how the flier makes the Chicago Ideal Org look like a thriving enterprise, going day and night...

ChicagoIdeal2.jpg


And then note the reality, which our tipster sent along with the flier. Here's Ideal Org's front door on a typical day...

ChicagoIdeal3.jpg

We're told that the Chicago building was purchased in 2006 and has been sitting empty ever since. But still! It's expansion! It's exciting! Can you catch the fever! Donate today!

Time for you to sound off in our comments section. And whatever you do, come back tomorrow morning, when we're going to have a really big story that should rock your world...


**********
Tony Ortega has been the editor in chief of the Village Voice since March, 2007. He started writing about Scientology in 1995. You can reach him by e-mail at tortega@villagevoice.com, and if you ask nicely he'll put you on his mailing list for notifications of new stories, which tend to come out each and every morning at 8 am, but can suddenly appear at any time of the day. You can also catch his alerts at Twitter (@VoiceTonyO), at his Facebook author page, on Pinterest, a Tumblr, and even this new Google Plus doohickey.

New readers might want to check out our primer, "What is Scientology?" Another good overview is our series from last summer, "Top 25 People Crippling Scientology." At the top of every story, you'll see the "Scientology" category which, if you click on it, will bring up all of our most recent stories. As for our regular features, on Thursdays we do a roundup of world press, on Fridays we visit L. Ron Hubbard on the yacht Apollo circa 1969-1971, on Saturdays we celebrate the week's best comments, and on Sundays we publish Scientology's wacky and tacky advertising mailers that people send us.

As for hot subjects we've covered here, you may have heard about Debbie Cook, the former church official who rebelled and is now being sued by Scientology. You might have also heard about the Super Power Building, Scientology's "Mecca," whose secrets were revealed here. We also reported how Scientology spied on its own most precious object, Tom Cruise. (We wrote Tom an open letter that he has yet to respond to.) Have you seen a Scientology ad on TV lately? We debunked some of the claims in that 2-minute commercial you might have seen while watching Glee or American Idol.

Other stories have looked at Scientology's policy of "disconnection" that is tearing families apart. You may also have heard something about the Sea Org experiences of the Paris sisters, Valeska and Melissa, and their friend Ramana Dienes-Browning. We've also featured Paulette Cooper, who wrote about Scientology back in the day, and Janet Reitman, Hugh Urban, and the team at the Tampa Bay Times, who write about it today. And there's plenty more coming.


Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
304 comments
teleny23
teleny23

'Super big' cucumbers? Like the ones I can buy in the discount grocery that are end-of-season, pulpy, and have no flesh? It's no great art growing those, if that's what you want...it's like growing a pumpkin, prune off all but one or two on the vine (use the others for cornichons), and apply Miracle-Gro like mad.

 

How tasty were those tomatoes? What variety? I want a third party on those.

sketto
sketto

Fucking 16 volumes! All for a hack science fiction writer. Kee-rist, doesn't the cult have anyone who knows how to freakin' edit? 

Just like Scientology - if it's worth doing, it's worth doing insanely. 

Torychristman
Torychristman

Our Picket and members of the "Church of $cientology" showing why we picket: http://www.forum.exscn.net/sho... My final message to them:"You have no courage.You can't communicate"You have NO freedom.........you have NOTHING!!!" (And seeing this release, they no doubt had to cough up thousands to get this one done). Argh; Thank goodness I escaped out in 2000.....it just keeps on getting worse and worse! Love to all here, and thanks to Tony O and the VV :)Tory/Magoo

Sue
Sue

No seriously, is a picture of LRH auditing a tomato really going to convince anyone to join this cult, or anyone already in it I would think this gives room for pause!!!!  Or just a theory, The Church is selling tomatoes and will have lots of sales, as it appears they are running out of people to audit!!!!!

scilonschools
scilonschools

That photo of LRH with the tomato plants 'wired' for auditing always makes me smile, i first saw it on the article at quackometer.net on nutrioniist Patrick Holford and his apparent links to Scientology (well worth a google search and read!)"Patrick Holford and Scientology: the Church of Optimum Nutrition?"

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

This shit is so impressive, I might do my A to E steps and become a Scientologist again.

Sarcasm.

jensting
jensting

"Special Officer of the Los Angeles Police Department" - he still is, isn't he, judging by the protest report from his birthday party in LA?

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

So, Hubbard was a special police (security guard) in 1948 the same year he pleaded guilty to petty theft. Wow! Hope they mention that in his encyclopedia.

Strelnikov
Strelnikov

The Chicago building looks like the Braley Building in Pasadena before they finally got that up and running; all empty ruin.

Miscavage is going to have to spend some dough to keep Scamatology going.

wannabeclear
wannabeclear

I'm not sure if those black leather gloves make him look more like a serial killer or a cartoon villain from a 1970s James Bond movie.

Also, has anyone seen this site: www.lronhubbard (dot) org/#/timeline

Must be a web companion to the pile of horseshit encyclopedia set.  Of all the superlatives he heaped on himself (and his minions have subsequently heaped on him), the only one that comes close to being true is one that none of them have proclaimed of him -- World's Most Delusional Narcissist...

OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8!

We in RTC need to know asap what Tony's manufactured "big story" is for tomorrow. We ask a VV staffer to please leak it online or call us. We had our people dig through his trash but all they found were losing Lotto tickets, horoscope charts, empty cans of Red Bull, and some equally empty pizza boxes.

We in RTC need to know in advance what type of lawyers to hire and what sort of PR firm we need in response to Tony's threatened big story. Based upon our threat assessment board we have a few ideas of what kind of lies Tony will post, but we still need to dial it in.

We have Monique Yingling standing by. She is ready to issue her standard denials:

"The real story is not about the baseless allegations made by defrocked bitter apostates. The real story is the incredible global expansion of the Church of Scientology."

"It is not a matter of they have their version of what happened and we have our version of what happened. It's a matter of it never happened."

"We chose to handle the beatings internally and not call the police."

We in RTC will handle whatever diabolitry Ortega has in mind. We will out create the Psychiatric Kingpin once again. If needed, we will hire additional lawyers and file more lawsuits against the entire world if necessary.

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

To paraphrase Dorothy Parker: You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make them think.

zenda
zenda

TC has put on  a bit of weight lately walking past the org

guest
guest

"This is Ron's life as he saw it"Pretty much says it all.

Sid
Sid

It's great that this encyclopedia has been published at long last!

Also, I would like to see his research data, which for some inexplicable reason has never been published.

Which is a shame, since a basic expectation of the scientific method is that you document, archive and share all data and methodology so they are available for careful scrutiny by other scientists, giving them the opportunity to verify your results (or not, as the case may be).

This practice, known as "full disclosure", also allows statistical measures of the reliability of the data to be established.

Given that Hubbard made a big deal about the workability of his technology and stressed the importance of standardly applied technology, it's a real shame his research data has not been published (or even found) since it would clear up the issue of the effectiveness of his technology in very quick order.

It's almost as if Hubbard made a lot of stuff up, relied on people's desire to believe him without question and accept constant re-issuing of his processes as he could never seemingly get it right, and instead blamed others for his failures. That would seem to be the only logical explanation for a technology without any actual scientific method behind it.

Oh, hang on...

zenda
zenda

In 1952 L. Ron Hubbard gave the PDC (PhiladelphiaDoctorate Course) Lectures. In the 20th lecture of this course entitled "FormativeState of Scientology", he talks about "unlimited weapons":of Scientology", he talks about "unlimited weapons":

"Scientology will decline, and become useless to man, on theday when it becomes the master of thinking. Don't think it won't do that. Ithas every capability in it of doing that."

"Contained in the knowable, workable portions before your eyesthere are methods of controlling human beings and thetans which have neverbefore been dreamed of in this universe. Control mechanism of such awesome andsolid proportions that if the remedies were not so much easier to apply, onewould be appalled at the dangerousness to beingness that exists inScientology". (pg. 47 of the lecture transcripts)

..."Therefore we really do have the remedy before the assaultweapon is produced. Did you ever read poor old George Orwell's uh.. in his work "1984"? Yes,yes, that's wonderful. That would be, could be, the palest imagined shadow ofwhat a world would be like under the rule of the secret use of Scientology withno remedy in existence. Well it's all right in this offhand age to just brushthings aside and say, "Well, it's of no importance, no importance, really,and.. let's not be dramatic the way people are being about the atom bomb.'Actually the atom bomb isn't as serious as this subject. It's just a MESTweapon. And, it's all right to be very offhand, and very cheerful and so on,and - like the little boy whistling in the dark says, "'no ghosts orboogymen exist'." - Well, this boogyman does exist".

some info from the freezone on LRH

1subgenius
1subgenius

The new pix will provide some great shoops. Tony for Xenu's sake get VV to pop for a set of the encyclopedia.

LoyalOfficer
LoyalOfficer

Here all in one place, the complete fabrication of a small, petty man's life. 20 years ago nobody could spend the time to research his pathological need to rewrite his own history. Now with a click you can find the truth, that his "Biography" is the best bit of fiction he ever came up with. (which is not saying much) It is amusing at best, but more often times, just plain insulting. What I find most offensive is the outright lies about his military career and the medals he "won" that is just so wrong on so many different levels

zenda
zenda

It should read help deliver Chicargo from Scientology!!

 As for auditing  tomatoes, that speaks for itself , or perhaps the tomatoes spoke who knows !!!  Anything was plausable with LRH

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

Great. The vulture book peddler's are at in again. o_OHow many more cosmic jibberish stories can a person take? No thanks, I wouldn't waste my money on LRon's (the eye of satan's butt-hole) biographical encyclopedia of lies,...ever.

Dougscottkramer
Dougscottkramer

'Ron the Horticulturist' looks intriguing; I learned about this side of him and all the other pseudo-realities he lived in, when I was in the 'church.' Unfortunately, it appears that one has to leave the Scientology world to learn about 'Ron the Satanist', 'Ron the masterbater', 'Ron the con', and all the other actual realites of the man. Or, just don't join in the first place and read all about it on the internet.

MarcabianFleetCommander
MarcabianFleetCommander

If a tomato screamed, in the woods, and there wasn't an auditor to hear them, would it still cost it it's life saving?

mjm
mjm

i don't see the new Chicago org. opening anytime soon. They are REALLY hated in Chitown. 

MarkStark
MarkStark

Ron was a "special officer" of the LAPD, in charge of tomato-related crimes.

NCGrockslammer
NCGrockslammer

 OK, you have never been "in".  Let me explain the "reg cycle".  This is a hard sell sales activity.  It is not like walking into a car dealership and they try to sell you a car.  Take that and multiply the pressure by 10.  Then multiply that by 20 since it will occur that many times.  Eventually you will give in because they will find your weak point.  Maybe you will buy many sets if that is possible.  This is simply a brilliant money extraction scheme. 

There is also an advanced payment system, like layaway for training or auditing.  They call it "putting a flow towards your next service", often money is equated with energy.  You can buy sets of these books off your advance payments and not have to spend a dime!  Of course when that happens the money to pay Bridge Publications for the books has to come from somewhere.  It comes from other people who pay for auditing and training in the same week.  As you can see, this is a huge Ponzi scheme which can be very stressful for staff.  But there is a 10% commission on all books, including the books sold and given to libraries.  Hence the incessant "regging".

If you are actually a fan of Hubbard, this is really a distraction from doing actual Scientology.  Not only do you have to waste your precious time at some inane PR event with a sadistic midget standing on a wooden box in front of huge gilt pillars, you have to buy these books which are completely irrelevant to the practice of Scientology.  Again, these books are not meant to educate, but simply meant to extract money.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

Really, "diabolitry"? Where do I sign up? This shit is too cool!The Satan is happy with your progress, DM. OTVIIIisGrrr8! I bow.

zenda
zenda

 Rotten tomatoes

Testamonial
Testamonial

Dumb Person,

Havent' you ever heard of "Leep of Faith"

Hubbard was'nt easy to comprihend, but he was truely a genius.

Just look  at all his awesome science fiction, and research that he did too on the human mind. 

bobx
bobx

"dangerousness to beingness":  now there's a capsule description of Scientology for you.

zenda
zenda

 I mean chicago

zenda
zenda

KILLER TOMATOES- Alert

John P.
John P.

Now that you mention it, I believe Hubbard told people that he inspired the tomato police combating the vegetable menace in the classic flick "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes," just as he claimed to have inspired the Henry Fonda character in "Mister Roberts" by virtue of his impressive military career.  

You speak powerful truth, sir!

Sid
Sid

Ah, I think I might have spotted your mistake. You're confusing research with bullshit.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

Another fine example of "Be 3 feet back of your head."

Nibbles42
Nibbles42

 Applyed Skolastiks sur wurkdid fur yew!

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

I have heard of "Leap of Faith." It was a so so Steve Martin movie where he played a full of crap charlatan traveling preacher. Kind of like Hubbard, only less fictional than Ron. The only thing genius about him is the volume of penny-a-word drivel he was able to produce. Why don't you send me a copy of this new work, thrown in a leather bound copy of the Basics and I'll get back to you. How many spare sets do you have lying around?

MarcabianFleetCommander
MarcabianFleetCommander

Don't tell me.... let me guess.... You are a by product of Hubbard's Applied Scholastics edyoomakayshun system amirite? Lulz - nice spelling / grammar. The old man would be proud.

DeckardCain
DeckardCain

You must be the proofreader and spell checker for the cult.  FANTASTIC WORK!!  You really could have a career for yourself in the janitorial arts if you want to give up your day job.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

Did LRH hurt tomatoes during his research? I dissapoint.Tomatoes never did or thought anything bad about El Ronito.

MarkStark
MarkStark

There hasn't been a tomatocide in LA County for years. Ron audited out the killer instinct from the entire tomato population years ago, thus saving civilization. He discovered ketchup as well. This is factual.

Ron's important horticultural research has inspired not only filmmakers but civilizations and entire galaxies.

V for Vacation
V for Vacation

Well, I think you mean there hasn't been a *reported* tomatocide in LA County for years. Not since Lee Baca.  And I've heard whispers of a hydroponics torture chamber in The Hole, and that bulk shipments of the Topsy Turvy Tomato Planter system were sent to Saint Hill.  Hopefully the FBI is looking into it.

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...