Lights Off for Earth Hour? Rightbloggers Leave Lights On, Declare Victory Over So-Called "Environment"

tomt200.jpgConservatism is making a big comeback, folks. The proof? The tremendous success of Human Achievement Hour on Saturday.

What, you never heard of it? Well, you've heard of Earth Hour, right? That thing where all the stupid hippies turned their lights off for an hour to celebrate their precious, so-called "environment"?

Well, Human Achievement Hour was celebrated that same night by conservatives who left their lights on. And, on Saturday night, more people had their lights on than off. So conservatives win! Haw haw, eat it, stupid libtards!

As we explained last year, Human Achievement Hour was founded in 2009 by (natch) libertarians from the Competitive Enterprise Institute and The Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights who were pissed that Earth Hour -- the pro-environment feel-good thing -- was getting so much publicity.

It has since become one of our favorite conservative secret-decoder-ring routines -- something rightbloggers consider proof of their popularity and superiority, but which no one else knows anything about.

This year the Ayn Rand Center seems to have mainly skipped the festivities -- though they did offer a video called, "Does laissez-faire capitalism harm the environment?"

In this fascinating presentation, the Center's spokesperson, Yaron Brook, said that, whatever laissez-faire (French for "I live, you die") capitalism has meant for the "spotted owl environment" (haw!), it has been very good for the "human environment" -- because "there has never been in human history a time where we have been healthier, where we have breathed cleaner air, where we have drunk better water..."

Mind you, this had nothing to do with envirofascist meddling such as the Clean Air Act, anti-smog ordinances, etc. -- the Invisible Hand would have cut emissions and dumping eventually, but the stupid hippie lawmakers jumped the gun and stole their thunder.

The best way to keep water clean, Brook told us, is to "privatize all the water," so the owners (chosen by means not revealed in Brook's monologue) "can claim damages" if someone makes their water dirty. These owners can also charge you $50 a glass, and let you die of thirst if you can't pay, but at least the water they'll hold just out of reach while you desperately beg your relatives for money will be clean.

"It gets a little trickier with air," Brook admitted, "...I don't have the answer to how you do that." That's probably because the cause of air privatization hasn't advanced as far as the cause of water privatization, at least not yet. But Brook did endorse legal retribution against polluters, so long as "restricting [pollution] is not going to end industry as we know it," in which case "there's no way government can step in."

By way of explanation, Brook pointed to the example of 19th Century London and the filth poured into the air by coal-powered factories. "Imagine stopping it at that point!" he shuddered. "Imagine telling everybody they couldn't use coal anymore! The technologies for filtering did not exist... that would have been the end of the Industrial Revolution and everybody's lives would be worse off." For a libertarian, Brook sure doesn't have much faith in the power of market solutions.

Anyway, he shrugged, "so your health is a little hurt by the fact that humanity is progressing -- including you! Your life, in total, is going to be better off. That's in a sense the price that is being paid." If only someone were around then to explain this to the dying lungers in Dickens novels. Still, folks whose water has been poisoned by fracking may benefit from Brook's wisdom -- besides, what with the gag orders, it's not like they can prove they've been harmed anyway.

While the Rand Center took it easy, CEI was hot to get the 2012 Human Achievement Hour party started.

While "some people will be sitting in the dark to express their 'vote' for action on global climate change," CEI explained, "you can join CEI and the thousands of people around the world who will be celebrating Human Achievement Hour (HAH)."

econazi.jpg
You know, Hitler was an environmentalist. Totally true. Plus he was left-handed... what? He was right-handed? Oh shit.
Sounds like big fun! It even has a fun name -- HAH! But how would we celebrate? "Leave your lights on," explained CEI, "to express your appreciation for the inventions and innovations that make today the best time to be alive and the recognition that future solutions require individual freedom not government coercion... Gather with friends in the warmth of a heated home, watch television, take a hot shower, drink a beer, call a loved one on the phone, or listen to music."

So -- use technology? That's it? Theoretically, anyone who used a light or made a phone call on Saturday was shaking his fist at environmental do-gooders. We suppose next they'll do a George Zimmerman Day, where everyone who isn't wearing a hoodie is presumed to share the conservative consensus onTrayvon Martin.

Actually, leaving one's lights on wasn't the only way rightwingers were encouraged to celebrate. They were also asked to write blog posts and tell the world. And write they did!

Big time rightbloggers proudly represented: "My light bulbs have just barely cooled down from last year when the house turned into the largest tanning bed in the county," bragged Doug Powers of Michelle Malkin's site. "Stately InstaPundit manor is so brightly lit you can see it from space," claimed Instapundit.

The smaller fry, like Harvey at IMAO, got the idea: "We'll be turning on the lights all day to make up for the hippies turning off the lights for one hour," he said. "I think we'll win that battle." Game, set, and match!

"My boys have a few friends sleeping over," said the Lonely Conservative. "By the sound of things, they won't be going to sleep anytime soon. So I may as well keep the house lit up nice and bright. Three cheers to human achievement!"

"Liberal pieties in the 21st century" are "aimed at turning us all into children," said Ed Driscoll, who also denounced the magazine Scientific American as a "warm-monger." (Scientific American believes in all that climate change nonsense, which just goes to show that science is communist.)

Some of the brethren posted videos. One cowboy toured what seemed to be a series of sheds with his camera -- carefully avoiding, we imagine, his stockpiles of munitions and bound, terrified hitchhikers -- for over nine minutes, lovingly showing off his many burning lights. "128 incandescent/halogen lamps," he announced, "23 fluorescent lamps (magnetically ballasted, of course, as commies hate magnetic ballasts)... SUCK IT, WATERMELONS!!!"

"Its that time of year again," poeticized Real World Libertarian, "when the drab grey ranks of climate frantics and their silly and sycophantic followers hold 'Earth Hour' when they make the rather pointless gesture of turning out their lights as some sort of faux effort to get the climate back to what it was in the past."

If you were thinking, well, yeah, some small hint of the old pre-industrial environment might be nice once in a while -- isn't that why people prefer to picnic in the countryside rather than next to a sewage plant, or to drink in clean mountain air rather than car exhaust? -- Real World Libertarian countered that the hippies don't want "what it was during the medieval warm period when the temperature was higher than at present, but possibly like the little ice age when the Poms could skate on the Thames."

Haw haw! In Real World Libertarian's version, the libtards' time machine goes back too far -- proving that if you want cleaner air and water, you'll inevitably wind up in a rightwing "Twilight Zone" episode.

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37 comments
Rich
Rich

Agreed with comments below....

 

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Rich

www.litecraft.co.uk

Al Swearengen
Al Swearengen

Another strange episode where conservatives think that they'll be patted on the back for acting like complete and utter fucking idiots.  They've internalized Rush and all their other media darlings to the extent that they think dickhead shit like this will make them popular.

After all, it worked for Rush. Hopefully we've reached Peak Dickhead and these useless tools fade into the obscurity they so deserve.

waldo
waldo

After their poster boy W set such a low standard for nonsensical gibberish this all fits in perfectly. They're morons, they're proud of it and anyone who doesn't like their childish yelling can go somewhere else 'til they get there. Then they have to leave again.

McSalmon
McSalmon

In a blazing display of passive aggression, libertarians once again show just how silly they are. This all amounts to  'burn money to stick it to the hippies'. It reeks of spite.

Roy T.
Roy T.

I can't celebrate Human Achievement Hour because if I were to turn on all the electric appliances in my house at once, the fuses would blow. I guess I could call it Human Achievement Three Seconds.

Skaught
Skaught

My lights are on right now! Haha, suck it, libtards!

The Bleedin' Obvious
The Bleedin' Obvious

It's the perfect Randian protest action - lazily doing what they'd be doing anyway but wanting to be patted on the head by the right people for doing it.  Not unlike positive reinforcement for good toilet training behavior. 

Working the refs: that's all these guys have got going for them. 

o3
o3

what's a hippie? and are their offspring hipsters?...like kids of yippies became yuppies?

Glenn
Glenn

Why don't they just post their utility bills? That'll show us!

Ronaldeverettgardocki
Ronaldeverettgardocki

We'll show those hippies by wasting money out of spite!

Ah...the beauty of conservative thought.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©

... but the stupid hippie lawmakers jumped the gun and stole their thunder.

And I've been flashing peace signs ever since.

;-)

hvermont
hvermont

wow.  I still can't believe that there are adult humans who think Ayn Rand was something more than a terrible novelist.   And one of them was running the Fed for all those years... If they want to base economic systems on fantasy novelists why can't they use Tolkien? Or Dr. Seuss?

Allowing these folks to call themselves "conservative" is just buying into their doublespeak, they are radical right.  or just radical.  pissing into the well isn't "conservative" it's just stupid...

Otisah
Otisah

I would be very interested in hearing how many of these folks are receiving Human Achievement Dollars from their local or regional electric companies.

Scott Fraser
Scott Fraser

HEAR HEAR TO PROGRESS... OF THE STARVING OF THE LESSER AND THE EXTRAVAGANCE OF THE RICH!!!!!

sign me up, i want to oppress the lesser

Scott Fraser
Scott Fraser

PROGRESS!!!!!! HEAR HEAR TO THE FUTURE... OF DISTENDED BELLIES AND THE WASTEFUL RICH

Daphne
Daphne

Myself, I'm just wondering how it feels NOT to "like enjoying" something. 

Cargo
Cargo

I've said this before, I want Sean Penn, Al Gore, Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon to shoot a heartfelt PSA, accompanied by sad piano music, telling everyone, please, please please, not to stick their tongue in lightsockets.

Phila
Phila

For the next Earth Hour, I say we tell people not to sit in their garage with the car running.

The Bleedin' Obvious
The Bleedin' Obvious

I think they should extend it to Human Achievement Day.  We'll know who they are by the houses that burn down from electrical overloads and failure to pay their annual fee to their Randian fire department. 

Mr. Wonderful
Mr. Wonderful

 ...and then referring to it as "achievement."

DrTimmy
DrTimmy

Yes, they are actually proud of themselves for wasting electricity. They worry that the environmental movement is turning us into children. They might have a point. It certainly is turning some of us into children!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©

Heck, why can't they use Frank Herbert.

We could have an advisory Bene Gesserit Fed Post, along with the traditional Harkonnen chief.~

Aaron Dellutri
Aaron Dellutri

 Dr. Seuss-ians would be a much better political movement, actually, and they'd make more sense too.

kevinh
kevinh

Do what to the who, now?

Provider_UNE
Provider_UNE

And run another spot for the subcontinental safari set that explains the tragic consequences for the environment that result when " milking" male bengal tigers..

Weldon Berger
Weldon Berger

No matter what anybody else says in comments here, you win.

Atticus Dogsbody
Atticus Dogsbody

Is he hiding in the closet? Better watch your back, Skaught.

ds
ds

You liberals cannot rob me of my right to jerk off a tiger.

Roy T.
Roy T.

Yeah, but. Did you know that cars and trucks today have reduced emissions to the point that you can't kill yourself in a closed garage anymore with the engine running. Seriously. CO emissions are close to 90% lower than in the seventies from the average vehicle. That's why Final Exit types now recommend a small charcoal fire in the closed garaged. Death by hibachi. 

Roy T.
Roy T.

You're right. It is only the cars made in the past twenty or so years, and especially the past ten that have reduced CO emissions to the point that they are not lethal in a closed space.

McSalmon
McSalmon

 Useful knowledge, Roy. I think it just sounded a little snarky. But, how long have those emissions been in force? I ask, because there's a lot of old cars on the road - especially those classic cars that I'm sure some guys renovated to top condition at great expense. I remember a story where Penn Gillette nearly smoked himself to an early grave because he took a nap while his truck was idling in a closed garage for hours, so I just have to wonder.

Roy T.
Roy T.

I would never call some one "tard," but if you check, you'll find that the amount of CO2 required to kill you exceeds 100,000 ppm, or 10% of the breathable air. Long before this level is reached, you will experience suffocation effects and the resulting reflex panic (trying to breathe) would make suicide by CO2 virtually impossible unless you had knocked yourself completely unconscious first with drugs or trauma to the head. In addition, CO2 is heavier than air and would settle on the floor of the garage, making it even harder to reach lethal concentration up around your head. CO, on the other hand, freely disperses in air. It binds to the hemoglobin in you and essentially disrupts the distribution of oxygen to the cells. While death by CO is not completely painless (as it is sometimes thought to be), it does not induce panicked attempts to breathe and reflex responses. So yes, it is the CO that does the killing.

Swawrzyn58
Swawrzyn58

The CO2 does the killing, tard. The only way to reduce those is to turn off the engine.

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