Thanks for the Memories, Rick Santorum

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Hey Rick:

I just heard you're ending your presidential campaign and thought I should probably write you because, well, I'm really going to miss you.

Yeah, we've certainly had our ups and downs over the past few months.

There were those times when you told me that rape babies were a gift from god; when you told me I shouldn't fight in combat; and when you told me I shouldn't have "sinful" contraception.

And remember when you said the separation of church made you want to barf -- and when you declared war on porn. What doozies!

Usually, dames like me aren't drawn to guys like you, Rick.

I can usually laugh off the casual chauvinism of the country's Rush Limbaughs and rightbloggers. I can usually write something and go about my merry way.

But there was something different about you -- a je ne sais quoi, if you will -- that kept drawing me to your campaign, the way a fly is inexplicably lured to a pile of...yeah...

Maybe it was your sincerity: I had to pay attention to you -- and call you out as much as possible -- because you're the candidate who actually wanted me back in the kitchen.

Admittedly, the election just won't be the same without you, Rick. You drove me absolutely crazy. And boy, you sure gave me a lot to write about. Still, all these things must come to pass, as they say and frankly, I'm relieved you're not going to make policies anytime soon.

So yeah, let me know when you're back around. I promise verbal vitriol with your name on it -- just for old times' sake.

Forever yours,

Vic

Follow Victoria Bekiempis @vicbekiempis.

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2 comments
Strelnikov
Strelnikov

Now he has more time to hang out with his dead baby!

ALLAN MILLS
ALLAN MILLS

Thank the good Lord for great miracles!Ricky go back to Pa. and blow up condoms!

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