Scientology Sunday Funnies: Jake and Elwood Want Your Cash!

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Scientologists don't really have a Sunday service. They like to say that they do, because they crave mainstream acceptance. But unless Xenu rested after six days and L. Ron Hubbard just forgot to mention it, there's no reason for Scientologists to treat Sunday any differently than every other day of coursework, detoxes, fundraising, and generally clearing the planet.

So here at the Voice, we've come up with a Scientology Sunday tradition of our own, and we call it Sunday Funnies! Our sources regularly send us Scientology's wacky and tacky fundraising mailers, and each week we choose a few of them to gaze upon, hoping that it inspires you to wax eloquent in our comments section. So here we go...


Hey, Earth Day! Didn't L. Ron Hubbard invent that? Right after he put down that insurrection by Linus Pauling?

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Now, if you're feeling woozy after looking at the cover of this book, that's apparently just what L. Ron intended! In what is some of his craziest stuff, you'll really get your money's worth in this two-for-one course, so get out your wallet!

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What would happen if you gathered all the Scientologists in an entire continent in one room? Well, it might look like this "Blues Brothers" -themed shindig put on by the ANZO folks Down Under. We're showing you the entire newsletter that went out, which reveals how the pros get their money out of you -- by getting you all worked up by a stage show, and then starting the shakedown! Enjoy.

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That must have been some party, yo. Looking forward to your thoughts about it in the comments!

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Commenters of the Week!

We started off our week with the big Writers of the Future gala last Sunday, and our comments section really heated up that night as quite a few of us scribbled notes while watching the live netcast.

We've chosen some of our favorite observations about the show as it was happening -- if you missed it, you can probably get some sense of it from these biting remarks!

Quarkfire

Isn't this supposed to be about how awesome the authors are that won the contest, not how awesome the contest itself is??

Rudabaga

There are millions of Scilons but only 108 watching this gala event online?

John P.

Not only are they mentioning Ron right now but also flipping lovingly through the pages of the brand new Ron encyclopedia. They don't miss a cross-selling trick!

CanuckXenu

Bet no one can leave until they buy a set of encyclopedias.

TheHoleDoesNotExist

Am I on the wrong site? This feels and tastes like "Accountants and Title Deed Clerks of the Future" Awards. Although, I have to say, this Hubbard fellow sure seems like a true humanitarian bloke.

sharkattacksteve

Where's the voluptuous horror of Karen Black? bring on the Frightwig!

And finally, Ivy Mapother cracked the code of the speeches by the winners...

L. Ron Hubbard + Galaxy Press + Author Services = Bus fare home.


On Wednesday, we celebrated the one year anniversary of the Squirrel Busters showing up at Marty Rathbun's house for the first time, which feels like a pretty major turning point in the history of Scientology Watching.

John P. had some cogent thoughts while looking back at the Squirrel Busters fiasco...

It is remarkable that the Church has had to retreat in the face of exposure of the craziness, both in terms of attacks on Rathbun as well as dialing down stunts to harass on other critics. While Marty's tenacity is certainly impressive (I doubt I would have had the guts to stick it out if I were faced with these lunatics on my door), I think the media coverage was the deciding factor that caused them to abandon the effort. It seems eminently possible that the Squirrel Busters could still be on Marty's tail today without the media exposure.

It's a testament to the power of the Internet -- victims of Church harassment now have a way to band together and express their stories and make them known, and to leave footprints of those stories in place forever. While a story like a 60 Minutes profile on Paulette Cooper has major audience reach, without repetition, people might be horrified and will probably only remember "Scientology sure sounds weird" but won't necessarily be moved to demand aggressive action against the Church. But with a forum like this blog, even though the audience is smaller than 60 Minutes, multiple stories over years could easily end up having a larger impact.

The story of Bert Leahy, the Squirrel Buster videographer who turned whistleblower,
prompted this interesting question from RadioPaul1...

What does it say about Scientology that they did not have enough people in the area that they had to hire Bert to begin with? 8 million members and they had to hire help from the outside?

We also enjoyed this bit of perspective from Quarkfire...

I still can't get over the Squirrel Busters. I'm not arrogant enough to say that I could never be sucked into a cult. Even one that would end up draining my bank account and disconnecting me from my friends. I can't even say for certain I wouldn't put up with a fair bit of getting slapped around by my so-called spiritual leader before finally deciding I'd had enough. However, the moment someone asked me to strap a camera to my head and harass people while wearing a T-shirt with a crudely photoshopped rodent on it -- I would be so out of there.


On Friday, we finally got a chance to go long on the amazing story of David Edgar Love, who more or less single-handedly got a Narconon center in Quebec shut down.

Many, like Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack, were moved by Love's personal sacrifices...

I just want you to know David, there are tears in my eyes right now over what you have done. You were at it for years and put your body on the line. You worked with intelligence, courage and you persevered. You are a hero. It will be a while before Canadians understand what they owe you.Scientology is already on the edge. What you have done may ruin them utterly.

JustCallMeMary reminded us that Love did have help...

Hugs and Kudos to David Love, a man of exceptional perseverance, kindness and dedication. I would also like to acknowledge all his anonymous or not 'helpers' and resources, including other student victims of Narconon Trois-Rivières who also have pending complaints with different agencies there and the staff who spoke up to the media. Without all of their efforts, people would still be getting ill, perhaps dying in Quebec!

There was also this heartfelt salute from NoMoreVisitsPlease...

So many people say "someone should do something about [fill in the blank]." It is the rare person who says "I will do something about this." Bravo to you, David Love, rare bird.

And finally, we were struck by this warm welcome that Love appears headed for when he takes his operation to Narconon's flagship operation. From Smalltowngirl580....

Thank you David Love for all you've done to shut down this facility in Canada! I look forward to seeing and hearing more about you and your efforts, especially as you come here to Oklahoma. I wish you lots of success in shutting down Arrowhead Narcanon once and for all. I would be happy to help, even if in small ways, if I can.

What a great week. You may notice a lighter posting schedule for several days as we try to wrestle to the earth a big project we've been working on. But never fear, more fun stuff is on the way.

Remember to check our Facebook author page for the latest schedules and updates!


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Tony Ortega has been the editor in chief of the Village Voice since March, 2007. He started writing about Scientology in 1995. You can reach him by e-mail at tortega@villagevoice.com, and if you ask nicely he'll put you on his mailing list for notifications of new stories. You can also catch his alerts at Twitter (@VoiceTonyO), at his Facebook author page, on Pinterest, a Tumblr, and even this new Google Plus doohickey.

New readers might want to check out our primer, "What is Scientology?" Another good overview is our series from last summer, "Top 25 People Crippling Scientology." At the top of every story, you'll see the "Scientology" category which, if you click on it, will bring up all of our most recent stories.

As for hot subjects we've covered here, you may have heard about Debbie Cook, the former church official who rebelled and is now being sued by Scientology. You might have also heard about the Super Power Building, Scientology's "Mecca," whose secrets were revealed here. We also reported how Scientology spied on its own most precious object, Tom Cruise. (We wrote Tom an open letter that he has yet to respond to.) Have you seen a Scientology ad on TV lately? We debunked some of the claims in that 2-minute commercial you might have seen while watching Glee or American Idol.

Other stories have looked at Scientology's policy of "disconnection" that is tearing families apart. You may also have heard something about the Sea Org experiences of the Paris sisters, Valeska and Melissa, and their friend Ramana Dienes-Browning. We've also featured Paulette Cooper, who wrote about Scientology back in the day, and Janet Reitman, Hugh Urban, and the team at the Tampa Bay Times, who write about it today. And there's plenty more coming.


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239 comments
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Strelnikov
Strelnikov

Somebody needs to tell Columbia Pictures about this.

N. Graham for Ron
N. Graham for Ron

Stop your TRs and hat duties and put your theta caps on! Timeto hear, in his own words, how Ron was Khufu, or Cheops, in one of his earlierincarnations, and gave to the mest world the pyramid, Vaseline, and duct tape.

“I was out clam hunting with my caravan when all of a suddenwe spied a PTS in the army of Alexander the Great heading our way.  Many people think they didn’t live in thesame time track but I was there! So my slaves were in a dwindling spiral withall the enturbulation going on all around heading to a total ARC break until Iwent exterior, since I knew I was the only one who could do anything, and thensuddenly appearing right in front of Alexander and yelling WHAT ARE YOURCRIMES? HOW MANY BABIES HAVE YOU KILLED?  When he saw who he was facing, he stopped hisovert acts and took off running the other way, followed by his totallyinvalidated army.  It was not long afterthat I invented the bazooka.” 

LoyalOfficer
LoyalOfficer

Wow !! What a night. All of those people yelling and clapping. It just got my thetan all jazzed up. It made me wanna run out and mortgage my house, my business and my future just to have a bunch of strangers tell me how wonderful I am. There is nothing like handing over everything you have worked for, for just that few moments of recognition. The thing is, all of those that were patting me on the back, making me feel like I had a slew of new best friends, were no where to be found when my business was in bankruptcy and I was being tossed from my house. How odd.

Too Much
Too Much

Blues Brothers FAIL! Good grief. How many of these remaining Scientology customers were even allowed to watch the movie?

magikcarrot
magikcarrot

Dont ya just love the tone scale?Start at Knowingness and work down. you will discover Hubbard;s EP 

sharkattacksteve
sharkattacksteve

I Googled scientology news and found a recent article about Kate Bornstein:

 " religiondispatches org/books/sexandgender/5899/transgender,_ "

Jean
Jean

I came across this in my reading yesterday.  It struck me as the opposite of Scientology.  

This is from a widely respected religious philosopher, Krishnamurti, who interestingly died 3 weeks after Hubbard: 

"I hope that you are not being mesmerized by me. Please, what I am saying has meaning, I am not saying it casually. You listen with silence. If that silence is merely the result of being overpowered by another personality, or by ideas, then it is utterly valueless. But if your silence is the natural outcome of your attention in observing your own thoughts, your own mind, then you are not being mesmerized, you are not being hypnotized. Then you do not create a new collective, a new following, a new leader - which is a horror, it has no meaning and is most destructive. If you are really alert, inwardly observant, you will find that these talks will have been worthwhile, because they will have revealed the functioning of your own mind. Then you have nothing to learn from another, therefore there is no teacher, no disciple, no following. The totality of all this is in your own conscious- ness, and one who describes that consciousness does not constitute a leader. You don't worship a map, or the telephone, or the blackboard on which something is written. So this is not the creation of a new group, a new leader, a new following, at least, not for me. If you create it, it is your own misery. But if you observe your own mind, which is what the blackboard says, then such observation leads to an extraordinary discovery, and that discovery brings its own action."

Llama
Llama

Would it be safe to say a large percentage of scientologists join up because they are primarily interested in past life regression and/or going "exterior?"  Or is that something they get exposed to when they get deeper down the rabbit hole?

MarkStark
MarkStark

Nah. I'd say most like the idea of removing blocks to happiness and success, getting over things in their past, having an adventure in self-discovery and improving/fixing themselves. Belonging to a special elite club -- the ones who know -- is important too.

But it is surprising the range of things people join for, and probably the reason the scam grew to be so successful, because of finding people's individual ruin, and trying to claim "Scientology can help you with that" with just about anything. Although their inside PR may look kind of laughable, the outside process has been refined. They know their target audience, which is a fraction of one percent of the population.

I know one person who was very interested in the past life exploration element. However, one investigatory visit to the clam store and she was totally turned off by a "vibe" from the people and never went back. Never took a course.

"Going exterior" was a carrot that kept a few clams on the hook for years. But several members do feel they go exterior after several hours of processing or whatever, and stay with it for that reason. They rarely sustain those peak experiences though, nor do they seem to have any special value, other then making them buy into or work hard for Scientology.

A lot of Scientology revolves around sustaining the illusion other people are having these great "wins" and changes in their lives, and that means they are saving the whole planet. That if you proclaim nothing good can happen in your life without Scientology it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Another aspect was mention by a poster here. Some people crave a road map or simple steps they can follow. It makes them feel secure. They feel lost without it.

One thing that irks me about some clams is that they can't conceive of having matured, learned, overcome their problems without it. As if most people when they are young don't go through a lot of confusion, but then grow up, find their way.

Why should something as nutty, controlling and deceitful as Scientology be the ONLY way?

LoyalOfficer
LoyalOfficer

The person that went for past life regression and never went back. I am positive they have a pc folder on her and count her as one of the "millions of $cientologists"  The sooper powerz building should have a great big pair of rose colored glasses affixed to the outside. 

Frances
Frances

The whole "finding someones ruin" practice really makes me want to puke.  And they teach it to kids.  Disgusting. 

Jonathan Hendry
Jonathan Hendry

The Soka Gakkai variant of Buddhism also uses 'winning' to attract new people. One of the introductory pamphlets is about "The Winning Life".

N. Graham
N. Graham

It seems like Charlie Sheen was one of the co-authors of that.

Victoriapandora
Victoriapandora

It probably still works like this, whatever you tell the reg you want to do, from visiting other planets in your astral body, to getting a better GPA, they will tell you that Scientology will do that for you. When it comes to effective "regging" the less you say to the mark the better. A surprising amount of folks are simply astounded that you are even listening or interested in them.

Rolotomasii
Rolotomasii

Question for former scientologists, independents or current members of this group - when you read or were exposed to things like the Wall of Fire, Xenu or these LRH books (History of Man and Technique 88) what was your reaction?  This is honestly not meant to mock and I'm sure it has been asked before, but did you find this plausible?  Was it explained as a matter of faith or is this information put forth as absolute historical fact?

I am not mocking anyone - really I am curious about individual reactions to this literature.      

Victoriapandora
Victoriapandora

I was "diagnosed" as autistic when I was four years old. I may be on some spectrum of that rainbow for real, but what do I know? I might just be an incredibly left handed, half blind,uprooted native american with a truly fucked up early childhood. I didn't speak until age four and it was impossible to keep me in the house. I just don't find that all that abnormal. That said though, I do feel some of my personality quirks made me the perfect candidate for SCN. Most of the things Hubbard wrote made as much sense to me as anything else. I guess I'd spent a good deal of my life trying to just get a grip on what the rules to this strange game must be. Hubbard seemed to have things laid out in a step by step fashion that I could at least focus on. And I still find useful many of the techniques, but I am coming to find out those were most likely lifted from other practises to begin with. I always hated how mean the scns. were/are to each other in their quest to be god. I don't see a bit of difference in this new Indy breed when it comes to that attitude, yuck.What did I first think when I read we're all evolved from clams? Well, I came to my usual conclusion, hhhmmm, interesting, one more piece in the puzzle as to why these earthlings just don't make much sense;) And they accuse ME of "clamming up!" I was eventually declared "natural clear" so big whoop! The real proof that I am not from earth? I don't have the OTlll implants either, LOL! It would be absolutely fascinating to see an truly academic profile of the general characteristics of a Scientologist in terms of how they approach logic.

Llama
Llama

It's designed with the same game-oriented strategy as Farmville or Mafia Wars on Facebook.  You get to progress and acquire thing on a steady gradient.  You have goals and feel good when each one is achieved.  Soon, you're so far more advanced on that check list, it's hard to believe. This feel-good effect is exactly what Hubbard understood, and why he bragged about making slaves out of people.  It's also why he ranks "games" as the second highest virtue on his tone scale.

While you are pursuing the check-list of mini-achievements, your brain gets pulled out of reality.  You are playing Hubbard's game, and the price of that is you are under his control.  And he has no interest in your well being. Zip.

 

MarkStark
MarkStark

XENUTV recently posted A FAITH FOR SALE on YouTube which was Granada TV's program about Scientology that was done in 1968, just before the time of THE SHRINKING WORLD OF L. RON HUBBARD.

One funny thing about it is the smoking. One clam is smoking while playing the piano. A couple of women are shown on a hillside, seemingly having fun blowing bubbles on a break from study or auditing, but they are both blowing cigarette smoke into their bubbles. LOL

Glassy-eyed clams talk about their unwillingness to ever consider that there might be something wrong with Scientology. They show a lot of extreme closeups of people. 

Access for the media was probably curtailed after that series. Hubbard realized his scam could spread more successfully just by word of mouth -- with rumors spreading about his ability to detonate nukes using his mind -- or people reading his goofy books, not to mention his adherents performing psychic heart surgeries and time shifts.

A New Yorker (at St. Hill) talks about her difficulty with shaking and nerves, until the day she showed up for auditing. She gives her interview while sniffing a rose throughout. Probably didn't want to smoke on camera for some reason. During this time period, pretty much every dutiful clam took up smoking, because Dr. Hubbard said...

I wonder what happened to these people?

sharkattacksteve
sharkattacksteve

Thanks, I just got finished watching it. Every time they showed the young scientology women I kept thinking " Manson chick ! ".

youtube: watch?v=zNv7NopYFUg

magikcarrot
magikcarrot

"A FAITH FOR SALE" great find. Now you got me thinking what became of these young people.  

Stoic-1
Stoic-1

Just a wild guess: Suicide; bankrupt; prison; suicide; blew & disconnected; cancer; drug addict; suicide; stroke; suicide; and one is on still staff waiting for OT 9.

Noah Miller
Noah Miller

There's this great tape out there you can find on youtube of Hubbard making a "joke" about how smoking is good for you and if you don't smoke you'll get cancer. But the joke goes right over his audiences head and he repeats it with this incredibly annoyed tone in his voice. It's brilliant. 

Sue
Sue

Seriously, what planet are these people on that they are so totally unaware of where their donations are actually going, has anyone in the room ever seen a computer, read a book, magazine, talked to other people!  Talk about wake up and smell the confee!!! (Not a spelling mistake!)

Remy
Remy

Give an Org member a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach them how to fish, and you feed them for a lifetime. 

Rolotomasii
Rolotomasii

Again, the CO$ has the amazing ability to make Aussies seem like douche bags  -1st with the terrible white boy rap from a few months ago and now with this Blues Brothers abomination - but now you bring in the Kiwis? How dare you.  

I doubt very much either New Zealand or Australia need any help from this group to make some Ideal Continent.  Perhaps the CO$ can head little further south, I understand Antarctica is fairly cult-free and ripe for a new "org".

I'd like to see a couple of Maori's do a nice Haka to clear the room and send these clowns running for the nearest exit and/or bathroom the clean their undies.     

wannabeclear
wannabeclear

"Plant Care Workshop for Kids" immediately brings to mind that creepy/dorky picture of Hubbard auditing the tomato plant. Imagine how sad those children will be when their plants die because auditing doesn't actually replace watering and truly caring for them.  

Hmmm...there seems to be a life lesson in there somewhere...

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

Oh yeah, I got it too well, Eli. Hugs to you girl!

And here is a bonus treat for lurkers and an exit manual of sorts from Andy Porter, a pioneer anda true Scientology rock star of Russia and many other places(OT V, Class V Auditor, KTL, LOC, OEC, etc.):

"...I felt trapped. If I wanted to keep consulting and making money, I had to do it. My choices were to walk out of Scientology right then, or just bend over and do it.

So I did. I fudged my way through it and told everyone what they wanted to hear. I prayed my needle would float at the right time and that no one would suspect that I fucking hated them and that I was on my way out. I went back to New Jersey in a state of shock. All my stable datum’s busted..."

Andy bloody Porter, I love the guy! All he ever wanted is to be helpful to others, like most scientologists. People like Jeff Hawkins, Chuck Beatty, Andy Porter, David Love, Debbie Cook and many, many others will bring down the cult eventually. The true believers who did a lot and learned that they were lied to. Dissemination in reverse. Stay tuned.

With the help of people like Tony Ortega.

And all of us. Both anonymous and not.

Mark my words.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

On a bright side, it's a physical exercise of sorts.

Somebody Stop Me
Somebody Stop Me

Anyone notice the female staff stationed to guard exit doors in most photos of the Aussie cult fest jam? My guess is that the group photo is purposely taken at the end of he shindig as a ready made excuse for the door stoppers for why you can't leave early (e.g. Before or during the suspiciously fun(d)-raising frenzy carefully orchestrated for after the nun-on-wheels (can anyone explain this, btw?) hilarity but before the uber important to-be-framed in the idle morgue group photo!). Last, note there is not one but two photogs for this relatively small event...each up on a chair in opposite corners of the room to capture the success of a continent wide 200 person max party for squares. Of the 200, a guess of a third are staff and entertainment, and most of the remainer public seat fillers...all this for maybe a handful of unsuspecting whales who don't realize their every twitch is being measured and responded to for maximum wallet culling effect.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

"Anyone notice the female staff stationed to guard exit doors in most photos of the Aussie cult fest jam?"

Yep. Gotta pay a toll fee to the pa- troll to get across the bridge.

Lemont
Lemont

One has to assume it must be very, very psychologically difficult to extricate yourself from that setting without personal and familial humiliation.   Obviously, security would block you from leaving.  And if you insisted, you would risk disconnection, and your family might disown you in the process.  Malignant, pernicious, nauseating cult.

bobx
bobx

That one's worth quoting in full:

The Editor of N.Z. Truth, J. Mahoney of Wellington, is hereby declared to be in a condition of Enemy and a Suppressive Person for condoning the printing of articles detrimental to mankind in the newspaper called Truth.1. Which is seeking, by printing articles which the totally untrue, to turn people away from Scientology when this organisation provides at this time the only means man has to free himself from a cycle of warfare and insanity which has been prolonged for an insufferable amount of time.2. Which perpetuates and has done so for years a policy that is suppressive to mankind.3. Which perpetuates lies with loaded communication.4. Which has used he lives of two teenagers to satisfy a personal opinion about something this newspaper knows nothing about Scientology, and paying no regard for the fact that they have ruptured the lives of these two teenagers who sought to free themselves from an environment that they had found intolerable. (Reference article appearing in Truth dated 22 February 1968.)235. Which is contributing to the destruction to the freedom of the press by constantly publishing one-sided detrimental, restimulating and hideous articles in relation to the electorate of New Zealand.6. Which seeks to sell quantities of newspapers and makes money thereby abusing the privilege of a licence to communicate the existing condition to the electorate of New Zealand and choosing rather to write slanted stories on conditions of life that are aimed to restimulate the reactive minds of people and have them buy newspapers by compulsion rather than freedom of choice.7. Which aims to make money from the people as a senior consideration to providing them with factual communication. 8. Which confuses the fact that having a licence to communicate to the people and for the people about the people is the freedom of the press, with a money making, truth destroying, lie perpetuating, power hungry policy, as freedom of the press. Thereby totally abusing and destroying the long-dead myth of freedom of the press.9. Which seeks to destroy maliciously and with lies a philosophy like Scientology which is aimed to bring spiritual, mental, and physical freedom to man and seeks to free mankind from complete spiritual oblivion.10. Which seeks maliciously to conceal from man the truth about the mind which as been available for years since the evolution of Einstein's theory of relativity which established conclusively that energy has mass and hereby provided further data directly related to the mind that thought created energy and therefore produces mass, mental mass, and has enabled further research to produce the exact structure of the subconscious or reactive mind.11. Which has made a prolonged and chronic betrayal of the people of New Zealand who have placed their trust for guidance and communication through the medium of the press.12. Which condones a policy which allows articles to be published with-out ever being willing to publish without distortion the other side of the story.13. Which contributes by the nature of the articles printed in the newspaper called Truth to the grief of mankind and attempting to close the door on man's only way out - Scientology.14. Which seeks through reporting frequently matters of sex and violence to restimulate its readers to such an extent that most decent people will not have his paper in their home.15. Which by insistence on printing only one-sided reports on Scientology whilst knowing full well that here is also another side to the story and whilst knowing that Scientology is one of the fastest growing organisations in the world which fact obviously has only come about through the fantastic results obtained by hundreds of thousands of individuals throughout the world. Therefore because this newspaper considers it only worth while to print the opinion of a fractional minority to the exclusion of the majority a full public apology is required.

sharkattacksteve
sharkattacksteve

That's awesome. I've never read a SP declare before. I wish my sister would send me one of those.

DodoTheLaser
DodoTheLaser

This shit is way too familiar. How I wish it's just a stupid joke.

Krys
Krys

Wow.  Scamatology is always worse than you think.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$They're always giving their money away. Is there such a thing as a "frugal scientologist"?

There's no happy ending in scientology. You either die, lie, go broke, go to jail, or else you escape.

FeeIsMe2
FeeIsMe2

LOL "frugal scientologist", I often thought the same thing!

BananasinPyjamas
BananasinPyjamas

 My band would be called Xenu and the Body Thetans

Stoic-1
Stoic-1

The Rolling ClamsThe BullbaitersThe R6-5Blown ChargeK.R. and the Sunshine BandLack SabbathReg Against the MachineL.R. Cool HAnd others that work already:The BeatlesSystem of a DownSoul AsylumTool(s)And also a song by The Frogs called "I Only Play for Money" (Youtube it)

Stoic-1
Stoic-1

(That was ugly) The Rolling Clams, The Bullbaiters, The R6-5, Blown Charge, K.R. and the Sunshine Band, Lack Sabbath, Reg Against the Machine, L.R. Cool HAnd others that work as is: The Beatles, System of a Down, Soul Asylum, Tool(s), And also a song by the Frogs called "I Only Play for Money" (Youtube it)

Rolotomasii
Rolotomasii

 I think Xenu and the Xenuphones has a nice ring to it.

MarkStark
MarkStark

 Xenu and the Royal XenophonsDr. Hubbard and the Smoking Clams

sharkattacksteve
sharkattacksteve

The Elron Elrey Experience

"About 3500 years ago, an Honorary Grand Council Member and Galactic Patrol Commander of Sector 9, Elron Elray proposed a project to be done on Earth which would both bring it to a level of technological advancement and teach Mankind about his basic Spiritual Nature (Theta Endowment) so that he could develop a civilization capable and sane enough to be rejoined to the Galactic Community.

The first attempt at this was called on Earth - Buddhism, for which Elron Elray took the human form of Gautama Siddartha. It resulted in a civilizing influence still felt today in over one-half the world's population."

Ha Ha,courtesy of Captain Bill Robertson.

Noah Miller
Noah Miller

I'm thinking I'd go with a boy band: Mest'd Up. 

DeckardCain
DeckardCain

Sorry, my band name is better.  The Low Tones is a great name for a Blues/Jazz band.

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

You win! Love it.

How bout The Galaxy Gifters? Get it, scammers. LOL!

SP 'Onage
SP 'Onage

My band would be called, Dwarfy Dave and the Buttchurch.

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