Rightbloggers: Obama's Gay Marriage Move Means He's Trying to Win, Or Lose, Or Destroy America, Or Something

tomt200.jpgAs everyone has heard by now, Pride Week came a little early to the White House as President Obama declared, "I think same sex couples should be able to get married." He didn't push any legislation, and he said legalization should be left up to the states. But he is a U.S. President who has endorsed gay marriage, and before last week there had been no such thing. So there's that.

Rightbloggers were against it, of course. But in their defense, it had nothing to do with their feelings about gay people -- whether they hated them or pretended to like them, they still felt the same way.

Some of the brethren went straight to the old-fashioned fire and brimstone.

"The President of the United States has now put himself publicly on the line for the radical redefinition of marriage, subverting society's most central institution," intoned Albert Mohler.

"We have already gone too far, in both law and culture, in weakening the link between marriage and procreation," fist-shook the editors of National Review. "To break it altogether would make the institution of marriage unintelligible." People would go to City Hall asking for a marriage license and be unable to get one, because no one would know what they were talking about.

"Obama looks weak and under duress," claimed Erick Erickson of RedState, and compared Obama's stand unfavorably to that of former Vice-President Dick Cheney, who supports gay marriage and (as some may remember) served in an Administration that pushed a Constitutional Amendment to ban it. (At Townhall, Derek Hunter added that Cheney came out for gay marriage "three years ago, when it actually was politically disadvantageous to him." So that's why they nominated John McCain instead of him!)

"Gay marriage is an important component of the identity politics that dominate the liberal university," declared Bruce Thornton at FrontPageMagazine. "Like the other so-called minority victims of historical prejudice, oppression, and exclusion, homosexuals are owed affirmation and reparations in the form of faculty positions..." Get your applications in now, folks!

"Lord, I'm really, really fed up with all the identity wedge-issue politics that the leftists keep unearthing," said Some Guy at RedState. "One week it's the poor, overburdened college graduate with their 6-percent student loans. The next it's nymphomaniacs and their easy access to rubbers. Now it's homosexuals yearning (or, at least panting) to breathe free in a nation of Ward Cleavers that keep them clamped in chains." Well, you can't accuse him of sugar-coating it.

Speaking of which: "I think I speak for most heterosexual males when I say I'm not homophobic but chick-o-centric," w00ted Doug Giles at TownHall. "Let's keep it positive, okay? It's not that we dislike gays ... it's just that we really like girls." In case you fail to see what he's getting at, Giles added, "the simple fact is that heterosexual guys don't 'get' gays." He then proceeded to demonstrate: "I'd be careful, folks, with any 'evolution' on matrimony that parts paths with the Son of God's definition of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9)," he said. "But that's just me -- and 98% of people inhabiting the earth from time immemorial." Don't stress, brah, that's just Doug being chick-o-centric.

When Newsweek ran a cover story, featuring a picture of Obama with a rainbow halo, I Own The World reacted: "Obama IS a fagala. What in hell's bathroom does a 'halo' have to do with fagdom? This is a shameless and transparent attempt, isn't it, at trying to tie gayness and religion together as if that is as right as rain." "Newsweek MOCKS CHRISTIANITY," hollered The Last Tradition. "Married, father of two, boasts several real and composite girlfriends during his college days. Nothin' but beards?" said Bryan Preston of the PJ Tatler. Somebody introduce these cowboys to Doug Giles.

"Gay marriage, President Obama, and the Castro dictatorship: a combination few would ever imagine could come together, but together they have come," said Alberto de la Cruz of Babalu.

What? After snarling over the Obama statement ("yet another naked and shameless act of political pandering"), de la Cruz explained, "the daughter of Cuban dictator Raul Castro and the royal princess of Cuba, Mariela Castro," had approved Obama's new gay marriage position. "There is no doubt that the news of the Cuban government toying with the idea of legalizing gay marriage will send tingles down the legs of many of its supporters," said de la Cruz, "And just like what took place with the statement by Obama, the physiological reaction will block their ability to process the fact that Cuba is run by a brutal, vile, repressive, and murderous dictatorship." The symmetries are staggering, literally.

One very great outrage amongst the brethren was that Obama had adopted a new position, making him a flip-flopper -- which, as anyone who saw the delegates chanting FLIP FLOP! at the 2004 Republican Convention knows, is a major piece of rightblogger ordnance.

"Obama's Flip-Flop On Gay Marriage Was Not Nearly The Historic Moment It's Being Made Out To Be," headlined Say Anything ("Again, I'm happy about the outcome, but let's not pretend as though this was courage..."). "Obama's flip-flop on same sex marriage still driven by the campaign," said Some Guy at Hot Air Green Room. "The 'evolution' of a flip-flop," said Douglas Ernst. "PRESIDENT OBAMA'S FLIP-FLOP ON GAY MARRIAGE: Fodder for mockery on Twitter," reported Ed Driscoll at Instapundit.

foxnatobama.jpg
Just making sure you people get the big picture here.
"So, Barack Hussein Obama and John Kerry actually DO have some commonality," said TexasFred. "It seems they both like *flip-flops*." "Flip-flop-flip-flop," said Marc Caputo of the Miami Herald.

"Obama's Flip, Flop, Flip On Gay Marriage," improvised Jeff Katz at Pundit House. "I don't spend a lot of time thinking about other people's bedroom activities," he added; "if you want to live with a man, a woman or hyena, I wish you all a long happy healthy life."

Speaking of toleration, you could see the strain on some rightbloggers who like to portray themselves as pro-gay marriage, but felt they had to minimize Obama's achievement. "What struck me was how much [Obama] struggles to drag the statement out of himself and, specifically, how intently he stared down and to the left," psychedelicized Ann Althouse. "There's some evidence that a person's eye direction indicates whether a person is accessing their memory or making something up..." We never did find out whether Althouse approved, or came down.

B. Daniel Blatt of Gay Patriot, who is gay and supports same-sex marriage, denounced Obama's statement because "all we get is a man making a statement. And despite the office he holds, he is putting forward no actual policies that might effect real change."

Later Blatt praised Mitt Romney, who also made a statement, though of a much different kind. "[Log Cabin Executive Director R.] Clarke [Cooper] is right to criticize Romney for his 'opposition to not just marriage but civil unions,'" Blatt said, "but his tone is counterproductive." Blatt further explained, "[Romney] did say, what we already know him to believe, 'Marriage is a relationship between one man and one woman'" -- but, he offered productively, Romney "didn't attack gay people," by which he must have meant that Romney didn't jump off the stage and physically attack them.

Some rightbloggers who opposed marriage equality wanted gays to know it was nothing personal. Dennis Prager called SSM "the most radical redefinition of marriage in history (more radical than outlawing polygamy)... I believe that the ultimate aim of the LGBT movement and the rest of the cultural Left is nothing less than to end gender distinctions." (You know, unisex bathrooms etc.)

Yet Prager insisted "I am not anti-gay," and called on his fellow SSM opponents to "make it clear that we regard homosexuals as fellow human beings created in God's image," albeit fellow human beings whose conspiracy to radically redefine marriage and erase gender distinctions requires Prager to write bigoted crap about them on a regular basis.

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25 comments
Glock H. Palin, Esq.
Glock H. Palin, Esq.

"So we may assume that Barack Obama acted out of passionate jealousy of Joe Biden."

Truly, Biden is the Mozart to Obama's Salieri.

jim
jim

RECONFIRMED: If the Ericksons Malkins & Blatts of the wingnuttosphere are amping up the BAAAAAW to 11, Obama must've just done something good.

Merl Allen
Merl Allen

Personally, I don't care one way or another. Why do these multiple divorced morons care so much? Are they afraid it'll make them come out of the closet.

Kevin Gene Holman
Kevin Gene Holman

"he stared down and to the left...making something up"

That seems more a matter of camera placement than truth-telling. And even if the President did decide to lie on camera, surely he would compose it ahead of time. He's not a kid caught with the cookie jar.

J Neo Marvin
J Neo Marvin

Am I a hopeless blog addict if the first thing I thought after Obama's statement was, "I can't wait to see Roy's next Voice column. This is gonna be hilarious"?

Horatius
Horatius

Marriage is between a man and several woman some of whom are underage.

This definition has the added benefit of being true during 98% of human history.

mds
mds

 So, shorter social conservatives: God loves you, and so do I, you filthy civilization-destroying deviants.

"So we may assume that Barack Obama acted out of passionate jealousy of Joe Biden."

Well, duh.  Who wouldn't?

"I'd be careful, folks, with any 'evolution' on matrimony that parts paths with the Son of God's definition of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9),"

That's nice, Doug.  You might also have wanted to be more careful with any "chick-o-centrism" that parts paths with the Son of God's definition of adultery (Matthew 5:27-28), but that's just me.

bobby sneakers
bobby sneakers

of course, obama is pandering to the extremely popular progaymarriage position which is illegal in 44 states because most people hate the idea.  and romney is not against gays per se but antiprogaymarriage which is incredibly unpopular and counter god's plan which is polygamous wifeproperty unless they're lesbians.  it's all so clear.

Aaron Dellutri
Aaron Dellutri

"I'm not homophobic but chick-o-centric"

OF COURSE YOU ARE

RPorrofatto
RPorrofatto

You almost have to admire the complete self-unawareness of bloggers who will  be shilling non-stop for Mr. Etch-A-Sketch to call anyone a "flip-flopper."

And "psychedelicized Ann Althouse" is LOL perfect. That "stared down and to the left" was so unexpectedly bizarre I had a microsecond flashback of orange sunshine. 

hells littlest angel
hells littlest angel

Cold, calculating Obama is being eaten up inside by jealousy and rage. That reminds me -- does McDonald's still use that hamburger packaging that keeps the lettuce and tomato cool and the beef patty hot?

Substance McGravitas
Substance McGravitas

subverting society's most central institution

Just the other day it was The Constitution, wasn't it?

Daphne
Daphne

 I love it when they overthink issues.

Bethany Spencer
Bethany Spencer

My raison d'etre is not upsetting wingnuts, but I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't make me giggle. Icing on the cake and all that.

Ignobility
Ignobility

Maybe it's because he's left handed.

Aaron Dellutri
Aaron Dellutri

I was really looking forward to this as well. So at least you have company in hopelessness, J Neo.

Tracy Mohr
Tracy Mohr

I see at least one wetsuit and a dildo in Doug Giles' future.

lacp
lacp

I believe that was the good professor's interpretation of NLP as viewed from the bottom of a wine box.

eohippus
eohippus

"McDonald's still use that hamburger packaging that keeps the lettuce and tomato cool and the beef patty hot?" Ah, the glory that was the McDLT. Alas, it has passed into history lo these 20 years ago, doomed by Ronald's move away from polystyrene packaging.If I may put on my certified rightwing thinking cap (tri-cornered donchaknow), my theory is that Obama ate many of those sandwiches as a young man, thus internalizing the dual-minded, hot-cold, split-personality message conveyed by the clever packaging. This rigidly compartmentalized mindset, honed by staring down and to the left, is what allows him to be a Hawaiian/Kenyan or Marxist/Muslim simultaneously. Look, I just wrote something idiotic and at the same time entirely more plausible than Ann Althouse. 

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