Zombie Apocalypse: Another Naked Cannibal Hits The Sunshine State; Bath Salts Suspected

Categories: Zombie Fatigue
zombiebaker.jpg
Charles Baker: the latest naked cannibal to hit Florida.
Happy Friday! The sun is shining, it's hot as balls outside, and there's a brand new cannibal zombie story coming out of Florida.

For the second time in less than a month, a Florida man is accused of stripping completely naked before dining on the flesh of another human being. Per usual, bath salts are suspected.

According to a report from the Miami New Times, one of the Voice's sister papers in Florida, 26-year-old Charles Baker went to the home of his girlfriend Wednesday night to visit his son. The brief visit took a turn for the worse when Baker barged into the home, stripped naked, and started throwing furniture around. He then bit a chunk of flesh out of a man who lived there.

The bite-ee, Jeffery Blake, tried to restrain the naked Baker as he started going berserk. As he was restraining him, Baker bit a chunk of flesh out of his arm.

Despite the biting, Blake managed to restrain Baker until police arrived -- but even the cops weren't able to immediately calm him down.

One of the responding officers zapped Baker with his Taser, which did a whole lot of nothing -- Baker continued to go crazy. It wasn't until he was electrocuted three times -- and other officers arrived -- that police were able to detain him.

Baker was taken to a local hospital for evaluation before getting taken to jail.

At the time of the alleged biting, Baker was under the influence of something. While it's unclear what substance Baker ingested before raising hell and eating another human being, bath salts are the obvious candidate -- as was likely the case in one of the more horrifying acts of zombie-ism in recent memory, which also just happened to occur in Florida.

As you may remember, Miami "zombie" Rudy Eugene was under the influence of drugs at the time of a brutal attack that left the victim, Ronald Poppo, without a face. That drug, of course, was bath salts.

A Louisiana man also is suspected of being under the influence of bath salts when he gnawed the face of his neighbor earlier this month. More on that here.

This is now the eighth cannibalism story to make headlines in the last month, and the hype of the ongoing zombie apocalypse has become so widespread that the Centers for Disease Control even issued a statement last month saying that the "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)."

Sorry, folks -- it appears we're in the midst of a bath salt apocalypse -- not zombie.
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18 comments
Laskey543
Laskey543

Reading all of this and I realise, you all will be the first ones to die in the zombie invasion

Shortness330
Shortness330

No offense but is in it kinda of wierd that most of these people are mainly african american who are attacking human flesh? Just sayin! WIERD :o

Klfagen@msn.com
Klfagen@msn.com

Toxicology reports indicate that Rudy Eugene was not on any drug other than marijuana, which to my knowledge does not cause a hunger for human flesh.

Jsimmons602
Jsimmons602

Wow I wish I could have gone to college for FREE, and then after graduation be GIVEN a job even if I was less qualified than the competion, so I could sit around throwing big words at people who are sick and tired of hearing people like you whinning all the time!!!! And as far as the whole imbreeding thing goes, at least we are not so ashamed of our race, and disgusted by our own females, that our highest hope and desire in life is to sucker any leftovers we don't want into sleeping with us! Its understandable though- have you seen what you look like?!?

blahhhh
blahhhh

Of course the CDC will say that dumbass. They dont want to cause a panic. And the guy who chewed the guys face off in Flordia was not on bathsalts only Pot.

Oregonox55555
Oregonox55555

 How did American happen then?  Many diverse cultures synthesized into the America we know.  Sounds like we have a psycho, hateful bitch trying to undermine decency and bring about the right wing hell hse believes in so strongly.

Hancock Walter
Hancock Walter

 a neighbor's step-aunt makes $87 an hour on the laptop. She has been out of a job for nine months but last month her pay check was $19164 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Go to this web site and read more makecash16. çom

NON BIASED INDIVIDUAL
NON BIASED INDIVIDUAL

Some of you are really ignorant. You took an article (including several others) that are about events in this country and turned it into a political and cultural war conversation. This is ridiculous.  This has nothing to do, nor will it ever, have anything to do with politics and, if you can't be smart and read all of the articles, is culturally diverse. I agree that right now (in some places) being from a different racial background doesn't work but that is only because of biggest like you who can't stand that someone different from you might be better than you in every aspect. And don't forget, most whites in the united states ARE IMMIGRANTS (whether it be now or throughout history) and are mixed. Get over yourselves. 

Stephen Levi Guptill
Stephen Levi Guptill

If the rest of society is so intelligent, why is the planet on the verge of environmental collapse as a result of us?

Joanna Has Dick Breath
Joanna Has Dick Breath

Haha....you pseudo-intellectual....no doubt on some pseudo-drug yourself, the way your first post DIDNT EVEN MAKE SENSE! So, slow down you fuckn limey.

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