Here's a Rape Victim's Description Of "Legitimate Rape" For Congressman Todd Akin

Straight from the "please stop talking, you stupid jackass" files, we bring you Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, who said over the weekend -- and we quote -- "If it's legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

Akin is talking about a rape victim's miraculous ability to end a pregnancy if the sperm donor is a rapist, as opposed to a consensual partner. The idiotic comment was in response to a question asking whether he supports abortion for rape victims.

We've always been under the impression that "no means no," and rape is "legitimate" the second a female says the word.

Akin seems to follow a different creed when it comes to what brand of rape is "legitimate," so we spoke to a friend of ours who was the victim of a "date rape" in an attempt to explain to the lawmaker how "legitimate" her rape was.

We first learned of our friend's rape about six years ago, after she called us sobbing about the ordeal. She asked that we not reveal her name, age, or the university where the rape took place. So, for the sake of this article, we will refer to her as Lauren.

Lauren met her rapist at a party at the football house at the college she attended. He fed her Jell-o shots, beer, and Bacardi 151. Admittedly, Lauren was drunk -- too drunk.

"I mean, I drank in college. But I rarely drank that much -- and never to the point of passing out," she recalls later. "He just kept giving me alcohol. He was a cool, older football player -- he was one of the 'cool guys' -- and I didn't want to act like I didn't know what the hell I was doing. So I kept drinking."

About 45 minutes later, Lauren was down for the count -- she passed out in the "cool guy's" bed next to a pile of coats, and right underneath a glowing, Jose Cuervo bar sign.

The next thing Lauren remembered was the "cool guy" on top of her slobbering all over her face and neck. He was grabbing her breasts and trying to unbutton her pants. That's when she dropped the N-bomb (not that N-bomb, racists -- she said "no").

"'No. Stop,' I kept saying. But he wouldn't," she says. "He kept saying 'you know you want it' and things like that."

Unable to get her pants off, "cool guy" decided Lauren's mouth was a more fitting spot for his "tiny" (as described by Lauren) penis -- he pinned her shoulders down with his knees and tried to force her to give him a blowjob.

But Lauren is a self-described "feisty bitch," and no penis was going in her mouth -- and coming out as anything less than a bloody stump -- unless she wanted it there.

As he was hitting her in the face with his puny dick -- which went on for roughly 10 minutes -- Lauren continued to tell him "no." When he tried to jam his miniscule wiener into her mouth, she said -- through gritted teeth -- "I swear to fucking God I will bite your dick off."

Under the threat of a chomped off penis, "cool guy" then got off -- calling Lauren an "ugly bitch" as he exited the room.

For the next week, Lauren didn't leave her bed. She says she was humiliated, scared and disgusted. She never reported the attempted rape to authorities because, she says, a similar thing happened to a friend and police "did nothing."

Lauren is OK now, but says that every time she sees a bar light she remembers the night she watched that Cuervo sign flicker as some tiny-dicked jock tried to rape her -- as she lay powerless.

So, Congressman Akin -- in Lauren's case, there was no penetration, she knew her attacker, and she was admittedly drunk when it happened. But she said "no," and anything that happened after that is rape -- regardless of whether you think it's "legitimate."

Follow me on Twitter: @JKingVoice

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I really loved that story. As a survivor, I find it rare that actual stories of a person's attack are available to read. I think it gives all victims a way to share our story if we choose. Thanks for posting a meaningful article.


Here is the link to a petition:


As a survivor, I know that rape victims already feel no one understands their loss. When politicians 'mis-speak' about laws they are in charge of creating, it creates doubt in victims and causes them to remember their attack. Party lines aside-remember who you are protecting. Your wife, daughters and mothers.


I think what this whack job republican is saying is legitimate rape is only ok if you are a republican and democrates are the ones that need to be held accountible.I would sure love to see studies on legitimate rape and non legitimate rape.Todd makes it so obvious that you don't need to be very smart to become a congressman.


Paul Ryan wanted to include the term "Forcible Rape" in an anit-abortion bill. Like there is any other kind. Fucking asshole.


People better get up, give voice to their outrage, and vote these Christian Taliban monsters out of office before we wind up in a medieval theocracy. (We already have a plutocracy, isn't that bad enough??)

JKJK 1 Like

I can't help but point out the obvious here ... she didn't get pregnant, right?  So .... what's your point?

IdahoJane 1 Like

 @JKJK Whoever you are I HOPE you're joking, because if you aren't you're a complete ASSHOLE...The point is NO MEANS NO and as the article states, anything after the woman says NO is RAPE and there is no such thing as a "legitimate rape" anymore than there's such a thing as a "good rape"--ALL RAPE IS, BY DEFINITION, NOT LEGITIMATE, all rapists are committing a violent crime, and  the RAPIST--NOT THE VICTIM--SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT CRIME, whether a pregnancy results or not. Also, the victim has been violently, sexually assaulted (i.e. raped) whether the LITTLE DICK was able to get his dick into her body or not.


 @IdahoJane I see.  So the article has a point, it's just not at all related to Mr. Akin's comments.  An arbitrary reminder that "no means no*"






* usually


 @JKJK The article has everything to do with Akin's comments. Rape, is always "legitimate" or it's not rape. The fact that you feel the need to add "*usually" to qualify "no means no" shows that you have no more respect for women--or victims of rape--than Mr. Akins does. I'd love to see what your response to this whole issue would be if YOU were the victim of rape. I imagine it would take on a whole new meaning to you. It's too bad more men don't "get it."



 @JKJK  Your dick is undoubtedly smaller than the rape jocks.

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