Rightbloggers Declare Democratic Convention a Failure -- Which May Be Why It Succeeded

tomt200.jpgA week after the party of Kang had their national convention, the party of Kodoshad theirs in Charlotte, NC. It was a lively affair, with a floor fight strong-armed by party bosses, and big speeches by Bill Clinton, Michelle Obama, Sandra Fluke, and some guy running a crap economy who nonetheless now finds himself enjoying a nice post-convention bounce.

If you wonder how that came to be the result, you might consider who Obama is running against -- or, better still, consider the reactions of rightbloggers, which show even more clearly why ordinary Americans may find the conservative alternative, as presently articulated by these spokespeople, difficult to embrace even under the worst of circumstances.

The fun started early, with some of the brethren predicting the Dem soiree would be plunged into chaos by Obama's mortal enemies, the Clinton family.

To be fair, they were encouraged in this by some shit-stirring regular media outlets. "Democrats Wait, Nervously, On Clinton Speech," claimed Ben Smith at BuzzFeed, who reported unnamed Democrats worried that "any private strategic differences" between Clinton and Obama "might play out in public... as Obama's aides wait on the speech draft, they aren't concealing just a touch of nerves." Politico identified Bill Clinton as a "landmine" for the Democrats, who might "speak just a bit too candidly about Obama," in which case "Republicans will be ready to pounce."

It was a good way for story-hungry reporters to keep the public interested -- but who knew the rightbloggers, who normally profess mistrust of lamestream media sources, would take it hook, line and sinker? "I'd say Obama should not trust Bill Clinton," Ann Althouse wrote. "Hillary has too much to gain from an Obama loss." "Bill will be there, and could throw a monkey wrench into things," said The Lonely Conservative. "Let's hope so." "Clinton Praises Romney," said Scared Monkeys. "...Really, does Obama want a Democrat that is more popular, more of a leader and more of a success as President speaking at this event?... No one is going to buy Clinton praising Obama's policies and the economy is moving forward." Etc.

Plus which Clinton hates Obama because he's black, apparently: Daniel Halper of the Weekly Standard repeated the late Tim Russert's claim that Clinton once said of the future president, "a few years ago, this guy would have been carrying our bags." At National Review, Jim Geraghty excitedly added a differing version he'd heard -- "this guy would have been getting us coffee" -- and added, "Clinton has never elaborated on this comment," which may be because no one has the balls to ask Clinton if he had actually said it.

Rightbloggers also spread the word that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would be on a diplomatic tour during the convention, in which news they found curious significance.

"Clinton staying as far away from Charlotte as physically possible," reported Josh Rogin at Foreign Policy, echoed by Laura Ingraham and others. "Hillary Clinton to Flee the Country During DNC," said Jammie Wearing Fool. "Obviously she wants to get away from the impending trainwreck." "Sure, she's working," sneered IMAO. "She'll be meeting with some dignitaries from Volcanoland or something." "Hillary Clinton joins slew of Democrats abandoning the DNC ship," said Bryan Jacoutot at Legal Insurrection. "...it seems that no one who harbors aspirations of appealing to a broad electorate in the future is willing to associate themselves too closely with the President."

Among the cities Clinton was scheduled to visit was Vladivostok, which Neil Munro of The Daily Caller helpfully informed us "is in the part of Russia closest to Manchuria, a province of China, where she will also visit. China's economy is rapidly growing while the U.S. economy's growth has stalled under Obama's leadership."

Munro will never miss a meal -- and, like the other rightbloggers, apparently will also never tell his readers that the Secretary of State is prohibited by law from attending her party's convention.

At the PUMA site HillBuzz, Kevin DuJan ran a long essay warning wives of Democratic delegates that their husbands could be looking for gay sex in Charlotte. "I put the words 'DNC' in the Craigslist search window for each of these specific sections and found hundreds of entries for guys looking for hookups during the Democrat Convention," he wrote. "This puts Rob Lowe's 1988 antics in Atlanta to shame."

Considering the artist has obviously never seen Sandra Fluke, this is a valiant effort. Plus look, the effete liberal has a ponytail!
DuJan added, "Women who are married to men like this are people like Anne Rule (Rahm Emanuel's wife), Michelle Obama (duh), all of Tom Cruise's ex-wives, etc. Some of them know their husband is gay and they stay married just to be a power couple. Others, like Jada Pickett Smith, are lesbians who are married to a gay guy for mutual PR benefit." If HillBuzz goes down, this guy could get a job with the Weekly World News.

About the best part of the convention from a rightblogger perspective was an unfortunate, last-minute insertion by the Democratic bosses of language, theretofore missing, acknowledging Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, as well as a hat-tip to the supernatural being known as God.

The bosses presumably felt that these insertions would disarm future rightwing attacks against the party, but the delegates lustily booed their obvious undemocratic tactics. Rightbloggers reported instead that the delegates had booed God and the Jewish people, thereby proving their atheistic anti-Semitism.

"Watch Democrats Boo God, Jerusalem," announced Mollie Hemingway of Ricochet. "Not all Democrats are anti-Israel, but almost all anti-Israelis are Democrats," thundered William A. Jacobson at Legal Insurrection. "It's possible internal poll numbers are showing the Jewish vote peeling off fast," speculated Doug Powers, "causing the order to be given to add the Israel language to the platform." "The Democrat Party will ultimately sink under the weight of its double rejection of God and Jerusalem," prophesized Norman Berdichevsky.

"This is probably one of the most shocking, disturbing, and revealing things to come out of a national political convention in modern day history," testified Sister Toldjah. "We-the-People have known for years that the New Marxist Democrats worship the other side...not the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob," perorated Gulag Bound. " We also know that's the reason they have worked so diligently for decades to do away with God by installing one perversion after another (the worst by far being their sacrifice of the lives of millions of unborn children) into US law. But, with this Democrat convention, they finally and fully came out of the closet and admitted it to all who were watching and listening. Watching the pride of their move to Luciferian 'principles' is truly chilling."

The Huffington Post complained about the floor shenanigans, which Warner Todd Huston described as "clearly proving that there is a great division in the Democrat Party over these two issues," though we did not see any delegates from the Huffington Post on the floor.

No mobs stormed the convention with flaming torches to murder the unbelievers, and the speeches went on. Preceding Clinton at the convention podium was Sandra Fluke, who first won attention by attempting to testify on contraception coverage in Washington, for which she was called a slut by Rush Limbaugh.

Fluke's convention appearance got exactly the rightblogger response you would expect, including a tsunami of repulsive tweets, several of them from mainstream conservatives, e.g., "#waronwomen Fluke aborted from #DNC2012 lineup" (CNN's Dana Loesch), "Bill Clinton just impregnated Sandra Fluke backstage" (Ann Coulter), "I wonder if she has 'Birth Control Martyr' business cards" (Jonah Goldberg), etc. Less well-known conservatives were more free-wheeling ("I think Sandra fluke needs something huge and black in her mouth, then...'next' .. You will all get a turn" -- Benjamin Perkins).

When people noticed, rightbloggers reacted in their traditional manner, e.g. Breitbart's "BUZZFEED DEFENDS SANDRA FLUKE, IGNORES HATE AGAINST BREITBART NEWS' DANA LOESCH."

More considered reactions were found at their blogs: "What use could a party that prominently features a slut demanding that Catholics be forced to pay for her birth control have for God?" said Moonbattery. "[Fluke] objected to being called a slut (definition - a woman given to immoral or improper conduct)," said Susan North of Right Truth. "Sheesh, when are those Democrats ever going to buy a dictionary? And this woman wants to be a lawyer!" "President Obama Did Not Give Sandra Fluke The Climax Dems Expected," said The Conservative Treehouse. "You and your femi-nazi friends are the ones who have declared war on women, not the Republicans," role-played Michael Nellett at Western Journalism.

As C-hour approached, rightbloggers held a little tailgate party, preparing for the Big Dog to fuck Obama up as expected.

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