"Jews Are Poisoning Dogs With Mushroom Spores" Is an Actual Rumor Circulating in Brooklyn Right Now

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www.cifwatch.com
The woman who lives down the hall from me in my Crown Heights apartment building is a late-middle-age Caribbean islander who spent months telling everyone in my building that I was an undercover K-9 cop sent in by the feds to blend in and gather intelligence on any potential drug dealers who may live in the building. Having lived in the same apartment for the past 30-plus years, she is the queen of the Crown Heights gossip/rumor scene.

That said, I was surprised but not stunned last night when she hit me with this doozie: Brooklyn Jews are peppering the sidewalks with mushroom spores. The reason: to poison the dogs in the neighborhood. 

You might be thinking, "Ahhh -- the ancient, Hebrew mushroom-spores-on-the-sidewalk trick; should have seen that one coming." But we assure you that Brooklyn Jews are not using mushroom spores to poison gentile dogs. However, this is an actual rumor that is circulating in my neighborhood -- as confirmed by two of my neighbor's friends (one of whom is convinced her dog's urinary tract infection was brought on by the poisonous mushrooms) and multiple Orthodox Jews in the neighborhood.

The following is what my neighbor -- whom we'll call Karen -- said to me as I walked my dog home from the park last night (note: after knowing each other for four months -- and speaking multiple times per day -- she still calls me Steve or Chris or Kevin. My name is not Steve or Chris or Kevin):

"Yo Steve! Yo Steve! You're gonna want to wash that dog's feet when you get upstairs -- the Jews down the street are putting poison mushroom spores on the sidewalk to kill dogs. My friend Yvette's dog just had a urinary tract infection -- thinks it's the mushrooms . . . yep."


Admittedly, my first thought was, "Well, I'm gonna have to wash my dog's feet." Then I thought, "Wait -- why the fuck would Jews use mushroom spores to kill dogs?"

So I asked to speak with Yvette, who confirmed that she'd heard the rumor from "lots of folks" and is convinced the poisonous spores are what caused her dog's UTI.

About a block from my apartment is a predominantly Orthodox neighborhood -- the supposed scene of the alleged sporing of Yvette's dog. So I asked some of the Orthodox men hanging out on the sidewalk if they were poisoning dogs with mushroom spores. To my surprise, they didn't look at me like I was batshit crazy.

"No, no, no -- the ladies over there have been saying for months that we are doing this," one of the men said. "Why on earth would we poison dogs with mushrooms? Where would we even get these mushrooms? Why would they not be making people sick? It's these ladies -- they keeping telling people [that Jews are poisoning dogs with mushroom spores] and they are actually believing it."

His story seemed to check out -- Jews waging biological warfare on the roughly six dogs that live in my neighborhood makes precisely zero sense.

As for the source of the rumor, Karen says: "It ain't a rumor -- this is real. Why don't you write one of your articles about it.?"

Done and done.

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12 comments
ihatejews
ihatejews

But this is happening.  dirty dirty dirty people you are.

The_Yeti_Knows
The_Yeti_Knows

In other news Moishe's oi vay kosher mushrooms are flying off the shelves everywhere..... And Jewish pornography is little more than a fully clothed couple horizontally describing how many apartments they own.

SavageAlso
SavageAlso

Abraham Felder deliberately put rat posion out. Dogs are being killed. Truth.

Samie
Samie

Rosanne Rosannadanna would concur: When you're an anti-Semite, it's always something. Next "lots of folks" will be saying that the Orthodox Jews gave them the wrong mushrooms: they meant to give them psilocybin so they'd be tripping AND have urinary tract infections. Take that, sober doggies! You'll never be satisfied with plain old kibble again.

Ellen_Lee3
Ellen_Lee3

@villagevoice This always comes up around the High Holy Days. And yet, Mayor Bloomberg is concerned w/soft drink consumption. #brilliant.

Ellen_Lee3
Ellen_Lee3

@villagevoice Okay, this is just stupid and ridiculous. Why is it always a question of religion/ethnicity. Shows a lack of education..

lex6m
lex6m

@villagevoice oh that's totally true. Insiders call it "Kippur Spores." It's the time of year for atonement and to "Shiitake the Shih Tzus"

Emilio______
Emilio______

@AlfredoNarvaez creo que el término "Jews" en plural es incorrecto... seguramente es un sólo Jew, y ése seguro es @alangrabinsky!

brendan.macwade
brendan.macwade

But why would The Jews go after Crown Heights dogs? Aren't they more enraged by the gentiles who walk their dogs in Williamsburg?

AlfredoNarvaez
AlfredoNarvaez

@Emilio______ @alangrabinsky yo solo cité al tuit! Jajajajajaja

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