Rightbloggers Have Turkey of a Thanksgiving, Thanks to Godless Obama, Discount Abortions

Walter Russell Mead treated his holiday readers to a long letter in which a pissed-off father yells at his adult children for their "series of poor 'copulation driven' decisions at key turning points in their lives" and other failings. Why did Mead think this was appropriate Thanksgiving material? "This holiday weekend when many of us are spending time with family," he explained, "it's worth asking ourselves what are we doing to avoid either getting an email like this or having to send one. Even in a culture devoted to self esteem and success, lives can go wrong in very dismal ways, and it's worth stepping back every now and then to get a reality check." Or maybe, when things aren't going your way politically, fantasies of vengeance against people whose feelings you can still hurt are the best comfort you can come up with.

"With our culture in full collapse and our constitutional freedoms in tattered ruins," wept John Harris of Intellectual Conservative, "Republican luminaries tell us to be good sports and let the butchers of our values enjoy their prize." But Harris sees things as they really are. "The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead," he declared. But "we still have a little time to make lifeboats out of driftwood." Though "justice has been raped over and over before our eyes, the rule of rule lies in shreds, decency has been chased deep into hiding, free speech is menaced with arrest and jail, grandmothers are being sent to cheap graves on cheap pain pills," etc., true patriots know how to keep Thanksgiving in the ObamaHitler2 era, according to Harris:

"Thanksgiving should be a day of shame, and a day of new resolution. We have squandered what God has given us, and as of this moment most of us continue to evade the unpleasant reality that burns our eyes even through their closed lids."

To redeem themselves, patriots should follow Harris' "specific recommendations," e.g., "don't allow your children to work in or for this government... Support and encourage a strong state resistance to dictatorial top-down policies.. If you are the owner of a small business... Don't try to expand and prosper in spite of everything: don't offer this regime any propaganda fodder in its ongoing effort to sell an idiot populace on the 'recovery.'" And, of course, "Arm yourself... keep having children. Our new rulers want you to die, ideologically and demographically. Don't play along. Make vibrant families, and feed them on peanuts and spuds from the back yard, if you must... Stop going to movies, and stop buying anything connected with Propa-Tainment Complex." Etc. So, neighbors, if you're wondering why Harris isn't getting out much these days, it's not paranoid delusions like that government-stooge shrink said, but love of country.

obamathanksronpaul.jpg
Hey, leave Ron Paul out of it.
Darleen Click of Protein Wisdom claimed to be "pretty happy that my immediate family is pretty cohesive in our political outlook, and I look forward to sitting with my dad while the two of us try to outdo each other in mocking the intellectually-bereft Left." Nonetheless she also posted the heated emails she'd been trading with a liberal ex-friend, running over 4,000 words and ending, "I did NOT ask your 'permission' to write about this exchange. Since I will remove all identifying information, I'm free to share with others. All I asked was if you wanted a link to it." Yeah, that sounds like a happy holiday scene.

Well, maybe she was happier on Black Friday. After all, pumped by Thanksiving-night store openings, sales were around $59 billion -- online sales exceeded $1 billion for the first time, and the Dow went back over 13,000. That's got to be good for the economy, and -- oh, right, Kenyan pretender, never mind.

In fact, few rightbloggers who did not have affiliate marketing deals expressed happiness over the big sales -- except insofar as it represented a rebuke to Wal-Mart workers striking for better pay. "Essentially, this protest was held by the typical left wing agitators who loath WalMart," explained William Teach of Right Wing News, "and are really upset that WalMart offers good at a low cost or something. And aren't unionized." "Wal-Mart Whiners -- 30 Million Willing to Work Your Job," announced Conservative Daily News. "Black Friday Walmart Protests Reek of Obama White House," gibbered Jim Hoft.

And besides, a news report went around that a Planned Parenthood outlet in Florida was offering a Black Friday discount on office visits, which the brethren immediately reinterpreted as discount abortions! "Planned Parenthood Offers Black Friday Discounts on Abortions" headlined (naturally) Jim Hoft; "PLANNED PARENTHOOD OFFERS BLACK FRIDAY DISCOUNTS ON ABORTIONS," hollered Human Events ("It's an Obama world... Now you can go shopping and then go in and kill your baby"); "Discount Death," yowled Robert Stacy McCain; "Planned Parenthood Offers Black Friday Discounts on Murder Of Unborn," extrapolated the David Brooks faves at Front Porch Republic; etc. (Oh, well, it's not like they haven't tried it before.)

Misery, anti-abortion ravings, and expressions of contempt for the government on national holidays -- that's a recipe for conservative comeback, all right. But wait a bit: We're now headed into Christmas -- or rather, as it's known around rightblogger world, the War on Christmas. If you have a sense of humor, these should indeed be some Happy Holidays.


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13 comments
Jack
Jack

Let's just say it and get it over with: Ben Shapiro and the rest of the Breitbots are cunts. 

GeoX
GeoX topcommenter

<i>"The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead"</i>

Whoa whoa whoa whoa--stop the car.  All of a sudden, wingnuts claim to believe in <i>society?</i>  So I suppose we can expect an end to all the moaning about rich people having to pay any taxes ever? No? Phew--I guess my world can remain right-way-up after all.

RogerAiles
RogerAiles

"The rule of rule lies in shreds...." - John Harris, "Intellectual Conservative"

 

Occasionally the truth slips out.

 

substancemcgravitas
substancemcgravitas

"The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead," he declared. But "we still have a little time to make lifeboats out of driftwood."

 

What an excellent idea.

substancemcgravitas
substancemcgravitas

"Who exactly are we supposed to be thankful to?"

 

Me.  I will accept cash and money orders only, no cheques.

ifthethunderdontgety
ifthethunderdontgety

<i>the same posture of withdrawal from international affairs that led an emboldened Germany and Japan to enter into wars of conquest in Europe and Asia."</i>

 

So <i>that's</i> why Japan entered World War II? 

 

Hell, Bluto Blutarsky had a better grasp of history.

~

hellslittlestangel
hellslittlestangel

Is it true that Mooch-elle likes to make lampshades out of turkey skin?

JNeoMarvin
JNeoMarvin

In the immortal words of Ian Mackaye, "Boo fuckin' hoo."

Cargo
Cargo

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually full up on Wingnut Tears of Impotent Rage.  There was a tsunami of them on November 6 and it hasn't abated!  

McSalmon
McSalmon

Oh, Jesus - Screw these people. They have no claim to moral authority over liberals - they were the ones who pushed this nation into war and demanded we be silent. They were the ones claiming torture was no big deal. They were the ones who told us to 'get over it' when Bush was nominated president by the tiniest of margins. And now, they are the ones agitating for secession because they didn't get their way.  They don't care about morality or fairness or efficiencies or any of that - they just wanted to win, and now that they aren't getting their way, they are trying to take the ball (which isn't theirs to start with) and go home in a pout. Cons, if you want to secede, just go the full step and move out of the country yourself. Go Galt to some place where the people don't yet know what horrible pratts you are, and leave it to the grown ups to run the world.

McSalmon
McSalmon

 @mommadillo  @McSalmon But they won't. If ever a Galt's Gulch appeared, there might be a rapid immigration to it, but on day 3, there was would be armed conflict over who got to stay and who got to run it. 

Julia Grey
Julia Grey

@McSalmon @mommadillo 

Naw, on day 3 there would be a mass exodus because nobody had emptied the chamber pots.

ETA: where's my picture???

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