Rightbloggers Have Turkey of a Thanksgiving, Thanks to Godless Obama, Discount Abortions
Walter Russell Mead treated his holiday readers to a long letter in which a pissed-off father yells at his adult children for their "series of poor 'copulation driven' decisions at key turning points in their lives" and other failings. Why did Mead think this was appropriate Thanksgiving material? "This holiday weekend when many of us are spending time with family," he explained, "it's worth asking ourselves what are we doing to avoid either getting an email like this or having to send one. Even in a culture devoted to self esteem and success, lives can go wrong in very dismal ways, and it's worth stepping back every now and then to get a reality check." Or maybe, when things aren't going your way politically, fantasies of vengeance against people whose feelings you can still hurt are the best comfort you can come up with.
"With our culture in full collapse and our constitutional freedoms in tattered ruins," wept John Harris of Intellectual Conservative, "Republican luminaries tell us to be good sports and let the butchers of our values enjoy their prize." But Harris sees things as they really are. "The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead," he declared. But "we still have a little time to make lifeboats out of driftwood." Though "justice has been raped over and over before our eyes, the rule of rule lies in shreds, decency has been chased deep into hiding, free speech is menaced with arrest and jail, grandmothers are being sent to cheap graves on cheap pain pills," etc., true patriots know how to keep Thanksgiving in the ObamaHitler2 era, according to Harris:
"Thanksgiving should be a day of shame, and a day of new resolution. We have squandered what God has given us, and as of this moment most of us continue to evade the unpleasant reality that burns our eyes even through their closed lids."
To redeem themselves, patriots should follow Harris' "specific recommendations," e.g., "don't allow your children to work in or for this government... Support and encourage a strong state resistance to dictatorial top-down policies.. If you are the owner of a small business... Don't try to expand and prosper in spite of everything: don't offer this regime any propaganda fodder in its ongoing effort to sell an idiot populace on the 'recovery.'" And, of course, "Arm yourself... keep having children. Our new rulers want you to die, ideologically and demographically. Don't play along. Make vibrant families, and feed them on peanuts and spuds from the back yard, if you must... Stop going to movies, and stop buying anything connected with Propa-Tainment Complex." Etc. So, neighbors, if you're wondering why Harris isn't getting out much these days, it's not paranoid delusions like that government-stooge shrink said, but love of country.
Darleen Click of Protein Wisdom claimed to be "pretty happy that my immediate family is pretty cohesive in our political outlook, and I look forward to sitting with my dad while the two of us try to outdo each other in mocking the intellectually-bereft Left." Nonetheless she also posted the heated emails she'd been trading with a liberal ex-friend, running over 4,000 words and ending, "I did NOT ask your 'permission' to write about this exchange. Since I will remove all identifying information, I'm free to share with others. All I asked was if you wanted a link to it." Yeah, that sounds like a happy holiday scene.
Hey, leave Ron Paul out of it.
Well, maybe she was happier on Black Friday. After all, pumped by Thanksiving-night store openings, sales were around $59 billion -- online sales exceeded $1 billion for the first time, and the Dow went back over 13,000. That's got to be good for the economy, and -- oh, right, Kenyan pretender, never mind.
In fact, few rightbloggers who did not have affiliate marketing deals expressed happiness over the big sales -- except insofar as it represented a rebuke to Wal-Mart workers striking for better pay. "Essentially, this protest was held by the typical left wing agitators who loath WalMart," explained William Teach of Right Wing News, "and are really upset that WalMart offers good at a low cost or something. And aren't unionized." "Wal-Mart Whiners -- 30 Million Willing to Work Your Job," announced Conservative Daily News. "Black Friday Walmart Protests Reek of Obama White House," gibbered Jim Hoft.
And besides, a news report went around that a Planned Parenthood outlet in Florida was offering a Black Friday discount on office visits, which the brethren immediately reinterpreted as discount abortions! "Planned Parenthood Offers Black Friday Discounts on Abortions" headlined (naturally) Jim Hoft; "PLANNED PARENTHOOD OFFERS BLACK FRIDAY DISCOUNTS ON ABORTIONS," hollered Human Events ("It's an Obama world... Now you can go shopping and then go in and kill your baby"); "Discount Death," yowled Robert Stacy McCain; "Planned Parenthood Offers Black Friday Discounts on Murder Of Unborn," extrapolated the David Brooks faves at Front Porch Republic; etc. (Oh, well, it's not like they haven't tried it before.)
Misery, anti-abortion ravings, and expressions of contempt for the government on national holidays -- that's a recipe for conservative comeback, all right. But wait a bit: We're now headed into Christmas -- or rather, as it's known around rightblogger world, the War on Christmas. If you have a sense of humor, these should indeed be some Happy Holidays.