Rightbloggers Have Turkey of a Thanksgiving, Thanks to Godless Obama, Discount Abortions

tomt200.jpgWe hope all our readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If it wasn't everything you'd hoped, console yourself with this: At least you're not a rightblogger. They seemed to have a miserable time.

There were a couple of reasons why (ahem) but adding special butthurt to their 2012 holiday was Obama's Thanksgiving address, in which the Kenyan Pretender not only refused to acknowledge his treason and resign, but also failed to thank God and Jesus for killing the Injuns so white people and their slaves could live in America.

The President did say, in reference to Hurricane Sandy victims, that "there but for the grace of God go I," and that "the idea that I am my brother's keeper; that I am my sister's keeper - has always been a part of what makes our country special," but this teaching of Jesus is not one rightbloggers generally acknowledge as legitimate. (Also the addition of "sister's keeper" may have struck them as sacrilegiously gender-neutral.)

Ben Shapiro at Breitbart.com referred to the "grace of God" bit as a "hackneyed aphorism, used constantly by this president for communitarian sloganeering," as opposed to the invocations of the Almighty used by conservative politicians in their speeches. Shapiro further informed us that this was the fourth straight Godless Obama Thanksgiving; he did allow that "in 2010, Obama was closer, but still missed the mark ('we'll spend some time taking stock of what we're thankful for: the God-given bounty of America...')," but apparently the hyphen renders all God-mentions null and void.

Shapiro saw more God in Obama's Thanksgiving proclamations, "which he does not read or speak. Those are filled with God - at least for the last three years. In his first year, filled with the vim and vigor of his original election, Obama preferred to eschew any direct thanking of God even in his proclamation... Of course, nobody sees these proclamations, so Obama doesn't have to be embarrassed about them." You see the pattern: Obama is keeping God on the down-low. Thank God the Breitbart crew is around to expose it.

The story expectedly got even more garbled further along the rightblogger telephone line; "The President's remarks were totally void of any religious references," burbled William E. Lewis Jr. at RedState, "although Thanksgiving is a holiday traditionally steeped in giving thanks and praise to God. "He forgot to thank God," said the reliably confused Jim Hoft of Gateway Pundit. "He forgot to mention God." Perhaps Hoft forgot to read the transcript.

At FrontPageMag, Daniel Greenfield went further still: "Obama Erases God from Thanksgiving," he claimed, which seems strange as everywhere we went on Thanksgiving day, stores were playing Christmas carols chock-full of the Child shivering in the cold and whatnot. "Who exactly are we supposed to be thankful to? " continued Greenfield. "It's unknown. Possibly Obama, as in the Soviet slogan, 'Thank you, Comrade Stalin for our happy childhood.'" (The Thanksgiving Prayer to Obama has not caught on in our neighborhood; perhaps it is an outlier.)

But take heart, citizens: "No evil endures forever," said Greenfield. "Perhaps in four years, we will even have our religious freedom restored again." Till then we may warm ourselves with the Thanksgiving messages of George W. Bush, God-rich passages from which Greenfield lovingly reproduced. If only Romney had allowed Bush to read them aloud at the 2012 Republican Convention! The outcome of the election might have been greatly changed.

"He called the very first Thanksgiving a 'celebration of community,'" spat Todd Stearns at Fox Nation, and instead of God Obama's address "references the Civil War, two World Wars, and the Great Depression - noting that 'Americans drew strength from each other.'" Well, Lincoln "said the nation drew its strength from God," and who's better, Lincoln or Obama? There, God wins.

"Screw God, Thank the State!" interpreted Cassy Fiano of Victory Girls. Obama "did, however, ask Americans to band together behind his administration," Fiano said. "Because, you know, that's what Thanksgiving is all about: being thankful for the government."

At the Charlotte Examiner, Susan Stallings tied Obama's sort-of-Godless Thanksgiving to the death of one of last year's Presidentially-pardoned Thanksgiving turkeys, named Peace.

"Oddly," reported Stallings, "one of the turkeys pardoned last year was euthanized Monday, said an official, insisting that the timing had no connection to Thanksgiving 'Peace' came down with a mystery 'illness' over the weekend and died after spending a year at Mount Vernon Estate, the historic home of George Washington, which is where [current pardonees] Cobbler and Gobbler will live out their days, supposedly."

Or so the Main Stream Media would have you believe, but Stallings' qualifiers and scare quotes blinked out a Morse Code message of cover-up! She added, "Speaking metaphorically, Peace was euthanized long before this past Monday." Again she didn't make plain what she meant, but did mention that Obama and his family ate a turkey at Thanksgiving, adding, "mixed messages from Obama, as per usual, not unlike the turkeys pardoned and those served up on silver platters." Everything about him is a lie!

obamakillseagle.jpg
Favorite part: The literal "sheeple." It's like Free Republic for Children!
Scared Monkeys dug deeper. "[Obama] went on to say that, 'no dream is too big if they're willing to work for it,'" they noted. A non-controversial statement, you say? Not out of the mouth of Black Hitler! "Work for it?" cried Scared Monkeys. "What message has Obama ever sent that people should work hard for things? Instead he penalizes and punishes those who have worked hard and made something of themselves. Obama looks to tax the producers, the small business owner and redistribute their money to the moochers," rage fume scream, "The most polarizing and divisive president ever now wants every one to come together as if he never ignited the fuse... America has many things to be thankful for, Barack Obama is not one of them."

After that we wonder if these cowboys had the strength to stuff down a turkey dinner. We're guessing they did, and if they couldn't keep it down, that too would be the fault of the Pretender. It's Barack Bulimia!

Some of the brethren withdrew from this vital struggle and found others ways to be miserable on this, the first Thanksgiving of the second Obama Dark Age.

Some went with a bitter sort of humor. The Conservative Muse addressed "An Obama Thanksgiving" poetically (as is his wont: "exposing the folly of liberalism through satirical poetry" is his tagline). Here's his stanza for African-Americans:

Our first black president has graced his people with this plight:
An economy so bad their unemployment's reached new height.
But dependency on welfare is a status He condones;
Along with checks and food stamps He hands out Obama phones.
Alexander Pope just corkscrewed straight out of Twickenham. At American Thinker, Dr. Jeffrey Folks wondered what Winston Churchill would think if he were alive at Thanksgiving 2012, and answered himself: "Certainly, Churchill would have us enjoy our day of thanksgiving filled with large helpings of turkey, dressing, and professional football," said Dr. Folks. "But he would also interject a moment of somber contemplation... what would disturb him, just as it did in the years before America's entry into WWII, is the sliding of American public opinion toward a posture of isolationism and pacifism -- the same posture of withdrawal from international affairs that led an emboldened Germany and Japan to enter into wars of conquest in Europe and Asia." Regrettably, Dr. Folks did not tell us what Churchill would have thought about Skrillex and Honey Boo Boo, which we're sure you'll agree would be more interesting and no less believable.

Several of the brethren consoled themselves with the old rightblogger story about how the Pilgrims were doomed by communism until Jesus brought them capitalism ("Today is Thanksgiving, and there is much to be thankful for. Not least on the list is the institution of private property, without which the Pilgrims might not have survived..."). Which is bullshit, but you knew that.

Most, though, remained in a post-election funk and took it out on Thanksgiving.



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13 comments
Jack
Jack

Let's just say it and get it over with: Ben Shapiro and the rest of the Breitbots are cunts. 

GeoX
GeoX topcommenter

<i>"The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead"</i>

Whoa whoa whoa whoa--stop the car.  All of a sudden, wingnuts claim to believe in <i>society?</i>  So I suppose we can expect an end to all the moaning about rich people having to pay any taxes ever? No? Phew--I guess my world can remain right-way-up after all.

RogerAiles
RogerAiles

"The rule of rule lies in shreds...." - John Harris, "Intellectual Conservative"

 

Occasionally the truth slips out.

 

substancemcgravitas
substancemcgravitas

"The United States of America, as a coherent society, is dead," he declared. But "we still have a little time to make lifeboats out of driftwood."

 

What an excellent idea.

substancemcgravitas
substancemcgravitas

"Who exactly are we supposed to be thankful to?"

 

Me.  I will accept cash and money orders only, no cheques.

ifthethunderdontgety
ifthethunderdontgety

<i>the same posture of withdrawal from international affairs that led an emboldened Germany and Japan to enter into wars of conquest in Europe and Asia."</i>

 

So <i>that's</i> why Japan entered World War II? 

 

Hell, Bluto Blutarsky had a better grasp of history.

~

hellslittlestangel
hellslittlestangel

Is it true that Mooch-elle likes to make lampshades out of turkey skin?

JNeoMarvin
JNeoMarvin

In the immortal words of Ian Mackaye, "Boo fuckin' hoo."

Cargo
Cargo

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually full up on Wingnut Tears of Impotent Rage.  There was a tsunami of them on November 6 and it hasn't abated!  

McSalmon
McSalmon

Oh, Jesus - Screw these people. They have no claim to moral authority over liberals - they were the ones who pushed this nation into war and demanded we be silent. They were the ones claiming torture was no big deal. They were the ones who told us to 'get over it' when Bush was nominated president by the tiniest of margins. And now, they are the ones agitating for secession because they didn't get their way.  They don't care about morality or fairness or efficiencies or any of that - they just wanted to win, and now that they aren't getting their way, they are trying to take the ball (which isn't theirs to start with) and go home in a pout. Cons, if you want to secede, just go the full step and move out of the country yourself. Go Galt to some place where the people don't yet know what horrible pratts you are, and leave it to the grown ups to run the world.

McSalmon
McSalmon

 @mommadillo  @McSalmon But they won't. If ever a Galt's Gulch appeared, there might be a rapid immigration to it, but on day 3, there was would be armed conflict over who got to stay and who got to run it. 

Julia Grey
Julia Grey

@McSalmon @mommadillo 

Naw, on day 3 there would be a mass exodus because nobody had emptied the chamber pots.

ETA: where's my picture???

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