Rightbloggers' Solution to Obama's Reelection: Bring Back Culture War and White People!

tomt200.jpgIt would be cruel to take too much pleasure in the rightblogger reactions to last Tuesday's events. Lest we forget, Democrats too have been known to lose faith in their fellow Americans when a big election doesn't go their way.

So let us, after a brief review of their wrathful ejaculations, focus on their brilliant ideas for getting fallen, Obamasocialistic America to vote their way in the future -- mainly by reviving the "culture war" that so brilliantly worked for them in 2012.

By now most of you have heard some of the cries of pain that came after Barack Obama -- presumed by many rightbloggers just days earlier to be headed for a historic, landslide defeat -- racked up a convincing 332 electoral votes to win a second term.

For example, Kevin DuJan of HillBuzz, who before the election told us he was looking forward to watching MSNBC anchors on election night as they "all realize[d] Nate Silver was lying to them and that there is in actuality a 0% of Obama being reelected," said afterwards that "America is not the place we thought it was... The electorate really has changed... and it appears that change has come from the generations who've attended public schools and have been indoctrinated to believe that big government is good and European socialism is our ideal"; also, "the Ministry of Truth succeeded in pushing voters to choose four more years of wild spending, government intrusion, chaos, and ineptitude." DuJan added, "it's tempting to lash out and succumb to anger this morning," perhaps as an inside joke or cry for help.

Onetime Libertarian Vice-Presidential candidate Wayne Allyn Root, whose "gut instinct" told him "Christians Will Empower A Romney Landslide," lectured after Romney's loss about "the speech that Romney should have given," which contained such sure-fire lines as "we have to change direction before we have no country left to defend" and "Remember Obama presided over a Democratic convention that booed God three times." Romney must be kicking himself over this.

National Review's Jonah Goldberg attacked statistician Nate Silver's prediction that Obama would win, well, all the states he turned out to win. "The truth is that any statistician can build a model," sniffed Goldberg, perhaps thinking of the scale-model Munsters car he built in grad school. "They do it all the time... No doubt some models are better than others, and some models are simply better for a while and then regress to the mean... I'm not saying Silver's just lucky or shoveling garbage. He's a serious numbers guy. But so are" other pollsters who had Romney winning, etc.

But came the election, and... wait a minute, that Goldberg article is datelined the day after the election. Well, lead times are a bitch -- let's see what Goldberg said later:

If only married people voted, Romney would have won in a landslide. If only married religious people voted, you'd need a word that means something much bigger than landslide. Obviously, Obama got some votes from the married and the religious (such people can marry their interests to the state, too), but as a generalization, the Obama coalition heavily depends on people who do not see family or religion as rival or superior sources of material aid or moral authority.
[blink] [blink] You know, maybe we should just forget about Goldberg altogether.

As we mentioned, the results led many rightbloggers to despair of the American people.

"Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted," mused WorldNetDaily's Joseph Farah. "Maybe we deserve this judgment for our own individual and collective sins." "Mitt Romney proclaimed that Barack Obama was the candidate of 'free stuff,' and voters took him at his word," explained John Hinderaker of Power Line. "Americans choose socialism" ran the headline in Sheldon Adelson's Israel Today, which must have really enraged the kibbutzim.

Daniel Greenfield at [pause for effect] Sultan Knish likened the election to Hurricane Sandy: "A week ago we sat waiting out the storm when the lights flickered and went out," he wrote. "...The lights have gone out in America now. They may come back. They may not." Similarly, Staten Island may never have electricity again, like on that show Revolution.

obamajimjones.jpg
One of our favorite campaign cartoons that were not obviously, repulsively racist.
Which is why America has to wise up: After another generation of Obama, Greenfield continued, "there will be no law, just men with guns and newspapers, and generals in convenient positions, and suitcases full of cocaine in the right hands." Gasp! Will the cocaine never cease and the darkness never end in Staten America? "The question," reasoned Greenfield, "is whether a right-wing movement can emerge that will make the vast majority of small businessmen in this country feel as negatively about a Democratic president as welfare voters feel about a Republican president?" If only the GOP had nominated a candidate who could appeal to small business owners! Now we'll never know.

Under the headline "America goes into the darkness," culture scold Melanie Philips wrote that "greatest satisfaction today over the re-election of Obama is not being felt in the Democratic Party," nor in the "corrupt" media, nor even among "the gloating, drooling decadents of the western left who now scent a great blood-letting of all who dare defy their secular inquisition" (though we can attest that they really enjoyed the fuck out of it). "No," thundered Philips, "the greatest satisfaction is surely being felt in Iran."

[blink] [blink] Wut.

The Obama administration, starring "Iranian-born [Valerie] Jarrett," Philips portrayed as happy to see Iran "complete its infernal construction of a genocide bomb to use against the Jews and the west. World War Three has now come a lot closer." She added, "four years ago, America put into the White House a sulky narcissist with close links to people with a history of thuggish, far-left, black power, Jew-bashing, west-hating politics" whose "agenda has been crystal clear from the get-go: to increase the power of the state over the citizen at home, and to neutralise American power abroad." And now that he's been reelected by those treasonous bastards the American people, said Philips, by the end of his second term "he'll almost certainly have succeeded."

Look, what we said before about not wanting to be cruel? We take it back.

To be fair, some rightbloggers didn't blame Obama on all Americans -- just the black ones.


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19 comments
EdKollin
EdKollin

While all these bloggers are writing others have acted on the belief the Obama's reelection means we are Soviet Union 1955 by engaging in mass layoffs and crashing the stock market.  

StringOnAStick
StringOnAStick topcommenter

"eschewing politics in polite company"?  Yeah, right; every overbearing bore proclaiming their politics to me has been a wingnut, period, and it has always been them deciding they need to gift me with their Fox-fed alternate reality.  And now some blog writer is telling her minions to do this even more?  Oh, excellent.  This should go over just as well the right to lifers announcing post-election day that they're going with an even more aggressive approach, because once the rest of us see just how sincere they are, we'll all suddenly agree with them. 

piniella14
piniella14

“Millions of American evangelicals are absolutely shocked by not just the presidential election, but by the entire avalanche of results that came in,” R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, Ky., said in an interview. “It’s not that our message — we think abortion is wrong, we think same-sex marriage is wrong — didn’t get out. It did get out. “It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

GeoX
GeoX topcommenter

 "We must engage in Pop Culture: books, movies, TV show, social media and everything else," deadpanned TLT. "There needs to be a counter insurgency of ideas because every subject is political in one way or another. We have to tilt opinion in an engaging way that gets the results we want."

 

The problem is not that you're presenting your message in an insufficiently hip way: the problem is that your message is horrifying and barbarous.  Can you tell me exactly what you're <i>looking</i> for by way of "conservative" "books, movies, and TV shows?"  'Cause maybe I'm just naive, but I can't help feeling that while your hilarious sitcom about how poor people should die because they can't afford medical care is definitely going to have an electoral impact, it may not be the one you were hoping for.

merl.allen
merl.allen topcommenter

How did the idiot learn that she was an 'abortion survivor'? Did her mother hate her enough to tell her that she'd tried to abort her?

substancemcgravitas
substancemcgravitas

"Are you an artist, writer, filmmaker, musician, blogger, podcaster, craftsperson or other creative type?... We'll give you the fuel, the resources and the know-how to keep up the fight for the values you believe in."

 

Rock for obedience!

draa100
draa100

I could read shit like this all day long. It never gets old. The whining from the righties is soooo sweet that it makes my fruitloops that much better.

MaryRC
MaryRC

Kevin DuJan is such a little con man and grifter that I'm still not entirely convinced that he ever believed Romney could win. His followers are the real suckers.  Kevin not only fed them the party line -- Nate Silver is scamming you, look at 2010! -- he claimed to have insider knowledge from the black community in Chicago.  Black Americans were sick of Obama, Obama himself was sick (AIDS and Parkinsons), the Obamas were tired of Washington and rich bankster friends had bought them a mansion in Hawaii, so Obama wanted to lose -- Kevin had the goods.  None of his followers (that made it through moderation anyway) have asked him what happened to all that inside gossip and information, they're all "Thank you, Kevin, for helping them through this terrible time."  And now they're whipping themselves into a froth over voter fraud because what other explanation could there be?  He's groomed them well.

Jack
Jack

His suggested next wave of future Foxies: "Breitbart disciples like John Nolte, Ben Shapiro, and Joel Pollak."

 

And that pretty much sums it up. I think it's really about time that liberals just ignore anything that conservatives have to say about anything because that statement alone proves just how completely fucking ignorant they are. Those have to be three of the biggest, crack pot, whining douchebags in the entire right wing blogosphere. 

Anony
Anony

"If only married people voted, Romney would have won in a landslide. If only married religious people voted, you'd need a word that means something much bigger than landslide."

 

And if only Romney voters had voted, why, then we'd be in business!

gopnot4me
gopnot4me

Now I see the ole perfessor, in a baggy shift, preparing to throw a bowling ball overhand. Thank you. And Thurber.

MaryRC
MaryRC

 @ifthethunderdontgety Or they never quite get it right.  Like this commenter:  "Going John Galt for the sake of the country. Please get rid of TV and cable. Everything can be viewed online.".

 

Or the now-infamous Freeper who's going off the grid by getting rid of cell phones,  landlines, credit cards and computer accounts and is going to get in touch with the local Tea Party.  By carrier pigeon, one assumes.

rmk948
rmk948

 @ifthethunderdontgety The loathsome "self-made" millionaire Mr. Bounderby in Dickens's "Hard Times" sputtered  that he might as well throw his money in the ocean if he were taxed to provide some meager poor relief. Dickens noted that rich men often made these threats, but that none were ever observed to follow through.

CptnSpldng
CptnSpldng

 @Jack "Brietbart's body lies a-moldering in the grave,

Brietbart's body lies a-moldering in the grave.

Brietbart's body lies a-moldering in the grave.

His herp keeps derping on."

 

atgnewheaven
atgnewheaven

 @CptnSpldng  @Jack Longtime-Reader-1st-Time-Poster.  God how I love you!  I've been laughing all night long .....

 

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