Rightbloggers' Solution to Obama's Reelection: Bring Back Culture War and White People!
So let us, after a brief review of their wrathful ejaculations, focus on their brilliant ideas for getting fallen, Obamasocialistic America to vote their way in the future -- mainly by reviving the "culture war" that so brilliantly worked for them in 2012.
By now most of you have heard some of the cries of pain that came after Barack Obama -- presumed by many rightbloggers just days earlier to be headed for a historic, landslide defeat -- racked up a convincing 332 electoral votes to win a second term.
For example, Kevin DuJan of HillBuzz, who before the election told us he was looking forward to watching MSNBC anchors on election night as they "all realize[d] Nate Silver was lying to them and that there is in actuality a 0% of Obama being reelected," said afterwards that "America is not the place we thought it was... The electorate really has changed... and it appears that change has come from the generations who've attended public schools and have been indoctrinated to believe that big government is good and European socialism is our ideal"; also, "the Ministry of Truth succeeded in pushing voters to choose four more years of wild spending, government intrusion, chaos, and ineptitude." DuJan added, "it's tempting to lash out and succumb to anger this morning," perhaps as an inside joke or cry for help.
Onetime Libertarian Vice-Presidential candidate Wayne Allyn Root, whose "gut instinct" told him "Christians Will Empower A Romney Landslide," lectured after Romney's loss about "the speech that Romney should have given," which contained such sure-fire lines as "we have to change direction before we have no country left to defend" and "Remember Obama presided over a Democratic convention that booed God three times." Romney must be kicking himself over this.
National Review's Jonah Goldberg attacked statistician Nate Silver's prediction that Obama would win, well, all the states he turned out to win. "The truth is that any statistician can build a model," sniffed Goldberg, perhaps thinking of the scale-model Munsters car he built in grad school. "They do it all the time... No doubt some models are better than others, and some models are simply better for a while and then regress to the mean... I'm not saying Silver's just lucky or shoveling garbage. He's a serious numbers guy. But so are" other pollsters who had Romney winning, etc.
But came the election, and... wait a minute, that Goldberg article is datelined the day after the election. Well, lead times are a bitch -- let's see what Goldberg said later:
If only married people voted, Romney would have won in a landslide. If only married religious people voted, you'd need a word that means something much bigger than landslide. Obviously, Obama got some votes from the married and the religious (such people can marry their interests to the state, too), but as a generalization, the Obama coalition heavily depends on people who do not see family or religion as rival or superior sources of material aid or moral authority.[blink] [blink] You know, maybe we should just forget about Goldberg altogether.
As we mentioned, the results led many rightbloggers to despair of the American people.
"Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted," mused WorldNetDaily's Joseph Farah. "Maybe we deserve this judgment for our own individual and collective sins." "Mitt Romney proclaimed that Barack Obama was the candidate of 'free stuff,' and voters took him at his word," explained John Hinderaker of Power Line. "Americans choose socialism" ran the headline in Sheldon Adelson's Israel Today, which must have really enraged the kibbutzim.
Daniel Greenfield at [pause for effect] Sultan Knish likened the election to Hurricane Sandy: "A week ago we sat waiting out the storm when the lights flickered and went out," he wrote. "...The lights have gone out in America now. They may come back. They may not." Similarly, Staten Island may never have electricity again, like on that show Revolution.
Which is why America has to wise up: After another generation of Obama, Greenfield continued, "there will be no law, just men with guns and newspapers, and generals in convenient positions, and suitcases full of cocaine in the right hands." Gasp! Will the cocaine never cease and the darkness never end in Staten America? "The question," reasoned Greenfield, "is whether a right-wing movement can emerge that will make the vast majority of small businessmen in this country feel as negatively about a Democratic president as welfare voters feel about a Republican president?" If only the GOP had nominated a candidate who could appeal to small business owners! Now we'll never know.
One of our favorite campaign cartoons that were not obviously, repulsively racist.
Under the headline "America goes into the darkness," culture scold Melanie Philips wrote that "greatest satisfaction today over the re-election of Obama is not being felt in the Democratic Party," nor in the "corrupt" media, nor even among "the gloating, drooling decadents of the western left who now scent a great blood-letting of all who dare defy their secular inquisition" (though we can attest that they really enjoyed the fuck out of it). "No," thundered Philips, "the greatest satisfaction is surely being felt in Iran."
[blink] [blink] Wut.
The Obama administration, starring "Iranian-born [Valerie] Jarrett," Philips portrayed as happy to see Iran "complete its infernal construction of a genocide bomb to use against the Jews and the west. World War Three has now come a lot closer." She added, "four years ago, America put into the White House a sulky narcissist with close links to people with a history of thuggish, far-left, black power, Jew-bashing, west-hating politics" whose "agenda has been crystal clear from the get-go: to increase the power of the state over the citizen at home, and to neutralise American power abroad." And now that he's been reelected by those treasonous bastards the American people, said Philips, by the end of his second term "he'll almost certainly have succeeded."
Look, what we said before about not wanting to be cruel? We take it back.
To be fair, some rightbloggers didn't blame Obama on all Americans -- just the black ones.