The 12 Months of Crazy: Rightbloggers' Greatest Hits of 2012
June: Supreme Court upholds Obamacare
The brethren's butthurt was palpable on this one. At National Review Avik Roy claimed Chief Justice Roberts, hungry for the approbation of the New York Times, had been "blackmailed by left-wing editorialists." When Paul Krugman approved the decision, Timothy P. Carney tweeted, "Krugman talks of a more decent society... by the end you suspect he means one where all conservatives are killed."
They did see a silver lining, though: Daniel Fisher of Forbes thought the decision was "likely to be a boon for presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, who can now campaign even more vigorously on a platform of repealing the unpopular law..." "So far, it's good news for Mitt Romney," said Ed Morrissey of Hot Air. "Thursday's USSC decision upholding ObamaCare's individual mandate as constitutional has served one positive purpose," said Edward Daley at Renew America, "which is to practically guarantee Barack Obama's defeat in November."
July: Aurora, the other gun massacre that meant don't do anything about guns ever
The shooting of 70 people in Colorado set up a wet run for rightblogger reactions to the Newtown shooting, with pretty much exactly the same themes: For example, Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom accused gun control advocates of (what else) only caring about "how can [they] use this tragedy politically," and offered his own preventive measure: "law abiding citizens with revolvers or semi-auto... Stock up on guns and ammo. And do not let them get away with the kind of post-Columbine crackdown on the Second Amendment they're most certainly already planning to angle for." So far his plan seems to have worked.
August: The battle of Chick-fil-A
Rightbloggers rejoiced that ordinary citizens -- in what numbers, no one was able to say -- went to Chick-fil-A one day solely to show support for the chain's opposition to gay marriage. It was a giddy time: Jesus blogger Mollie Hemingway of Get Religion bragged that she might have gotten a guy fired for making anti-protesters comments on Facebook, which is what strong popular movements do, right? That'll teach him to claim an anti-gay protest was about "hatred"!
Later the brethren tried something similar on behalf of Papa John's anti-Obamacare pseudopizza chain. 2012 will go down in history as the year cramming one's maw with crap fast food became the Tea Party's favorite protest mode. Now patriots will have a new crop of health-related reasons to use Medicare-funded mobility scooters.
September: Benghazi, the game changer that wasn't
"CHAOS AT THE STATE DEPT?" "Team Obama Tweets While America's Embassies Burn," etc. -- yes, this at last was the scandal that would rip the scales from America's eyes and defenestrate Obama. Unfortunately no one gives a shit about Benghazi, even after the strenuous efforts of the latter-day Woodwards and Bernsteins of Breitbart.com.
They bitch about it to this day. Last week Allen West said absent Secretary of Stater Hillary Clinton had "come down with a case of Benghazi flu." This is the sort of talk that has made the West the Republican Party success story he is -- and, come to think of it, has done the same for the Republican Party itself.
October: Unskewed polls show Romney rout
Where do they run these cartoons, anyway? Are they even printed, or just hung on bulletin boards at klaverns?
When things didn't go so well for them on Election Day, rightbloggers developed a new plan for the Republican Party: They should treat the newly powerful Hispanic voters as potential foreign enemies; speak out on black oppression of whites, and -- as if that weren't outreach enough -- tell women that Obama's their real enemy because he tried to make that token Susan Rice Secretary of State, and then was chauvinistic enough to defend her. Electoral gold!
December: More of the same
We got another terrible gun massacre, and even more ridiculous excuses from rightbloggers. When NRA prez Wayne LaPierre made his counterproposal to the gun control everyone now seemed to want -- armed guards in every school in America -- even Rupert Murdoch's New York Post momentarily debarked the crazy train. But most rightbloggers stood their ground, so to speak, telling us that the real problem wasn't LaPierre's detachment from reality, but the liberal media.
Daniel Halper explained at the Weekly Standard that some TV talking head who was mean to LaPierre has a kid who goes to school with Obama's kids, so they probably have Secret Service protection, so the talking head is a hypocrite. At Instapundit, Glenn Reynolds said reporters' antipathy to guns had "a race/class angle," by which we assume he meant that the liberal media was directing blacks on behalf of Obama to steal everyone's guns so they can bring back Reconstruction.
Long before Ann Althouse denounced Andrew Sullivan as a hypocrite for "boasting that his 'Enough!' post 'has just blown up on Facebook" because "he's so sensitive about those terrible guns, but his metaphor of choice is explosion," it was clear that most of them had given up arguing entirely and were just trying to create a distraction.
To sum up, these guys had major clues dropped on them throughout 2012, yet they show no sign of changing -- even though the world around them is. But look on the bright side: Who doesn't love a fish-out-of-water comedy? Happy 2013, readers, and don't worry, we'll never run out of material.