Is This the End of the Culture War? Nah -- Too Much Money in It.

tomt200.jpgRecently at The Week, right-wing author Matt K. Lewis penned a provocative column called "The Culture War Is Over, and Conservatives Lost." He was echoing what many rightbloggers have been saying since the recent election -- that after two consecutive victories by the Kenyan Pretender, conservatives ought to consider that the average America might not actually hate homosexuals, contraception, and Big Gummint, and that the right's "culture war" (Wikipedia entry here, for those fortunate enough never to have heard of it) might be a losing proposition.

But we're skeptical. Maybe they'd give up if the culture war were really meant to sway ordinary Americans, since in that regard it's apparently no longer useful. But in the Age of Obama II, it would seem that culture war is actually a sort of make-work project for rightbloggers. And if they do it right, they can even get people to pay for it.

Conservative hearts have been observably sagging since November 6. You can see it in the increasingly glum columns of George F. Will; in his latest, "Our Decadent Democracy," Will mourns that America is going the way of Japan because it wants its Social Security and Medicare, the lazy bastards, and also is experiencing "its lowest birth rate since at least 1920" (as we have observed before, birth rate is a perennial concern of culture warriors).

Maggie Gallagher, that longtime implacable foe of marriage equality, has actually thrown in the towel, at least as far as producing a regular column that people pay for goes.

Gallagher acknowledges in her valedictory column that the world hasn't been listening to her -- or , as she puts it, "the power of porn and Hollywood to create our norms for family life is more triumphant than ever." But she still believes what she's always believed, though she only talks about the Gee Ay Why part in code now ("If it is true that sex makes babies, then that is clearly the most important thing about sex, the thing around which a decent person or society will organize sexual values, behavior and norms").

To keep hope alive, Gallagher calls for "a next generation of culture creators, of storytellers, with the credentials to name reality: empirical social scientists, novelists, poets, preachers and filmmakers."

But where would these empirical artists come from? Glad you asked! "We need donors to invest in building the networks and communities through which such voices are born, flourish and give meaning to the lives of millions," she writes.

One could go to MaggieGallagher.com, then, and hit the PayPal to keep the culture war going. But there are plenty of other ways to contribute.

One could, at a minimum, contribute one's attention and/or place on a mailing list, via bulletins and e-mail messages that bulge with Obama conspiracy messages. A widely circulated "I'm Hearing Strange Whispers About Obama . . ." e-mail, for example, tells readers about "gossip, likely very innocent in nature, that Obama will ultimately go down in history as the 'Greatest President Ever.'" Readers might give the lie to this intolerable assertion by taking part in a linked poll that requires that they give their e-mail address to the author's website. Well, at least it's not going to the damned Lame Stream Media!

Or one could go bigger. As you might have heard, some of the brethren are so heartbroken that they are willing to entertain the idea of secession. But talk is cheap. For the serious separatist, there's something called The Citadel, sort of a secessionist housing development in Idaho, which we are promised "will house between 3,500 and 7,000 patriotic American families who agree that being prepared for the emergencies of life and being proficient with the American icon of Liberty -- the Rifle -- are prudent measures." Want in? Send them a form and some money. "If your application is not accepted," they say, "your application fee will be refunded (minus a $33 administrative fee)."

This may be too hardcore for most. But there are secession-lite options.

twostate.jpg
Because it's worked so well for Israel and the Palestinians.
Instapundit and other rightbloggers have promoted a book by one Thomas Sawyer called The Two State Solution for America. Sawyer starts by explaining the problem: "Those on the left REALLY HATE the right for not supplicating to the desires of the statists," while "those on the right REALLY HATE the left for trying to destroy the values that built America." Having thus assured that only conservatives will take him seriously, Sawyer proposes 'the reorganization of the federal government into two new entities -- the federal and the Regional . . ." Sawyer's plan "creates two parts -- the national and the domestic -- out of the whole of our current federal government, and splits the responsibilities between the federal level and the Regions. Then it splits the domestic level into two parts -- Region A and Region B," etc.

The main impediment to this plan, says Sawyer, is the liberals, who won't go along because it would "prove to the world that their goal, like all good socialists throughout history, is to achieve a centralized, all-powerful government, with THEM in charge." Think how silly they'd look then! Thus the only real options left for conservatives are either to "accept their chains freely," or to "try to secede . . . what if those [Red] states were to act on this idea, allowing them to effectively institute the Two State Solution for America unilaterally, thereby forcing the liberal states into this new 'compact' by default?" See, you're not a traitor -- liberals are forcing you to start your own alterna-confederacy. The book isn't printed yet, but "as soon as they can tell me specifically which day the books will be ready to ship, I will post it here," the author assures us, "and also on the 'Buy the Book' page."

If you haven't given up on bringing America around to a rightblogger way of thinking, you can join with those who still hope to win the culture war. But we warn you: These brethren are not as strong on product as they are on the pitch.

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7 comments
fffghyhjmnnm
fffghyhjmnnm

"If it is true that sex makes babies" sounds like a line from a number in a musical. 

merl.allen
merl.allen topcommenter

So if you go to a Springsteen concert and see someone dressed as a farmer you will become a Repub? Wow!! fantastic plan.

RogerAiles
RogerAiles

Vince Vaughn!

"Let Freedom Swing!"

MrWonderful
MrWonderful

"Declaration plans to make patriotic films..."

 Oh please oh please oh please...

al2o3cr
al2o3cr

Not mentioned in any rightblogger's site: why "conservative entertainment" is such an utter market failure that it needs to be funded by *donations*. Ayn Rand has a sad.

mommadillo
mommadillo

"dumbing down the conservative message"

Wouldn't that be something like trying to make water wetter?

GlockH.PalinEsq.
GlockH.PalinEsq.

@merl.allen They should have asked people to go dressed as a middle aged white guy wearing Dockers. Think of the turnout they could have claimed.

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