CICADA BROOD EMERGING TO DELIVER HELL UPON NEW YORK CITY

Categories: Bugs, Nick Greene

cicada.jpeg
We apologize if the above headline is alarming, but we can assure you this spring's invasion of 17-year cicadas will be the most terrifying ordeal you will ever live through (if you make it out alive, of course). Don't believe us? USA Today ran an absolutely terrifying report about the imminent emergence (that's right, these guys live underground for years), slated for spring. Experts tell USA Today that the bugs are harmless and their appearance is a normal occurrence. Too bad we're not buying that for a second. Instead, we've highlighted the absolute scariest excerpts from the piece and accompanied them with the most gruesome cicada videos on the net.

Brace yourself: It will get loud.

"The greater New York metro area is going to rock with cicadas," according to [University of Maryland entomologist Michael] Raupp.
Let those words sink in. Rock. With. Cicadas. These cicadas don't care if you are in Westchester, Queens, or Staten Island. If you are in the greater New York metro area, they are going to rock you like Queen at Wembley Stadium.



The emergence could include parts or all of the New York metropolitan area, whose nearly 20 million inhabitants might have to contend with swarms of cicadas, which can number as many as 1 billion bugs per square mile.


See that wall of cicadas? Multiply that by every wall in New York. If a cicada swarm can reach 1 billion bugs per square mile, and Manhattan is 33.77 square miles, then that means we will have to contend with...


A SHIT LOAD OF CICADAS.



This year's group is known as "Brood II." The previous big cicada emergence in the East was 2004's "Brood X." (Like Super Bowls, entomologists like using Roman numerals to label the different broods.) Brood X will emerge again in 2021.

Brood II, doesn't that just sound terrifying? The above video shows the emergence of Brood XIX. Guess where they learned their in-your-face cicada style? That's right, they learned it from Brood II. (Probably.)


Cicadas are harmless bugs, though males can make a loud buzz when they're alarmed, and they're big enough to startle humans in return.

That's not a warning, that's a direct threat from USA Today, which has by now become--like most of the lamestream media--a cicada mouthpiece. And who can blame them? Soon, you too will be doing the bidding of these winged hellspawn.

Male cicadas emit a deafening chorus, which can reach 90 decibels -- as loud as a lawnmower.
These bugs are like lawnmowers, and New York's ass is grass. Scared yet? You should be.


Waiting in the wings this spring: Cicadas! [USA TODAY]

[@nickgreene]


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29 comments
viva_yo
viva_yo

I remember when I was a kid, one spring  in N.J. & the cicadas flew in what looked like gathering storm clouds.  After they denuded the trees they started dive-bombing into people & would terrorize us on the playground, getting into hair & clothes.  It was as if you were part of a real-life, '50's Insect Fear film.  It was absolutely terrifying, especially if you have an insect phobia.  I hope it's not that bad again.

benicorp
benicorp

I'm quite fond of their song personally -- like livelier crickets.

NewsDog
NewsDog

Wimps.     In Texas we have to deal with their southern cousins every summer. As a kid friends and I would hunt them with BB guns. And cats just love to catch them and play with them.

Angie Esposita O'Dowd
Angie Esposita O'Dowd

at some point in the late 80s my family & I had gone to a Denny's for lunch, walking from the parking lot to the front doors I literally had to walk around these things laying on the ground, they covered every spot....it was nightmarish.....over 20 yrs ago & I still remember this

TheSeanBrady
TheSeanBrady

@donwill is it a requirement for writing for NYC audience that you must use as much hyperbole as possible? Is everything nature horrifying?

IKSRTFO_
IKSRTFO_

@donwill it was the worst event of my childhood in NJ. only hope is that so much of NYC is paved over there's no room for them to come out

juleshyman
juleshyman

@MaxNisen Wait, it hasn't been 17 years since the last one! I am still haunted by their beady red eyes...

PunkyStarshine
PunkyStarshine

@iaskedalice I'm hoping science is wrong. Or that you can't hear them over all the other crap going on in the city lol

shearogersnyc
shearogersnyc

@themoon_woman I was just complaining about this endless winter, but I think I'd take more cold temperatures over the CICADAPOCALYPSE.

sfphotogirl
sfphotogirl

@shearogersnyc I would link to a mayfly video, but I will spare you the horrors of that. At least it won't be like that.

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