The 8 Most Ridiculous Products Marketed For Men

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Did you know there was once a time when products were just products? Of course, now products are powerful things that decide your gender for you. Why else would companies spend so much of their time making "Men's" versions of even their most basic items? For the chance to sell twice as many of them by preying on the insecurities of men raised in a culture that trumpets superficially masculine constructs as shields against perceived weaknesses which are themselves the products of discriminatory gender-bias?

Oh, that's probably it.

To demonstrate this remarkably stupid aspect of our adorable society, we've found the 8 most ridiculous products marketed for men.

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The Man Hanger

Why buy a $25 rebar clothes hanger? Because where else would you hang your "I'm a Secure, Confident Man" T-shirt?

The best part is, when you are done hanging clothes, you can straighten the hanger with your bare hands and pour concrete over it to construct a monument to your manhood. Make it really big so people know how manly you are--you did buy The Man Hanger, after all.

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Dr. Pepper Ten

It's entirely possible that Dr. Pepper Ten's oft-mocked slogan, "It's Not for Women," was forced upon them by the FDA. Are we to assume that one sip of this sugary sludge will make women's ovaries explode from their abdomens like erumpent comets of sinew?

Let's just say we've never seen it explicitly rebutted by Dr. Pepper or the FDA.


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Axe Shower Gel

Axe has been the champion of pointless product gendering for years. Their deodorants and body washes have names like "Cool Metal," "Sports Blast," and "Anarchy."

The best part? They all smell like watermelon. Even "Anarchy."

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Axe Shower Tool

As if manly soap wasn't enough, Axe sells a masculine loofah. What separates this from a normal loofah? Rubber casing that looks like a tire and the fact that it's called a "Shower Detailer Tool."

If you haven't figured it out yet, Axe thinks you're stupid.


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Man Candles

Click on the above link, the one that says "man candles." Go ahead, we'll wait.

Fantastic, now Amazon thinks you're the kind of consumer who is interested in buying BBQ- and fart-scented candles. Enjoy their recommendations for "poop-shaped bath soap" and "Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer."

You know, "man" stuff.

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9 comments
unitedsnakesofnarcissist
unitedsnakesofnarcissist

'Mad'-ison avenue 'Bs-n-Nonsense ,,,starring the Crony-Crappers,,,meant for you to spend(waste) your money on need-LESS UN-healthy Crap , for their profit/benefit .

mnasser
mnasser

I've worked in retail and the vast majority of people buying these products are women.

Moms giving Axe and co to their teenage sons to encourage bathing and hoping their boy will get a nice girl.

Girlfriends and wives also buying them for their male SOs for similar hygiene reasons. Men can be hard to shop for and these products assure female shoppers that they will appeal to the male recipient.

Also in some cases such as the chapstick, the subdued packaging aesthetics is just more visually appealing to male shoppers.


A handful of men that do buy these products often do it as gag gifts for other guys. "Hey bro, you're turning 25 and getting kind of chunky, got you some Brogo."

benicorp
benicorp

Aside from the somewhat flimsy handle, the "shower tool" is actually the best bath poof you can get in your local drug store. 

It was even a recommended product in Glamour about 2 years ago!

eric.nelson745
eric.nelson745 topcommenter

Remember, the Marlboro Man died of lung cancer.

jehkul
jehkul

Wouldn't buy a single thing here, however, I would suggest that you, nick, may benefit from a few of these products if they do indeed enhance masculinity - "masculine constructs" "discriminatory gender bias" ? Someone paid attention in inane grievances 101

MaXi Maxi MaXi
MaXi Maxi MaXi

Well, they don't call use the term "meathead" without predisposition

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