10 Power Moves for the Utterly Powerless

Categories: Nick Greene, Power

We live in a civil society. This is a bad thing. Opportunities to flex our muscles and demonstrate our awesome power have become rarer and rarer. Power itself is marginalized, and demonstrations of said power are perceived as vulgar and tacky. How can you break through and show your dominance under such restrictions? Read closely, we're about to tell you.

10. Order an Appetizer When Everyone Else Is Only Getting an Entreé
This is a classic power move that says, "I'm hungry and I don't care if my order adds an extra seven minutes to the meal." Even better, when it's time for the check, everyone will probably just plop their cards down, effectively paying for your Cobb salad.


9. Add People to an E-Mail Chain Without Notice
What's that, a friend is planning a small get-together to celebrate her fiancé's birthday? Well look who you included: three people that weren't on the original e-mail. Their absence is undoubtedly because they were never invited, but does your friend have the balls to tell them?

Didn't think so, bub.

8. Ask Someone to Call You Back in Five Minutes, Then Let It Go to Voicemail
This one is sure to make the person on the other end's blood boil. Got a problem with it? Tell it to voicemail, jerk.

Call back at your leisure. After all, you are in control now.

7. Tag Everyone in a Facebook Photo Except for One Person
Doesn't matter who you choose; after pulling this sick move, you will own them for life. What are they going to do? Go in and tag themselves? How humiliating. Next time you see them in person, the silent acknowledgement of your otherworldly power will fill the room like a thick fog.

Hope you have your high-beams on, you powerful giant.

6. Get a Haircut Before Going to a Friend's Birthday Party
Let's see everyone try to focus on Megan's special day when you walk into the joint sporting a brand new 'do. Hey, it's not your fault that your awesome haircut is getting all the attention. Maybe Megan should've focused on achieving more in her 31 years so that she can compete with your fresh cut.

You're Samson all up in this bitch, baby.

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