Should You Post That to Facebook? A Handy Guide

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"I just made myself a delicious dinner!"

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Unless the person is close enough to grab a fork and taste your meal, they couldn't care less about your lamb, broccoli, and brown rice.

That grub looks nasty as hell, anyway.

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"I'm at a sporting event!"

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

You know how Chatroulette started using software that identified and blocked anything that looked like a penis? Facebook needs to use similar technology to prevent people from posting blurry photos of jumbotrons.

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"I just bought a new car!"

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Look at you! Kneeling in your driveway in front of your new ride. And there you are again! Sitting behind the drivers wheel, lookin' cool. Wow, is that GPS? Leather interior? Sport package?

Everyone hopes it gets keyed, you know.

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"We're having a baby!"

Should you post about it on Facebook? Ugh, sure, I guess--but really NO

This is probably the most important moment of your life. Everything is about to change; what could be more exciting? Soon, you are going to have a son or daughter and your whole focus as a human will be shifted towards them. This is why you should get the hell off of Facebook and go outside while you still can. In nine months you'll be posting status updates of first steps, first words, and first BMs. Enjoy your life while you have it.

If you aren't supposed to post to Facebook about the most defining moment of your life, then what are you supposed to publish to Facebook? Glad you asked. This leads us to the one and only thing you are ever allowed to post:

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"We just got a dog!"

Aw, look at that little guy! Post more, please!

[@nickgreene]


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