Current Events Make Rightbloggers Talk about Gays, Blacks, and Women, With Predictable Results
And, boy, did last week give them a lot to talk about. Voting Rights Act, DOMA, and Prop 8 decisions from the Supreme Court, the Zimmerman trial, and Wendy Davis' filibuster in the Texas legislature gave the brethren ample opportunity to tell America what they thought of blacks, gays, and women.
Let's stretch out Pride Week another day and start with the gay stuff.
Though the Supreme Court's Proposition 8 decision was a mixed bag, and the DOMA decision only removes one (admittedly large) federal obstacle to marriage equality, many rightbloggers responded as if the Republic had been washed away by a sea of gay.
Ben Shapiro took a jurisprudential tack, calling his essay "The State v. God." Shapiro admitted that "public opinion polls now suggest that a majority of Americans support same-sex marriage," and predicted "same-sex marriage will be the law of the land within the next several years." But that was just the start of the nation's troubles.
For example, said Shapiro, "public schools across the country will be forced to teach homosexual marriage alongside traditional marriage," perhaps referring to home economics classes where boys will be forced to don an apron. Also, "religious business owners will be leveraged to pay for benefits for same-sex spouses," which will offer the Becket Fund yet another lawsuit opportunity just as soon as Hobby Lobby hires a gay person.
Shapiro tied this lamentable turn to a "leftist view" that's sweeping the country; just as "religious organizations must pay for abortion and contraception" under the Obamacare mandate, so too, "religious florists must provide flowers for gay weddings." Somewhere Reince Priebus is tabulating the gay-hating florist vote and planning a new Republican coalition.
How did this happen? "The left proclaimed that conservatives seek a theocracy," said Shapiro, and "that rhetoric had an impact. It sent religious Americans into retreat." And into the gap left by the retreating fundies slithered The Left, who "saw the power of government as a replacement for God entirely," which is why we now celebrate an annual Feast of Reason instead of Christmas. "The Ten Commandments the left so despises were reversed to apply to the state," cried Shapiro. "The state is our god, to whom we address our petitions..." He ended spent, keening, and drama-queening about a "benevolent government golden calf of our own making," offered in profane sacrifice by the new Edward G. Robinson in The Ten Commandments, Barack Obama! We can't say we haven't been warned.
Taking the academic approach was famed semiotician Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom who, upon hearing someone lament "discrimination" against gays, stuck on his mortarboard and rejoined, "first of all, discrimination is not 'just plain wrong.' Were there no discrimination -- for instance, between qualified engineers and LGBT applicants who demand the 'civil right' to build bridges, even without the proper training -- overpasses would collapse and people would die." Thus was this gay press-agentry blown away by the mighty backdraft of Goldstein's shirt-retucking.
At Commentary, Jonathan S. Toobin blamed the decisions on an "American popular culture that has normalized gays and gay marriage in films and TV to the point that they are now regarded as unexceptionable. As my colleague John Podhoretz noted on Twitter this morning after the ruling, the credit for the decision on DOMA belongs as much to the producers of the Will and Grace television show as it does to any legal scholar." Between this and The Starter Wife, Debra Messing has much to answer for.
"Few seem to have any problem prohibiting two or three women from marrying the same man," he said, "and in treating such 'Big Love' marriages as being beyond the pale of the law's protection. Under the logic of the DOMA decision, that ought not to be true." Regrettably, Toobin didn't get deeper into unusual family relationships on old TV shows; we'd love to hear his take on My Mother, The Car.
Rod Dreher wrote that in his DOMA dissent Justice Antonin Scalia "has chillingly illuminated the future for marriage traditionalists: the only reason to oppose same-sex marriage is hate... the logic of the Court's language here ought to put fear into the hearts of anyone who does not share the belief that homosexuality is morally neutral, or morally good. The Supreme Court says we are haters, full stop." Where'd they get that idea? Dreher, who has previously written things like "what are the rest of us supposed to think about gay male culture, and the degree to which it self-defines according to behavior that most people rightly find repulsive?", blamed "the liberal mind," which demands "thoughtcrime cannot be allowed to exist."
It wasn't all straight rightbloggers huffing over gays -- a few gay ones offered opinions, too. "Strangely, I don't feel like the world changed and I certainly don't feel more or less of an American after the ruling," said Bruce Carroll of Gay Patriot. "As a gay conservative, I've always been conflicted about the issue of gay marriage. I guess it is because my political and moral philosophies are not dictated by the desire to be loved by the president or the federal government."
OK, you fuckers have done it now.
We thought gay marriage was about gays marrying each other rather than marrying Obama or the U.S. government, but this guy's gay, maybe he knows better. Anyway, Carroll judged, "The gay political class is celebrating Big Government waving its haughty approval like King George III waving his hand over his colonies." He called for his fellow homosexuals to now fight against abortion and Islam, if they believed in human rights so much, then decided they wouldn't because "the gay political movement is bound and gagged to the progressive left." Boy, he must have been a riot at Pride, or maybe he attended an alternative event called Shame.
The pages of National Review might as well have been hung with black crepe; editor Kathryn J. Lopez, particularly, seemed deeply disturbed, at one point blubbering, "One might find oneself nostalgic today both for the days a Democratic president signed the Defense of Marriage Act and the days before Twitter as the president of the United States tweets: 'Today's DOMA ruling is a historic step forward for #MarriageEquality. #LoveIsLove.'"
"Gays have become a constitutionally-protected class due higher protections than even racial minorities," gasped Bush era war criminal John Yoo, sounding dejected that now he may never get to torture any himself. "The Roe v. Wade of our generation," said Maggie Gallagher of the National Organization for Marriage, which is like Paula Deen calling something the Appomattox of her generation.
But even this was not the end; soon, the gays came for Bert and Ernie in a cute New Yorker cover, and oh, the lamentations:
"No, not even Muppets are spared in our culture war," quavered David Karsanyi at Human Events. "Next on Sesame Street: 'C Is for Cornhole,'" hyuked Robert Stacy McCain. "Innocence. Lost," fainted Kathryn J. Lopez. "Bert & Ernie are iconic figures for children... And The New Yorker crudely murders it all with the crude, smutty snickering... What a great strategy for Leftcultists to bully children into the cult," seethed Darleen Click at Protein Wisdom. Wait'll she sees Dora the Explorer's Pride Week Activity Pack!
But rightbloggers had something to celebrate at the court, too: The Supremes invalidated Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act, and almost immediately such enlightened jurisdictions as Texas and Mississippi ran to enact laws requiring, we imagine, prospective black voters to spell chrysanthemum.