Rightbloggers Find Gloom in Wins by McAuliffe and de Blasio -- and Even in Christie's
Or at least that's how it looked from a simple electoral perspective. In the rightbloggers' funhouse mirror, it looked different, and very grim indeed: Chris Christie's win wasn't so great, because he's a RINO; Ken Cuccinelli's loss was even worse than it looked, because it confirmed the moocher and sexed-up women elements of the electorate (not to mention the treason of the libertarians); and Bill de Blasio's win was the revival of the Mean Streets/ Ramones Leave Home/ Welcome Back Kotter disintegration of a city they love for a couple of years when it's attacked by Islamofascists and otherwise despise.
Though it had been expected for months, the election of Bill de Blasio as New York's first Democratic mayor in 20 years hit the brethren hard. They'd loved Rudy Giuliani -- at least until he ran for President, whereupon he became a gun-grabbing RINO scumbag -- and while they hated Nanny Bloomberg, at least he was a Republican and a rich capitalist. de Blasio, conversely, is a Sandinista, or so we were told based on his youthful enthusiasm for the democratically elected government of Nicaragua. Oh, and he wants to reform stop-and-frisk, a program to which the Fourth Amendment fans of the right usually give special dispensation because it mainly affects black people.
"He's a Sandinista. He's communist, I'm telling you, he's a communist," analyzed Rush Limbaugh. "New Yorkers, you deserve this Communist for Mayor," seethed Fire Andrea Mitchell. "de Blasio should he able to turn New York into Cuba really quickly." "Dem Insider: ACORN Has Been Planning To Elect Communist Kook Bill De Blasio As NYC Mayor Since 2001," headlined Weasel Zippers. "NYC mayoral candidate De Blasio and his affinity for communist murderers," headlined Alberto de la Cruz of Babalu.
Look at him, obviously humorless -- just the way the KGB likes them! (cc) Kevin Case.
"The fundamental mythology that fuels de Blasio's campaign," said National Review's Deroy Murdock, is that "the filthy rich refuse to pay what they should in taxes, and must be shaken down to benefit poorer New Yorkers, whom these dandies have stiffed. It's a truly touching narrative -- worthy of Charles Dickens or perhaps Karl Marx." de Blasio is communist and literary!
New Yorkers, being communists themselves, gave this communist an almost 3-to-1 victory, which had rightbloggers terrified that a city they'd never live in would be hurled back to the days of squeegee men, loose joints, and cheap apartments. Or 9/11. Or both!
"You'd think the era of the Guardian Angels, Fort Apache and rats on the West Side and bedbugs uptown would be the last things New Yorkers would want to revisit," editorialized Investor's Business Daily. "But voting in lefty Bill de Blasio suggests otherwise." (Wait -- the rats and bedbugs are gone?)
"If you have any ability to get out of New York, GTFO!!" counseled The Silicon Graybeard. "Confiscation is coming." (Can we have your apartment?) "The real middle class will be driven out of the city bit by bit," prognosticated Walter Russell Mead, "perhaps replaced in part by new waves of immigrants, but they too will head out as soon as they can." (Same question.)
At Renew America, Cliff Kincaid said "the media whitewash Obama-backed Marxist candidate... still supports the Sandinistas and remains influenced by liberation theology, which was manufactured by the old KGB to dupe Christians into supporting Marxism." Kincaid then shared with us de Blasio's action plan for New York: "Cripples the NYPD... dismantles the New York Police Department's Intelligence Division & Counter-Terrorism Bureau... prohibits the use of undercover operators and informants." And this is crucial, said Kincaid, because "we have learned terror threats against New York City in the post 9/11 area have included targets such as: The Brooklyn Bridge; Times Square; The Federal Reserve Bank..." All things rightbloggers have heard of!
"For those of us born and raised in pre-Giuliani New York," said National Review's Jonah Goldberg, "[de Blasio] can also conjure images of Charles Bronson in Death Wish, the gritty vigilante flick that symbolized the city in that era... anyone who lived in New York City in the 1970s and 1980s can recognize that while Death Wish may have been a caricature, like any good caricature it captured the likeness better than the subject would have wanted." Goldberg also mentioned Taxi Driver, The French Connection, The Prisoner of Second Avenue, and Panic in Needle Park, so we assume he spent his New York childhood in movie theaters.
"Remember when subway trains were covered in graffiti, a news hour began with six shootings and everyone who lived in the city had been mugged at least once?" reminisced Daniel Greenfield. "...Bill de Blasio is bringing it back. The muggers are coming back. The squeegee men are coming back. The crazy people randomly stabbing you on the subway, the gangs shooting each other over turf, the race rioters marching through neighborhoods and shouting, 'Whose streets, our streets'-- they're all coming back."
Greenfield further predicted the city would go bankrupt, "hundred" of housing projects would be built in Manhattan, and that terrorists would flood the subways with poison gas ("you were downwind when the attack happened. But you still cough a lot. Sometimes blood comes out"). If you try to escape, he prophesied, your plane will be blown out of the sky by terrorists. "You never see the rocket that hits you," he murmured. "Just the flash of heat that burns you and your girlfriend and your cat in his carrier in the plane's cargo section and the other hundred and twenty people getting the hell out of Bill de Blasio's New York City to ash."
Throughout his essay, Greenfield told the citizens that they have it coming: "...you voted for this. And you're getting what you deserve... Bill de Blasio is not the New York City you needed, it's the one you deserved. And it's the one you got... As the last burning pieces of what used to be you fall into the water, your last thought is of how unfair all this is. But you shouldn't complain. This is what you voted for." If you ever went out with this guy, ladies, don't forget to screen your calls and refresh your restraining orders.
Some of the less-insane rightbloggers flipped over to a no-big-deal POV. "de Blasio is wrong; the city is not yearning for progressive change," said City Journal's Nicole Gelinas. "Rather, his mandate is merely to continue governing the city in pretty much the same way it's been governed for the last two decades." Why didn't the voters go for the Republican stand-pat candidate, Joe Lhota, then? "[Lhota] didn't bother trying to offer positive solutions for the range of issues people worry about today," explained Gelinas "-- from using technology to help the NYPD communicate better with the public to improving quality of life through better enforcement of noise and other nuisance codes." Enforcement of noise and other nuisance codes! Say, didn't Stalin do something like that?
You'd think Republican Governor Chris Christie's massive win in New Jersey would be a bright spot for conservatives. Yet rightbloggers were at best torn about it.
Why couldn't he have threatened to murder Obama in his victory speech? That's the kind of thing voters want to hear! (cc) David Shankbone.
True, the prospects of a Christie Presidential candidacy had excited many of them in the early days of the 2012 campaign, and some of them remain excited. No less rightwing a commentator than Cal Thomas gushed that the Governor-relect's victory speech was "the first Christie speech I have seen in several months and it was the first time I didn't think of his weight before considering his words." That's how good it was! Also: "Christie, who had lap-band surgery to lose weight, appears committed to slimming down and looks good. If he can drop another 50 to 100 pounds, he could be in shape for 2016."
So juiced was Thomas that he offered Christie Presidential campaign advice (though discreetly, by pretending to talk to someone else): "... he might assemble a bipartisan group of advisers ...he should focus on what works... he will have to say what he will eliminate and how he will do it, as well as tell voters they must do more for themselves." America should love being nagged about its responsibilities by Chris Christie.
Thomas also sent a message to his colleagues: "The conservative wing of the GOP will have to decide whether they want purity or victory," he wrote. "No politician (including the sainted Reagan) is perfect."
And there's the sticking point. Though Christie is anti-gay-marriage, anti-abortion, anti-taxes, etc. -- pretty much the whole package, wingnut-wise -- there are still rightbloggers out there who think he's a RINO.
Part of that comes from Christie being nice to Obama after Hurricane Sandy, which some of the brethren considered unforgivable.
"Could we arguably say that Christie campaigned for Obama but not Cuccinelli?" said Rush Limbaugh. "Well, I mean, what would you call it when Obama comes to town after Hurricane Sandy and Christie praises Obama to the hilt, one week before the election, after you've just keynoted the Republican convention for Romney?"
"Yes, cluster f*cking the nominee of your own party the day of the election when he's already behind is such a great example of leadership on Christie's part," expurgated Some Guy at Red State. "Do me a favor, but don't do me any favors. In fact, you Chris Christie strike me as a man that can't be trusted."
Others had different nits to pick -- for example, Christie's gay marriage record. Wait, hasn't Christie opposed gay marriage every step of the way? Not quite -- last month his administration dropped its appeal against a court ruling in favor of gay marriage.
Some of the brethren offered to be reasonable about it. "Christie is being pragmatic at the moment," said Matthew Nahum of The American Spectator. "He recognizes the political landscape of New Jersey for what it is, and understands what he can and cannot accomplish... nor does his silence necessarily mean assent or cowardice on the issue." Ix-nay on the agbashing-fay till we in-way the itehouse-Way, and can start ooting-lay the easury-Tray again!
But others wouldn't be fooled. "Be very wary of the mainstream media's new favorite Republican," scoffed Joseph Curl at the Washington Times. "Christian conservatives react to Christie giving up fight on gay marriage ruling," howled The Daily Caller. (Surprise -- they were against it!)
Cliff Kincaid at Accuracy in Media plumped a lawsuit brought against Christie for signing a law "forbidding licensed professional counselors in the state to 'engage in sexual orientation change efforts with a person under 18 years of age'" -- that is, gay-straightening. "For most of the media, that want to push the Republican Party in a leftward direction, this is a non-story," declared Kincaid. "But Christie has a lot to answer for, and the suit guarantees that the media will not be able to avoid covering the issue in the months ahead. It seems Christie pandered to the homosexual-rights lobby, perhaps in a bid for liberal votes, and it has come back to haunt him."
Then there was the question of Christie's actual governance. Pat Buchanan quoted the Wall Street Journal on Christie's tough-talking but lame-walking economic record: "New Jersey ranks 49th in the Tax Foundation's state business tax climate index, ahead of only New York. The state jobless rate is still 8.5 percent, among the 10 highest in the country."
Jason Pye of United Liberty also noticed that Christie wasn't really tight-fisted, at least not in the economic sense, but offered some hope of rehabilitation: "Now, one of the most endeared Republican presidents, Ronald Reagan, didn't have a great fiscal record when he was Governor of California," wrote Pye. "So what Christie's view of fiscal policy if he were living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue may not necessarily be a reflection of his record in New Jersey." Considering the huge deficits Reagan ran up, we must accept the possibility that Pye was being ironical.
Of course everybody in Jersey knew about Christie's budgets, and they still voted for him -- but in rightwing world, that kind of appeal doesn't matter: the brethren want cuts and nothing but. That's why, despite their alleged preference for leaders with "executive" experience over the legislative variety, true conservatives prefer Senators who rage, however ineffectually, about gutting the government -- such as Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, both of whom gave Christie shit this week.
So it was that the only Republican candidate with a record of attracting rather than repelling public affection, even among the minorities and women that the GOP desperately needs, stands in danger of dismissal. Defeat from the jaws of victory, indeed.