Rightbloggers Prove They're No Sissies By Supporting Duck Dynasty, Beating Up Pajama Boy
Item two: the Obamaite outfit Organizing for America put out a Twitter ad last week. Here, you might as well look at it for reference:
Who knows if it's effective with its intended target, but it was very much a hit with rightbloggers, in the sense that they couldn't stop talking about it. Anyone who has grown up in an American schoolyard can guess why, and what rightbloggers wanted to say about it; the brethren got as close as they could while still maintaining plausible deniability -- at least, most of them did.
Some of the brethren tried to get around the problem by telling other people's gay jokes. At National Review, Mark Steyn repeated an old Bob Hope wheeze -- "I've just flown in from California, where they've made homosexuality legal. I thought I'd get out before they make it compulsory" -- and explained, "For Hope, this was an oddly profound gag, discerning even at the dawn of the Age of Tolerance that there was something inherently coercive about the enterprise. Soon it would be insufficient merely to be 'tolerant'..." which sounds like the kind of thing Hope and his gag writers would discuss over drinks at Chasen's, doesn't it? Then Steyn did a Martin and Lewis bit -- "How do you make a fruit cordial?" "Be nice to him" -- and felt the joke would be improved by this: "But no matter how nice you are, it's never enough. Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson..." Come on, lady, he laughed when you came in. (Steyn was also pissed that Sarah Silverman could get away with jokes like this, and he can't, because "she's a Pajama Boy-friendly ironist posing as a homophobic disablist," and he's an asshole.)
His almanac of Pansy Jokes Like They Don't Tell Anymore exhausted, Steyn went on about how "in today's America, land of the Obamacare Pajama Boy, Jesus is basically Nightshirt Boy, a fey non-judgmental dweeb who's cool with whatever," and "Obamacare pajama models, if not yet mandatorily gay, can only be dressed in tartan onesies and accessorized with hot chocolate so as to communicate to the Republic's maidenhood what a thankless endeavor heterosexuality is in contemporary America." Also, "snippy little Pajama Boys," etc.
In a "Goldberg File" email -- that is, the material even Jonah Goldberg is embarrassed to put on a webpage -- the Professor of Liberal Fasciology said, "I was tempted to make the following joke on Twitter: Q: What's the hardest part of being picked as the poster boy for the pajama-boy ad campaign? A: Telling your parents you're gay." Then he tried the Steyn routine, only more ineptly: "Now, quick, before you call A&E and have my reality show canceled, the first problem with this joke is that you're not supposed to make any derogatory jokes about being gay anymore," he said. See, he knows you're not supposed to tell jokes like he just told! Then he felt he had to add, "And that's okay by me so long as people avoid being complete tools about enforcing that rule."
Haw haw! Hey, show 'em the one with Liberace again.
Perhaps sensing that he was losing his readers, but too lazy and/or drunk to rewrite, Goldberg lunged, "But there's a deeper problem with the joke. It's insulting to gays. And I don't mean that merely in the sense that it's wrong to make gays the butts of jokes anymore (You know what I mean!)." We'll spare you: His problem with Pajama Boy was not that he's gay, but that he's a big sissy. "He gives off the anodyne scent of emasculation," Goldberg wrote, failing to notice some mischievous intern had scrambled the pages of his thesaurus. Finally Goldberg was reduced to accusing liberals of "trying to turn the mockery of Pajama Boy into proof of right-wing sexual insecurity." The nerve of them! That was "pretty desperate," said Goldberg, and they were just jelly because "so many people find Pajama Boy pathetic." Follow #tcot if you don't believe him!
"Whatever horrifying condition deprived Pajama Boy of his genitals, I suppose we must be thankful he can't pass it along to future generations," intoned PJ Media's Andrew Klavan. "...Take a look in the mirror, liberals. Are you beginning to see Pajama Boy in there? Take it as a warning. Side with the left long enough, and your genitals fall off. As well they should." Read this aloud in Swedish backed by a death metal band to get the full effect.
Some -- actually, most -- of the brethren got so mad at Pajama Boy they seemed to forget he was a two-dimensional photo of a character in an ad. "Let me just say that nothing is a bigger turn-off than smug urban-cool hipster guys who think they're smarter and cuter than they really are. Ugh," confided Mad Minerva. "If this is what 'enlightened' guys are supposed to be like these days, give me a rugged, unreconstructed, unapologetic cowboy any day of the week. You know, someone who actually has a confident definition for 'self-reliance' and 'masculinity.'" Have you tried the Marlboro Man?
When liberals like Adam Serwer mentioned that all this rage over a social media ad was a little weird, rightbloggers took to Twitter to dispute their points. For instance, @RB Pundit posited, "Why are @AdamSerwer's pajamas in a bunch over the #PajamaBoy mockery?" and showed what he apparently took to be an unflattering photo of Serwer (e.g., no eyepatch or toothpick in mouth); @anthmichcara glossed, "He looks like he could be #PajamaBoy," etc.
"[Serwer] begins by inaccurately labeling raucous laughter and endless mocking a 'tizzy,'" sniffed Stephen Kruiser of PJ Media in an essay called "MSNBC Writer's Response to Pajama Boy Perfectly Displays Humorless Ignorance of Leftist Media," which sounds like an old Pravda headline. We don't "tizzy," Pajama Boy, we're raucous information workers! (Kruiser also attacked "the utter lack of humor that is perhaps the most defining trait of 21st century American leftmedia types. They don't recognize laughter because they don't truly experience it [derisive, know-it-all smirks aren't the same as laughter]." Have you ever seen a liberal laugh, Mandrake? Derisive, know-it-all smirks, isn't that what they do?)
At National Review, Kevin Williamson went wide on the butchness issue. Briefly mentioning the guy in "footie pajamas," Williamson focused on Barack Obama, who had won two Presidential elections which don't really count because "in 2008 he failed to win a majority of men's votes, and in 2012 he lost men decisively." So Obama is not President of Men! Also, men worry about unemployment -- and Williamson knows, because he's a man and was unemployed once -- but women don't, because "the more the state steps into the role of provider, the less men have to offer in that capacity." For this the ladies love the unmanly Obama, and also because he casts "a gimlet eye cast upon much of what used to be thought of as man's work: drilling for gas, timbering, mining." You won't see him laying pipe like that dead butch Mitt Romney!
Several of the brethren -- including Rush Limbaugh ("this guy, this woman, whoever it is.. could be Rachel Maddow") -- found some kind of connection between Pajama Boy and "The Life of Julia," an Obama 2012 web campaign aimed at female voters which no one paid attention to except rightbloggers, who remain furious that it didn't lose the election for Obama. In a psychedelic tirade, Charles C.W. Cooke lashed out not only at the Julia character ("creepy, eyeless, vision-of-horror from Brave New World"), but also the lady who used to be on the healthcare.gov splash page ("carefully ambi-racial stock-model-from-everywhere"), and of course "vaguely androgynous" Pajama Boy, denounced for his "priggish facial expression" and a fantasized connection with "a Queer Students Assocation" and "'dialogue' about the evils of 'heteronormativity.'" This young man has a future in fanfic.
Pajama Boy "is probably reading The Bell Jar and looking forward to a hearty Christmas meal of stuffed tofurkey," basso profundoed Rich Lowry at Politico. "...Never has the difference between what Chris Matthews memorably dubbed the Mommy party and the Daddy party been so stark. Pajama Boy's mom probably still tucks him in at night... He might be glad to pay more for his health insurance to include maternity benefits he doesn't need as a blow against gender stereotyping." We hate to do this but it is very well deserved: Here is Rich Lowry on video, for those of you looking for fireman calendar models.
Ben Hart of Escape Tyranny got so manly he turned pre-verbal: After noticing Pajama Boy's "plucked eyebrows" (probably with a magnifying glass), he told us, "By contrast, here were the male images I grew up with," and showed pictures of Ray Nitschke, Clint Eastwood, the Normandy landing, and, we aren't even kidding, Sgt. Rock. And today? "I'm in the advertising business," said Hart. Well, so was H.R. Haldeman.
Eventually rightbloggers found out the model for the ad was an Organizing for America staffer named Ethan Krupp, and naturally they began harassing him.
"Is Ethan any relation to the prominent industrialist and Nazi supporter of Adolf Hitler, I wonder?" wrote Bill Quick of Daily Pundit. "If so, you'd think he'd commit suicide out of a simple urge to atone for his genetic history." "Shocker: Pajama Boy Is an Obama OFA Zombie Named Ethan Krupp," gurgled Jammie Wearing Fools. "...Charlie Spiering (and others) noticed Krupp is deleting his entire social media existence. Obviously out of humiliation." Then JWF published Krupp's resume, presumably because the keyhole camera didn't work.
"Sounds like a real fun guy. I'll bet we can fix him up on a date with Sandra Fluke," said Power Line's Steven Hayward, referring to another target of irrational rightwing rage. "Bwahaha! OFA #PajamaBoy Deletes His Entire Online Social Media Presence!" hyuked Donald Douglas of American Power. "...Poor kid. It's hard out there for an OFA homo."
This reminds us of the woman whose picture was used at the healthcare.gov website, whom conservatives bombarded with so much hatred that she asked to be taken off screen. So see, Pajama Boy is just like a girl!
Some rightbloggers just ran with the super-hilarious mashups they found on Twitter and whatnot, like this one from Independent Journal Review: "DOUCHEY EFFEMINATE OBAMACARE PAJAMA GUY/POST OP RACHEL MADDOW." Blar har, and he didn't even have to say "faggot"! The author, someone calling himself SooperMexican, added, "some leftists are whining that our mockery is somehow homophobic (?), we're just decrying the fundamental transformation of American men into little boys."
See? Totally different, you effeminate "Rachel Maddows"! And so the brethren went back to the locker room, slapped each other's asses several times, and agreed the tide had turned in their favor -- soon, with a macho frontman like Ted Cruz or Rick Santorum, they would win the love of the people as they would the love of a woman: By force.