The 20 Worst People of 2013

Categories: Lists

Featuring threesome seekers, cokehead judges, hockey dads from hell and, quite naturally, Wells Fargo.

All illustrations by Kevin Cannon
20. Ron Nielson

Ron Nielson wanted to do something extra scary for the kids on Halloween. He decided it would be totally spooky - not to mention hilarious - to burn a cross at his Palm Bay, Florida home.

Yet Nielson's uproarious "prank" -- his words -- went awry when he doused the cross with gas and accidentally set himself aflame, destroying his comedic timing. Medics airlifted him to an Orlando hospital, where he was treated for second-degree burns over half of his body, and doctors struggled to get the punch line.

The 50-year-old is expected to try something more tasteful next year, like hanging an innocent sharecropper from a light pole.

19. Bill Wisth

Bill Wisth is 6-foot-6 and weighs 350 pounds. He also really likes fish. These salient facts made him a regular at the all-you-can-eat fish fry at Chuck's Place, a family restaurant in Thiensville, Wisconsin.

But his devotion to Chuck's turned tragic one evening last spring. Wisth had already pounded twenty pieces of deep-fried goodness, yet still hankered for more. A waitress told him they'd run out. She offered to substitute a more expensive fish, but Wisth was rightfully outraged. The restaurant advertised all-you-can-eat, and he could still eat! He left in a huff, refusing to pay his bill.

Vengeance was his when he began picketing Chuck's with a sign reading "False advertising." Wisth was soon hailed as the Nelson Mandela of Thiensville. If his fight proved in vain, Golden Corral might restrict customers to 17 helpings of cole slaw. The implications were grave.

Yet Wisth's soaring star took a downward trajectory after the media interviewed a waitress. It turns out that Chuck's owner let Wisth run a tab when he couldn't pay for his meals. Worse, on the night in question, he was caught sneaking fish to his dining companion who hadn't ordered the special, a breach of all-you-can-eat etiquette so egregious it was like hitting on your aunt at the after-party for grandma's funeral.

Wisth was exposed as a mooch and an ingrate. Thiensville soon shifted its allegiance to a more deserving hero: The guy trying to remove the traffic camera on Maple Street.

18. Judge Michael Cook

The first sign that Michael Cook might not be suited for the St. Clair County, Illinois Circuit Court came last spring. He and fellow judge Joseph Christ were vacationing at the Cook family hunting lodge north of St. Louis when police were summoned.

They arrived to find Christ, a father of six, dead in a bathroom. It seems he failed to read the fine print on a sizeable package of cocaine, which warned that excessive use may piss off your heart, causing it to launch a work stoppage.

Having a dead judge in your bathroom tends to arouse the curiosity of the feds, who started investigating. But that didn't temper Cook's own fondness for powdered happiness. He was later arrested on heroin and gun charges after leaving the home of accused drug trafficker Sean McGilvery. (Cook had dismissed a case against McGilvery two years earlier. No word on whether this entitled him to a house discount.)

The judge resigned and was whisked to treatment in Minnesota. He's pleaded guilty in exchange for 18 months in prison.

17. Ernesto Yañez

Ernesto Yanez was a cop in Port Isabel, Texas before resigning to pursue a more lucrative profession: burglary. But the former lawman took some unusual lumps during his rookie season.

He and an accomplice burglarized a home in Rio Hondo, Texas, scoring a fine selection of tools. But Yanez accidently left his police-issue pager at the scene. So he called the homeowner at 2 a.m., claiming he'd left the pager behind when he saw someone breaking in while patrolling the area. Fortunately, he'd cracked the case, fingering notorious tool bandit Manuel Manzanares.

There was one small problem with this diversionary tactic: Manzanares didn't appreciate being ratted out, especially since he was Yanez's accomplice. So he in turn ratted out Yanez, allowing police to solve the burglary without lifting a doughnut.
Yanez's burglary business is now for sale, though it has yet to find an interested buyer.

16. Alyssa Pack

Allyssa Pack was spending a delightful afternoon at Twin Hills Park in Crestview, Florida with a young child and an unidentified man, enjoying the natural splendor. On this day, however, said nature included a trio of geese. They kept following Pack around, perhaps trying to mooch some bread crumbs because they hadn't taken personal responsibility and gotten jobs.

Pack thought it a teachable moment. She taunted the geese by saying, "I'll beat you so hard you won't even know it." Her friend filmed the scene on his cell phone.
As you might expect from unemployed water fowl, the geese didn't speak English. So Pack resorted to the international language of kicking them in the head as the young child laughed in the background.

"Did you get me kicking?" she asked her camera man, dancing before her adversaries like Manny Pacquiao. "I have now kicked all three of these geese in the face."
She knew her performance would make a wonderful educational video for the National Forest Service or the Ted Cruz presidential campaign. So it was loaded to Facebook.

But instead of celebrating her tough love, viewers began ratting Pack out to the cops. She was charged with animal cruelty and rocking a Macaulay Culkin hairdo in public.

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My Voice Nation Help

I'm a Wells Fargo customer and emailed them after reading this. I said that I'm considering shutting down my accounts because of this story. Their reply:

I am sorry to hear that you are considering leaving Wells Fargo as a
result of the news story regarding Mr. Delassus. I certainly understand
your concerns regarding this situation.

Mr. Delassus' passing was a tragic event and our deepest sympathies go
out to his family and friends. Stories exploiting his death and ignoring
the facts add to the pain of this sad situation.

It?s not clear why Mr. Delassus was brought to the hearing by those who
have since expressed grave concerns about his health at the time. The
night before the scheduled hearing the judge posted a tentative ruling
in which she indicated she planned to dismiss all of the legal claims
against Wells Fargo. As a result, his attorneys knew that there was no
testimony or evidence to be presented at the hearing, so there was no
reason he had to attend.

A number of allegations were made, withdrawn and changed by Mr.
Delassus? attorneys during the course of the legal proceedings. The
court record clearly spells out the facts of this case.

Wells Fargo received inaccurate information that led to a tax
overcharge. When that mistake was discovered, we reversed all of the
charges and as the court ruling stated "put him in the same or better
position prior to the error." In a sworn deposition, he clearly and
honestly admitted that his default was not related to the issue
regarding the property taxes.

Mr. Delassus was reviewed for a modification but we were unable to find
an option that would allow him to keep the home. We work hard to help
borrowers stay in their homes when they are having trouble making their
payments and as of the end of last year more than 840,000 of our
customers were benefitting from mortgage modifications.

We'll never know if things would have turned out differently if Mr.
Delassus had not unnecessarily been subjected to the stress of traveling
to court that day last year. Misrepresenting the facts of his
circumstances won't change what happened, however, or make his passing
any less of a tragedy.

Thank you. We appreciate your business.

On behalf of Wells Fargo, thank you for your business. We are happy to
have you as our customer and appreciate the opportunity to assist you

Kris J
Wells Fargo Online Customer Service

James Hoffman
James Hoffman

i guess you can include me on that wall of shame for i had accepted a letter from a female inmate who is so fond to me as i am to her ; i was honest enough as to tell my wife about the letter and our feelings, that she found the letter and presented it to my job, hence causing me to be terminated. merry !@#$% christmas.

Salome Legesse-Dunn
Salome Legesse-Dunn

Don't know whether to laugh or cry. Nonetheless well written. Echo point about Zimmerman

Dale Parker
Dale Parker

I looked at the Riverfront Times here in St. Louis. It has the judge's item. I'm pretty sure the same company that owns the Village Voice owns the RFT. Yeah, the eating item did lack a diabolical edge.

Dale Parker
Dale Parker

I feel terrible for the raped dog, but St. Clair County, Ill., appreciates the mention.


"The 20 Worst People of 2013"

Good job naming 20 SLOBS that nobody ever heard of.

Meanwhile REAL: douchebags such as Barack Hussein Obama, Dick Cheney, Condomleeza Rice, Colon Powell, GW Bush, and so many others get away with MURDER ..literally.

Pete Kotz, I fart in your general direction.

epac666 topcommenter

You missed Brittany Ozarowski...took $10,000 saying she had cancer and needed to pay medical bills, but used it to fund a heroin habit instead. Definitely deserves an HM.


I nominate Congressional Democrats and President Obama for doing their level best to, quite literally, kill cancer patients with this health insurance cock-up.  And again for their heartless response, "You have to break a few eggs to make an omelet."  Truly despicable. 

Bill Watts
Bill Watts

So if one of the worst people in all of the world is on the list for merely flouting all-you-can-eat etiquette we must be living in a near-utopia.

Michael Amorillo
Michael Amorillo

Well written....the illustrations with the narrative are awesome


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