As Crimea Smolders, Rightbloggers Try to Get Their Neo-con Game Going Again

tomt200.jpgFrom the med schools in Grenada to the deserts of Iraq, once upon a time conservatives were eager to invade foreign countries. But as you may have noticed, in recent years they've affected a more dovish approach to foreign policy; claiming to be repulsed by the reckless foreign adventurism of the Obama Administration, they have denounced his mideast incursions. Even the killing of Osama Bin Laden they treated as slightly de trop.

This changed in a hurry when Putin began operating in Crimea. Suddenly rightbloggers declared that Obama hadn't been aggressive enough.

Now that Crimea's officially part of Russia and the diplomatic wars are heating up, the brethren still don't have any solutions, except maybe voting in Republicans for their famous foreign-policy expertise.

The Russian occupation of Crimea, heretofore part of Ukraine, proceeded to a quickie plebiscite with a large majority of Crimeans allegedly voting to welcome Mother Russia's embrace. The U.S. reacted with limited sanctions, which the Russians appeared not to take seriously; but as more sanctions came in from the U.S. and elsewhere, the Russian economy appeared to react and Russia retaliated with sanctions of its own.

putintoilet.jpg
Citizens! Do you want Putin wiping his ass with the American flag -- like some hippie? (Via.)
Rightbloggers regarded this international chess match as a pissing contest. Making fun of Obama for not kicking Putin's ass has become as familiar a rightblogger theme as "under the bus" and Obama's teleprompter. Some of them have gotten a little creative about it, or crazy, depending on your perspective.

"Remember the Cuban Missile Crisis?" headlined Jim Campbell, "Citizen Journalist, Oath Keeper and Patriot" at Dancing Czars. "Putin knows Obama is a wimp and has placed missiles in Venezuela." Campbell linked to a story that was about missiles Venezuela had bought from Russia, an unremarkable event in the global arms bazaar that has emerged since the Cold War, but never mind -- for propaganda purposes it's 1962 all over again. "When President JFK spoke all parties involved paid attention," said Campbell. "Unlike Obama Kennedy was taken very seriously as the world knew his words meant something and the entire world including Putin laughs at Obama." The rest of his analysis was similarly trenchant.

A few of the brethren tried to blame Crimea on the Obama's collaborators, the international Green movement. "Putin was changing the map while Europe was saving the climate," declared Liz Peek of the Fiscal Times. "Instead of reducing their dependence on gas from Ukraine and Russia, the leaders of Western Europe have chosen to combat climate change. Instead of investing in secure energy, the EU has invested in green energy, driving up energy costs, reducing competitiveness, and allowing Putin to remain in the driver's seat." Green on the outside, red on the inside! Maybe now people will wise up and start burning more oil.

But it's the American President they really want to pin this on, in terms that might be advantageous in the coming elections. True, voters in this lousy economy are not likely to be very interested in foreign affairs. But rightbloggers appear to think if the stakes are portrayed in sufficiently cartoonish terms -- as they were back in the run-up to the Iraq War -- citizens might be scared into a positive reaction.

For example, some tried to imply that by not playing tougher with Vladimir Putin, Obama was endangering the nation, indeed the world. You may recall that last November, when Obama cut a six-month deal with Iran -- which country rightbloggers once kept on their Axis-of-Evil checklists, and which is still considered by many of them to be The One That Got Away -- the brethren just couldn't stop calling him Neville Chamberlain. Since the start of the Ukraine crisis, this usage has made a comeback.

"Barack Obama's position is not enviable, nor was Neville Chamberlain's in the fall of 1938," term-papered Daniel Berman at A Less Realist Approach. "OBAMA DESERVES A 'NEVILLE' AWARD," cried Burt Prelutsky at WorldNetDaily. "Neville Obama could not be reached for comment... If Neville Chamberlain had a son, he would look like Barack Obama," obsessed Don Surber.

"Based on the Obama Administration's unerringly consistent fecklessness in foreign policy combined with its attempts to diminish American military power by dramatically cutting military budgets... I submit that Barack Obama is America's own version of Stanley Baldwin and Neville Chamberlain," said Some Guy with something to prove about his history education at Richochet. "When a Niccolò Machiavelli challenges a Neville Chamberlain, not only will the Chamberlains not win, but death and destruction will follow," said Michael Rubin at Commentary, ditto.

Syndicated columnist Cal Thomas tried a variation by comparing George W. Bush (who had seen Putin's soul in his eyes, or was it the other way around?) to Chamberlain instead. But Thomas did go on to say Obama was turning America into "a humiliation nation" and "the laughingstock of the world's dictators" by not doing something butch about Russia. "When I hear President Obama threatening to impose consequences on Vladimir Putin et al., or imposing them, as he did today," said Power Line's Scott Johnson, "I think: 'The 1930s are now calling to ask for their piece of paper back.'" Johnson then explained, "Neville Chamberlain waved it upon his return to London from Munich in 1938," in case some of his regular readers hadn't been trained to recognize the reference yet.

Chamberlain "tried to buy 'peace in our time,'" Eugene Erlander informed OpEdNews readers. "...that approach did not work then--and it will not work now..." "Vladimir Putin is on the march," intoned the New York Post's Michael Goodwin, "and there's no telling how far he'll go if he's allowed to gobble up Crimea without paying a serious price. That is the lesson of Munich, the infamous agreement in 1938 when Britain's Neville Chamberlain" blah blah etc.

At National Review Victor Davis Hanson took the palm by republishing an old Hitler speech and substituting "Russians" for Germans, "Austrians" for "Crimea" etc. Any day now Putin should annex the Sudetenland or its equivalent; then Japan or its equivalent will bomb Pearl Harbor or its equivalent. We better not have some wimpy Democrat in office when that happens.

If historical allusions were too difficult for them, the brethren just went with butchitude: The Crimea crisis proved Obama wasn't tough enough to do, well, anything.

At the Washington Times, Robert Charles sneered at "Mr. Obama's Bambi-eyed blink at Mr. Putin," and lectured the President, "Strength alone secures peace." "Obama practicing diplomacy is like a eunuch in a harem," said Richard J. "Sarge" Garwood at the Canada Free Press; warming to his theme, Garwood continued, "...it's like being head eunuch guarding the harem... Obama is the eunuch in the United Nations harem," etc. "Obama swings small stick against Russia," headlined Presidential heckler Neil Munro of the The Daily Caller.

Massaging his nipples, Joseph Klein of FrontPageMag said Obama was "acting like a shrinking violet while Putin struts his stuff on the world stage." Also, while Obama employs "the weakest of sanctions" and "shies away from muscular diplomacy," Putin "addresses his countrymen in fiery language meant to instill hyper patriotism and explains his rationales for his actions in terms that Russians and Russian-speaking people in Crimea can understand and relate to" -- just like a U.S. President should, except with "American" in place of "Russian." But "rather than speak to the American people in a prime time address from the Oval Office," continued Klein, Obama "plays golf and shops at The Gap." It's clear who's the top in that relationship!


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5 comments
parsec
parsec

Stanley Baldwin and Neville Chamberlain? And which political party did they belong to?

J_Neo_Marvin
J_Neo_Marvin

Again with the Bambi references. Didn't anybody stick around for the end of that movie? Bambi ends up as the alpha stag on top of the mountain. He's basically the ungulate equivalent of the Lion King.

glennisw250
glennisw250 topcommenter

They really do love the manly Putin, don't they?

editor92
editor92

If Neville Chamberlain had a son, he would look like Neville Chamberlain's son, Francis. Making the parallel to Obama's "if I had a son" work would have taken so little effort ...

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