50 Things You Do When You're New To New York

Categories: Lists

494px-Brooklyn_Museum_-_Climbing_into_the_Promised_Land_Ellis_Island_-_Lewis_Wickes_Hine.jpg
Gift of Walter and Naomi Rosenblum
At some point, we were all new to New York. ("Climbing into the Promised Land, Ellis Island")
We were all new to New York at some point. Plenty of you no doubt took your first gulp of air in the maternity ward at Bellevue Hospital. But this list isn't for you. Many of us, including most here at the Voice, emigrated from elsewhere. We came in droves from the West Coast and the heartland. From overseas. From New Jersey. But despite this diversity, there is one thread that unites us all: each of us had to survive those first tricky few weeks in the city. We all made many of the same mistakes, succumbed to the same tricks and lived the same cliches.

As spring begins to turn into summer (it was 80 degrees yesterday!) we are entering the city's heaviest intake season. Come September, there will be more of us here than there are today. Here are 50 things that these newbies will probably do, say and think before they feel like natives. And there should be no shame in that. We've done a lot of these ourselves.

50. Think, on the subway, "It's showtime? Awesome! Let's watch!"

49. Make living in Brooklyn more expensive for the rest of us.

48.
Make living in Manhattan cheaper for the rest of us.

47. Refuse to live in the other three boroughs under any circumstances.

46. Order a slice other than "plain" or "pepperoni."

45. Curse the lack of central AC in your apartment.

43. Instagram every rooftop view.

NYC-bodega-needscredit.jpg
Paul Lowry via Compfight cc
What's the name of this place? Who cares? They have beer.
42. Wonder if your local bodega actually has a name.

41. Believe "Excuse me," spoken on the train, does not actually mean "Fuck you!"

40. Think "I'm doing it! I'm living my dream in the greatest city on the planet!" while eating a sad Hale and Hearty soup in your cubicle.

See also: 50 Reasons to Be Pretty Damn Euphoric You Live in New York City

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106 comments
Rossi Ravina
Rossi Ravina

Definitely completed a few of these actions this week.

Sherian Feaster
Sherian Feaster

I love that article except they forgot. Move to the next subway car because the smelt homeless guy lives on the one you were one. Lol and I really hate the G train.

Gene Sweeney
Gene Sweeney

I only read as far as No. 47 before I got too disgusted with the typical domestic immigrant BS and gave up on it.

Cinnamon Basil
Cinnamon Basil

Oh hell no! This Brooklyn girl never paid the suggested donation at the Met!

Kbhn Pdlmr
Kbhn Pdlmr

hahhahahaha, I'm pretty sure you listen to my friend's CD MC IDontRememberHisNameAnymore

Gary Chow
Gary Chow

For your next visit Lea Rushton

Tommy Haynes
Tommy Haynes

...and one thing not to do : ride the G train

Vien Do
Vien Do

Nope I'm native to here, sorry.

Djvin Man
Djvin Man

carry a machine gun and drive an armored tank

Dub Pee
Dub Pee

<--- Metropolitan Hospital

Alessandra Perotti
Alessandra Perotti

51. After reading all that, google 'how to pronounce Houston Street New York' and get stunned.

Eric Eddy
Eric Eddy

51) Contribute to the destruction of NYCs working class communities, the disparity between rich and poor, and the scarcity of affordable housing, by being a rich, spoiled interloper.

Jonathan Milenko
Jonathan Milenko

Ride the A or D all the way to 125th St, when that was the last thing you wanted to do.

Robert Berry
Robert Berry

Why couldn't "view as one page" be on page one and not page five?

Gianluca D'Agostino
Gianluca D'Agostino

I am from Italy and when I lived in NY I do remember I was the one who took my NY native friends into new and old places in the city. Hence it's not a matter if you're native Nyorker or not it's only about WHO YOU ARE.

Gianluca D'Agostino
Gianluca D'Agostino

this new yorker parochialist campaign frenzy is leading the villagevoice and the gothamist nowhere but in the realm of idiocy. You can't frame New York into one or more meaningless categories because New York is a series of consciousness projections of which you know nothing about but it scares you to death not being able to frame it into some dumb category. Time for a career change.

Julie Greenberg
Julie Greenberg

It's a sad day for the Village Voice to have this list in it, pandering to the hipsters. When I was growing up, Brooklyn was just as outer borough as Queens or the Bronx or Staten Island. In my mind, it still is.

Julie Greenberg
Julie Greenberg

Yes because you're so cool you can be snarky and insult someone's opinion on facebook.

Rayne Macy
Rayne Macy

that's f*ing hilarious!!! good belly laugh :)

irvbriscoe
irvbriscoe

Add ?page=all after the url and you'll be able to view it on one page. They hide that because they want the more page views ... bastards. 

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