Opprescious: Rightbloggers Claim Condi Rice, Themselves Victims of Liberal Fascists

tomt200.jpgAs we're fond of pointing out, rightbloggers are prone to mood swings between triumphalism and persecution mania. Though we're sure they'll be on the upswing by the time the 2014 elections roll around -- they're gamers that way -- lately they seem to be on a down cycle.

In fact, to hear rightbloggers tell it, they're currently being ground under the jackboot of liberal fascism. Colleges don't want conservatives to give commencement addresses, which is fascism. Companies and government bodies make them follow rules, which is fascism. They may not even win literary awards they feel entitled to. Jesus Christ, what is this, Russia?

You probably heard about their biggest liberal-fascist complaint, the resignation of Brendan Eich, the Mozilla CEO who, when it came out that he'd donated to California's anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, got pressured out by his board of directors -- whom rightbloggers decided were acting on the orders of The Left. ("The hatred and the bigotry and the intolerance here is all on the side of the fascists on the left!" said Rush Limbaugh, etc.) But you may have missed some of the others.

For example, last week New Hampshire father William Baer was arrested for disrupting a school board meeting. He complained about the assignment of Jodi Picoult's YA novel 19 Minutes in his teen daughter's class because it had a sex scene in it. As the video shows, after Baer had finished his allotted two minutes, he refused to shut up, so the board called the cops, who took him away.

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This is it -- the breakthrough with black voters the GOP has been looking for! (Via.)
Some people might think the board overreacted; others may think they did right to keep Baer's heckler's veto from stomping everyone else's right to speak. Rightbloggers, however, thought the board had infringed on an important Constitutional right: The right to take over a public meeting if you feel really strongly about it, and are right-wing. For those few minutes before he was hauled off, he was like a Northeastern, less-racist Cliven Bundy.

Most of the brethren didn't mention that Baer broke the rules, probably thinking that might just confuse the issue. "DAD HANDCUFFED FOR PROTESTING GRAPHIC-SEX BOOK," said Jerome R. Corsi at WorldNetDaily. "NH Parent Arrested for Protesting Book That Contains Graphic Sex Scene," railed Fox News Insider. "'All Your Children Are Belong To Us' - Dad Arrested For Questioning New Hampshire School Board About Sexually Explicit Book," cried The Conservative Tree House.

"Support for William Baer Pours in from Coast to Coast," alleged the New Hampshire Tea Party Coalition, which gave quotes from a couple of the letters of encouragement, including "I was waiting for one of the parents to shout...Arrest The School Board!" "I will gladly contribute to further protests and legal action against the Gilford school board," and "Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me*." (*j/k.)

"The most amazing thing to me is that none of the sheeple in the audience visibly or audibly react [to Baer's arrest]" complained Terry Firma of Pantheos Patheos. "The chair of the board doesn't say a word to stop the wanton escalation either. Maybe she was secretly pleased by the turn of events?" (Alternately: Maybe everyone there was pleased by the turn of events, because Baer was an asshole? Questions remain!)

Speaking of school matters, did you know that there's also a Constitutional right for conservative celebrities to speak at whatever school commencement they like, and not to be criticized for it, lest they withdraw and thereby cause you to be the liberal fascist?

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was invited to take $35,000 of Rutgers University's money to give graduating students lessons in life from the perspective of somebody who thought the war in Iraq was a great idea. Some students protested, and Rice, saying she didn't want to be a bother, bowed out. (She was replaced by former New Jersey Governor Tom Kean, who is a Republican but since he hasn't run for office since the 1980s is probably now considered a Socialist.)

Even though Rice herself said that "America's belief in free speech and the exchange of ideas... is not what is at issue here," many of the brethren asserted that Rice's exit was liberal fascism because she had a Constitutional right to that platform and that thirty-five grand no matter what.

"Censorship 1, Condoleezza Rice 0," declared Dick Polman at the Daily Times. "How pitiful that this kind of thing keeps happening in academia, which is supposedly devoted to free speech and the exchange of ideas." Polman claimed Rice had been "barred from speaking," despite actual events. (In our favorite part, Polman acknowledged that some people are upset at the bloody mess Rice and her colleagues made in Iraq, but pleaded, "If school officials were to judge every public figure only by his or her worst moments, they would never hire a speaker." In Den Hague, several heads nodded in recognition.)


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