Rightbloggers Celebrate Hobby Lobby as Defeat for Liberals, Victory for Something-or-Other
Best of all, in the brethren's view, liberals lost, and there's nothing that cheers them up more. (The Washington Free Beacon's analysis was subtitled, "Court's narrow ruling affirms religious freedom, incenses liberals.")
To make their nemeses look even sillier, some portrayed the victory as limited, which meant the complaining liberals were overwrought and hysterical -- you know, like-a de woman!
For example, the decision brought up more than usual employment of the "liberals scream" locution traditionally used by rightbloggers for this purpose, e.g., "Its funny how liberals scream for everyone's rights but gods," "The Three Biggest Lies Liberals Are Screaming About The Hobby Lobby Ruling," etc.
"Red-faced liberals screamed that yesterday's Supreme Court decision in favor of the crafting superstore would instantly transform America," declared John Hayward of Human Events, citing no sources. To show how reasonable he was in contrast to screaming liberals, though, Hayward suggested that liberals were using Hobby Lobby as -- say it with me, Alex Jones fans! -- a distraction ("For a day or two, nobody's paying attention to the VA, or the IRS, or Iraq"), and added, "the idea someone's individual religious conscience could transcend the dictates of the almighty State makes the people we laughingly refer to as 'liberals' physically sick," and other such examples of measured analysis.
When liberal publications like Mother Jones put out articles like "The 8 Best Lines From Ginsburg's Dissent on the Hobby Lobby Contraception Decision," rightbloggers quickly responded with the polemic equivalent of answer songs -- like "6 Stupid Arguments About Hobby Lobby From Dumb Liberals" (Sean Davis, The Federalist), "Justice Ginsburg's Eight Worst Lines on Hobby Lobby" (Ramesh Ponnuru, National Review), "9 Myths from Justice Ginsburg's Hobby Lobby Dissent" (Jonathan Keim, National Review), etc.
Brent Bozell's make-work project For America began its "Seven Lies the Left should stop telling about the Hobby Lobby ruling" with this: "You might be a liberal if you think that the Supreme Court just banned use of all birth control." Unsurprisingly, there were no linked citations, though there were several animated gifs.
And quitcherbitchen, bitches, said John McCormack at the Weekly Standard: Hobby Lobby "simply objected to paying for those pills and devices that may kill a human embryo" in their alternate universe, and besides, lots of government programs dole out birth control free, so "the Court didn't even turn back the clock to the supposedly scary time when middle-class and wealthy citizens might have had to shell out $9 a month for birth control." (This, by the way, was another popular theme among the brethren: That having health insurance coverage is mooching if you use it for birth control.)
At National Review Deroy Murdock insisted that "Hobby Lobby Actually Lavishes Contraception Coverage on Its Employees," since there were still 16 forms of it they were willing to provide under the law, and ladies can have the four others if they'll pay for them, instead of mooching off their health insurance ("the Left's moaning over Hobby Lobby is less about access to medicine and more about access to free stuff"). So, even though "the Left is foaming at the mouth," "living in a cartoon of their own making," and (you knew it was coming) "screaming themselves hoarse," Hobby Lobby's no big deal.
Power Line's John Hinderaker did his bit by quoting some lawyer who claimed the decision was "meaningless" because the self-certification process that Alito mentioned as a possible compromise -- which is already used with explicitly religious non-profits -- was, he seemed to think, a dead cinch to be enacted. Rush Limbaugh later picked this up, so Hinderaker's probably got a bonus check coming.