Warm Weather Activities for People Who Hate Going Outside

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It's finally over: The longest winter in memory (which doesn't go back further than last spring) has ended. Forecasts for New York are in the 60s and life is good. No more complaining about staying inside because of the bitter cold, no more whining about not being able to ride your bike to flea markets, no bitterness about the months of non-al fresco dining.

Damn it, no more excuses for staying inside all day. But you love staying inside--that's where the fast wifi is!

This weekend marks the beginning of months-long guilt about staying at home when it's so beautiful out. Why not meet halfway? We've concocted some fun activities that give you the outdooors experience in the comfort of your own dark apartment.

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What to do With Your Hurricane Rations

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Assuming you heeded Mayor Bloomberg's every word in regard to Hurricane Irene, you are probably sitting on top of 35 cases of Poland Spring water in a city-run shelter right now, pouring gasoline into a generator in order to power your computer. But being overly prepared isn't a bad thing! That's how wars are won, tests are aced, and procreation is avoided. Assuming you aren't going to store all your hoarded supplies for the next mass weather scare, we have some ideas on what to do with it.

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Happy 4/20, You Stuttering, Bleary-Eyed Perma-Adolescents!

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Today is 4/20: The holiday for people whose lives are holidays. After spending 364 days a year trying to find excuses to burn trees -- A full moon! A Family Matters marathon! -- Marijuana enthusiasts everywhere celebrate the day that is itself an excuse to get high. Don't be fooled; everyone is stoned today. Your boss, teachers, parents, even that cop pounding at your door -- they're all totally baked. We here at Runnin' Scared have some advice to ensure that you have a safe, healthy and productive 4/20. (Just kidding, there is no way you will be productive today.)

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The Government Shutdown and You: A Guide

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via ttarasiuk
Did you hear? The government might get shut down! If the White House and Congress can't come to an agreement on a federal spending-cut bill by Friday, the government will be shut down for the first time since 1996. Back then, museums closed, passport applications went unprocessed, and credit cards became white-hot and burned their way through people's pants (the last one may not have happened). Essentially, this is like that time in middle school when your teacher was sick but they forgot to assign a sub and everyone went ape shit.

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Meet The New Ethicist, Same As The Old Ethicist

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via NYT
One of the less-discussed changes to the New York Times' revamped Sunday magazine is the changing of the guard in The Ethicist column. For years it was Randy Cohen, who I always imagined as a nebbishy man surrounded by dusty old books, pushing his glasses up his nose as he dispensed wise -- and very dry -- advice to people who are too serious for your regular old advice column. The Ethicist was one of those staples of the magazine that, growing up, I would read five sentences of and be like, "wow, on to Benoit Denizet-Lewis."

Now there's a new Ethicist, Ariel Kaminer, who writes the City Critic column for the Times and who used to be editor of the paper's Arts and Leisure section. So how's she doing, Ethically?

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Five Better, More Brutally Honest Tips for Successfully Dating a Blogger

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via
This is going to be hard to hear, for everyone. Yesterday, the website Social Times, which touts itself as "Your Social Media Source," published an article called "Five Tips for Successfully Dating a Blogger," with a dash of humor and a healthy dose of no please stop this is so misguided. Bloggers, the advice begins, are "a rare breed." OK! Then it includes a little quiz to make sure your partner -- which the article assumes to be a male, and you a female -- is "a die-hard." Let's start there. The real talk will follow.

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Borders Bankrupt, Insert 'Chapter 11' Joke Here

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chillihead
As we mentioned in our morning link roundup, book retailer Borders is filing for bankruptcy and closing a third of its locations after posting losses of $680.6 million since 2007. Reuters reports that "the chain still faces questions about its longer-term survival in the face of competition." In light of all this, we would like to offer some tips on not only how to stay competitive in the cutthroat world of chain bookstores, but how to thrive!

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Zagat Gives Terrible Dating Advice

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Zagat has come out with this "Essential Dating and Dumping Guide" thingie. They surveyed people about their dating habits and came out with a little guide to the best places in New York to go on dates (and to break up with people). Some of the advice or whatever is kind of sound. And most of it is patently ridiculous and I hope real people never follow it.

Here's a good pickup line: "I thought I'd stare at you close up."

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Has Salon's Cary Tennis Really Lost It?

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Salon's Cary Tennis is the craziest advice columnist in the world. Not an easy feat, to be sure, but we're not the first ones to notice. (In fact, it's well documented.) He has extensively chronicled his own issues, including his history of alcoholism and ongoing fight with cancer, but tends to choose almost psychopathic questions, which allow him to expound for hundreds and hundreds of words in amazing nutso-babble, like that time he told a lost twenty-something, "Your soul cries out for the unknown...What dread beast is this?" (Meaning: "Take acid.") But little compares to Tennis' latest, "I'm from India, crazy in love." It's got it all: broken English, chat rooms, phone sex, vague racism, HBO, hipster hunting. OMG.

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Notes From the UBS Bank Dress Code: The Most Amusing Bits

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Dress code? We haven't had a dress code since we quit Brownies. But some people do. Some people have to wear, for instance, those leg-compressing torture chambers known as pantyhose, or businessperson skirt and jacket or pantsuits that never really smell fresh after the first wear, despite dry-cleaning. These people likely work at banks like UBS, which, via the Wall Street Journal, is sending a 43-page memo to its Swiss banking staff on how to dress to impress.

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