Yeah, at this point you're probably just as sick of this stuff as I am. But, it's in the news and it's my duty to tell you, dear reader, just how our city's tabloids are covering two celebrity divorces: Christie Brinkley's split from fourth husband Peter Cook and the bound-to-be-bitter dissolution of the marriage of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez. Keeping with the tabloid nature of these stories, I'm just going to give you a quick rundown of the latest developments, a "tale of the tape," if you will.

Best lead sentences in A-Rod drama (tie). The Post, in its story about the fate of Rodriguez's sponsorships: "He's not accused of rape and he didn't kill any dogs — so A-Rod's all good."

The Daily News had a piece on Alex Rodriguez's penchant for strippers that starts with "If it jiggled, A-Rod wanted it."

Best headline (Post) "A-ROD WENT OVER THE 'BORDERLINE'" (Nice Madonna reference!)

Latest developments: Cynthia Rodriguez's divorce petition asks for custody of the kids, child support, the couple's Coral Gables, Fla., mansion, her Maybach luxury car and enough alimony to maintain her "high style of living."

Speaking of "high style," the News reports that Cynthia spent $100,000 when she fled to Paris as the Madonna rumors started to swirl.

Gwyneth Paltrow is now a tangential player in this drama. Both papers report she visited Madonna in Madge's Upper West Side apartment yesterday.

Best Christie Brinkley divorce headline (Post) "RAGING AT 'JERKY' BOY," in reference to Cook's proclivity to masturbate in front of a webcam

"Shocking" revelation When testifying about what a good mother she is, Brinkley noted that is was she, not ex-husband and "piano man" Billy Joel, who got their daughter Alexa Ray piano lessons.

Latest developments: Brinkley was made out to be a wonderful mother who is so concerned for her children's safety that she bought a defibrillator for her house and Cook's parents' house. She also has enough gas masks at her Bridgehampton home for her family and some of her neighbors.

On cross-examination, Cook's lawyers had Brinkley read from some press interviews in which she said Cook was a good dad.

Brinkley also testified that she "felt on several occasions [Cook] was too strong, too overwhelming in his use of force" with the children, but, as the Post reports, "fell short of accusing him of abuse."