[This weekly feature, briefly suspended due to the nervous breakdown of its author, returns pending further medical review.]

It's the eve of the Democratic Convention, and rightbloggers have all hands on deck. Pajamas Media has allied with Little Green Footballs to send Zombietime, a site best known for showing provocative photos of gay street fairs, to work its magic on the DNC. Hot Air has sent Jason Mattera "undercover" to film left-wing anti-Democratic protestors, which is meant to reflect badly on the Democrats. When their own provender runs low, links to anti-Obama Democratic sites like No Quarter and Talk Left fill the gaps.

The small fry just do what they always do, only more fiercely. "Who won’t say the pledge of allegiance?" asks Resist Liberalism. "Who won’t place his hand on his heart? Who hates America? BARACK OBAMA!"

But there are two large bits of old business to be dispensed with before the party can really get started: John McCain's seven (or eight) houses, and Joe Biden.

McCain's hazy memory of the number of his domiciles gave the Obama team a chance to remind people that McCain, mainly known as a former POW, is also filthy rich.

Defenses of McCain on this were... random. TigerHawk, who has previously knocked Obama for his "important misunderstanding of small town America," decides that the "ongoing argument over which candidate is less 'of the people' is more than a little silly," then claims that he doesn't know how many houses he has, either.

Tigerhawk's "I'm Spartacus" moment fails to catch fire, and other approaches are tried. Wake Up America says that promoters of this "manufactured controversy" fail to recognize that the seven McCain manses "aren't homes they live in or reside in at any time of the year." Wizbang calls it "typical socialist propaganda. Hate those who have more," and directs our attention to the "5 week old baby girl with a cleft palate" the McCains adopted.

The general rightblogger consensus is that noticing McCain's houses will backfire on Obama because of the Rezko affair, a controversy from January that has been largely debunked but persists among rightbloggers as a sort of neo-Whitewater: a scandal about which no one remembers much except that it was a scandal.

As you may have heard, Obama this weekend selected Senator Joe Biden of Delaware as his running mate. The attacks came at internet speed, with several rightbloggers denouncing the 3:00 am text announcement Obama sent to supporters, either for being too early or for being too late.

Some rightbloggers have said some nice things about Biden -- adding quickly that Biden's good qualities are, like everything else, a disaster for Obama. Sister Toldjah says, "Obama is going to struggle with trying to ‘look’ more presidential than Joe Biden..." "He highlights Obama’s weaknesses," agrees Outside the Beltway. "Every naif needs his Dick Cheney," says Don Surber.

The rest grab whatever is at hand and let fly. "Biden’s Barry’s Bitch Vice Presidential pick," announces Stop the ACLU. Riehl World View commingles metaphors: "Secret Service enroute to protect Joe Biden? Better hurry before he shoots himself in the foot before the official announcement. That is, if his foot isn't already in his mouth, of course!"

Early scouring for scandal is not impressive. RedState pimps Hunter Biden's business ties as "making money off his dad's connections" and proclaims "the media is shying away from covering this story" -- though RedState got it from ABC News.

At National Review Mark Levin notes that "Biden has run for president a few times and has never caught on in his own party" -- an odd disqualification for a Vice-Presidential candidate. Levin's colleague Peter Wehner notices that, in his first post-announcement speech, Biden used "the phrase 'ladies and gentlemen' 18 times" and "the phrase 'literally' at least seven different times — including several times when Biden meant to say figuratively."

Will this sort of reaching also reach the hearts of voters? It hardly matters. Vice Presidents don't win elections, but it may be argued that message control does. All the rightbloggers' labors have one great purpose: to associate the Democrats' cause with any negative thing of the remotest relevance. In the Convention days to come, every Democrat who comes to the podium -- and everyone who attends, or is outside, as well as the decorations and refreshments at the Pepsi Center -- will receive the same treatment. The rightbloggers' mission is not to search for truth, but to search and destroy.

(Update: TigerHawk informs us that the first of the remarks attributed to TigerHawk is actually by TigerHawk contributor Cardinalpark and not by Tigerhawk contributor TigerHawk. Sorry for any confusion.) Also fixed a typo -- thanks, citizen journalist Steve! You have helped eliminate a socialist make-work job for a proofreader at the Voice.