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Featured

Worst Nativities of 2008

By Roy Edroso, Friday, Dec. 12 2008 @ 12:30AM
Comments (18)
Categories: The Worst Ever
nativityfigures.jpg

Artisans in Naples, Italy unveiled their new nativity figures the other day and proved an ancient bit of Christmas wisdom: don't fuck with the formula. These representations of Barack and Michelle Obama (and, we think, John McCain) and France's Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni shouldn't be anywhere near straw, donkeys, and the baby Jesus.

Why do people persist in making this charming, naive old imagery into something modern and strange? Whatever it adds in novelty, it takes away in wholesome simplicity. You may as well serve your guests EggNogtinis and put your presents under a Christmas fungus.

We have long admired Going Jesus' Cavalcade of Weird Nativities, but see they haven't gotten around to a 2008 edition yet. So here to tidings-of-comfort-and-joy you over is a short review of recent, horrible innovations on the holy family theme:

gaynativity400.jpg

Gay Nativities. We support marriage equality and are down with representational gender-fucks in general. When this ploy got started in the Italian Parliament in 2006 it was tolerable, producing a lot of hilarious "Christmas hijacked with 'gay' Nativity" headlines etc. But now that the Dutch are at it with a new Jesus Has Two Mommies and Two Daddies display, it's turning into a thing, and we're getting that old Rocky Horror burnout feeling. Can't we move on to new horizons -- maybe celebrating Hanukkah by spinning the gaydel?

peanutschristmas.jpg

A Charlie Brown Birth of Christ. This opens the door to Smurf nativities, Transformer nativities, and Where in the World is Jesus Christ. Children will have enough trouble coping with this year's Recession Christmas without seeing Met Life spokestoons right there in the manger.

gingerbreadjesus.jpg

Edible nativities. We sort of appreciate the can-do culinary spirit, but inevitably someone's going to be up late, maybe after too much Christmas punch, and think, "Mmm, baby Jesus sure would hit the spot." Then the kids will ask "Where's baby Jesus?" and it'll be worse than the time you had to explain why Grandma was never coming to visit again.

Porno nativities. Do we even have to explain?

busshelternativity.jpg

Urban nativities. If the story and its associated images mean anything, it's that the Son of God came into the world in the humblest way to save mankind. Jesus, Mary and Joseph may have been poor but they were most definitely not thugged out. So don't make a nativity with Homies or do a video of the Annunciation in a London slum or anything like that. If the Greatest Story Ever Told is basically 8 Mile, there's really no point in having Christmas at all, except to make yourself more wretched than you already are. Peace out on earth!

Comments (18) Write Comment
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  • Going Jesus
  • Naples
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  • John McCain
  • Carla Bruni

Comments (18)

Writer Writer says:

The whole nativity thing is TOTALLY made up anyway! Who cares?

The myth of christ and that whole birth story has been done and done and done. Same formula, 8000 years before.

Look up Horus, Mithra and Osiris.... same deal, different languages.

It's all BS.

Posted On: Saturday, Dec. 13 2008 @ 12:51PM
Ari says:

Writer Writer, stop regurgitating what other people have said on the net. Do some of your own research or don't say anything at all. The characteristics of Mithra that you are referring to came about after Christianity had already become established within the Judea and started spreading throughout the Roman Empire. Mithraism arrived into Roman territories through Roman solider returning from what is modern day Iran after christianity had arose. The Roman converts changed Mithraism in an attempt to compete with Christianity not the other way around.
http://www.tektonics.org/copycat/mithra.html

Horus and Osiris conspiracy theories are also based on liberal interpretation. People like to find patterns or associations where there are none. Google is your friend or better yet, visit a library.

Posted On: Saturday, Dec. 13 2008 @ 1:35PM
Сибирская экологическая компания says:

Оборудование для очистки воды. http://www.sibeco.ru.gg

Posted On: Saturday, Dec. 13 2008 @ 1:38PM
Anonymous says:

Ari...Mithraism predated Christianity. It was originally a Persian religion. And...wait...wtf...Horus conspiracy theory?...what the hell are you talking about?...Jesus...there's no point...YES! A the son of a carpenter who was really his own father died on a piece of wood, to convince himself not to punish us for sin. Which in turn was created when a talking snake convinced a magic rib woman to eat from a tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then this guy who was his own father, rose and flew into the sky to sit on the right hand of himself, who was on the right hand of himself, who sat on the left hand of himself, who, okay...you know! Yeah...makes perfect sense. lol. Horus conspiracy theory... *laughing out loud into the sunset.

Posted On: Sunday, Dec. 14 2008 @ 12:32AM
Ari says:

Anonymous, Iran is the modern day name for Persia. I believe stated that Mithraism came from Iran originally but I also said that the Roman version of it popular among Roman soliders did not exists before Christianity. I'm afraid that you are confusing the two branches of it. The Iranian version did not include any of the elements pundits refer to as being similar to Christianity.

Seriously, Google it or visit a library unless you are afraid to learn something which might contradict your current world view.

Posted On: Sunday, Dec. 14 2008 @ 2:46AM
WriterWriter says:

Horus "conspiracy theory"?

If anything is a conspiracy it is modern "religion" foisting crap upon people and then threatening them when they don't conform.

Posted On: Sunday, Dec. 14 2008 @ 1:06PM
Tanya says:

Too funny! So Lucy & Charlie Brown...erm, Lucy and the supreme being got together and had a...woodstock?? And edible jesus thread is hysterical!

Posted On: Sunday, Dec. 14 2008 @ 11:35PM
Alice says:

Great!! Thanks

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 15 2008 @ 5:29AM
poot says:

Writer Writer, in case you weren't aware of it, few people are more annoying or appear even less intelligent than a religious zealot. Anti-religious zealots would be among those. Believe what you like, allow others the same privilege. You know how you feel when Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door? Well that's the way you look every time you start calling people names because they don't believe the way you do. Perhaps your time would be better spent at the library, researching ways to disprove others' beliefs instead of just regurgitating crap that you think will offend everyone and then, somehow enlighten them.

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 15 2008 @ 11:04AM
Anonymous says:

Writer Writer, in case you weren't aware of it, few people are more annoying or appear even less intelligent than a religious zealot. Anti-religious zealots would be among those. Believe what you like, allow others the same privilege. You know how you feel when Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door? Well that's the way you look every time you start calling people names because they don't believe the way you do. Perhaps your time would be better spent at the library, researching ways to disprove others' beliefs instead of just regurgitating crap that you think will offend everyone and then, somehow enlighten them.

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 15 2008 @ 11:05AM
poot says:

Writer Writer, in case you weren't aware of it, few people are more annoying or appear even less intelligent than a religious zealot. Anti-religious zealots would be among those. Believe what you like, allow others the same privilege. You know how you feel when Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door? Well that's the way you look every time you start calling people names because they don't believe the way you do. Perhaps your time would be better spent at the library, researching ways to disprove others' beliefs instead of just regurgitating crap that you think will offend everyone and then, somehow enlighten them.

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 15 2008 @ 11:06AM
poo says:

WTF happened there?

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 15 2008 @ 11:09AM
WriterWriter says:

Poot and Ari,

May I direct you both to the very educated senior biologist, Dr. Richard Dawkins and to the very, very well-read, brilliant and well-spoken writer, Christopher Hitchens, both of whom are far more brilliant than I, better educated than anyone posting here, I suspect, and both published on the subject of religion.

Also, may I point out that personal attacks, which you have both engaged in, reveal the tenacious nature of the attacker's argument, but do not dilute the point made by the person being attacked.

Posted On: Tuesday, Dec. 16 2008 @ 4:45PM
Tim says:

WriterWriter, "First there was nothing. Then it exploded."

May I also direct you towards equally, if not more so, eminent scientists such as:

Sir Isaac Newton
Michael Faraday
Baron Kelvin
Professor Sir John Polkinghorne
Professor John Lennox
Professor Pauline Rudd
Professor Stuart Burgess

And that's just a taster. Now please stop trying to force your atheistic beliefs on everybody else and leave them in peace, when all this post was originally about were poor nativity scenes available today.

Posted On: Saturday, Dec. 20 2008 @ 6:41AM
Сибирская экологическая компания says:

Производство оборудования для водоподготовки, очистки воды, ионообмен, водоочистка, системы обратного осмоса, умягчения, обеззараживания, обезжелезивания, обессоливания и опреснения воды. Очистка сточных вод. Самые низкие цены в Сибири! Гарантия от 2-х лет.
http://www.sibecolog.ru/

Posted On: Wednesday, Jan. 14 2009 @ 2:24PM
hawk says:

May I direct you both to the very educated senior biologist, Dr. Richard Dawkins and to the very, very well-read, brilliant and well-spoken writer, Christopher Hitchens, both of whom are far more brilliant than I, better educated than anyone posting here, I suspect, and both published on the subject of religion.
--
http://www.sibecolog.ru/

Posted On: Thursday, Feb. 5 2009 @ 8:47AM
Jackson says:

Very Nice!! Thanks ;)

Posted On: Saturday, Sep. 12 2009 @ 2:50PM
Anonymous says:

porn nativity ... still worse than the arguing on this thread.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 9 2009 @ 2:05AM

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