Today is Earth Day, and you know what that means -- the launch of a Disney film, and re-education as to how Earth Day is a communist plot. "I wonder how many of the millions worldwide participating in Earth Day festivities actually know who Lenin was?" writes Bill Croke at the American Spectator. Earth Day is also Lenin's birthday! Coincidence? Croke details the disastrous agricultural policies of the Russkies and adds, "You don't have to be the late Milton Friedman to know that free market capitalist economies have cleaner environments." Well, sure -- if you force them to.

National Review notices the Lenin connection too. (They're suspiciously up on Soviet arcana.) April 22 is also Jack Nicholson's birthday, which may be why, as Wesley J. Smith writes, Hollywood is trying to kill us with green movies. Smith calls environmentalism "an anti-humanistic ideology that increasingly disdains humankind as a scourge that literally threatens the existence of 'the planet,'" his quote marks implying that he lives somewhere else, which is at least psychologically possible.

Tammy Bruce honors Lenin's earthday with the story of a 19th Century Colorado cannibal, whom she styles "a pioneer in recycling." Environmentalists are commies and cannibals. It's a marvel they ever got so popular.

Ed Anger breaks it down: Earth Day is for losers! "The closest I want to get to nature is the pine tree air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror of my big old truck!"

Among the differently-addled, the New York Outdoors Blog says, "I Weep for Earth on Earth Day," and complains, "There are far too many of us on Earth... We are polluting our air, water, and land with our byproducts and waste, and are causing the extinction of plants and animals at a phenominal rate. Human extinction will follow. Then Earth can recover." So you see, it all ends up happily.

Grist says Earth Day is for posers, proposes a "Screw Earth Day": "You think this is a worldwide love fest? You think this is a bit of Kumbaya for your karma? You think you can make up for a lifetime of excess in one day?" Taking things a step further in the other direction is Jack English, whose charming video appears above; he proposes that "the earth has gotten a bit soft these past few years. What we need to do is slap it around a bit, make earth our bitch." Alternately, you could water some plants, recycle, or let it mellow if its yellow. It may not do much for the earth but it'll make you feel good, and isn't that what Earth Day is all about?