Meet the NYU Streaker and other Pre-Weekend Weirdness

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:21 AM, May 16, 2008

Here are a few of the nuttier stories in today's tabloids. Give yourself something to talk about while out and about this weekend:

Rocky should have come equipped with a gun The Post devotes 2/3 of page 5 to the saga of a raccoon trapped in a tree on E. 88th and First Avenue. The varmint was shot with tranquilizer darts in an attempt to safely get him out of the tree. Unfortunately, the darts were shot too deeply into the critter's skin, so he ended up being euthanized. More disturbing is the allegations that cops were joking about harpooning the raccoon.

Has he lost his mind? The Daily News introduces us to Rex Jameson, a software engineer who has made his own aluminum/electronic exoskeleton a la the blockbuster Iron Man. The suit allows Jameson to do as many of 500(!) repetitions of 200-lb. benchpresses. Watch out, Robert Downey Jr.!

Face the consequences The Daily News talks to the knucklehead who ran the bases at Yankee Stadium during graduation. He's been banned from a salute to NYU film students at Madison Square Garden tomorrow. He still doesn't regret the stunt, calling it "the best moment of my life."

Now that's a diet I can get behind The Post has been covering the bribery controversy surrounding Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. The case takes a bizarre turn today as the paper reports that Slim-Fast founder S. Daniel Abraham funneled money to Olmert using cases of the diet drink that were stuffed with cash. Who wouldn't have a shake for breakfast and lunch with that kind of monetary motivation?

Finally, next week the Post's weekday editions increase their price to 50 cents. Arrange your pocket change accordingly. The paper is blaming "increased production and transportation costs."

Obama Vs. Bush(?!) on Terrorism

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:35 AM, May 16, 2008

Apparently everyone now thinks that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, as even President Bush is making remarks about the Illinois Senator's leadership qualities. In a speech on the floor of Israel's Knesset, Bush criticized those who want to deal with terrorists and other unsavories through this crazy idea called diplomacy. Bush said, "Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along. We have heard this foolish delusion before," and then compared this diplomatic track with Sen. William Borah's 1939 comment, "Lord if I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided." White House spokeswoman Dana Perino told reporters the remark was not a comment on Obama, but anonymous administrative aides told the Daily News the comment was aimed at the Illinois senator.

This comment opens up the whole, "Barack Hussein Obama" can of worms again, as News columnist Michael Goodwin accuses the Senator of "want[ing] it both ways" with his middle name: he uses it to show he "understands" issues in the Middle East, but that he's persecuted by it here in the States because Joe Six-Pack in certain battleground states thinks it means he's a Muslim who's looking to destroy America. The Post's Charles Hurt plays the "Why ever would Obama think this comment was about him?" card, noting how important the discussion of terrorism is in an election year. Then we get the inevitable Jimmy Carter slam at the end.

One perhaps unintended consequence of the remark is that it shored up the Democratic Party. As the old sentiment goes, "I can talk insult my family, but you sure as hell can't." Hillary Clinton called the remarks "offensive and outrageous," while Sen. Chuck Schumer noted how inappropriate it was to "play politics on the floor of the Knesset on Israel's 60th anniversary."

Guess Who's Back: The Return of "Kristen" and the Spitzer Scandal

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:40 AM, May 15, 2008

The Post brings us way back to March with their photo exclusive of the infamous Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the woman who brought down Gov. Eliot Spitzer. It's the first new picture of The Hooker Formerly Known As "Kristen" and coincides with the news that "hooker booker" Temeka Lewis cut a plea deal that may reveal all about the Emperors Club VIP clients. Lewis's testimony could lead to money-laundering charges for Spitzer.

But let's talk about Kristen/Ashley. The photos in the Post show her decked out in black, with a Fendi belt (worth $632) and a Louis Vuitton wallet ($495). Didn't the Post learn that it's tacky to talk prices? Oh wait, we're talking about a high-priced call girl in the throng of a government sex scandal. OK, carry on…

The description of how Post photogs found Dupre is pretty hilarious, with its creative use of adjectives to describe her journey from her family home in Wall, N.J., to midtown (bolding mine):

"Having ditched her pricey Flatiron apartment and apparently now living with her mom and stepdad in their Victorian home in Wall, NJ, Dupre drove a subcompact car to the nearby neighborhood of Lincroft. There, she hopped a decidedly inglorious 9 a.m. bus for an hour-long ride to Manhattan's seedy Port Authority Bus Terminal."

How the mighty have fallen! The new news in the case also give the paper the opportunity to trot out two of the covers from the days of the scandal: the "HO NO!" front page with Eliot and Silda Spitzer and the controversial "BAD GIRL" topless shot of Dupre.

Today's front page of the Post makes you think nothing's really happened in the last two months. It also makes you forget that this scandal is old news and we've moved on to Vito Fossella and his "second family.

Oh, College: The NYU Yankee Stadium "Streaker"

Posted by Heather Muse at 9:14 AM, May 15, 2008

There's always that one guy. You know: the "life of the party" guy who always has a crazy scheme? Well, at NYU's graduation yesterday, That Guy was William Lopez, a newly-minted BFA who decided to drop trou and run the bases at Yankee Stadium after the school's graduation ceremony. But now, Lopez is going to learn a lesson they don't teach you in college, but probably should: what happens when you do something stupid and the media pick up on it.

It seems like a lighthearted, "fun" story, but the Daily News takes it a step further, publishing photos of Lopez from "his Web page," which one assumes is either a MySpace or Facebook profile. We get to see Lopez performing with his band and a photo of him sitting on a bed, bottle of booze in his hand, next to a stuffed dinosaur. Something tells me that Gawker is going to have a field day with this guy and his sense of entitlement. Despite warnings from NYU brass that no one under any circumstances should run on the field, Lopez thinks he's the exception:

"A lot of people came up to me outside the Stadium, parents even, saying it was their favorite part of the day…It was an honor to run on that field."

Let's contrast this with what NYU spokesman John Beckman told the Post:

"[T]he Yankees were very gracious hosts and we were grateful to be allowed to be there, and it is always disappointing to us when one member of our community thinks there's a special set of rules for him or her."

Yeah, Lopez would have totally That Guy jumping in the fountain after graduation had the ceremony been held in its usual venue of Washington Square Park.

(Full disclosure: I am an NYU alum and teach there. I did not jump in the fountain at graduation.)

The Remy Ma Sentencing: Rappers Aren't People Too?

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:31 AM, May 14, 2008

With Remy Ma sentenced to eight years for shooting a woman in an argument over money, it's time for the columnists to come out with a bunch of outrage about violence in hip-hop. Tabloided fave Andrea Peyser takes the reins today with a column about how another rapper is being sentenced for gunplay. But what really sticks out is one word: "something."

When explaining exactly who was being sentenced, Peyser provides the description: "This time, the rapper was something that calls herself Remy Ma" (emphasis mine). Wow, way to dehumanize someone! And we wonder why there's so much racial tension…

Meanwhile, the papers are still having fun with Ma's fiancé, Papoose, who allegedly tried to sneak a handcuff key into Rikers Island Monday, thereby canceling their wedding ceremony. When he pleaded to be locked up after the sentencing, the Post's article by Laura Italiano described the scene thusly:

"'Lock me up! F--in' lock me up!' Papoose taunted court officers in a courthouse hallway after the emotional sentencing, sounding like some profane rapper Romeo desperate to follow his lost love — not to the grave, but to the hoosegow."

The Daily News plays the story much more matter-of-factly, describing the sentencing and noting that Ma didn't receive much sympathy from the judge or her victim. The paper also concentrates on Ma's victim, including quotes from her impact statement, where Makeda Barnes-Joseph writes, "I will always be the girl they whisper about…I will always be the girl who got shot by Remy." If anything, this serves as a reminder that despite how outrageous and circus-like the atmosphere, this is a story about people—not "somethings"—and that people were actually hurt.

Sue Simmons, The 'F-Bomb' and the 'Sauce'

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:49 AM, May 14, 2008

WNBC anchor Sue Simmons has been the object of ridicule this week for shouting of "What the fuck are you doing?" during a live promo for Channel 4's 11 pm newscast on Monday night. The Post has decided to gun for "Silly Sue" with a story about the anchor's "liquid dinners between broadcasts." The front-page headline reads, "Boozy Suzy: Revealing the 'sauces' of foul-mouthed anchor." This must be an attempt to use "sauces" as a pun for "sources," but, like Sue Simmons herself did last year, it falls flat.

The accompanying article is full of innuendo and anonymous sources talking about Simmons' proclivities for "liking the sauce." An employee of Gallagher's, a restaurant in midtown notes that Simmons would come in between the 5 pm and 11 pm newscast:

"I wouldn't say she gets sloshed — sloshed, that wouldn't be the right word…I would say she gets happy. She gets very happy."

Now that we have a mental picture of Simmons hitting Gallagher's while humming the theme to The Partridge Family ("C'mon, get happy," indeed!), let's see what some of her co-workers have to say about her "liquid dinners." The Post reports:

"'Sue Simmons likes the sauce and can be cranky about it,' a former WNBC employee told The Post. 'She was sometimes a little tipsy [on the air] to the point where colleagues would take notice.'"

Simmons refused to comment on the story, and a rep for WNBC would not talk the Post about the station's alcohol policy.

To make this story complete, the tabloid includes Simmons' "greatest hits," which include when she fell of a chair during a newscast, her impression of a groundhog and the apology for dropping the F-bomb the other night. This is the sensational reason that tabloids exist.

A "Horseface" Is Not A Horse: Sarah Jessica Parker (Of Course) and the Sex and the City Movie

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:10 AM, May 13, 2008

Remember when the Super Bowl was imminent, and the Daily News kept telling you it was "X Days to Go!"? Apparently the Sex and the City movie is the "Super Bowl for chicks," since right on page 2 there's a "17 Days to Go!" burst next to an Annie Leibovitz photo of Chris Noth and Sarah Jessica Parker from the June issue of Vogue. The News promises that the new issue of the fashion magazine features "Carrie and Big like you've never seen them before." How is that: sucking face and wearing outrageous outfits? Yawn. If you want more Sex in the news section check out today's Post, which places Sarah Jessica Parker on the front page. (The movie, which has been dubbed a "love letter to New York," premiered in London last night.)

The photo of Parker on the front is wholly unflattering, as the star has her mouth wide open and a maniacal look in her eyes. The headline—"Mad Hatter of 'Sex and the City'"—doesn't help much either. And let's not even get into that aforementioned hideous hat perched atop her head. Yes, it is an acorn with a giant rose bloom and butterflies. In lime green. And it probably cost more than what most New Yorkers make in a month.

Inside the pages of the Post, however, is where the true ass-kissing of Parker and Co. begins. There's an article about how Fashionable (yes, you need the capital "F") Parker is with her acorn hat and Alexander McQueen strapless gown that looks more suited to a prom than a movie premiere. As stylist Robert Verdi puts it:

"This is the fashion equivalent of getting a master's at Harvard. Seriously. There is no awkwardness, no discomfort. It's costume-y, but it's costume-y in the most fabulous way…Sarah is one of the only people that can make sense of fashion when it's elevated to art."

As someone who possesses a master's degree (albeit one from someplace that is not in Cambridge), I can assure you that there is plenty of awkwardness and discomfort in that process. This quote is precisely what bothers me about all the Sex and the City coverage: it really is the "Super Bowl for chicks." It's all so patronizing and "gal-pally" and "cosmos" and "if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere"--as long as you have money and a stick figure. And it allows people like Daily News reader Salvatore Gandolfo to come out of the woodwork with Letters to the Editor like this one which ran yesterday, entitled "Cleaning out the stables":

"Enough is enough. I'm tired of all the coverage of Eight Belles in your newspaper. It has been more than a month now, and every day there are—oh, wait. That's Sarah Jessica Parker. My mistake."

First of all, the "SJP as horse" comment is thoroughly unoriginal, but it's indicative of the superficiality of the SATC media blitz. (To be fair, the News did run two letters today by readers outraged by the comment, one of which noted Parker's accomplishments as an actor, producer and fashion designer.) When coverage emphasizes so much of the surface and not any of the depth, then derisive comments about one's looks are bound to appear.

The NOW section of the News has a piece on the global appeal of the show and movie, tying in to the London premiere. The gist of the piece? That foreign tourists are pumping money into our economy by shopping at SATC landmarks like the Magnolia Bakery, Patricia Field and O'Nieal's Bar. It's conspicuous consumption as a supposedly empowering go-ladies statement.

We've got at least another two-plus weeks of this media blitz, and it's going to be more about the clothes and stores than about the "strong friendships" the PR mavens for the flick keep touting. After all, wouldn't a real friend tell you take off that damn acorn before a squirrel tries to nest in your hair?

The Rich Are Not Like You And Me: Foreclosing in the Hamptons and Goldman Sachs' City Windfall

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:22 AM, May 12, 2008

It's not just through wedding photos that we learn that the rich and powerful are just like us: they get foreclosed on as well! You know the Post had to go with the "LIFE'S A BEACH!" headline for its story on how banks are getting ready to foreclose on 120 borrowers in East Hampton and Southampton. Twenty percent of those homes are worth more than a million dollars! This allows readers to enjoy a nice cup of Monday-morning schadenfreude, as the paper shows us the stately manors that are way behind in mortgage payments. Socialites, real-estate moguls and executives are feeling the credit crunch and are either selling their homes or are on their way to foreclosure. See, the rich are just like us….

Or maybe they're not. The Daily News has an exclusive investigative piece on a potential $300 million-plus windfall investment bank Goldman Sachs may have coming its way thanks to the slowdown of development at Ground Zero.

In 2005, then-Gov. George Pataki and Mayor Bloomberg made a deal with the investment bank that if the Port Authority didn't finish much of the development of Ground Zero by next year, the state would pay huge penalties to Goldman Sachs. (The firm is building its new headquarters near the Ground Zero site.)

The $321 million is in escrow. It consists of $161 million in lease payments for the state land the bank is building its headquarters on and another $160 million in sales tax payments. If the Port Authority doesn't finish certain transportation projects by the end of 2009, the money reverts back to Goldman Sachs. (The projects are already several years behind schedule.) Another provision of the sweetheart deal was that a security plan for the area needed to be completed by 2010, which may be impossible because the structures that are to benefit from said security plan have yet to be built.

The city claims it's on track with the security plan and that the two sides are still negotiating. Goldman Sachs is the country's richest investment firm with $11.6 billion dollars in profit last year.

Jenna Bush's Wedding Photos: More of the Same

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:25 AM, May 12, 2008

The wedding of First Daughter Jenna Bush is legitimately big news, but it produces a bit of a conundrum in how the event is covered. No press were allowed at the event, which—as you probably already know—took place Saturday at President Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch. Because of the media embargo, the papers have to rely on the photos and information released by the White House to write about the big day. What this means is that the Post and the Daily News are running the same pictures and using the same quotes from the president about how "spectacular" the day was.

The similar layouts are "photo album" style. The News puts its coverage on pages 2 and 3, while the Post places "Jenna's Wedding Album" (complete with ridiculous script font) on page 23. We learn that the First Daughter was decked out in Oscar de la Renta and that a giant cross was erected in the yard for the occasion.

Really, it's just like just about every other set of wedding photos you've ever seen: we get the proud papa beaming and posing with his little girl, the photo of both families together with the bride and groom, a solo shot of the bride and her bouquet, the exchange of vows, and the cake cutting. (Am I the only one who thinks that the cake looks like it's going to topple over? It's the awkward angle of the photo, but I think it's also because I've seen too many episodes of Ace of Cakes on the Food Network.) Of course, the main difference is that both of these families (Jenna's husband, Henry Hager, is the son of an influential GOP family) could probably buy and sell the majority of tabloid readers a thousand times over. Still, we like to look at these photos because for one brief moment, it seems that the leader of the free world is "just like us."

News of the Obvious: Fast Cars and Crazy Stars

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:38 AM, May 9, 2008

Since it's Friday, we need some lighter fare to dish about around the ol' water cooler. First up is the Daily News' truly shocking bombshell: dudes like fast cars. Citing a report from Forbes magazine, the paper says that a list of "cars driven almost exclusively by men is peppered with models endowed with spreed, brawn and flash." Citing macho men such as Jay-Z and David Beckham, who drive a Maybach and a Lamborghini, respectively, the article notes that fast, expensive cars bestow status. The person I'm curious to meet, however, is the one woman who is driving a Maybach sedan. According to the piece, 19 out of 20 people driving the $335,000 set of wheels are men. Did Jay-Z buy one for bride Beyonce?

The Post continues its dogged pursuit of Lindsay Lohan and her allegedly sticky fingers. Today run quotes from an Inside Edition interview with model Lauren Hastings, who says that Lohan swiped stuff from her closet when Hastings was out of town. As the Post puts it, "KLEPTO LINDSAY TOOK MY CLOTHES." Hasting says the reason she didn't press charges was because authorities said the evidence was too shaky: no one saw Lohan pilfering the outfits, and it was further complicated by Hastings telling the Mean Girls star she could have certain pieces.

Finally, both papers cover Foxy Brown's plea agreement over the incident where the rapper hurled a Blackberry at her neighbor during an argument. Brown won't have to do any more time for the incident after prosecutors allowed her to use the eight months she served for a probation violation to be the sentence for the phone toss. Brown also had to issue an apology to her victim, Arlene Raymond, which "sincerely" read:

"To whom it may concern…I apologize for the incident on 7/31/07 in that I attempted to scare Arlene Raymond and place her in harm's way."

Baby Blues: Vito Fossella 'Fesses Up To Love Child

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:16 AM, May 9, 2008

"OH, BABY!" is right! Staten Island Rep. Vito Fossella admitted yesterday that he fathered retired Col. Laura Fay's 3-year-old daughter. Naturally both tabloids run with the admission. It's the only story on both front pages, and each paper touts its own "exclusive" photo. For the Post, it's a photo of Fay and her baby Natalie. The Daily News runs the first photo of Fossella and Fay together. (Does anyone else notice the resemblance between Fay and Fossella's wife, Mary Pat?)

The News wins in the volume of coverage, even if one part of it is a rehash of "How we covered it." They put 14 reporters on the beat, and the Post had nine. The News includes a service piece on "What to tell kids when daddy has 2 families." (Quick version: "It doesn't mean Daddy loves you any less.") The Post goes the more sensational route, with a piece on Laura Fay's marriages, both of which ended in adultery and divorce. The Post's classy headline for this piece? "His mistress has history as Fay lay."

In the "what's up with Vito's career?" department, we get more of the same: the hypocritical politician who espoused family values yet didn’t follow the rules, he's done if wife Mary Pat doesn't stand by him, it's too early to make any sort of decisions, etc. One voice that's brought in today is the voice of the people of Staten Island. Andrea Peyser putters around the borough "[c]ut off from the bulk of the city by geography, morality and the $12 blow dry" to find out what these "house-proud residents" think of the scandal. Most were disgusted, but some were weary of all politicians. The News asked around the borough as well and found one woman who said she would still vote for Fossella should he seek re-election. Her reasoning, "People make mistakes," Jennifer Gennaro tells the News. "I voted for him and I'll vote for him again." Everybody loves a great comeback.

The Tabloid Vultures Circle Vito Fossella

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:01 AM, May 8, 2008

A cynical person might wonder why the Vito Fossella DWI arrest and subsequent rumors of a potential love child aren't making the front page of the tabloids. But despite the lack of page-one play, the papers are beginning to ask questions about why Fossella chose to contact retired Lt. Col. Laura Fay after the arrest.

The Daily News decides to play one of its photo games with Fossella. This on is "Did Vito wear his wedding ring today?" and shows the congressman at several public events with and without his band of gold. Yesterday he was sans ring when he arrived at his office. The News also reports on the Republican rumblings that it may be best for Fossella to not run for re-election, and that some officials have told donors to withhold their checks to Fossella.

The Post's scoop on Fossella is that his wife, Mary Pat, may leave him if the allegations that he fathered Fay's 3-year-old daughter turn out to be true. This would also affect his re-election bid, as one GOP source told the Post, "When you espouse family values and you're the one that falls, it's a little harder to get up."

Another subtle theme running throughout the coverage is Fossella's Italian heritage. The News head is "VITO'S CAREER DYING ON THE VINE," and the Post refers to GOP big Guy Molinari as "the godfather of the Staten Island GOP" and as a "longtime GOP boss." Sounds vaguely Mafioso, yes?

And, of course, Andrea Peyser has to bust out with her commandments of what not to if pulled over for a DWI. Did she even read yesterday's paper? Using the "stick a fork in him, he's done" cliché a day after it was used as a headline about Hillary Clinton is uninspired at best.

A-Rod, LiLo and Uma: Celebrity Craziness Roundup

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:50 AM, May 7, 2008

Uma Thurman's stalker Jack Jordan was convicted on two counts of stalking and harassing the star. He faces up to a year in jail. The Daily News puts the conviction on the front page, while the Post employs Andrea Peyser's special brand of moral outrage to report the verdict. Peyser tells us that Jordan sleeps on the street and that we should "Look for him on your doorstep in six months, movie fans!" The News might win for the creep factor, however, as the paper publishes an "exclusive photo" of Thurman emerging from her Village townhouse. Um, the woman's stalker was just convicted! Is it really in good taste to camp out in front of her home to get a reaction? Yeah, yeah, it's the media's job, but it's still unseemly. I'm just pointing out the irony.

The Post continues to beat its "Lindsay Lohan might have stolen a mink!" story into the ground. After yesterday's front-page declaration that Lohan is a "Hijacketer," the paper trots out paparazzi shots of Lohan on the night in question. She clearly starts out the night in a black coat and ends up in a blond fur coat, which Columbia student Masha Markova claims was her grandmother's. Markova got the coat back three weeks later after Markova's lawyer got in touch with Lohan's people. It appeared at the club where it went missing.

Meanwhile, the Post continues to cover the Yankee-Red Sox rundown, reporting that driver Ivonne Hernandez had a crush on Derek Jeter. (Stop the presses! No one ever likes Jeter!) The funniest part (well, as funny as vehicular homicide can get, which is definitely in the "not really" end of the spectrum) is that Hernandez wasn't a fan of Alex Rodriguez, and a neighbor tells the Post that she thought A-Rod was a "wuss." Hernandez was right: both papers report today that the Yankees third baseman fainted when his first child was born. His wife Cynthia appears on the YES network's YESterdays program tonight. She says that during the birth:

" The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor."

Sounds like typical A-Rod, never wanting to be away from the center of attention. What a diva!

Burying, Not Praising Hillary Clinton in the Indiana and North Carolina Primaries

Posted by Heather Muse at 9:34 AM, May 7, 2008

Here come all the food and cooking clichés for Hillary Clinton's loss in the North Carolina and possibly Indiana primaries: "STICK A FORK IN HER -- SHE'S DONE" she's "TOAST!" The editors of the Post must have been dancing a jig last night as the numbers rolled in: Clinton lost North Carolina with 42 percent of the vote to Barack Obama's 56 percent. As the tabloids went to press, Indiana was still too close to call. (Clinton eventually eked out a 2-point win over Obama, CNN reports.) The votes from the heavily African-American Lake County had yet to be fully counted, and most experts said the county would go for Obama.

So now, we get the analysis of what went wrong with the Clinton campaign. The coverage is fairly similar to that of when Rudy Giuliani's presidential bid went south: the implications of hubris, the subtle way that pictures of the candidate are no longer prominent inside the pages of the paper. (In fact, the Daily News doesn't even bother to put a picture of Hillary on the front page. Uma Thurman is the woman on page one today.) We see smiling photos of Barack and Michelle Obama in the pages of the Post; they look like the photos of a nominee. The News does put two photos of Clinton inside, but one is a dorky, cheery photo of her at her "victory" speech in Indiana, and another is above a headline that vows to get to the "Ugly truth behind Hil's persistence."

Barring any sort of miracle, Clinton coverage should begin to wind down. The final push should be when (or if) she finally admits defeat and drops out of the race. We'll then get the hand-wringing about "what to do with the party" and the list of Hillary's greatest sins in the campaign. Look for comparisons with Giuliani on strategy: he put all his eggs in Florida's basket, while Hillary didn't expect this race to go on beyond Super Tuesday. And now Obama will be the main focus, as he dukes it out with McCain and Clinton looks like that out-of-touch old bat who thinks she's still in the race.

Vito, Vito, Vito: Fossella's "Wild Night" Before His DWI Arrest

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:15 AM, May 6, 2008

The Vito Fossella DWI scandal just keeps getting juicier and juicier. The Daily News reports the congressman and his buddy got kicked out of a Washington, D.C., bar hours before Fossella's arrest. Waiters at the Logan Tavern tell the paper that both men were incapable of driving and that at one point, Fossella's pal—known only as "Brian"—passed out in front of the men's room.

This scoop comes hot on the heels of both tabs trying to figure out more about the mysterious "friend" who sprung Fossella from jail. She's identified as Lt. Col. Laura Fay, a retired Air Force officer. (The News boasted an "exclusive picture" of her yesterday.) Both papers report that Fay and Fossella attended an Air Force-sponsored dinner back in 2003 that Fossella's wife, Mary Pat, was absent from.

The juiciest bit from the tabloids today comes in the form of pure speculation and innuendo. Fay has a 3-year-old daughter and is a single mom. The Post quotes a "relative" of Fay's who says the woman was "vague" about who fathered the child. Both papers then quote the response from Fossella's PR flack about whether he is the father: "That is a demeaning and highly inappropriate question that does not deserve an answer." The Post describes Susan Del Percio as a "high-priced public-relations crisis consultant," the implication here being, "high-priced=could it be true?" The News describes her as someone who brought in for "damage control."

News columnist Michael Daly writes an outraged column on how lucky Fossella is that he didn't hurt anyone, comparing the incident to a car accident his daughter was in over the weekend. Daly admits that he himself has driven under the influence, but that he has since learned the error of his ways. He then argues that the congressman should be taking public transportation from now on.

Damn Yankees! The Yankee-Red Sox Car Rundown

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:12 AM, May 6, 2008

Now, I know that I fall on the wrong side of the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry for this fair city, but really, I ask our two tabloids: why is this story news in this area? Yankee fan Ivonne Hernandez ran down some hecklers who chanted "Yankees suck!" in the parking lot of a Nashua, N.H., bar. The Post reports on the page-one incident:

"Five rabid Boston fans screamed the anti-Yankee venom at Ivonne Hernandez, also of Nashua, when they spotted the New York Yankee logo on her 1997 Dodge Intrepid during an argument outside a local saloon.

"According to authorities, Hernandez, 43, then drove from the Nashua City Hall parking lot and through a nearby tire store's dirt parking lot before doubling back, gunning her engine—and aiming it straight at the Bosox fans, who'd walked over to another lot."

Now, this incident happened early Friday morning. This is front-page news on a Tuesday? Perhaps if there were some NYC connection beyond a love of the Bronx Bombers, this could be a legitimate page-one story in the Post. Don't get me wrong, the "hook" on this piece is most definitely the tragedy stemming from one of baseball's biggest rivalries, but it really shouldn't be on page one. The Daily News also has story on the incident inside on page 4.

The proximity, or lack thereof, is what makes this story interesting. A friend who's a reporter in Nashua tells me that the story is huge up there and there has been some local outrage about the media coverage. This makes sense, as Nashua's where it happened. The sensationalistic coverage down here just stokes all the wrong fires in the rivalry. Sure, it's fun to trash talk about the other team, but it should never turn deadly. Perhaps this "public service" reason is why the Post chose to put this on the front page, but I highly doubt it. It's only a matter of time before the sports columnists stop chatting about Roger Clemens' image and start clucking about how "uncouth" rabid sports fans can be.

Exclusives Roundup: John Gotti, Atlantic Yards and Dog Poo

Posted by Heather Muse at 10:46 AM, May 5, 2008

Apparently our intrepid tabloid reporters were hard at work over the weekend putting together exclusive scoops for our Monday morning commute. Some are serious (the fate of Atlantic Yards), while others are fluffy (OMG, the first review of the Sex and the City movie!). Here's a quick roundup:

For those still lamenting the cancellation of some popular HBO series: The Daily News gives us what it says is the first review of the Sex and the City movie, because it's incredibly useful to have a movie review of something that doesn't come out for another three weeks. This is one of those films with a built-in audience, so it's not like reading about the movie is going to sway viewers one way or another to heading to the theater. The more interesting SATC-related story is from New York magazine. The News pulls some quotes from the mag's interview with Sarah Jessica Parker, including one in which the actress admits that her series shoulders some of the blame for New York losing some of its "grit."

If you're in Sopranos withdrawal instead, read the Post's page-one exclusive on the Gotti clan's infighting over some stashed money that may or may not exist. The paper got its hands on some of the secret recordings made by John Gotti's so-called "adopted son" Lewis Kasman, who was a rat for the feds. The tapes feature squabbles among the Gottis about a stash of cash that the Dapper Don reportedly had, but supposedly disappeared after Gotti's death in 2002. Some think the money doesn't even exist. The convoluted story is worth it to read fabulous exchanges such as:

"Do you realize how f---ed up our family is?" --John Gotti's "adopted son" Lewis Kasman

"Now you're realizing? It's been like that forever." --John Gotti's daughter, Victoria.

Brooklyn dreams dashed? The Daily News has an exclusive photo of the revamped "Miss Brooklyn" building, the crown jewel of Bruce Ratner's Atlantic Yards project. The skyscraper, designed by Frank Gehry, has been redesigned and is 100 feet shorter than originally planned. Instead of having commercial and residential space, the building now known as "B1" will be strictly a commercial space. The Post has some renderings of what the controversial project might look like if these delays continue. The prospect is grim indeed, with too much parking and not enough buildings.

Dog days of summer If you're a dog owner, in the city, you better pick up after your pooch. The News has an exclusive on how the Department of Sanitation has more than doubled the amount of tickets handed out for not curbing your dog. Sanitation Commissioner John Doherty explains how culprits get nabbed, complete with way too much description:

"It's difficult to catch them, especially when it's dark. It's not until you get close and see a steaming pile that you know, 'I've got this guy.'"

And with that, enjoy your morning coffee!

Unflattering Photo Alert: Hillary Clinton

Posted by Heather Muse at 9:59 AM, May 5, 2008

As primary season winds (or should that be a more puntastic "whines"?) down, we get what might be the last gasp of spectacularly bad photos of the political candidates. Both the Post and Daily News have photos of Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton that are goofy and/or frightening.

In the "frightening" camp is the Daily News. This picture—of a backlit Clinton raising her arm straight-ahead as she makes a stump speech—is only in the print edition. A different angle of the photo, complete with proper lighting is in the online version of the story. The story itself actually deals with Clinton's rival Barack Obama and his declaration that if he wins the White House, he won't seek the counsel of his pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Obama, appearing on NBC's Meet the Press, also took Clinton to task for her comment that the United States would "totally obliterate" Iran if the country launched a nuclear attack on Israel. This context adds a creepy aura to the print edition photo. Clinton looks like a dictator, while the accompanying photo of Obama exiting a car at the Indianapolis airport makes him look like a suave jet-setter.

The Post chooses a "goofy" picture of Clinton with a Blizzard at a South Bend, Ind., Dairy Queen. It's not like the photos of her husband Bill's genial appearances at fast-food joints during the 1992 campaign, which Saturday Night Live brilliantly skewered. This photo, in which Hillary is talking to another person off-camera, carries more of a "Tracy Flick" from Election connotation. You can almost see the "Why do I have to do this again?" look on her face. (The answer, of course, is "because you didn't shore up the nomination when you had the chance, Hill-Rod. Time to smell what Barack is cookin', and it ain't Blizzards from DQ.")

Mariah Carey and Barbara Walters' Bizarre Love Revelations

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:45 AM, May 2, 2008

The world of celebrity relationships dropped a few bombshells yesterday, as Barbara Walters admitted to an affair with a U.S. Senator back in the 1970s and Mariah Carey reportedly married actor/rapper Nick Cannon in the Bahamas yesterday.

The Walters revelation that she and former Massachusetts Senator Edward Brooke for several years comes from her new memoir, which the View host is promoting. The Post uses a short AP story to break the news, which cites a transcript from an upcoming episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show as its source. The News goes all out with a piece by Jo Piazza that includes photos of Walters, Brooke and tabloid fixtures Rosie O'Donnell and Star Jones. Unfortunately, the News gets the title of Walters' memoir wrong, as it's Audition, not Auditions, but they do provide several juicy bits from the memoir.

One such example is how she wanted to tell Brooke—who was the first African-American U.S. Senator since Reconstruction—that he was "the blackest man I have ever been with" after he quipped to Walters that she was the oldest woman she had ever been with. Walters also provides her take on Star Jones's departure from the View ("Star seemed to have a difficult time finding another job. I still feel it might have been easier for her to find a new position if she had left the program in the graceful way we had suggested") and Rosie O'Donnell's time on the morning gabfest ("The premise of 'The View' is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over.") Remind me never to cross Barbara Walters.

Meanwhile, the Post has more details on the Mariah Carey nuptials in which she married a man 11 years her junior. (Please tell me they'll put Mariah on an episode of the SNL skit "The Cougars Den.") The News simply cites a report from Latina magazine, while the Post has several sources close to the singer dishing about the quickie ceremony in the Bahamas. The big "scandals" in this pairing—beyond the "it wouldn't be shocking if the genders were reversed" age difference—is that Carey's engagement ring is strikingly similar to the one Cannon gave ex-fiancée Selita Ebanks. Also, a "worried source" tells the Post, "There was no pre-nup—there wasn't time." Cannon and Carey have been dating for a month.

The CCNY Campus Kidnapping and the Specter of Sean Bell

Posted by Heather Muse at 11:39 AM, May 1, 2008

Today the Daily News's front page describes the "CAMPUS HOSTAGE DRAMA" that occurred at CCNY's Harlem campus yesterday afternoon. Kirk Hanley was allegedly rebuffed by a female student whom he asked out on a date. Hanley followed the woman to the financial aid office where she worked and took another student in the office hostage at gunpoint. Hanley allegedly told the cops, "I want to die like Sean Bell." Police subdued Hanley within five minutes of arriving on the scene, but noted that the suspect had several suicide notes and a journal with him when he was taken into custody. The weapon turned out to be a pellet gun.

The Daily News snagged a quote from Elaishun Martin, the hostage in the situation. This is probably why the story made the paper's front page. Martin told the tabloid, "He said if anybody moves he'll kill me." Martin confirmed that Hanley mentioned Sean Bell during the ordeal. While the print edition uses "KIDNAP ON CAMPUS" as the internal headline, the story on the website goes for the more sensational, "Lovelorn loony sparks gun scare panic on City College campus." Obviously that's a little too long for the dead-tree version.

The Post stretches the Bell connection by placing the story next to an interview with the head of the Detectives Endowment Association, in which he says that Al Sharpton mislead the public on what happened during the Bell shooting. Accompanying the story is a photo of acquitted Det. Michael Oliver on his way to desk duty at the 13th precinct in Manhattan. The picture looks like it could be a random celebrity sighting from Page Six, as Oliver clutches his cup of coffee and is dressed in jeans and a black shirt. And it's very bizarre to have this photo juxtaposed with the headline "'I want to die like Bell'" and the requisite reproduction of the "50 SHOTS" front page of the Post.