Face Tattoos Not Super-Duper Compatible With Life of Crime

When considering a criminally focused lifestyle, or even just a singular instance in which you rob a restaurant or store or person with eyes, one should know that a large, recognizable facial tattoo may be incompatible with said life of crime or singular instance of theft. The name of the game is "inconspicuous," while tattoos are...not. Jorge Molina, 22, allegedly stole $670 from Souen in the East Village on November 14. A few days later, on November 20, he was "allegedly running from police in Greenwich Village" when cops remembered him from the Souen surveillance video for his clothing, not to mention his bird tattoo, which is black and covers his right cheekbone. (DNAinfo has photos.)

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'Christmas Quality, Hanukkah Pricing' Billboard Echoes The Simpsons

Stuart Elliot, ad reporter and blogger for the New York Times, earlier today tweeted that WodkaVodka had put up a billboard on the West Side Highway touting its "Christmas quality" at, ahem, "Hanukkah prices." Along with the tagline, there's a small dog, quite possibly a Chihuahua, in a Santa hat (representing Christ?) and a larger, long-haired dog in a yarmulke. Check out a photo on Gawker. Unsurprisingly, the internet has already begun to rise up in rage over the billboard, which, I mean, you do have to ask, who approved this, exactly, and why?

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Drunk Driver Wears Coincidental Shirt

Today in unfortunate mugshots: Here's a guy who crashed into a police car, which was part of a special alcohol fatality enforcement team, early today on Long Island. Along with being charged with driving while intoxicated, the man, 22-year-old Kevin Daly, is also being informally charged with a "Seriously, dude, why would you wear that shirt?" The bright side is that the cop was not badly hurt and Daly, who was fine, was arrested and will probably never wear the shirt again. (Also, hopefully, he'll stop driving drunk.)

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Guy Rides Outside of Moving J Train, to the Amusement of Passengers

Here is a rather awful video in which a guy rides on the J train by clinging to the exterior of it. Clearly, this is neither recommended nor acceptable. On one hand, we would give this guy a Darwin Award, because he is quite possibly not long for this world. On the other hand, how pissed would you be if someone was doing this outside of your subway car and you had to watch him, fearing that he would plummet to his death or be squished and not only would you have to see it happen, but also, you would probably be delayed and have no recourse in terms of paying your therapy bills?

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Times Square Slip 'N Slide Evokes Memories of Childhood, Tetanus Shots

Oh, come on, people! We know you're fun-filled and carefree, ready on a moment's notice to turn hurricane lemons into a brotastic opportunity for a rollicking good time, but this is one of those things that just...ew. Why would you do this? Please, we really want to know. Couldn't you have just gotten in your bathtub and flopped around a few times?

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Couple Will Backpack 2,500 Miles Across Country to Their Wedding

In this accidentally hilarious local news video, eerily reminiscent of a Christopher Guest film, an adorable couple, Joseph Crist and Laura Brunett, tell of their plan to backpack to Las Vegas and then Lake Mead from Canton, Michigan, a 2,500-mile trip that they describe as "creative marriage counseling." Nothing can go wrong, here. Nothing. Except maybe this news clip. And having to shave your head before your wedding for sanitary reasons. Anyway, mazel tov! They set out in 11 days.

[FoxDetroit.com via Huffington Post]

Watch a Grown Woman Trash a Liquor Store [Video]

This sort of has to be seen to believed. Thankfully, there's surveillance. Mahogany Morrow, 31, got really mad after the clerk of a Nyack liquor store either a) wouldn't let her use the restroom or b) she had to wait too long for service. (Drink time's a'wasting!) Her extremely wasteful tantrum caused $1,600 in damage. Upon leaving the store she reportedly asked her taxi driver to take her to another liquor store. No word on how that one fared. Morrow later turned herself in.

A baby trashing a bar, now, that's cute.

Man Slapped for Farting at Party Stabs Friends

We're going to keep this short, but it deserves a mention, because, well...just read. The New York Post reports that a 21-year-old man in Connecticut went to a party on Saturday where he, it seems, "was farting throughout the evening." A woman at the party had had enough and slapped him. The alleged farter, named Marc Higgins, became so angry/humiliated/what the fuck was wrong with him? (it's just gas!) that he went and got "a butcher knife, another knife, and a BB gun," then stabbed one friend fatally, injuring three others. WTF. W.T.F.!? Don't do this. Please. Everybody farts. If it happens at a party, politely excuse yourself, or simply blame it on someone else. That's First Grade 101, dude.

Florida Dance Troupe's Camouflage-Clad Run Through Lincoln Tunnel a Really Bad Idea, for Various Reasons

Just imagine: You're in the big city from Florida with your dance troupe, about to appear on BET's 106 & Park, if you can just make it from New Jersey to the studio in time...and then there's traffic. A ton of traffic. Freaking traffic. At what point do you decide to get out of your car and run into Manhattan by way of the Lincoln Tunnel?

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Crazy Person (and/or Budding Novelist) Rushes Field During Yankee Game to Win Love of Cameron Diaz

via NYP
Today in signs you might be crazy: You run out onto the field at Yankee Stadium during the Yankees/Rangers ACLS game to confront A-Rod because you have a thing for Cameron Diaz. You carry five pictures with you: One has A-Rod with an X-ed out face and a gun pointed at his head; another, of Diaz, says "We will be together soon."

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