Up until election night, there was a legitimate, widespread fear that President Obama was going to lose the 2012 election. Liberals were pissed; many even spoke about moving to Canada, or Australia, or Britain, or any place that wasn't the United States but where people still spoke English.

Then came the Jeep bounce and the Sandy/Christie bounce, and Obama did exactly what Nate Silver said Obama was going to do, destroying challenger Mitt Romney in a lopsided race to 270 electoral votes, finishing with a total 332 to Romney's 206. Conservatives panicked and many spoke about moving to Canada, or Australia, or Britain, until they looked the destinations up on Wikipedia and realized that nationalized healthcare, women's rights and the like exist there, too.

So some brave, pioneering, conservative souls did the next best thing and said, "Fuck it, we're gonna secede."

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ABC 7

Remember the Wodka Vodka billboard from yesterday? The billboard on the West Side Highway read "Christmas Quality, Hanukkah Pricing" and shows a Chihuahua in a Santa hat next to an Afghan hound in a yarmulke. The billboard stirred up quite a bit of controversy and accusations of anti-Semitism after Gawker posted a photo of it. The Anti-Defamation League got involved, calling the billboard "crude and offensive."

The general outrage worked! Wodka Vodka has taken down the billboard.

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Experts have identified the latest phenomenon affecting "thousands of women," and it has quite the catchy name. One part binge-drinking and one part anorexia, it is...drunkorexia. Bent on "staying slim" and getting drunk as quickly as possible (and spending money on booze rather than food) one in six college women are skipping meals and instead just boozing. We are not ashamed to admit that we know from personal history that this is a truly terrible idea, and we did not need researchers from the University of Missouri to tell us so. Nonetheless, they did.

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Joining the pantheon of groan-inducing 2011 Halloween costumes, which already includes an anatomically incorrect Anthony Weiner outfit and an Anna Rexia eating disorder getup, is this gem. The "Men's Gay Costume Wig" allows you to dress up...like someone's idea of a gay man. Only $14.99!

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Did you hear about the recent Weekend at Bernie's-esque incident in which a man drove around Denver with his deceased friend in the back of the car and also ran up a bar tab on his account? Actually, the living friend (and driver), Robert Young, would like you to know that it was nothing like Weekend at Bernie's, that really kind of awful concept for a movie. For one, Young thought his friend was drunk, not dead. For two, his friend owed him money and therefore he had fair use of the friend's credit card. For three, it was all for much shorter than the time span portrayed in the movie, and yet, longer than the actual time it would take to watch the movie. Therefore, it was nothing like the movie.

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There's nothing like a truly terrible idea to make a subpar idea seem marginally decent, no? In this case, we have William Ernst, the owner of QC Mart, a chain of convenience stores in Bettendorf, Iowa. Ernst decided a fun work thing to do to promote store bonding or whatnot would be to make his employees participate in a contest in which they'd predict who would next be fired. Whee! He even gave prizes to those who "won." Alas, the fun and games ended when he was taken to court, and a judge determined that his game was a "deplorable" act.

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Scientists at the University of Adelaide are working on a pill that lets people drink alcohol without becoming drunk. The Daily News reports that it is still a few years away, but the "stay sober" pill will "limit the effects of alcohol on the brain." In other words, it doesn't stop the damage alcohol does to your body, just the fun side effects. Researchers say they are devoloping the pill to treat "alcohol dependence and acute overdoses," but everyone knows they are just trying to win the coveted Worst Invention in the World award.

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A video originally posted to WorldStarHipHop.com -- the title of the clip is "NY Cops Wilding Out On Labor Day 2011: Daggering On The Parkway! (Grinding And All)" -- shows several uniformed NYPD officers, er, dirty dancing against scantily clad costumed performers in the West Indian Day Parade.

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Is Tony Romo the dumbest mo-fo in the National Football League?

"It was a dumb decision," he said of the throw that lost the game to the Jets last night. "I should have made sure, and that was my fault. We win that football game if I don't do what I did . . . "

Well, Tony, that's not exactly correct. The score was tied with 59 seconds to play, and the Cowboys had the ball at their own 41-yard line. Given the fact that Romo had already fumbled away a likely touchdown earlier in the quarter, there's the distinct possibility that he would have found other ways to lose the game.

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We know a deal when we see one. And tonight there is a super duper deal happening in Williamsburg! You can get a handmade tattoo for free with all the free beer you want at a bar called Lady Jay's starting at 10 p.m. (the event is sponsored by PBR, of course). The selections are "stick and poke" tattoos, which means that instead of using a machine, the people doing the tattooing will poke you repeatedly with a needle, prison tat-style; if you're looking for a guide on how to make these things yourself, Vice obviously had you covered like four years ago. All this, in an environment full of free alcohol. What could possibly go wrong?

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