CICADA BROOD EMERGING TO DELIVER HELL UPON NEW YORK CITY

Categories: Bugs, Nick Greene

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We apologize if the above headline is alarming, but we can assure you this spring's invasion of 17-year cicadas will be the most terrifying ordeal you will ever live through (if you make it out alive, of course). Don't believe us? USA Today ran an absolutely terrifying report about the imminent emergence (that's right, these guys live underground for years), slated for spring. Experts tell USA Today that the bugs are harmless and their appearance is a normal occurrence. Too bad we're not buying that for a second. Instead, we've highlighted the absolute scariest excerpts from the piece and accompanied them with the most gruesome cicada videos on the net.

Brace yourself: It will get loud.


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Bed Bugs Enjoy Sexing Their Brothers and Sisters

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Bed bugs. They live in your mattress. They infest your books. They crawl all over you and suck your blood in the middle of the night, they terrorize you and ruin your life, they make you constantly itchy, or constantly afraid of feeling itchy. Some among us won't even put their bags on the floors of bars anymore, in fear of catching them. Could they get worse? Oh, yes. Bed bugs are so strong, so impervious to human assault, so ruinous to our lives in part, say researchers, because they are able to inbreed. And they do it well. Probably they even like it! Reports Time: "All it takes to infest an entire apartment building, for example, is one single mated female that hatches her offspring; after that, the brothers and sisters can mate with each other and keep the population booming."

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Rare Ladybug Found in New York After 29 Years

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The 9-spotted ladybug is a rare, rare thing. Rarer than a four-leaf clover or a rent-stabilized apartment, the 9-spotted ladybug resulted in an entire "citizen science project" being launched nationwide by Cornell University after that ladybug and her 9 spots seemed to have simply disappeared from the state some 29 years ago. But, the ladybug is back, reports NBC NY! She's been found on Long Island, at an organic farm, which is where, we dare say, many a sophisticated ladybug would enjoy shopping for groceries these days.

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New York City Has Slowed the Spread of West Nile Virus Just By Being New York City

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DIY mosquito killer
New York City mosquitoes, we laugh in the face of your West Nile virus! That is because, according to a recent study at the University of Georgia, West Nile has been slowed down in New York City because we're talking about New York City. Seriously. Although most diseases travel at steady or even increasingly rapid speeds as they spread, researchers found that West Nile actually slowed in the city during the observed outbreaks thanks to our highly developed urban environment, a/k/a, a high concentration of buildings and concrete. This knowledge may help public health officials plan containment efforts throughout the U.S., though we're not sure how, exactly. (Put them all in an apartment together?)

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Mosquitoes Are Totally Ruining Summer in the Rockaways

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This summer, swarms of mosquitoes have overrun the Rockaways. It has become such a problem that most residents no longer leave their homes. Charlene Tolliver told the Daily News, "It's bad -- My grandson was bit so many times we can't let him outside." While local officials have struggled to do something about the problem, they have been met with resistance from the city. "I put money in the budget for spraying. I even offered to buy a spraying truck if it was mostly used in the district, [but] the city says it doesn't do so-called nuisance spraying." said City Councilman James Sanders Jr.

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Bug's Penis is as Loud as a Subway Car

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Wikipedia
When a male lesser water boatman performs his mating call, he rubs his penis against his abdomen and makes a sound that is an astonishing 99.2 decibels. For reference, that is about as loud as a passing subway car. This deafening penis makes the bug the loudest animal in the world for its size. Although most of the sound is lost as it travels through the water (it's an aquatic bug), researcher James Windmill says, "a person walking along the bank can actually hear these tiny creatures singing from the bottom of the river." Ah yes, James, "singing." [Wired] [nickgreene]

Bedbugs: Now Even More Terrifying

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Bedbugs -- horrible, terrible, repugnant bedbugs -- were bad enough when they were simply infesting our homes and terrorizing our night's sleep. But they've achieved new levels of horror with the news that they may also carry drug-resistant bacteria like MRSA and Staph. Gross. Recent research found that samples of bedbugs taken from several different hospital patients in Canada contained either of the two bacteria. What's not yet clear is whether the bedbugs can actually transmit the resistant bacteria to humans and cause MRSA and/or Staph. It's also unclear whether the bedbugs picked up the bacteria from humans, or just happen to have come upon it on their own. Either way, we are feeling very itchy right now. [WP via NBC NY]

Fire Ants Form Rafts, Are Coming to Get You

The above video demonstrates how fire ants morph together to build a super-buoyant raft. Researchers at Georgia Tech were able to use time-lapse photography and mathematical modeling to fully understand that the ants "spread out from a sphere into a pancake-shaped raft that resisted perturbations and submergence techniques." They are protected from floods and other water dangers by using teamwork. This would be inspirational and uplifting if it weren't about hellish devil ants that can eat you and your children whole in under 3 minutes (estimated figure). [Newswise]

Stink Bugs Are Unstoppable Killing Machines That Will Bring America To Its Knees

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via DeusXFlorida
There are a lot of evils facing this great nation of ours: Multiple wars, escaped snakes and a certain model of a Korean-made microwave that turns people's kidneys inside-out (one of those might not be true). While our elected superheroes (politicians) bravely battle for us helpless civilians, another danger has emerged: stink bugs. These bastards are some Grade-A shitheads. Politico reports that two congressmen are taking up the task to fight these little punks.

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Mazdas Recalled Due to Spider Infestation; Detroit Loses Arachnid Market

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via Ted_Roger_Karson
Mazda is recalling over 65,000 cars because yellow sac spiders have been found nesting in fuel hoses, the Daily News reports. The spiders have only taken to inhabiting Mazda6 models; probably due to their aerodynamic design, 5-star crash safety rating and responsive handling. That, or because there is an infestation at an auto parts supplier or the Michigan assembly plant, as the LA Times reports. Runnin' Scared reports that THEY ARE IN YOUR HAIR, OH MY GOD THEY ARE CRAWLING IN YOUR HAIR!

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