Ditch Your Overpriced Apartment Without Leaving New York

Via Craigslist

If New York had an official pastime, it would be real estate. In between searching for increasingly remote crawlspaces to inhabit, we love to bitch about our astronomical rents and gloat shamelessly when we find the Brigadoon of sublets (rent-controlled, roof access, close to a viable train — the stuff your friends in lesser cities consider the most basic of dwelling criteria). One-downing one another about our living quarters is practically a bloodsport: "I paid $1,200 a month to sleep in a disused elevator shaft" vs. "I showered with a stranger for reduced rent in a good location." The only solution anyone ever proposes is: "leave." But before you discard your hopes and dreams, consider these creative alternatives to your pricey apartment (also available on Craigslist).

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Say 'I Love You' to Your Valentine With the Best Bad Taxidermy Craigslist Has to Offer

Via Craigslist
If you're like a lot of curmudgeonly New Yorkers, your general attitude toward Valentine's Day is a mixture of deep disdain for the commercial event and barely contained rage that all of the good restaurants are about to basically be closed on a Saturday night. If you're one of the lucky ones who snapped up a blizzard sex friend and somehow managed to sustain things through the pseudo-holiday, you might be looking for a tchotchke that says "You'll do." Luckily, the Craigslist well runs deep, and if these gift suggestions are any indication, romance is definitely dead (and possibly taxidermied in someone's apartment).

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Be Careful, New York, These Terrifying Craigslist Ads Could Be the Last Ones You Ever Answer

Categories: Craigslist, Creeps

Via Craigslist
Craigslist mostly functions as a chill local marketplace for moving boxes, BILLY bookcases, blowjobs, and strip clubs — yet it sometimes gets a pretty bad rap. If New York is our nation's weirdness capital (sorry, Austin), then Craigslist is its unofficial online clubhouse. Here are a handful of ads that sound like the beginning of a terrible B movie (or porn, depending on what you're into).

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Conflict in Syria Drives Two Williamsburg Roommates Apart [UPDATE]

Photo Credit: spdl_n1 via Compfight cc
Almost all of us have been there recently: chilling with friends, having a good time, maybe drinking one too many beers, and then someone brings up Syria. Debate over whether or not to dive headlong into another West Asian war is, in general, a good thing. But not when the same person brings it up over and over, interrupting every quiet moment in the privacy of the home you share. Yesterday a craigslist ad surfaced advertising a room in Williamsburg by someone driven out of their apartment by a Syria-crazed roommate. The place comes with "a kitchenette, a large (by New York standards, ha ha) bathroom, and a roommate that's going to have some opinions on Syria."

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MYSTERY SOLVED: Who Is the Author Behind the Most Beautiful Craigslist Missed Connection of All Time?

derekskey via flickr
Craigslist is menagerie of oddities both gorgeous and grotesque. You can find anything on there: fan fiction about your favorite band, a record store, organs, a baby, certain death, even love.

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Dispatches From Craigslist: Staten Island Man Tries to Sell Another Woman's Baby for $100

Twenty-three-year-old Paul Marquez met someone he really liked. But she didn't pay enough attention to him. Sad. Between her job and her two-month-old child, there just wasn't time enough for Marquez. So he did what any spurned lover would do: put the woman's baby up for sale on Craigslist for the low, low price of $100.

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Dispatches from Craigslist: This Guy's Too Busy to Run His Own Online Dating Profile

Photo Credit: Valentina_A via Compfight cc

My name is Raillan. I saw your ad on Craigslist about finding someone to managing your online dating profile. I'm writing because I think I'm the one for the job.

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Dispatches From Craigslist: LitBro Is Trying to Get a Date

Categories: Craigslist

There's a special place in my heart for the LitBro, the overweening loudmouth in lectures always in a tortoise-shell something. You know, the guy who likes to talk about liking Ernest Hemingway way too much. The guy who will needle you for hours over the difference between two authors nobody else cares about, but insists he is a "chill dude" at parties. The guy who practically yells at coffee shops about fact-checking at some men's fitness/softcore porn rag, but he's just doing that until his Leftist hockey blog starts making money.

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Craigslist for One-Stop Shopping, and Also Organ Transplants

Photo Credit: Gabriela Camerotti via Compfight cc
Things you might find if you were to go to Craigslist right now: an ad for a runaway cat; unrelenting softcore porn in the politics section; several flea-bitten mattresses whose owners may or may not be dead. You might even find a few résumés of people pitching their "value-added risk management solutions to sophisiticated money managers" (but just the sophisticated ones).

Also on Craigslist: someone in need of a kidney transplant.

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Least Helpful Craigslist "Free" Post of the Week: Governors Ball Ray Ban Edition

Categories: Craigslist, Party

Mario Izquierdo via Compfight cc
Imagine centuries from now, when archaeologists combing through the sediment of Randalls Island in search of cultural artifacts from bygone days find a trove of broken Ray Ban sunglasses embedded in hardened mud. "Curiouser and curiouser," a future archeologist might say, zooming in on the objects with his Google Glass Plus 5000. "Was this a massive gathering in worship of the sun? A viewing of the solar eclipse?" (Let's assume that all Internet archives documenting this past weekend's Governors Ball have somehow been accidentally destroyed in an uncontrollably popular TrolltheNSA.com uprising.)

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