​The San Gennaro Festival has a bad reputation as just another reason for aggressive con-game carnies to hustle you next to the same booths serving funnel cakes, lemonade, and sausages that appear at every other street festival in New York City (unless, of course, you find the right ones). Well, it's not just those things! It's also a place for thick-necked brutes to get into fights and throw chairs at one another, WWF-style.

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Hurricane "Snooks."

​Labor Day weekend isn't looking to be the last-hurray-of-summer-sunshine affair its supposed to be, with Hurricane Earl ready to very literally rain on the plans of anyone about to have one last blowout before calling the summer off. And it looks like the Jersey Shore -- which had its first post-Jersey Shore summer in 2010 -- might be right in its Eastern Seaboard path.

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​Everyone knows Jersey Shore is trashy, but is that trashiness quantifiable in any realistic way? Apparently so, as the guidos of Jersey Shore are being used -- in such an explicit dirty manner -- as pawns in luxury goods consumerism warfare. How?

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​Following in the wake of self-loathing gay-baiter/gay-hater Republican strategist Ken Mehlman coming out of the closet, an Archie character has emerged from the cocoon of illustrated repression to fully embrace his homosexuality. Three questions:

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​Here's a good one to file under Things You Knew Were Bound To Happen But When They Do The Only Proper Response Is "This Is Actually Happening," as Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame has finally released his workout video.

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​TMZ is reporting that Jersey Shore's Snooki has been arrested in Seaside Heights, N.J., for disorderly conduct. Apparently earlier today "she was partying on the beach with a beer bong .. only she was filling it up with Coca-Cola," whatever that means.

The police have her in custody. No word yet on what "disorderly conduct" means in this case, but we'll update when more news comes through.

UPDATE 5:32 PM:

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​While we wait for our expert analyst to weight in on today's Jersey Shore-opened New York Stock Exchange (thus presenting us with the riveting conclusion to today's economic mystery: The Guido Effect on The American Economy), it might be worth revisiting some of the most incredible tidbits from this weekend's brilliant, scathing New York Times profile of America's pre-eminent L'enfant (Guido) Terrible Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, by Cathy Horyn, which is essentially a philosophical How-To manual on the entire Jersey Shore phenomenon. But mostly, Snooki.

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Image via NPR/Getty.

​"Is nothing sacred?" asks NPR today of the picture you see to your right. Because -- if you haven't heard -- the creatures of MTV's Jersey Shore (and Village Voice cover models!) rang the opening bell on the New York Stock Exchange today. At the half-way mark of the day, have any palpable effects on the market been felt?

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​Honorary "Guidette" Nikki Finke posted the trailer for the second season of Jersey Shore on Deadline Hollywood this morning. "We're ready to come out and destroy this place," the thing they call "Snooki" astutely notes. She's ostensibly talking about Miami, but, really, the single place in America you once held absolutely sacred, known widely as one's "cerebral cortex." Celebrate with us, as we also have an exclusive "Sneak Peak" of what to expect from the onetime Village Voice cover stars:

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​Ha. The crafty characters I work alongside offered the world a fun moment when it was revealed yesterday that the men of Jersey Shore -- Vinny Gaudagnino, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino -- didn't know they were posing for the cover of our annual Queer Issue (yet, somehow, still maintained the most fey poses this side of the Hudson). I'm not sure what issue they thought they were posing for, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't this one. Well, they've started talking about the switch...

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