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​Is your Twitter feed feeling a little extra insufferable today? Do you hear the sort of "I'm at a really cool event and you're not" echo running through the Internet? Are you suddenly craving Tex Mex and you're not sure why? That's because the South by Southwest Conference has begun! And you're not there! (We're certainly not.) So, we've come up with a couple of ways to pretend you're at the annual pilgrimage of media, tech, music and entertainment types to Texas, or at least some ways to mitigate the pain of not being there.

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​Steven Seagal has no patience for lawbreakers. He's made this clear countless times in his movies and he demonstrated this repeatedly during his A&E reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman. Despite his outspoken stance against breaking the law, people keep doing it; namely, illegal immigrants. You may say these people just want a better life for their families or you may accuse them of stealing jobs--it doesn't matter anymore: Seagal has vowed to put an end to it. The San Antonio Express-News reports Steven Seagal was sworn in this week as a deputy at the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office in Texas. He will be working full time with the department, helping them secure the US-Mexico border.

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Wikipedia

​A lot has been made of Texas Governor Rick Perry's prayer rally, which he led this morning in Houston's Reliant Stadium. Perry, who is ramping up his campaign to be the Republican presidential candidate in 2012, insists that there were no political motivations to the gathering. Exactly, Rick Perry prays with 20,000 people in football stadiums every Saturday. While many critics complain that this blurs the line between church and state, those critics are heathens. So, what was the governor's prayer rally like?

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This tornado video -- taken by Eric Meyers in Rice, Texas, from his car on Sunday as 125-mile winds tore through the area -- kinda makes the Brooklyn tornado guys look like amateurs, or, worse, a couple of wussy hipsters. "We are in the tornado" is the anti "Double rainbow all the way."

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​Time to lighten the mood a little, folks, with another brand of terror: The kind you put on feet-first and wriggle over your thighs and then up to your waist, where their ill-conceived elastic pants-holder-up mechanism digs brutally into your belly-parts, indenting your sensitive flesh with red marks no matter how waifish you may be (and surely are!).

Yes, I'm talking about ... leggings.

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​The New York City comptroller's office has been a'calculating, and it seems that while college-educated men in New York City do, as long suspected, make more money here than anywhere, that all starts to go downhill (along with other things that will not be mentioned) when they hit 37.

A recent study of New Yorkers' earning patterns by the city comptroller's office determined, as reported by the New York Times,

A male college graduate in the New York metropolitan area would earn about $256,000 more over his lifetime than his peers in the rest of the country, while the "New York premium" for a female college graduate would add up to about $184,000.

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​Remember how your mom used to tell you that the spanking was because she cared? According to Amnesty International findings published today and reported by the New York Times, China wins the global "tough love" award, having killed more of its own people in 2009 than all other nations combined.

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