​Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was rescued yesterday after being abducted outside his home in Venezuela. Ramos was living in Valencia, a town outside of Caracas, during the MLB offseason and was held in a mountainous region while his captors demanded a ransom. ESPN reports "the final moments had been hair-raising as police and the kidnappers exchanged heavy fire," but that Ramos was unharmed. Five of his kidnappers were detained after the battle. [ESPN]

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​The digital marketing firm Epsilon told its clients on Friday of "an unauthorized entry into Epsilon's email system," insisting it "was limited to email addresses and/or customer names only" and that no other information was at risk, but it's only now becoming clear just how widespread the hack really was, having affected some of the biggest brands and retailers in the world, including, but not limited to Target, Best Buy, Capital One, TiVo, US Bank, Citi, and Walgreens. Basically capitalism is crashing down before our very eyes. Because of email.

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​"You know that feeling: You hit Send -- and your heart nearly stops," reads an article in today's Wall Street Journal. "You just hit REPLY ALL!" emails a panicked co-worker to her sloppy friend in one of the anecdotes used by the Journal to argue that the "Reply All" button is nothing but a headache and should be abolished, or at least guarded. "This shouldn't still be happening," the article says. Except maybe it should, to prove that email skills are important. Fighting for the honor of internet and email elitists everywhere, we're willing to argue that the button serves a valuable purpose: it allows amateurs to show their true colors. It's a trap and if you're not alert enough, you're going to get snagged. You probably deserve it. Oh, really, you're a social media expert? Actually, you're a fraud and now your whole office knows because you can't use a simple button. Stop whining, stop acting like an old person and stop letting the machines win.

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via DNAInfo

​• Barbara Walters channeled Bret Michaels at yesterday's taping of The View with President Obama: "In the last month, what has been the rose and what has been the thorn?" she asked. The show airs today. Obama also ate a sub in New Jersey, dined at the Plaza, and attended a very expensive fundraiser at Anna Wintour's West Village home. [ABC, DNAInfo]

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​Apparently, it's time to reduce your Unsolicited Carbon Footprint -- spam emails release over 20 million tons of CO2 per year, approximately .3 grams per message, as this Woork Up infographic tells us. Though the exact science of the whole process isn't revealed, this is good validation against spammers on environmental principle -- be they your bleeding-heart Midwestern aunt or a pleading Nigerian prince. Here, we re-create the information from the infographic with examples of our own.

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​There's nothing surprising about a late-night email fight, especially when alcohol is involved. We've all been there. But when the recipient of your angry missive is Apple's Steve Jobs -- and he takes the time to respond, four times, in the middle of the night -- it becomes news.

Gawker Media's Ryan Tate, editor of the site's technology section, Valleywag, was spending a Friday night with his wife out of town watching 30 Rock on the ol' DVR, drink admittedly in hand, when he happened upon an iPad commercial billing the product as "a revolution." Tate, to put it simply, disagrees and wanted to sound off about it. Jobs, apparently equally bored and sexless, fired back, defending his company and taking his most direct shots at porn and bloggers. Naturally.

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