Epic Rants

I Just Drank 100 Ounces Of Mt. Dew In 90 Minutes. Screw You, Mike Bloomberg

By James King Thu., Sep. 13 2012 at 4:00 PM
Categories: Epic Rants, James King, Nanny-State Of Mind
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Attention, Mike Bloomberg: you're not the boss of me!
Mayor Mike Bloomberg's dopey "Big-Gulp Ban" was approved by a city health council this morning -- which means one thing: a sophomoric, unhealthy and immature gesture needs to be made on someone's part.

That said, I have just finished my 100th ounce of Mt. Dew in roughly 90 minutes. I'm pretty sure my heart's about to explode and I'm fairly certain I've given myself diabetes -- all in the spirit of civil rights, of course.

Some people (read: no people) might consider my stand against soda-bullying heroic -- certainly Gandhi and Dr. King took similar stands against ruthless oppression. But my intention is not be lauded as a hero, it's simply to point out that Bloomberg's ban is a stupid idea that will do nothing to prevent obesity, which is the mayor's intention.

First and foremost, I don't even like Mt. Dew. Hate it, actually -- it's a color that doesn't appear anywhere in nature and tastes like citrus-y cat piss. But as far health risks go, it's about as bad as it gets.

For further reading on Bloomberg's ban, visit our Nanny-State of Mind Archives.
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big gulp ban, mike bloomberg, mt. dew, soda, soda ban
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Beefs

James King, Newbie Voice Writer: Casual Racist BS Will Be Called BS By (Slightly) Older Voice Writer

By Steven Thrasher Tue., Mar. 13 2012 at 5:05 PM
Categories: Beefs, Epic Rants, Fights, Nat Hentoff's Picks, Steven Thrasher, Things About Us, Tom Robbins

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"In the old days, reporters, in the pages of the Voice, went after one another. Readers enjoyed taking sides in these civil wars, and we ourselves sometimes discovered what we should have known before we so confidently wrote."

So wrote Nat Hentoff in "Why I Oppose the Downtown Mosque: How I questioned an imam's motives and broke Tom Robbins's heart" in September of 2010, when Hentoff went after his colleague, friend and onetime union shop steward.

Indeed, there is a long, proud, half-century old tradition here at the Voice of writers duking it out with words within our own paper. "I do not want to get in the way of what looks like it has the making of a really good feud (the old Voice excelled at these; usually we had them with each other)" Robbins himself commented on another 2010 Voice article, where Editor in Chief Tony Ortega got into the ring with Louis Black of the Austin Chronicle. (After Robbins dropped in, he ended his message, "gentlemen, please go back to ripping each other up.")


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Internet

In Defense of the "Reply All" Button: If You're Bad at Email, Get Better

By Joe Coscarelli Tue., Mar. 8 2011 at 1:37 PM
Categories: Email Intimacy, Epic Rants, Internet, Joe Coscarelli, Wall Street Journal

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"You know that feeling: You hit Send -- and your heart nearly stops," reads an article in today's Wall Street Journal. "You just hit REPLY ALL!" emails a panicked co-worker to her sloppy friend in one of the anecdotes used by the Journal to argue that the "Reply All" button is nothing but a headache and should be abolished, or at least guarded. "This shouldn't still be happening," the article says. Except maybe it should, to prove that email skills are important. Fighting for the honor of internet and email elitists everywhere, we're willing to argue that the button serves a valuable purpose: it allows amateurs to show their true colors. It's a trap and if you're not alert enough, you're going to get snagged. You probably deserve it. Oh, really, you're a social media expert? Actually, you're a fraud and now your whole office knows because you can't use a simple button. Stop whining, stop acting like an old person and stop letting the machines win.

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Epic Rants

Dear Rest-of-America: Stop Freaking Out At The TSA, You Divas. (or "Shut Up, I Have a Flight to Catch.")

By Foster Kamer Mon., Nov. 22 2010 at 4:50 PM
Categories: Airports, Dear Rest-of-America, Epic Rants, Featured, Foster Kamer, TSA, Travel

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Yes, we're all for excited for the government subsidized handjobs many of us are about to receive courtesy the TSA during our holiday travels. And by excited, we mean: "preemptively traumatized, and preemptively pissed." But do you ever imagine how the TSA screeners themselves feel?

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Department of Education

Three Reasons Why You Should Be Upset About Cathie Black, New NYC Schools Chancellor

By Foster Kamer Tue., Nov. 9 2010 at 4:30 PM
Categories: Department of Education, Education, Epic Rants, Foster Kamer, Lists, Michael Bloomberg, Politicians, Politics, WTF

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Cathie Black, the former chairwoman of Hearst Magazines, was just appointed to one of the most powerful positions in New York City by Mayor Bloomberg. To massively understate the case, this is a big deal. Here's why you should be concerned about it:

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New York Yankees

Cliff Lee in Pinstripes (or "How The Yankees Will Deal With Last Night's Loss")

By Foster Kamer Tue., Oct. 19 2010 at 1:10 PM
Categories: Baseball, Cash Money, Epic Rants, Foster Kamer, I Really Do Heart NY, Money Well Spent, New York Yankees, Splashy Things, Sports, Things We Do on Days We Come in the Office and Say We're Feeling 'Creative'

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A Reuters article today entitled "Lee makes himself more enticing for Yankees" notes that Texas Rangers southpaw Cliff Lee -- who delivered the New York Yankees a brutal slaying last night -- is looking more and more enticing to the 2009 World Series Champion Team, and that the Yankees can and will convince anyone to sell their soul to our city. Yes, even Texans.

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Social Media

A Bajillion Hits: The Biggest Buzzness in Social Media in the History of the Internet, Ever (Video)

By Foster Kamer Fri., Sep. 24 2010 at 1:55 PM
Categories: Epic Rants, Foster Kamer, Social Media, The Internet, Tumblr, Twitter

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Since it launched last week, People Who Talk About Things on the Internet don't know what to make of writer Alex Blagg's new site, ABajillionHitz.Biz. Is it an actual social media consultancy? Is it all just a joke? Or is it the "Hipster Runoff" of social media: a half-joke that isn't opposed to making money off being taken seriously? This video...

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Empire State Building

Battle of the Buildings: Empire State Building and 15 Penn Plaza Wage War of Artistic Renderings

By Leslie Minora Wed., Aug. 25 2010 at 10:46 AM
Categories: City Life, Empire State Building, Epic Rants, Leslie Minora, Things to Worry About

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The empire state of mind is pretty pissy this week. Empire State Building owner Anthony Malkin of Malkin Holdings says that the enormous new building planned for 15 Penn Plaza, two blocks west of his 80-year-old beauty, would mar the view of New York's iconic skyscraper and change the skyline for the worse. To support his argument, Malkin Holdings released an artistic rendering of the skyline with the new building, conveniently drawn from the perspective where the proposed building overshadows the Empire State Building the most.

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Epic Rants

Morning Hungries Lead to Barista/English Prof Throw-Down at Uptown Starbucks

By Leslie Minora Mon., Aug. 16 2010 at 12:02 PM
Categories: Epic Rants, Leslie Minora, Linguistics, Questionable Judgment

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via the Post
"Lay off me, I'm starving" is essentially what this English professor told an Upper West Side Starbucks barista yesterday when she was refused her requested multigrain bagel until she answered the age-old question, "Do you want butter or cheese?" The unnecessary repetition of asking which spread a "plain bagel" (and linguistically conservative) orderer would prefer ruffled the customer's breakfast-time feathers, and shit went down in a big way, according to the Post.

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Epic Rants

On Dennis Kneale, Bulimia and Michael's: Why We Should All Hope to Be Banned from Manhattan's Media Commissary

By Foster Kamer Thu., Jul. 22 2010 at 3:00 PM
Categories: Epic Rants, Felix Salmon, Media, Media Ethics, Media Ppl, Sumner Redstone, The Daily Beast, Viacom

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Viacom CEO Sumner "Get Off My Lawn" Redstone.
So, have you heard about that time Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone left a voicemail for Daily Beast reporter Peter Lauria, attempting to bribe Lauria into giving up sources? It was pretty classic. Even better, it ended with another reporter telling Lauria that he'd never have lunch in Manhattan's media commissary, Michael's, ever again. How'd we get here?

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