In Bundy Ranch's War Against the U.S., Rightbloggers Pick Guess Which Side

tomt200.jpgThis weekend a scofflaw gathered some gunmen and drove off some federal agents who were trying to confiscate his property.

Rightbloggers approved for several reasons. For one, the scofflaw is a rancher, just like Ronald Reagan; for another, there is an environmental angle, which always makes them mad, and a Harry Reid angle, which makes them apoplectic; and perhaps most importantly, the scofflaw refuses to acknowledge the authority of the federal government, which puts him right in the emerging mainstream of conservative doctrine.

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Rightbloggers Defend Mozilla CEO Eich -- Not For Free Speech, But Against Gays

tomt200.jpgLast week, under pressure from employees and board members who did not approve of his 2008 donation to promote California's anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, Brendan Eich, the new CEO of software company Mozilla, left the post and the company.

We hate to see anyone lose his job but, as we reflect whenever a CEO, cabinet secretary, or other high-ranking rich person is forced from office, Eich is much less likely to suffer and much more likely to find new employment than most of us would be if we were canned.

As it turned out, he is also much more likely to be wept over by rightbloggers -- who are not normally too bothered when someone gets fired (it's creative destruction!), but who made an exception for Eich because he was, in their view, a martyr to the "gaystapo."

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Rightbloggers Go to Holy War for Hobby Lobby, Against Abortion Pills, Lady Judges

tomt200.jpgWell, the Hobby Lobby lawsuit somehow made it all the way to the Supreme Court. The glue and glitter chain's argument, and that of other religious employers, that providing health care which might tempt their employees into pregnancy-free sex was against their religion was put forward last week by lawyers from the Becket Fund, named after Thomas Becket, who like Hobby Lobby was persecuted for his religion by a tyrant.

As typically happens when birth control is mentioned in their presence (see Fluke, Sandra) rightbloggers portrayed the case as one in which sluts forced the innocent to buy them slut pills.They also promoted stranger ideas -- for instance, that liberals were trying not just to enforce their so-called "law" but also to destroy religion, using health care coverage to that purpose (because what other purpose could it possibly have?).

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As Crimea Smolders, Rightbloggers Try to Get Their Neo-con Game Going Again

tomt200.jpgFrom the med schools in Grenada to the deserts of Iraq, once upon a time conservatives were eager to invade foreign countries. But as you may have noticed, in recent years they've affected a more dovish approach to foreign policy; claiming to be repulsed by the reckless foreign adventurism of the Obama Administration, they have denounced his mideast incursions. Even the killing of Osama Bin Laden they treated as slightly de trop.

This changed in a hurry when Putin began operating in Crimea. Suddenly rightbloggers declared that Obama hadn't been aggressive enough.

Now that Crimea's officially part of Russia and the diplomatic wars are heating up, the brethren still don't have any solutions, except maybe voting in Republicans for their famous foreign-policy expertise.

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Between Two Ferns, Rightbloggers Find Few Laughs, Much Concern-Trolling for Presidency

tomt200.jpgWhile the world waited for word on a referendum in Crimea and the whereabouts of a missing jet airliner, there was plenty of time last week to pick apart a comedy sketch starring Zach Galifianakis and the President of the United States. The brief Funny or Die "Between Two Ferns" segment, which Obama used to pimp, got a good deal of traffic, some of which, we were told, led to some Obamacare signups.

Rightbloggers may have been upset that the sketch did some good for Obamacare, which they still believe should be overturned. But mainly they complained that in making the video Obama, to whom they regularly refer as a tyrant (or a sissy, depending on the available news hooks), had demeaned the office of the Presidency.

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Rightbloggers Find the Real Issue in Ukraine: Obama's a Sissy

tomt200.jpgWe've had about a week of Crisis in the Crimea, as crypto-Russian troops patrol the streets of Sevastopol, Kiev digs in, and Obama and the EU try a strategy of diplomatic "de-escalation." There's some disagreement among observers as to how this will play out.

Among rightbloggers, though, while there is some diversity of opinion as to how big a badass Vladimir Putin is, there is great consensus on the conclusion that Russia is in Ukraine because Obama is a sissy.

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"Religious Freedom" Bills Get Rightbloggers Dreaming of a Discrimination-Friendly America

tomt200.jpgThere's nothing rightbloggers love better than playing the victim, and few things they hate more than civil rights legislation and homosexuals. So last month you might say they hit the trifecta.

When a few businesses complained that gays were forcing them to take wedding pictures and bake wedding cakes, several state legislatures considered laws that would bolster the right of God-fearing folks to refuse service to anyone their religion demanded, hint hint.

Rightbloggers cheered this opportunity to protect helpless hets like themselves from the homos who demand, contrary to the Founders' intent, to be treated like everyone else. And in the process they revived an argument most of you probably haven't seen since the early 1960s: The one about how having to serve a [fill in the blank] violates their civil rights.

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Minimum Wage Hike is Popular, But CBO Report Reels Rightbloggers into Attacking It

tomt200.jpgSince President Obama proposed a new $10.10 minimum wage in his last State of the Union address, rightbloggers have been sore about it. But out of apparent respect for -- or fear of -- public opinion, they'd been keeping their mouths shut about it till last week.

That's when a Congressional Budget Office report speculated that the $10.10 minimum might raise the wages of 16.5 million American workers (yay!) but might also lead to a loss of half a million jobs (boo!).

This revived rightbloggers' opposition to raising the wage -- and (as too much ain't enough for the brethren) stirred some of them to advocate lowering it, if not doing away with it altogether.

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Rightbloggers' "Obama is a Tyrant" Message Moves Up Wingnut Ladder to Congress

tomt200.jpgIn 1776, the Continental Congress signed a Declaration that they would separate from Great Britain because the King had unilaterally made changes to the national health care system.

OK, close enough. Last week the President delayed yet another part of Obamacare, and most Americans probably thought it was just more jerry-rigging of his Rube Goldberg health insurance scheme, little realizing that it was actually further proof that America has become a dictatorship. But it's no secret at all to those who follow rightbloggers -- or the growing number of Republican officials and rightwing publications who also reflexively accuse Obama of Caesarism.

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CBO Finds Obamacare Lets Americans Quit Jobs They Don't Want, Which Rightbloggers, Naturally, Oppose

tomt200.jpgLast week the Congressional Budget Office issued another report on the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare. Its most widely-reported revelation was that 2.3 million Americans may leave their jobs because Obamacare would make it inadvisable to them to keep them.

We should say "widely-and-variously-reported," because our rightblogger friends first publicized the news to mean that Obama was going to fire all those people; then, when even the normally hapless American press started explaining that this was not so, came up with other explanations, most of which boiled down to this: Under Obamacare, you no longer have to keep a despised job to have health insurance -- which is terrible, since keeping a job for the insurance is the American Way.

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